Do people smile
Because
They are happy
Or are they happy
When?

 

Ask
Do flowers
Bloom in summer?
Or is it summer
When?

The swans have killed the goslings as before
Their little river  scene of love and war
The swans have threatened me as I walk by
Leaning on my stick,I see the sky

 

Territorial    rights   and greater force
The swans are  the  aristocrats of war
The geese must find a place where they
Will be  lords and masters for a day

The  ducks have left the island in the town
As swans desire their home to settle down
There is no fairness except that of a the brute
For moorhen, brilliant duck  and little coot

Are we too like the swans and savage beasts
As Bedouins  are  moved on and  have no nest

 

The geese have changed their route ,no longer pass
When the sun sets  like an orange glass
Further East they fly  as one great shape
Descending  like a god in graceful hope

I miss their passing overhead each day
Wish I could fly with them in other realms
Their beauty made me gasp  in silent prayer
By the  little lake  in sunlit air

Now I never go where they  descend
Woods once filled with blue birds and their sound
In my eye I see the entire  view
Hand in hand with love and all things new

Scenes of beauty, lakes seen through tall trees
Rydal Water,Red Bank, my mind  eased

 

Mary was in the hall  watering her rose scented geranium; she decided to move it into the kitchen as the hall might be a little too drafty.Mary was very anxious to make sure that this plant survived because it was a present from her cousin.
Suddenly the phone rang. perhaps it is Annie wanting to go out on some Christmas shopping expedition ,but no it was Mary’s cousin Bob who she knew had been very  ill and although he seems to be recovering she knew  he was quite anxious about dying

His voice was very faint and weak. Perhaps he is going to die, she   thought. he  does seemed to be frightened .

Do not be afraid.God is waiting for you and he knows everything
,He knows how  you looked after your sister when she had a breakdown and how you used to change the curtains and make the room  look beautiful to try to help her and yet she did not thank you .She was very unpleasant but you never gave up ; eventually when she died during her sleep it was both  a relief and a loss
God remembers everything and he is full of love for you . I do not know why God allows some people to suffer so much[ which is  a constant theme in human thinking since the book of Job was written.]
Now, I don’t say that you are Job ,but I do know  what you have endured. I have seen you being humbled  in cruel ways, I have seen you being ignored when you knew much more than the people who were talking

You cared your your cat  with utmost kindness until it recovered from its ill-treatment at those nasty neighbours of yours.
You have suffered  too through cancer and not  being able to eat foods that you liked but you have recovered.  You have worked in your garden   and grown beautiful flowers and vegetables Your fruit trees have been v productive and your whole garden is a testament to the fact that you love every living being, except your brother David, of course.,
There’s always trouble in that kind of set up when the mother prefers one child to another and  it has been a constant torment to you throughout your life. I have noticed  since you have both been older. you seem to have a more productive life now and I know you make wine and jam and mend all you can
I know that you did win an award when you were in your 20s for your research although you never told anybody. I wonder why you were so shy about telling people. You never did like to boast and I think I am similar to you.

I let Stan have his mistress next door  because I know that not every man is interested in Wittgenstein especially when it’s his wife who wants to talk about him  when he wants to take her to bed and enjoy her charms, tickle her and laugh  merrily and I only wish that you had been able to meet someone yourself who would have   valued you as a human being and felt warmth and attraction as well.

I do think you  tried to make the most of your capabilities limited as we are by economic,health  and political factors alas

Bob said to Mary :you have made me very happy

2 Days Later  Mary heard that Bob was much better and the doctor says he will soon be home again

What a disappointment for God meowed Emile, Mary’s little cat.  God got everything ready

Well no doubt  God had some help,.  Mary cried., that’s what I need . need some help ;this house is in a terrible mess as if my fate is to constantly keep trying to tidy up and yet the next day I have to start all over again.

I don’t mind cried Emile I think it’s wonderful I like a mess it makes me feel like playing more and having fun but when it’s all tidy and clean I feel terribly inhibited

Good  grief Emile, you  sound as if you’ve been to Oxford.

