I have loved you and I’ve held you.

Many years,you have been mine;
If the time has come for parting
Let us embrace for one last time.

You know you have to leave me,

Though you desire a longer stay.

Let me hold you in my arms now

For just tonight and perhaps one day

Then I’ll watch you travel on,sweet.

We take this last step all alone.

I’ll be here beside you watching.

I shall feel when you are gone.

May you accept,may you surrender.

I hope you reach the promised land.

Into this earth my tears will fall, love,

As I recall your tender hands.

Birth control

Definition of WILLINGNESS [ from Merriam Webster]

Cheerful readiness to do something [ plus ditto to feel or be something]

Thinking about the significance of “willingness” ,it comes to my mind that if we are asked to do something pleasurable we will not need urging.We will easily be willing unless we are masochists are have pressing needs that cannot wait.
So what is the significance of “willingness” when it relates to something unpleasant or painful we must do?I can imagine one scene where I ask someone to do a small task for me and though they are busy they are “more than willing” knowing my circumstances.But I ask a different person and though they agree there is a grudging quality about their doing what I ask.
Tn the first case we all feel joy when we know someone will go out of their way to help us and in the second we feel uneasy about asking that person and neither side gains much from the transaction.
Now turn inwards and imagine that you waken up feeling in poor spirits and moreover you do not like this.That is you are unwilling to feel the way you do.In my experience being unwilling in that way makes the spirits worse as we have secondary anger or depression about our state which can only make it worse.
Now think of the term “acceptance”.We can easily imagine that if we can accept a situation we can deal with it better.So a wife who finds her husband’s hobby is studying maths in the evening is going to have a problem if she believed they would spend every evening chatting together.The husband too has a problem that he may not have foreseen when he was madly in love.He has to work out how much time he needs alone with his abstractions or whether it is an excuse not to engage with his wife.
The wife who finds her husband genuinely needs to study for lomg hours or he is unhappy will have to consider whether she can accept this as a way of life or whether she should seek a better partner because nowadays women want to have their needs met too,not to just beadjuncts to men.
If she accepts it and adapts then she may be happy.A problem rises if she keeps up a war with her husband,criticising and blaming him for his needs.I might say she can’t force him to talk to her as what value does it have when it is not spontaneous/
If people have good will towards each other then they can find away of living and respecting the other.
If we have good will towards our selves then we can accept and live with parts of ourself we do not like or parts which cause us suffering yet which cannot be changed and must be lived with.
If we don’t have good will  towards ourselves then life is much harder as we attack ourselves with criticism and deprivation of love.
I think willingness or good will is crucially important in human life though n doubt I frequently forget it! Ill will directed anywhere ou side or in harms both parties or splits the self and causes more deeper problems.
Of course it is hard to be willing to suffer painful emotions but what choice do we have?Only to find the best way or at least
“to be willing to be willing” as I describe it to myself.
Is willingness a virtue or a decision? Or an impossibility for some of us?

I mistook a photo of a mitten for a dress [true]

I went out in a mitten last night
I gave all the neighbours a fright.
They are collecting for me
To buy me some tea….
Now a tea bag would be a fine sight.

Or how about being dressed in some peel
Which off any banana I’d steal.
Then I’d give men the slip
As they slid off my hip
Some days I almost feel real.

All the winter coats are being sold off
As the autumn was not freezing or rough.
But I wear woolen vests,
Which keep off the pests.
Though men’s skin is still somewhat tough.

