Day: July 27, 2015

What I thought when eating supper

1.Do we need all the different sorts of pasta? I myself rarely eat spaghetti owing to my coordination problems.That is,I drop it on my front.I only buy shells type pasta now but am I missing some flavour or delicacy?

2 My feet are cold.Shall I iron that dress with flowers  on or make it into an apron?

3.Shall I throw away all the odd socks?

4 Why do I read fewer novels now?

5 I  am thinking about the rumour that ISIS are to get here via the Channel Tunnel.

Is it to make us more anti-immigrant?

6.Why did nobody realise the Arabs would not tolerate for ever the way they were viewed by Europe and the USA?

7.Quite a  lot of serious events like the terrorism in Northern Ireland could have been prevented by allowing Catholics to vote even if they did not own a house.Yet nobody saw it…no politicians that is.

8 Will human beings always want to fight?

9 Why is it so windy  and cold in July?Is it my fault?

10 I remember how we used to say “Grace” before meals.

What to wear: unillustrated

By a strange chance  or error I found myself on the Telegraph website fashion page.They were recommending some expensive sandals.I shall tell you how to make them yourself.

1.Take a  pair of old shoes with leather soles and separate the upper and the sole.

2.Glue a piece of string 3 inches long. to the centre back of the heel.

3,You need 2  rolls of elastoplast ,one an inch wide and one 3 inches wide

4.Put your foot on the sole and pull the string up the back of your heel.Fasten it to your leg by using a piece of the wide elastoplast.

5.Fasten the front part of the sole to your foot using narrow elastoplast.

You now have  a sandal almost identical to the one being offered as suitable for this summer for the woman who needs the latest fashion.

My advice is once you have made 2 of these and stuck them to your feet that you can leave them there until the elastoplast wears out.Do not take them off in bed or in the shower.That might mean you can’t wash your feet but it’s nearly autumn now so the rain might keep you clean.On the other hand it might loosen the elastoplast and you’d be left with two soles and no heart.Then what would you do?

And they call us liberated!

Motor Lodge  by John Drury, [An American poet from Ohio]

“So this is it, experience,” I thought,
lugging tin buckets from the ice machines
to rooms of real adults with cigarettes,
mixed drinks in plastic cups, and proffered coins.
I reached out for their blessings, but the tips
were nothing next to rumpled, unmade beds
at four in the afternoon, women in slips
and men in t-shirts while the TV played.
Down in the laundry room, I counted sheets,
stunned by the musk that vanished in the wash,
and balled up soggy towels that down the chutes
exploded in bins. Before the evening rush,
avid and timid for what I glimpsed at work,
I left, hanging my gold vest on a hook.

Irony and other droll matters

Magnifying Glass over Dictionary
Magnifying Glass over Dictionary

http://www.dailywritingtips.com/what-is-irony-with-examples

I believe that we English people use irony more than other folks do,although I’ve not carried out any surveys.I am waiting for the government to give me 5 million pounds to carry out a short research project on this.

Now,if you hear someone say

This government is the best one since King Alfred burnt the cakes or since Queen Elizabeth the first lost her virginity,you would guess they did not mean exactly what they said. BTW what kind of cakes did Alfred make? More importantly,what kind of oven did they have in those days.We had one adjacent to a coal fire so to bake or roast the fire had to be well alight and going strong.Burning cakes was not too easy because there was no thermostat and the fire tended to die down.So you could not turn the knob around by accident or for fun as my brother did in 1947  on our gas cooker when my mother had put all her eggs,dried fruit etc together to make a Xmas cake… rationing was still on and besides we were quite poor then.A cake like that needs a long time to bake on a low  heat.So it was ruined and although I was only a baby then I can hear the shouting now.Had my brother been the king then,no doubt he could have put all the family into prison where at least they would have got a slice of roast pigeon and some stale Xmas cake…. probably left over from Saxon times.Come to think of it,were the Saxons Christians and if not  how come they made Xmas cake? Now if the Royal family had gone to Amazon and bought an oven timer history would be quite different now.I wonder what Alfred was doing? Was he enjoying the delights of his Queen? Now in my baking book it says

Never  make love while waiting for a cake to bake.Not even to yourself.It will distract you.

Personally I’d admire anyone who got turned on after spending hours mixing the ingredients and preparing the cake tin but maybe I am unusual.How would I know if I were?I can hardly go around asking if they find making a cake arousing.I’d have thought that it’s what you do when you are frigid as you hope the oven might warm you up.On no account must you  try to make love in the oven on a household cooker because  it’s not possible.Why?That requires a  lot of thought.Basically it’s all about size.Now if Queen Victoria had baked instead of having so many children the history of Europe would have been very different.The Kaiser was her grandson and because his mother was Victoria’s first child he believed he should have been King of England.Now if he had been,would there have been a war?Is there any point in speculating like this?Again I need a research grant to carry out …. research.Speculating can be dangerous sometimes.Again soe folk like gambling and others like playing Solitaire.Vive la difference.Oy vey.Amen

Now if Victoria had stuck to jam and cream filled  sponges the world would be utterly transformed and we would all be speaking a different language…but which?

Leaves

To try to explain scientifically

why leaves fall off trees in autumn

or in particular

why a certain leaf fell before the others

would be very difficult

and take the mind away

from enjoying the spectacle.

“Go with the flow”

Or “gone with the wind”

“Do not go gently into that good night.”

We have no choice

Only acceptance or refusal