Day: April 16, 2015

I’m feeling very hungry,don’t you see?

I had a little missionary for my tea
I’m feeling very hungry,don’t you see?
I put a lot butter all over him
I must confess he was really far too thin.

Tomorrow morning I’ll boil an egg
Otherwise I’ll go outside and beg.
I have no missionaries in the house
But one is lurking outside near my dormouse.

It’s been a custom in my native home
To catch any missionary who there roams.
We believe we absorb their virtue best
By roasting them and having a big feast.

You see we are very backward here.
It must be genetic,so I fear.
We like to enjoy a very mixed dinner.
A few green leaves and more boiled sinners.

When we are civilised we’ll buy a nuclear bomb
And maybe  more computers and a  lot of guns
We’ll start a war and kill a lot of folk.
You can’t break an egg before you boil the yolk

When certainty seems but a demon dream

 

When doubts and drawbacks struggle on the mind
And certainty seems but a demon dream,
When faith to love is what  we   cannot find
For even when asleep, the mind still schemes

When darkness and defeat seem close at hand
And lights dim even as we pray for grace
when wrecks and ruins rile the native sands
When in this life we feel we’ve lost our place…

Yet at the saddest depth we see the light
Surrounding with such warmth,with love adorned
The path that seemed so wrong now leads us right
And in our hearts, warm feelings are new born

For in all storms there is a calm still eye
From which we see the fiercest clouds  rush by

Mary gets yet another letter from the hospital

jug and bottles 4

The postman was very late coming that morning.Stan was asleep in his armchair whilst Annie was analysing some data on the political alignments of the over fifties group in Knittingham.Mary was upstairs daydreaming.

Hi. Mary…Annie called.There’s a letter for you from the hospital.
Mary came down, her face a little pale with anxiety.She opened it slowly.Inside it had the following announcement

Your appointment on 5th October at 3 am with Dr Paramour has been cancelled..
We can offer you he following appointment:
5th October 2014 at 3 am in the usual clinic
This will be with Dr Paramour unless he goes on holiday again.He will remove your tumour and your humor as well.

PasqueFlower2
Stan read the letter.
Why have they sent this? he asked bemusedly as he blinked with his nice blue eyes.
Mary phoned the hospital.She spoke to a charming young man.
What does it mean? she enquired.Why give such a silly letter out.
It means nothing,the man said,It’s the computer.
Computers follow programmes.We’ve had this type of stupid letter many times in the last 6 months….it’s using paper and postage apart from the worry.Why can’t someone alter the programme?
I don’t know,the pleasant man replied.I think nobody understands it.
Don’t they realise that keeping patients calm and trusting is part of the healing process?
No,they don’t he answered despondently.We have to answer the phone all day long.So we can hear how upset some people are.
Stan called out,it’s in the government too.They wasted millions on a new system which was scrapped before it was ever used…
Where are all the intelligent people?
That’s what I have been wondering,thought Emile as he hid behind Annie’s new green handbag hoping a field mouse might come by
I am sure if I planned the the computer programmes I could fix this,said Mary.But I will never be given a job now.I don’t think I’d want it now with my eyesight.
Well,Mary,you are still very beautiful,said Stan.I think I want to go to bed with you.
Stan, how can you say it in front of Annie?
Well,she can come as well if she likes,he replied tactfully.
And what about Emile?
Oh, alright then.We’ll all go to bed even he … we need a life changing experience.And I do not mean another daft letter from that blooming hospital,The Royal Wee.
We could paper the walls with them.
I would not enjoy seeing the walls like that,said Annie.
I am just making a point… that they waste so much money…. and time answering the phone to correct their errors………. it’s like Alice in Sunderland.
I never knew she was a Geordy, mioawed Emile…
I just like to think of her that way,answered Stan.
Anyway,upstairs and off with your clothes… we must make love before we die even if it kills us or we have to go to A and E with angina,migraine,a broken rib or other unmentionable discomforts.
And being obedient they all want upstairs,got undressed and fell asleep side by side in Stan’s large soft bed… except for Emile.
I thought they were going to have a love in,he thought.Perhaps when they waken up,who knows?
Maybe the NHS are trying to make people mad so they will pay for private treatment….
Mary was dreaming she was back at Oxford teaching analysis to a group of frightened first year students…what a pity they are so nervous,she thought.They’s do better working in a garden centre or a zoo…

