Mary was sitting feeling quite lonely in the waiting room  outside the doctor’s office when she saw Emile hiding under a chair..

What are you doing,she whispered.I’m glad of your company

I jumped into your cab, the cheeky cat informed her proudly

I want to be there when he examines you.

Don’t worry,she answered,they always have a chaperone nowadays.

Just then a pretty young black nurse  took Mary into a room and said to her

Take off your underpants!

I don’t wear underpants,said Mary,but I can go home and get my husband’s if you want me to.

We use underpants as a generic term,the nurse informed her in a kindly  yet menacing voice.

Wow,they are so intelligent nowadays,I don’t think I knew what generic meant till recently Mary told herself stupidly

I have no underpants,Emile mewed.

No and I am not making you any.I have quite enough washing to do already.Mary responded

It’s not fair, said Emile.All my friends have underpants and T shirts too.

Soon the doctor came in and looked nervously at Mary and  then at her   female parts.

Mary was used to this but all of a sudden she got a  nasty pain

Ow,ow,ow,she shrieked,what is that?

It’s ok,said the nurse,just old ladies are not used to this sort of thing.

I’ll have you know many older ladies are very used to it but not when they are unaroused.Besides men’s organs are  kinder than metal or plastic if the lady is willing.Can’t you put more lubricant on the damned thing

The doctor tried to remove the speculum but was clearly agitated.

Ouch,cried Mary.Ouch.

Thank goodness I didn’t know it would hurt.Do you think we should be shown a romantic mildly arousing film in the waiting room to make it easier?

We can’t do that,said the nurse.We might be accused of running a brothel.

But the doctor is not paying me,said Mary.I am paying him, in a sense,as a taxpayer.

You are too clever for me,said the nurse sharply

I shall bring a vibrator next time,Mary told her,though  she had never even seen a vibrator except in a picture.Still.she had to say something.And why should she not benefit from modern science?

You can’t bring a vibrator or the doctor  will be angry as he might be accused of misconduct if you enjoyed yourself, the nurse whispered

I thought it was only misconduct if he enjoyed himself,Mary cried loudly

He has seen so many ladies, it is just like seeing into a mouth for him,said the nurse churlishly.

I expect one gets used to anything in time,Mary murmured,but I hope he will not do that again to me.

No,  you seem ok,the doctor said,but I seem imagine  I see a cat under the table.What is he doing?

I am just keeping an eye on you,mewed Emile.I live with Mary.

No animals are  allowed in here ,the doctor shouted.

A bit late now,mewed the cat.Are you sending for the cat police?

Dr.Grey picked up  a very large speculum and threatened to strike Emile.

Now then,said the nurse, he might scratch my legs.Leave him alone.He’s just protecting her.

Fat lot of good he was,Mary thought.

The doctor approached Mary and told her she would be seeing a consultant soon… in the meantime should she  do anything to prepare… she asked.

Well, do try to relax if you can, he told her gently.It is trying for ladies  of riper years to attend hospitals but we only want to help you.

I’ll have to help myself,Mary thought wryly as she got down off the table and put on her red and purple knickers or “underpants” as they are now referred to as.

Thank God,that is over,she whispered to Emile.Let’s run out and get a cab.

She hobbled to the door and phoned the taxi firm  with her mobile.I just want to get home she told the driver.

Don’t we all, he said in an Eton accent.Surely it’s not David Cameron in disguise canvassing patients?Thank God he’s not conducting pelvic exams on them!That would lose him the election whether he was  any good or not… in my view,but then what do I know about the British electorate?

I was having a cup of tea with a friend.When she rose to her feet I began looking round for my husband as if he was some object I had mislaid or lost…

.

seem to have lost my old man

I search here and there while I can.

He’s not in ‘ the  bath

Or down yon’ old path

When  I’ve just baked his favourite flan.

Did I lose him by careless mistakes?

Or by wandering round  the old lake?

Did he fall in,

Or  topple into a  bin?

I caught him admiring the drakes!

Is it a sexual deviation to long

For a  duck  which can’t tempt you with song?

Those noises they make

Both duck and drake

Seem   like they enjoy a real wicked harangue

r

ong.