I did  once to go on a day trip to Oxford, the the cat  confessed .Annie took me in her handbag on a coach

Well all I can say is ,she must have got a very big handbag

Don’t be so rude Emile told her, you have got some big handbags and  you’ve got about 50 handbags in the wardrobe even now when you are a widow

That is a woman’s privilege Mary told him like getting a new hat is Easter; a handbag is a very important thing because it enables men to make their wives carry all their wallets and keys  so that they could have fun when they went to the seaside

Yes I can remember mother struggling along from Blackpool  North station to the beach with a gigantic handbag and a shopping bag full of sandwiches while everybody else ran on in front of her

I don’t know what we saw in Blackpool except the sea; the beach was so crowded you could hardly see the sand.

I guess the airwas cleaner,  the cat informed her in a manly way

I think I need a cup of tea said Mary go and get  Annie.

She won’t make the tea

No but she can drink some with me while I tell her all my thoughts and my feelings and I couldn’t free associate while she showed off her new makeup and jewellery and  her strangely coloured Christmas outfits.She is off to Wigan to visit the make up factory next week.If only it were in Southport I’d go too.

Well I’m in love with  Annie. I wish I was a man so I could marry her  and make it home for her

I’m sure you would have made a very good husband said Mary but God wants you to be a cat although you are a rather extraordinary cat and it is my good luck to be your owner or shall I say your mistress?

Aand so ask all of us

 

Please lie down.Tell me what brings you here
Not literally?                  [ could be autistic]
No, you are always here in a sense.
Well, you know English is not my first language         [ excuses]
No,  you were here before language.How hard to imagine.
I have come here because of my guilt       [ trying to be human ]
I’ll be judge, I’ll be  jury, said cunning old fury
Very adroit                       [Shows off his skills]
What’s  that?
The opposite of maladroit
Why did you send the Flood over the earth?
I pressed the wrong button.                     [Teases me]
That is absurd. There were no buttons then
Not even on coats?                           [Pretends to be ignorant]
Well you should know
I don’t like details in my creativity         [ Thinks he is superior]
Come on, tell me whatever comes to mind
I like playing with water and fire as well      [ Melanie Klein  come here]
You tell me
It’s such fun                 [ emotionally stunted]
Like War?
It was not so bad to start with        { always an excuse…. lacking in adult responsibility]
What,even Cain and Abel?
Very sad but it’s just a story              [ Derrida Levinas, Wittgenstein.Sartre]}
Don’t tell me you are a post modernist
I can be what I want , for  fun you know        [ repeats himself]
I didn’t know God has fun
Well you do now [ Humour]

Right that is £120

What, you think I should pay?       [ feels superior]
I have to live,Lord.I have a family      [ childish plea]
So  did I once         [Sarcasm and grief]
Well,  any alternative?
I’ll  give you  an indulgence/
How about Martin Luther?
Should he have one?
Why not, he’s just human like you.
But Hitler?
I retain the right to silence [ knows the law]

Well when you stop sulking make another appointment
Can no-one help me?
I’ll  have a think
Goodbye for now.

 

 

b

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Oh,Lord someoene’s turned the light out on this dark and misty day
Well,Lord,I am complaining but I don’t know who to  blame
I turned back for my sleeping bag and my convertible laptop
When I started out again God hit me with his mop
I  knew it had been raining though I didn’t see a drop
I  don’t wanna go on  drowning anymore

Oh, i the sun was shining wetly as we  put our trenchcoats on
We were off to Marks and Spencer’s to buy   two smart  old phones
They sell coats of down and feather but though that is quite light
If we put the red ones on it won’t make Britain bright
I don’t wanna  pass for English ever more

 

Half the sky  looks dirty and the  other side is   black
I’ll ask God for his bill of rights and put it in my sack
We are greedy we are selfish, we are generous at times
We love to cook for children and to write them  funny rhumes
We envy and we hate and yet we do our  good  deeds too
We listen to our  hearts and souls  and fix them  up with glue
I don’t wanna to be your enemy no more
I don’t want to be your enemy no more
Ich will nicht mehr dein Feind sein
Yer no quiero ser tu enemigo

 

Vreau să fiu prietenul tău pentru tot mai mult

I want to be your friend for evermore

Ez dut zure etsaia gehiago nahi

 