Stan is helped by Annie and Mary

T

Black cat looking out of the window

Black cat looking out of the window

Stan was feeling somewhat glum,nay even despairing,on Monday morning.
Mary had gone to  college on her new folding 6 gear bicycle with its  own basket and an extra basket from Wells-next -the- Sea 1995[the wicker basket now somewhat gray in hue.].She was lecturing on Dirac’s cat,Moses.
Stan was left at home sorting out all his art work and materials as well as doing the baking and bathing Emile,the delightful yet trying male cat that lived in their home
Sunk in dark misery,Stan sat in an old uncomfortable chair in the darkest part of the room, while Emile snored on the rug by the bright French windows.Stan went through all the possible reasons for his state of mind.

Was he guilty about  his flings with his alluring next door neighbour Annie?
Could it be his failure to toilet train Emile? Or his omitting to carry out the penance given byFather Brown after Stanconfessed to stealing sweets on the way to Confession in 1956?
The longer Stan brooded the more reasons he found for his depression.
He could hardly get up to make a cup of coffee ..even instant seemed too much  trouble.Would he even clean his teeth which somehow he’d failed to do?
The doorbell rang… it was a new cord for his laptop asEmile had been chewing the current one ,and 29 books in a sack from Amazon which his wife must have ordered,as he had no recollection of any such foolish spending.How would they pay the bill on the credit card? he ruminated anxiously
Later in the day  Annie peered through the window.She tapped on the glass with her well manicured blue finger nails.Let me in she cried naughtily
I’m too tired for any hanky panky he murmured lovingly as he ran his fingers through her thick red tresses.

What is this delightful perfume,beloved? he questioned her.
It’s Poison! she replied.Oh no,sorry it’s Iris and Jasmine Eau de toilette from the Bodyshop.
Despite his lowly sunken state Stan loved this perfume.He sniffed rabidly at her well rounded form.Well,shall we have some tea? she enquired.
Stan sat there hand on chest.I’ve been feeling a little gloomy,he muttered.She peered at him.

You look terribly pale,Stan.Where’s your angina spray?

I can’t recall,he said.Oh,here it is in my vest.
What a strange place to keep it,she responded.
Mary made pockets for all my vests.at one time you could buy vests with pockets
She’s good at sewing despite being so clever.In fact she loves doing things with her hands.
Annie got the GNT spray out and handed it to him.Have you got a pain?
Well,yes,now you mention it,I do,he replied verbosely.
Well, use the bloody thing,she whispered endearingly into his left ear.
He opened his mouth,raised his tongue and with his hand resting lightly on his chin hepressed the button with his forefinger.

His head began to throb, a sign his blood vessels were widening
Annie appeared with a cup of Earl Grey tea and a biscuit .Why,you look a little better.Do you need another dose?

No,I feel much better now.I’ve had it before.He drank the tea but didn’t eat the biscuit which he threw out later in crumbs for the  the birds ;his spirits began to rise.Why did he always forget that physical ailments can worsen a mood?He still felt a trifle glum but nothing ameringue wouldn’t put right.

OK,what shall I make for Mary’s supper? he enquired.
You sit there in the window and I’ll just make my special spaghetti,Annie replied gaily,as long as I can stay too.
Yes,I’ll open some red wine he said youthfully,and we can have fried apples and bananas for pudding with non fat Greek yoghurt.
What a wise choice she murmured gently into his ear………that will use up some of the newly picked apples,the bananas were from Lidl’s as usual.
Well,Stan you look better.said Mary happily,You’ve been pale all weekend.Was it Annie who cheered you up,not to put too fine a point on it?
Actually it was nitroglycerine,he said roguishly,but Annie made me use it.
But for us women you’d be dead,she replied equably.
But for you delightful creatures I wouldn’t be here at all,he moaned ecstatically.
Now then Stan,control yourself she urged,After all we have a visitor,Annie!
What a hoot,he thought as he twisted spaghetti round his fork in a careless manner splashing tomato sauce all over his new acrylic jumper.
Thank the Lord for washing machines,Mary said.
I didn’t know Jesus invented them,Annie said with a tone of mild sarcasm but no-one bothered to reply.They were used to her cynicism about religion and never listened.

As told by Emile to the local paper.All donations received free of charge