Intense blackness

Since  sadness flowed like acid when you died
As if my soul or heart had been ripped out
If I feel happy, must you be alive?

Can it be that truth was not applied?
That I had never agonised in doubt?
My tears ran like  cold water when you died

In logic, algebraic symbols thrive
But logic is not what life is all about
If I feel happy, must you be alive?

So I look round me,seeking for your eyes
Then loss hits me again in mighty clouts
My guts filled with  flood waters when you died

I see a little bird  through  storm clouds  flies
A beam of intense blackness highlights thought
If I am happy, must  you be alive?

For an instant, sunshine  fills the void
The space where prayer could never G-d annoy
My tears flowed  like  mountain water when you died
If I am happy,  where are you  alive?