 

The biggest aid to creation is changing how we label things.
This is not a summer dress, it’s a nightie
This is not a teapot with no lid.It’s mini watering can
This is not a dressing gown it’s a coat
This is not a  shoe horn  it’s a pot stirrer

 

You get the idea.A table is a table is not a table.It’s  a boat sailing over the sea

This is not Xmas it is  the lead up to New Year

This is not  a Christmas tree.It’s an indoor bird   sanctuary waiting for guests

This is not me, it’s my shadow

 

• On the 12th it’s National Poinsettia Day…

• Happy Flower Day

I was looking at a book and it led me to another.But I had  uneasy thoughts as in

The author says,do you have time to do nice things for yourself like meditaion?
I say, meditation is not like having a hot bath.It developed in different religions and in the last 3o years people have separated the meditation which was perhaps meant to bring us nearer to God or meaning and value is now seen as a relaxing treat for ourselves
Seems a bit self obsessed  to me.
Give yourself this…
Give yourself the other…

Yes, we should but we are here in the world with others both human and non human.Animals,plants, the ocean, the planets, music,love and friendship

I suppose when I grew up it was too much the other way.
But self absorbtion is no good
Ironically when we do creative work it makes us forget ourselves and lose ourself in  our work  which is also a form of play..I believe if we keep thinking about ourself it is a sign we are in trouble and need help.Although  therapy to  makes is forget   ourself i  seems paradoxical.I have found it’s very painful to be worried over some aspect of our life  or be ill and suffering which again makes us less in contact with the world

I  think poetry  or learning something  new can  act as a painkiller if you suffer chronic pain including mental pain.. music and art take us ” out of our self”

Shyness is a form of self absorbtion.And we long  to forget ourself and join in with others yet sometimes we can’t.If we  don’t care who is the cleverest  or best at some activityt hen maybe we will be happier.Standards matter but perfectionism is bad.We all have flaws.What we do will too

Do not sit still for more than one hour.Walk into the kitchen or hall.Walk round, even sweep the floor for 5 minutes
Have a good coat
Newspaper is not warm enough to sleep on.Donate to Shelter of another charity.Many homeless people are mentally ill.They don’t like what is happening to them

Mary  had had  coffee with Annie ;now she was eying a snake print pencil skirt in her local department store.Am I a temptress wearing snake skin as it  reminds men of Eden and  Adam’s sin? Curious how sex was a sin being as that’s how God had made them like that.He must  be very naughty himself,she thought
We could have had some other form of reproduction,she told herself.But as we are lazy  it would have to be fun.
Come here,Annie, she called.What do you think of this skirt?
No.Mary,it won’t look right on you.You still have an  unnatural  innocence and simplicity.I think seersucker or gingham dresses in pure cotton are your type of thing.You must be yourself so that a man will not mistake you for a woman of a certain  type.
I don’t think they have any gingham,Mary replied calmly.If only I had not been so afraid of  that sewing machine,I could make my own.And if a man did that it would be intriguing.
Oh,you would not have  hsd the time with your job and the house and Stan, Annie advised her.How about some  nice linen shorts?
Shorts! Are you crackers?My knees and thighs are private.
Well.Annie said,I am afraid you skirt is transparent  like Princess
Diana’s.
Thank God I have 2 pairs of knickers on,Mary chuckled.
I’ve always been bad at checking my clothes.Last week I went to see Vi and my shoes were on the wrong feet.Another  time my soles began to disintegrate… a  bit  like the EU.Stan liked me to wear lovely clothes like blue tights.
Just blue tights?Annie said suspiciously.
Don’t be so pedantic,Mary  grinned.I wore a blue dress too and a red cardigan .It’s  not for you to ask what I wore in bed.Maybe I wore Laura Ashley mabe I wore  a woollen vest
Don’t read Ted Hughes letters.And Sylvia Plath’s journals are even worse.You need some humour and fun.Well do read them but not all day
You can say that again,said Mary.I don’t want Ted Hughes and he’s dead anyway
When does that stop a determined woman?
We shall never know