“For it is only habit and memory that dulls the physical passion. Without memory, each night is the first night, each morning is the first morning, each kiss and touch are the first.”
― Alan Lightman, Einstein’s Dreams

My GP says I look so much better and less strained  now he can hardly believe it…. despite the grief.I suppose being totally responsible for an older person is very wearing no matter how much you love them.I had 13 blood tests and only one was wrong… folic acid.So I have to take some tablets for that…

He also enquired if I was lonely,did I have other interests etc,, si I mentioned my blog and said how much it had helped me when I was stuck indoors for 9 weeks.He advised me not to rush into doing too many new things.Well so far I am trying to follow my own advice about keeping house.I have put labels in the chargers and put them all together,thrown out some cardboard boxes and bought some more scented geraniums and  other plants.And one person could sit down in here!Actually I feel uncomfortable if a house is too tidy and clean…afraid of treading dirt in.

My doctor was teasing me as he saw my kindle and said it was a pity they were not invented earlier as he noticed all my books when he visited…I have given some away but the Charity  Shops are now less keen on books as more people have kindles.So all I can do with some is recycle them.

Sometimes my hands curl up,
and other times,they open.
Then I feel the air;
My fingers relax.
I touch your hand;
uncurl it and press it to mine.
Palm on palm,it’s no secret
that palms connect to hearts.
In your face I see a hint of melancholy,
I feel it in my soul..
as if there was a secret connection..
thought how,I don’t know.
Somehow,touching, we create another soul,
Neither you nor I, but we……
Touching,need to be physical..
We know how a story can affect us that way.
What a gift to know we have touched someone…
In the heart.’s. most tender space.The place of love.
Both true and false,my palm is lonely.
Then I feel the caress of summer air..
To touch is to be touched
as one soul opens to another..
Vulnerable,human,loving,
Painful and illusory,like those dreams of childhood.
Now I go,first gripping, then loosening our hands.
Goodbye,we say,Goodbye

My sister painted this picture a few months ago.

Oh,melancholy you are always near.

In Praise of Melancholy and How It Enriches Our Capacity for Creativity

I went out to put a cheque into the bank but forgot to do it…. instead I bought some socks all in one colour as I lose them.When I came back I used a different bus route than normal.I was trying to get off so got out of my seat and was holding tightly to an upright bar by the doors but before I straightened up the doors suddenly opened and hit me right in the teeth on  left front… quite painful.So I clung on with my eyes shut moaning moderately loudly.Nobody came to my aid at all,in fact when getting on 14 people went before me despite my obvious problems.As I had a crutch one might have expected some care from the driver…

After that I waited for the usual bus and that driver was very concerned when I was getting off but I told him I have a friend right there:I rang the doorbell and was given an icepack and some water to drink by a dear friend.After about 1.5 hours I was able to come home but I may have bruises tomorrow when I have to see my GP. At least he won’t blame my husband,I hope!!

I believe now that the most  important factor is that you should have one or two chairs empty of books etc so visitors can sit down if they drop in.And you must be able to eat on the table and get into bed without moving a lot of things like the newspaper you read before you got up or other odds and ends like face cleanser or tissues and stuff like that.

And you must keep the door keys handy in case you need an emergency exit.In fact I always unlock the back door before I begin to cook in case of fire!

Maybe keep spare keys in a definite place always.And some money  in a box somewhere in case you need a cab to the hospital or the station if you decide to leave home in a hurry.

I am not quite sure how to word this.When I was out just now I said to someone,It’s trying to rain.Now if you think about that sentence  there is an assumption built into it.That “It” is trying to rain,i.e.. some person or being is doing something.But  we know that is not the case.However in more complex speech it may not be possible to tell whether or not a being exists who is acting ot whether it is merely the way that English is constructed that gives that impression.On the other hand people may truly believe not only that God exists but that he is testing you or punishing out by giving your life some nasty  events.And people even atheists sometimes talk like that…an example is when someone has already had a tough time say with their marriage for years and then they get cancer.Then their friends may say,She doesn’t deserve this.Well life is not fair is it?Otherwise Hitler would have been destroyed by a bomb or got leprosy,cancer and gone blind at least…..but he didn’t did he? I can’t think of any more illustrations about the grammar of a language can make the noun is a sentence seem to be a real thing but I shall put some up later or maybe someone else might offer us a comment?

http://philologist.tripod.com/witt-1.html

If bored,read this

H

http://www.irishtimes.com/news/science/learning-the-easy-way-with-limericks-1.1592689

My sister came to see me today.She said she’d forgotten the password for starting the car,so we gave it a few kicks and it started albeit reluctantly.I said,

You should have left the key in the ignition.So  she said,

You’re out of date.

Do you mean out on a date,I queried anxiously,

We can’t get married ,she said

Why not,said I, what harm would it do?After all  lesbians can marry,

But we’re not lesbians,she muttered.