This is a preliminary attempt to examine the ideas about emptiness. I once quoted Lao Tzu
“Hollow vessels are useful by reason of their emptiness.”
But emptiness is not just one concept.
To make an initial point,our first notions of emptiness are related to the stomach.An empty one is painful to the infant who cries until fed.A full stomach then feels pleasant.
But a stomach can be empty in a good way….and there is a feeling of desire and appetite,So this can feel good.On the other hand there is the emptiness of a stomach which has just vomited up something bad and is reluctant to take in anything new for a while.hopefully desire will return.
Anxiety can take away appetite and keep the stomach empty when it needs to be filled with good food.If this continues we become ill.
Anorexics may keep themselves empty as a mistaken form of self control.
Ideally there is a movement between fullness and emptiness.We need to be empty for the right things.A woman may have an empty womb crying out for a child but by mistake she may fill up with food instead.So we need to know what we are empty for.
Empty headedness can be bad…if you have never received anything good into your mind like poetry,classic literature etc you will be a poor person indeed.On the other hand people get creative ideas when they are half dreaming,resting,in the bath and so on.
There is a little more space in the mind for a new idea to emerge.But the idea will have meaning only within a structure that is already partly there within the mind.
The answer to a writer’s block won’t come to someone who never writes.The block may be a creative void but it’s no good if one’s entire mind is a total void.
The emptiness needs a container.
We rush to fill out empty sad hearts when we feel we can’t contain them within ourselves,as holding them may be agonisingly painful.
Emptiness per se may not achieve much.But watch a new baby.They are looking and taking in both food and sensory impressions.And how the mind is growing,if conditions are favourable.
An empty table is no good to an empty stomach.A professor with no knowledge/learning will not give anything to the empty headed students to take in
Or biologically,the egg needs the sperm but the fertilized egg needs the kindness of the nurturing Womb and the ability of the woman to be there whilst development occurs over time……and for woman we could put artist or writer,speaking in metaphor.
My thoughts end now! A need for space has arrived

Women’s clothes are a bit thin vis a vis pockets.
And one cannot store much in a locket.
We need storage space,
Knicker legs are one place,
Or the cleavage, if one does not lack it

Some ladies have recourse to their vulvae
For storing flash drives bought on E-bay.
Don’t store your smartphone there,
Despite that it’s round not square.
For you’ll frighten some folk when its rings bray.
.
Yes,the skin needs our care and respect
Our private parts we needs must protect.
So make some cloth bags,
To store ballpoints and fags
to keep covered shows that we still have tact

I was seeing a gynaecologist this week  plus a dermatologist so please pardon my rudeness here.It’s my way of processing my experiences

http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2011/aug/29/hannah-arendt-adolf-eichmann-banality-of-evil

The devil has no horns

He will seem normal,even wonderful

He needs to deceive so he is not plain

about revealing his true nature,

No,of course,it’s obvious that he must be in disguise.

He might be you or me.

Don’t trust the ones who charm.

Or those who boast of their goodness

Don’t you see,that’s exactly what he would do.

Is he going to come out straight away?

No,first he must cast a spell on you

Then you will do as he says

And claim  what you did was quite alright

Because how could you or I be evil?