I guess   mi Mam  is happy , not so  blue
I’m wearing  tweed  and   turquoise  in  soft hues
Skirts are out of date,  but I like  clothes
Terracotta, wine, autumnal shows

Mi Mam didn’t like mi  faded  denim jeans
Nor  mi hair that  floated like a stream
Now I’m old I’m wearing her sweet dreams
My hair is short and curly; how it gleams

She wanted me to look like  richer folk
But I rebelled and wore a duffel coat
I wore a  skirt  so short  mi Mammy choked
My legs were thinner than  an angel’s throat

My face was long and pointed,  with big eyes
I gave such  languid looks the men  near cried
I always told the truth.I cannot  lie
A martyr and a saint.I  lived to die

How do you keep so thin ,the students asked
Do  not eat and ride your bike too fast
Grieve for folk who died by their own hand
Mi Mammy would not, could not understand

The doctors never knew I could not eat
I lived on hard boiled eggs and Heinz baked  beans
My face was shy but still I looked quite sweet
Explaining   mathematics to the geeks

 

Mi Mam is dead and I wear stuff  she wore
A  real wool skirt  and jumper, I’m reborn
I wear red tights and shoes  without a horn
A warm soft coat, a hat   with its own phone

We are not each one person but a gang
As life goes on we wander  hand in hand
Me and I  and  she   who likes to sing~
All wearing brilliant colours   on white sands

 

 

 

 

I saw a black cat walk sideways.

I saw a black cat play ball.

I saw a black cat walk on my bed.

I said, black cat,don’t fall.

 

I saw a light in your window

I saw a light in your hall.

I saw a you go out and then come back.

I  thought,why don’t you call?

 

The doctor   looked at my body

The doctor looked at my head

The doctor looked  through my eyes again.

I said,I’m still not dead.

 

The cat is called Miss Willow

She lives next door to me

She never bites or scratches me.

She does  that to a tree.

 

O little black cat,please dance

O little black please play

O little black cat I do love you.

But I don’t like to say.

 

If we don’t tell our loved ones

If we don’t tell our friends

If we don’t show our feelings

What signals do we send?

https://www.theguardian.com/global-development/2018/dec/09/qaser-al-yahud-mission-to-restore-faith-halo-trust-west-bank-landmines-restoration-churches

 

“Don’t always look at the past,” he says, with sudden firmness. “Look at the present. Where you see a plant flowering, that should be enough.” Halo must raise more money if it is to complete its work at Qasr al-Yahud next year. It’s his conviction that this will be forthcoming. These green shoots must be watered and He, or someone, will provide.””

The ducks swim in the gaps between the ice
Cold blooded , yet kept warm  by  fluffy down
The river looks uncertain in this light

The sky hangs like a curtain of snow white
The sun,  precocious, shines and then it frowns
The ducks swim in the gaps between the ice

Ah, think of Morecambe  Bay in sunshine bright
Across the sea the Pikes stand out so proud
My river looks uncertain in this light

Britain’s mountains  fierce attract like vice
Like alcohol or sex or low cut gown
Unknowing ducks swim on despite thick ice

Thanks  to God for hearing and for sight
The mystery is the Love which was disowned
My river looks  so cold  as comes twilight

 

Here  is Bethlehem, the little town
Where Christ was born and grew to be cut down
The ducks swim by, the  swans  walk on the ice
Look up and see the geese in Advent flight

 

 

My husband wanted to be  the eternal pest so he died
Near restful daughters they   laid him
God bless our Hopes

Is sex wrong  for me after death [ mine]?
Ask Him!
Requiex Cat in Parquet
The Word is my effort
What do you mean, you live in a tent.That’s my frock!
I  just spent an hour moving books off my bed.I wondered where all those Nicholas Freelings had gone>It’s been a miracle I managed to get in myself.

The end is nigh, the beggar cried
Come give me all you have
For if you keep it., I shall die
And we touch God through love

The night will fall.God help  us all
Give all  excess away
The sirens scream as Satan calls
He’s been with us all day

Will we rise, as advertised
Don’t leave us in such doubt
Saatchi brothers will surprise
Give all the art they  bought

Will Jesus come and with love stun
Or is it just a myth?
The baby’s parents on the run
So who needs Xmas gifts?

