God learned English as a foreign language

I went to confession last night.
Did you really?
Yes,I wouldn’t tell a lie.
So who you tell,an enemy?
I told the priest.I said,I am resentful.
He said,Why?
I said,sorry. I meant I did something unprintable.
He said,Shall I guess?Is it animal,vegetable or mineral?
I said,No,human.
He said,humans are animals.
Yes,Father,I said.How did you know? Animals can’t speak.
He said,you have wool on your coat.
I said,Well it is winter.
He said,so you rollick with a sheep just to keep warm.
I said,What the hell are you talking about?
He said,I can read between the lines.
I said,But is that moral? Should you not read on them..?
He said,Well get on with it.
I said,What, here in church?
He said.Well the confessionals are here.
I said, You want me to bring the sheep here
No,he said,for God’s sake tell me your sins.
Then we heard a voice shout.
Get out,the both of you.
so God is Irish then… not Jewish?
No,he just learned English as a foreign language from an Irishman.
It’s unusual for an Irishman to speak Hebrew.
He was an irish Gnu.
Gnu, don’t you mean Jew?
No,do you?
Yes, their jokes are so good… it’s what some might call gallows humour.
None so bereft as those who do not sue.
Well,we have no money to sue anybody now….
Then for my penance I have to learn to knit.Is it hard?
I said,No,it’s just a matter of time and effort.
In that case I’ll just go to hell in a handcart.
Why bother when it’s right here on earth

Sculptures

Liverpool

Photo by Mike Flemming.2015.Copyright

Mike and I  met at University  in a choir and we both come from Lancashire so I decided to make him an honorary brother as I wanted a younger brother all my life.

http://www.visitliverpool.com/things-to-do/another-place-by-antony-gormley-p160981

http://www.theguardian.com/artanddesign/2011/apr/17/antony-gormley-iron-men-row
Not everyone likes works of art as they cost money…and now charities and councils are in trouble,should we scrap such sculptures.This is a perennial problem

Timely humor

P1060172 [1024x768]

Anthony Gormley sculpture in Liverpool.Photo by Mike Flemming 2015.Copyright.

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1.Blake saw infinity in a grain of sand…and spent an eternity in the shower..

[I never knew they even had showers back then!]

2.Infinity is unimaginable,indescribable and unfathomable

and all in eight letters.

3.Eternity could seem short when writing is going well

and an hour may seem agonizingly long if you are unhappy/depressed

4.Why did Blake single out one grain of sand?
Was he going to sow it ?He wanted a desert in London.Does sand grow or is it fixed?

5.Aren’t thoughts intriguing?
And all free if your head is empty.What bliss

Higher again

Freed from her trap
Bird soared into air,and hovered
And floated, resting;
And flew higher, singing as she flew,
And higher again,
Till there was only her song,
Left in the silence,
Trembling.

Up on the wide,stump topped hill,
I felt the lark inside my heart
And heard her singing.
And flying up with her,
I saw gold sun and silver moon,
Moors of heather ,and sheep grazing
Green hills,
And shimmering lakes,
Clouds ,sun and sky in watery mirrors.
And sang ,and dipped,and dropped,
And curled
Up the blue
Bright heaven, and rested
On the wind.
All that day
I was a lark singing.

I shall always have a vision of
A bird
That flew upwards,
Rejoicing and free
Into a deep blue sky, and high
And higher
Beyond high
Into a place, beyond eye even,
But music still sending.

I wish I were back on that heathery moor,
With the nibbling sheep and the bees sweetly humming,
Hearing again
The poignant song
Of the skylark,
A prisoner,freed by a magician,
From her trap,
So happy to be free,
So wonderful to see.
Do it again,
For me.

