How to appear comme il faut

Tell people you can’t log onto Amazon
Never order eggs online especially human ones
Do not wear a watch, look at your phone
Don’t wear socks with sandals
Roll up a newspaper and pretend to hit people with it.
Smile and look faraway.
Do not  order pizza on the phone
Don’t eat Weetabix banana flavoured
Use full fat milk
Use butter
Drink cream
Keep saying,  je suis ici, madame/monsieur.
I like faux creme caramel.