Well, that is true,I riposted.What do you suggest?

Why should I suggest anything,she replied curtly.

Alright be like that,I said,I only came for the icecream anyway.

Sometimes I feel I am going mad.But mainly I know I was born like this and there’s not much I can do except go with the flow,if you get the drift.The race might not go to the swift after all but to the slow,

Lurching yet graceful ,the old black cat sets off.
Slowly he circles the edges of the garden in joy.
In the car ,though still in a shut basket,
He always knew when we came to the turning of the road.
Was it the cherry trees in blossom,a scent
Or something we could never be aware of?
I would open his basket in the car.
He comes out and descends so carefully
Onto the pavement,then tries to bound up the path,
The long wooded back garden is his total joy.
He would sit watching tiny frogs in a deep pond in the sun.
No doubt he longed to catch one.
He once brought a robin indoors,
The bird was completely unharmed.
Must have been his gift to me
We released it later after its shock had worn off.
Now he can only hobble,
And soon, his thinness warns me, he'll be gone.
No cat has ever loved or will love like this cat,
A rescued, terrified animal.
His eyes say everything to me.
I look into their clear-jewelled greenness
I look into a deep,still glowing sea of light.
The last day,finally, all day,he's on my knee.
I say"goodbye,goodbye,Pussy".
And he's gone,just before tea.
Now the garden seems empty.
Love leaves a gap.
Love leaves us bare
Love leaves us stripped.
Yet Love is eternal grace.
A mystery of faith.
I believe.
Believe.
Be.

Albino starlings by Mike Flemming

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-33731981

• • [Dvorak is pronounced Vohjack]

    A brilliant composer named Dvorak
    Decided to fold his front door back.
    But then Dvorak tripped,
    And so he was flipped
    Onto a carriage on an ill routed rail track

    By God, he wrote a new work
    As in that  big steam train he sat.
    A symphony unique
    With a diabolical streak…
    All in the key of C flat.

    C flat is more usually named B
    As B is much shorter, you see.
    But the key’s no concern
    For those who discern
    Dvorak scored best when at sea.

    Dvorak like horses and girls
    As they all wore a ribbon and curls.
    He wrote music which dances
    The way a horse prances…
    The girls felt real gay as they whirled

Though it is true  that readers can deduce quite alot about any writer from their style and their substance,there is not a directly autobiographical element in most poetry.It is from the emotions that images often come and the  context of emotions may not be directly expressed or even mentioned.Sylvia Plath wrote a poem”Parliament Hill Fields” which might be interpreted as a mourning for a child miscarried.However it has a much wider possible interpretation and indeed one way of coping with loss and tragedy is by looking at it from a wider perspective,seeing one’s self as part of a large group of women who have lost infants before birth and then part of all of humanity who have suffered grief and loss.Very view if any one can grow to middle age without losing a beloved friend or relative perhaps a parent or sibling.Some people have been driven near to madness by it.

Sylvia Plath seemed able to cope with what was a tough life.She was constantly studying and writing,gave birth to Frieda and lived happily with Ted Hughes who helped her enormously [ and vice versa]

To have done all she had done  including miscarriage and then birth of a second child without any family near her would have been tough for anyone.But she seemed to cope better than most.

How far her life,her depression and so on should be  always discussed in relation to her poems and their interpretation it is hard to know.Naturally her own life was the starting point for poems like “Daddy” but they have a much wider significance in the age of Fascism she grew up in.

If I write from the point of view of a man,it does not signify I’d like t o be a man although on the Internet it might help to fend of pursuers who lurk looking for women [ and no doubt the other way round]

But if we read poetry or prose let’s judge it on its merits and not tear it apart for clues about the identity  and being of the writer

How vividly the memory remains;

Of love and learning,life and all its days.

We must not treat our own lives with disdain

Nor think we’re special in our unique ways.

All humans are distinct and special beings

Our wisdom teaches and our life long view.

Sometimes we’re unsure of  what we’re seeing

It hurts to  put our minds up for review.

We hold assumptions we are ignorant of

And carelessly treat others as our toys.

But when God looked down upon us from above

At least He  what were our games and ploys.

But now alone ,absent his Holy Name

Souls limp and stagger as   with centre maimed

Some websites about the death of God

http://mb-soft.com/believe/txn/deathgod.html

http://richarddawkins.net/2015/01/atheist-or-agnostic-and-does-it-matter/

http://brianleiternietzsche.blogspot.co.uk/