Shells by the Dead Sea

Awlf portrait
Stan the aged yet sexy senior citizen was outside polishing the brass doorstep till it gleamed in the early sunshine  leaking from a blue  and orange sky.
“My goodness,these microfibre cloths are wonderful” he thought intrigued.Mary was out taking a load of clothes to the Oxfam Shop.Suddenly he heard a loud cry.,then he felt a pair of hands fondling the top of his bald head and tugging on his beard.
“Eeh,no rest for the wicked,even at 81,” he screamed.He staggered to his feet and rubbed his nose with his knees.
“Just give me a hand” ,he said,”I’ll have to stretch my hamstrings.They tighten up so.”
“I’ll stretch them for you!” Annie whispered naughtily.Stan leant forward to touch his toes and she could not resist the temptation to give his bottom a hearty slap.
“For God’s sake,Annie” he shouted faintly.”Someone might see that.”
“Don’t worry,there’s no-one around at this time of the day” she tittered in her usual female manner..
“Oh,yes there is!”
It was Dave,the paramedic.He had been lying behind the wheelie bins,all three of them standing plaintively and unwanted in the tiny front garden.
“I’m an MI5 spy,and I’ve been reading your blog,Mr Brown.”We need you to answer a question”
“I’m not called Brown”,said Stan nerdishly.
“Refuses to accept reality,”Dave wrote in his little notepad with some blood he had taken from himself earlier,
“Jesus Christ!”, said Stan.”Now,now” said Dave,”that’s not your name.
“No my name is Tan,not Brown,you’ve been reading the wrong blog!” “Stan Tan!”
Dave appeared crestfallen,”Any chairs need mending today?”
“My what beautiful ears you have,sweetheart,” he said to Annie,
“They look like sea shells by the Dead Sea”
“Your eyes are like shallow pools in Lake Windermere during a summer thunderstorm.”Annie replied womanfully,sarcasm being alien to her nature.
“Are you still a transvestite?” she followed on incoherently yet logically.
“No,I had a mystical experience and now I’m a Zen Buddhist”
“How did that happen?” demanded Stan querulously.And can’t you be both?
“Well,I was knitting myself a Shetland lace sweater in pale blue mohair,and I suddenly had the feeling that everything was interwoven.
Going forward or backwards,sideways or straight ahead,it is all part of the warp and weft of life.
“mistakes don’t matter” he continued emotionally.
“Oh,yes,they do,”Annie said pouting her full lips,cherry pink by courtesy of L’oreal of Paris and New York,lip balm by Yves St Laurent,peach foundation by Lancome also of Paris,toning smokey grey mascara by Max Factor,handbag Annie’s own,deep burgundy 70 denier tights by M&S,Grey pointed ballet slippers by Bally of Switzerland.[also available in black,red and teal].Raspberry lingerie by ,strangely,M&S.
“As I was saying..,”
Dave dived back behind the wheelie bin.
Stan polished the brass and Annie disappeared in a patch of woodbine..
It was Mary’s famous and loud vocal imitation of a bicycle bell that had alerted them to her imminent return from the Oxfam shop.
“Don’t they make bike bells any more?” Dave boringly wondered as he carried on reading the new life of Emily Dickinson “A loaded gun.” He thought it was an army training manual,but,hey,mistakes don’t matter!Or do they?Read the next instalment yesterday at your local newsagent or here free of interest,hope or love.Any additions welcome.
All donations to Oxfam.