On Saturday afternoon after luncb ,or midday dinner as we said up north before winning places in posh universitues
which stole our native language, Mary began to feel very nervous, as she was going to the hospital with Stan on Monday for his next appointment with Dr.Range Rover.
Mary was puzzled.She felt almost happy last week about seeing this kind hearted and gracious well dressed female doctor.However she had been shunted sideways onto a male doctor who was almost totally silent.. so much so that he seemd to absorb Mary’s questions into his sponge of a brain without feeling the need to respond,just like many British husbands do… and it may be a universal trait in men world wide.
Why do I feel so apprehensive this week? Mary asked her dear black cat Emile.
After all.I was happy to see her or to even have a biopsy last weekend.Why have I changed in my feelings so much in a week?
Does it matter? purred Emile.
Maybe your mood is affected by something else.. like fatigue or housework or the ravages of age… [he was well read]
We don’t always know why we feel a certain way but I feel it’s good if we are willing to accept these negative moods.Even I have my moods when the fish you get me is not the right sort and you don’t give me my cat’s handkerchief neatly ironed.
You are so wise,Emile,especially as,being a cat,you never have to endure these interviews with consultants in horrible outpatients clinics.So you must have a wonderful empathy for humans
This lady doctor tomorrow is exciting me,cried Emile loudly.May I come in your Grace Kelly handbag.
What’s wrong with my shopping bag?Good grammar,by the way..
Well,she wil be surprised if you take a heavy shopping bag even if it has a Mondrian design on it… she may get suspicious.. even paranoid.If I am in your handbag she will not realise.
Not unless you miaow,mused Mary benignly as she smiled down at him her singular eyes gleaming like the headlamps on a Roller.
I like to know the reason for things,she continued somewhat frantically.I think therefore I might be eventually.I am not yet,for sure.
Does everything have a reason,shouted Stan querulously from the hall…
Wel l,it does,but it might be beyond human understanding like the Burning Bush..
We can only perceive what our language permits unless we are poets,mystics or artists and even then it’s tough to venture into the unknown,unthought or unknowable..
languages develop in societies and learning your language embeds you in many cultural assumptions without you realising it.You think it’s reality when it is just one perspective.
How true,screeched Annie their neighbour from outside the open patio door.She stopped there in her teal velour tracksuit with matching eyeshadow and trainers.
You seem to be overthinking,she said to Mary.Are you sickening with the heat?It’s like loving too much, which may be co-dependency.
That’s a very silly pc word,said Stan rudely.We are all dependent but men can hide it until their wives run away with the milkman and they get a shock not knowing how much they’d miss her changing the sheets and buying their underpants and socks.And ironing their hankies
Surely that’s not the main reason a man might miss his wife,cried Mary as she carried in the tea tray with a big white insulated teapo,t. so I hear
Well,you can go on the web and find a virtual sex partner or even buy a dummy woman. but it’s tough to find a devoted woman who knows what you need to function.
Why don’t you buy your own underwear and use tissues?,asked Emile
Well,Emile,I put out the rubbish and wash the heavy Le Creuset pot.I see to the car and bikes.I paint the fence and even bake cakes.
Mary washes the clothes and changes the sheets unless she has an idea to write down.She kindly does all the worrying for both of us and I remain calm like a lighthouse.We complement each other ideally.. and we love each other and a few others as well..without giving away our secrets
That’s one waay of describing it,thought Mary without commenting out loud
Anyway,I am still wondering why I feel nervous about Dr Range Rover….
If you accepted the nervousness it might ease,said Annie wisely in her high voice like a car siren going off at night
Just then the doorbell rang.It was Dave the bisexual transvestite paramedic.
Emile phoned 999 saying Mary was having kittens, he said rapidly.This really must stop;inter species sex is not allowed here like most sexual activity
He was speaking metaphorically or is it metonymically,Stan groaned.
Now you are here go and make us a fresh pot of tea and admire my new tea caddy.I bought it for Mary last week in that new shop in town.
At your service,sir,Dave said politely,his flowered dress waving in the breeze.
Do you know anything about Dr Range Rover,Dave? Annie murmured
What is her reputation etc?
Some people like her, Dave said,Usually men.she’s not so good with women..
Well it’s too late to change thought Mary so I shall have to willingly endure the agony of meeting her again as I cannot leave Stan on his own with her…
why who knows what might happen? She might become his mistress as he likes several nowadays. despite nearly being too thin to live…
God only knows, a little voice said.
Hello,said Mary.I’ve not heard from you lately.
Well,I am still here looking after you
Thank you, Lord,I love you, Mary shouted joyfully to the surprise of Stan and Annie, not to mention the cat Emile who was unlearned in the religion of his owners.
I thought you were an atheist,Annie said with horror.
I am an atheist and I believe in God.It’s what we call a paradox..Mary cried graciously….
What would Wittgenstein have said?
Whereof one cannot understand,therof one must be patient and tolerant,.
Why does Mary need to understand all her feelings…Stan wondered
When it’s raining she doesn’t spend hours wondering why and similarly if it’s raining in her heart she must take it like parched grass…she thinks too much.
Too much for what? Her sanity perhaps which has at times bei.ng doubtful but that has made her very understanding to those who find life hard.Everyone has value,even mad,nervous half blind, supersensitive, vulnerable,stout arthritic female mathematical geniuses like Mary.She enriches the tapestry of life in a very real sense as someon

e once said
And so say all of us,she’s a jolly good Fellow of All Proles College,Oxenford..you know how famous it is!