All’s  awry .  love might die
But will it rise again?
Angels golden  paint the sky
And mortals sing. Amen

https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/stress-anxiety-depression/give-for-mental-wellbeing/

 

“Research suggests that acts of giving and kindness, small and large, are associated with positive mental wellbeing.

Giving to others and co-operating with them can stimulate the reward areas in the brain, creating positive feelings.

Helping and working with others can also give us a sense of purpose and feelings of self-worth.

Giving our time to others in a constructive way helps us strengthen our relationships and build new ones.

Relationships with others also help mental wellbeing.

How you can give more

Giving can take lots of different forms, from small everyday acts to larger commitments.

Today, you could:

• Say thank you to someone for something they have done for you.
• Phone a relative or friend who needs support or company.
• Ask a colleague how they are and really listen to the answer.
• Offer to lend a hand if you see a stranger struggling with bags or a pushchair.”

https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/vox/the-ezra-klein-show/e/50907312

The concert will begin in minutes  now
Just in time   to  find a seat somewhere
I’m in a taxi and the driver’s new

He’s  from Persia; I don’t have a clue
It’s dark and rainy,  neon lights sall glare
The concert will begin in minutes  now

We see several churches .what to do?
In this situation, shall we pray?
I’m in a taxi and the driver’s new

I wish  that ,like an angel ,I could fly
I would shock if flying I were bare
The concert will begin in minutes  now

Oh, we see  an All Saints sign  nearby
Do I need an escort, he does care.
I’m in a taxi and the driver’s new

I enter  into candle lit dark air
The performers   stand in silence  as lights flare
The concert will begin  when I sit down
Safe from the black night  and nodding clouds

 

Tonight I have been to the first event since my husband died.I got there late, in a cab driven by a Persian/Iranian student.I can see poorly in the dark.We went to a place I did not´ know and neither did he.He would not let me out till he knew I was ok.I had decided not to go but suddenly changed my mind as  three people were meant to come and they
cancelled
I walked inside and nearly fell down  or died it was so beautiful; the lights were out,candles lit, three people stood  like the corners of a  sacred triangle, on the stage.There was no sound ,just light and silence.
As  I sat down  I felt it was like arriving in paradise.Then they began the music and the words dropped like stones would into a lily pond  leaving patterns on the surface of the water which join together into a larger one, unsuspected ,never seen before.New Birth

A performance both liturgical  and spare
Candle light in darkness,ancient ,new
Illuminated shadows of despair

Enter in the ones who loss can bear
Do not cross them out, nor  make them skew
The performance,ah liturgical , ah spare

From the dazzling depths comes  our new year
When will be the last of my own few?
lluminate and  fear not bleak despair

We do not let the fear of feelings bare
Abbreviate the pleasure , lose the clue.
A performance mute, liturgical  and spare

Candles in the darkness, how so fair?
Dark and light combine,  Da Vinci drew
Eliminate  excesses of despair

In the little crib the light was blue
Another, holier world is here and now
A performance both liturgical  and spare
Illuminated shadows of despair

 

 

He said he wanted a battery for his hen!I thought it was clockwork.
The coast of England has been so battered by  the ocean it is leaving for a Shelter
.Is it  one  of those at Blackpool on the Prom?
You guessed!
A battery operated food whisk was unknown in Tudor times.This info is brought  to you by Raatchi and Paatchi.Don’t ask why.
Why not?

He’s been watching the TV all day.What does he think it is going to do? Mate with my laptop or apply for citizenship? Go out for a ramble? Emigrate? Shout, oh Exit!

I am cooking my sinner tonight.I reckon  I should throw  him in the fire.
To think Joan of Arc was only 19 when she was killed…. and I’ve lived here for 48 years.

I’d love a dead duck tonight
We don’t cook live ones
Do you curry  them?
They are too small to carry me.

Suppose all the ducks in London got together and  caught Doris Swanson
Why?
They’d cook her  for tea.
Is  she transgender
Yes, he is!
Make him deliver a joke  or otherwise the  post
The letters boxed
Did they knock him out?
How does one tell?
He would lie on the ground and not  move.
Shall I shoot him?
Why?
He moved!