Trust begets perception

tWeeds or flowersI have become interested in virtue and perception.It began when I read  a littleAristotle about virtue being a habit.That was quite recent.Before that for many years I believed virtuous acts would follow from being able to perceive well.But when we are fraught our minds and eyes tighten up and so we perceive only what may be a danger to us.To perceive others well we need to be in a position to trust others and we need to feel secure.How is this possible?From my studies I read that our ability to trust begins with a trusted caregiver in infancy,[See” atttachment and loss “by John Bowlby reference to come] We may be able to become more secure later by good fortune,friendship and love.If not,I seem to get the idea that if we are insecure and nervous we cannot truly perceive others and they may be in the same position.If we are very afraid then virtuous acts may be hard to accomplish. The reason is obvious… when. we are concerned with  mere survival as a person , in that state what we do to others  may be impossible for us to consider.We cannot truly see them and so we cannot act well towards them except by good luck.Or if we are able to tolerate great anxiety,we may see better…. if not we are incapable…. Those whom we cannot see properly we cannot truly consider with feeling  and act on this feeling.We see them partly or mainly in terms of the fearful fantasies in our minds and cannot see them as  other and interesting.When we make a friend online we may feel safer but in fact we are more likely to misperceive them. When we are from a sad a or difficut background it may help greatly if we have some friends who might point out our errors if we trust enough to tell them.Or we may pretend to be hard and tough.Neither leads to virtue.If we trust God it may help but I believe we see God through the lens of our parents.. which is not good…depending on the parents. When we live in fear,we cannot see what is there before us.We cannot let go.We cannot accept grace and love nor give it.We will try to live by will power.Ironically people who are fearful inside can develop a shell of toughness and pride and so are not seen as vulnerable  and/or lovable.Tbey may seem frightening to others. This account may help to explain why politics is the way it is and also  we see that arguing is not persuasive when the other is not able to open up and see things more broadly.Arguing makes us tighten up and see less well.And it can be frightening too though some cultures find it more acceptable than others.

Here are some relevant blogs and articles

This author had a lot to say about perception…http://www.independent.co.uk/arts-entertainment/obituary-marion-milner-1163951.html   http://susannanelson.wordpress.com/2014/03/02/happy-go-lucky/

http://glimpsejournal.wordpress.com/2014/05/11/the-real-bees-knees-stunning-micro-view-of-the-workers-behind-your-mothers-day-flowers/

Book review:The society of timid souls by Polly Morland

shades of grey

The book I am reading now is called”, The Society of Timid Souls”  written by Polly Morland.

Here is a very good in depth review of it and a photo of a bull fight

http://www.theguardian.com/books/2013/may/19/timid-souls-polly-morland-review

She is a good writer,mainly in journalism and also she works  making documentaries.The title comes from a Society that existed in New York starting around the time of Pearl Harbour.It was for musicians too timid to play in public.From that which ended in 1946 she goe on to look at many situations which need courage such as bravery in war,in giving birth,in bull fighting.She is well read and has studied Aristotle,read Beowulf and many other serious  books and writings.Yet it is not a very difficult read.[I like hard books because I read them several times so they last longer.]The  intriguing part so far is about animals and birds which won awards for bravery.. such as pigeons in WW2 and whether an animal can be brave in the true sense.I have read half this book and strongly recommend it as suitable to a wide range of readers and also because it makes reading Aristotle seem normal,not just for scholars and academics

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aristotelian_ethics

You can get Ethics by Aristotle as a free kindle book

You have to pay a little for Nichomacean Ethics and there is more than one translation so look inside before you buy it.I feel amazed by his thinking and wonder  if we’ve gone backwards

Being troubled in itself will not make you a writer

I like the writer Kenneth Gergen and especially his book,” The saturated society”Legs 2

http://identitythoughts.wordpress.com/2009/02/11/the-saturated-self-dilemmas-of-identity-in-contemporary-life-kenneth-j-gergen-pt-2/

http://www.qualitative-research.net/index.php/fqs/article/view/553/1198e”

I think it’s  beautifully written and explains the bad side of post modernism but also how differently it could be used.He got a very good review on the Washington Post but later got a terrible one in the NYT.In an interview he told how this affected him badly until the man who wrote the review died ten years later,I’ll put a link in here later.http://books.google.co.uk/books?id=SweMLEe6TpgC&pg=PA294&lpg=PA294&dq=kenneth+gergen+the+saturated+self++washington+post+review&source=bl&ots=_lKF4I_lVi&sig=VEbgQl1ZpIwcLgfw3S5M5sI9__U&hl=en&sa=X&ei=JJ_VUtfLEeaP7AaviYHwCA&ved=0CGwQ6AEwCA#v=onepage&q=kenneth%20gergen%20the%20saturated%20self%20%20washington%20post%20review&f=false.