Continue reading “From thinking to thoughtfulness” →

This poem is written in the sonnet form
And yet I have my doubts about its shape
Though nearly to that structure it conforms
There may be places where non- essence gapes.

It looks and speaks just as a sonnet would
And talks of metaphysical concerns.
Do we conclude, as poets and writers should,
That in our schizoid age we cannot learn?

For humans may be clothed in skin of wolves;
And lambs be decked with lions’ fearsome furs..
Thus senses can be tricked and problems solved.
Which of us will praise a cat  that purrs?

It looks like one,it feels like one,it speaks.
Yet from these words no  human feeling leaks.

Lurching yet graceful ,the old black cat sets off.

Slowly he circles the edges of the garden in joy

. In the car ,though still in a shut basket,

He always knew when we came to the turning of the road.

Was it the cherry trees in blossom,a scent

Or something we could never be aware of?

I would open his basket in the car.

He comes out and descends so carefully

Onto the pavement,then tries to bound up the path

, The long wooded back garden is his total joy.

He would sit watching tiny frogs in a deep pond in the sun.

No doubt he longed to catch one.

He once brought a robin indoors,

The bird was unharmed though frightened;

Must have been his gift to me

We released it later after its shock had worn off.

Now the can only hobble,

And soon, his thinness warns me, he’ll be gone.

No cat has ever loved or will love like this cat,

A rescued, terrified animal.

His eyes say everything to me.

I look into their clear-jewelled greenness

I look into a deep,still glowing sea of light.

The last day,finally, all day,he’s on my knee.

I say”goodbye,goodbye,Pussy”.

And he’s gone,just before tea.

Now the garden seems empty.

Love leaves a gap.

Love leaves us bare

Love leaves us stripped.

Yet Love is eternal grace.

A mystery of faith.

I believe.

Believe.

Be.
Read more at: http://www.poetrysoup.com/poem/dear_cat,when_old_480031

Always keep a mad god in your pew

I keep his frown frozen on Fridays

Keep your dimple, Cupid
I keep gnats at prayer all gnight
Please keep your fingers lost
Do you keep your chin in a cup?
Keep your eyes coping, please
Keep your heir on tenterhooks
Let your nose be your mind’s bone
Keep your powder gray
Keeping up with her bones is barred
He keeps his cards close to his testes
My hand keeps on tickling men’s ears without me knowing.
Do pluck hacks heads off now and again
Pick on  him with a verb.Mortify him with an adjective.
I kicked some mutt
Kick the socket and blow a fuse!
Why not stick your feet on with UHU?
I kicked your wheels freely till  the horse bolted
He bid for her in a randy store but she preferred candy.
A  handsome  king was X-rated by the public
Why kiss and yell when you can kick butt?

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/bill-chameides/the-art-of-connecting-to_b_4310221.html?ir=Green

“But to Levinas, the Other provides a path to transcendence, a way to find meaning, indeed ecstasy. In Totality and Infinity Levinas writes, “Meaning is the face of the Other.” Face-to-face relations with the Other imparts knowledge, creates connection. As Levinas scholar Adriaan Peperzak writes:

“When Levinas meditates on the significance of the face, he does not describe the complex figure that could be portrayed by a picture or painting; rather, he tries to make us ‘experience’ or ‘realize’ what we see, feel, ‘know’ when another, by looking at me, ‘touches’ me: autrui me vise; the other’s visage looks at me, ‘regards’ me.”

From this notion flows a responsibility we all share for the Other.”