I burned my bottom on a plastic seat

I burned my bottom on a  plastic seat
My legs were aching so I just sat down
What a danger in this nauseous heat!

I gave a cry that sounded like a bleat,
Which caused the nearby folk to turn and frown
I burned my bottom on a  plastic seat

With cystitis, I felt rather weak
The  plastic fire  may help my bladder round
I might linger in this healing heat.

At least it will have dried up any leak
And thus the odour will my seers confound
I burned my bottom on a  plastic seat

What a way to end this furious week
If I were younger, I might feel let down
I’ll  have a smoke   to convey my conceit

Where are my tiara and my crown?
They are made of plastic like my gown
I burned my bottom on a  plastic seat
What a rude shock in this  fracking heat!