!He used to wake up at night with thoughts of what he’s like to do to this person.This shows how even someone of high quality can be wounded easily.

Most people who read English novels have heard of Virginia Woolf. She was highly acclaimed yet had breakdowns whilst awaiting reviews .Eventually she committed suicide during WW2.Her husband was Jewish and she was afraid of what would happen if the Germans invaded Britain.

But her mental health was fragile after losing her mother and favourite older sister in her teens and also possibly being sexually assaulted by her half brother.Despite al this she had  much happiness and is one  of the most highly acclaimed women writers of the 20th century…not much good  to her of course

Sylvia Plath a great poet  a generation after Woolf also committed suicide and later became known as one of the best poets of our time

http://www.neatorama.com/2008/03/18/writers-who-suffered-from-the-sylvia-plath-effect/#!scilW

Would you like to be a tormented genius and enter the literary canon or just be an ordinary,moderately happy person? Most of us are not so gifted in any case.

Some of us believe that others with more gifts,more money,more winning personalities are much happier,but it’s not true.Many geniuses are troubled.On the other hand being troubled by itself will not make you a genius,alas.Everybody is troubled at times.Sometimes a  writer may use it

The trance like past

midsummer days evoked the trance-like past

where children played in joyous, daisied fields

with buttercups so bright the memory lasts

a freedom that our conscious growth will steal.

those stones and leaves and many colored flowers

were gathered into images that glow

yet later we forgot those treasured hours

when for a while we lived in life’s deep flow

we did not look and see,but felt at one

we lived as did the birds high in the trees

now we see and write yet experiencing has gone

we  forget to  live like flowers filled with bees

to lose ourselves in nature is a joy

which to our adult selves we must restore

Simon Armitage in the New Yorker

•     Sharpen all pencils.•

Check off-side rear tire pressure.•

Defrag hard drive.•

Consider life and times of Donald Campbell, CBE.•

Shampoo billiard-room carpet.•

Learn one new word per day.•

Make circumnavigation of Coniston Water by foot, visit Coniston Cemetery to pay respects.•

Achieve Grade 5 Piano by Easter.•

Go to fancy-dress party as Donald Campbell complete with crash helmet and life jacket.•

Draft pro-forma apology letter during meditation session.•

Check world ranking.•

Skim duckweed from ornamental pond.•

Make fewer “apples to apples” comparisons.•

Consider father’s achievements only as barriers to be broken.•

Dredge Coniston Water for sections of wreckage/macabre souvenirs.•

Lobby service provider to unbundle local loop network.•

Remove all invasive species from British countryside.•

Build 1/25 scale model of Bluebird K7 from toothpicks and spent matches.•

Compare own personality with traits of those less successful but more popular.•

Eat (optional).•

Breathe (optional).•

Petition for high-speed fibre-optic broadband to this postcode.•

Order by express delivery DVD copy of “Across the Lake” starring Anthony Hopkins as “speed king Donald Campbell.”•

Gain a pecuniary advantage.•

Initiate painstaking reconstruction of Donald Campbell’s final seconds using archive film footage and forensic material not previously released into public domain.•

Polyfilla all surface cracking to Bonneville Salt Flats, Utah.•

Levitate.•

Develop up to four thousand five hundred pounds/force of thrust.•

Carry on regardless despite suspected skull fracture.•

Attempt return run before allowing backwash ripples to completely subside.•

Open her up.•

Subscribe to convenient one-a-day formulation of omega-oil capsules for a balanced and healthy diet.•

Reserve full throttle for performance over “measured mile.”•

Relocate to dynamic urban hub.•

Eat standing up to avoid time-consuming table manners and other nonessential mealtime rituals.•

Remain mindful of engine cutout caused by fuel starvation.•

Exceed upper limits.•

Make extensive observations during timeless moments of somersaulting prior to impact.•

Disintegrate.