Month: November 2014

Beard envy…

1jug and bottles 4

Cataclysm 2r

Freud made an error  for women have an unconscious envy of men’s beards,It’s not enough for men to have long hair.They also can have long beards and moustaches too.In many cases they have better hair than women do.But they don’t need it,do they?They don;t tint it,condition it etc.Now if we had all that hair we’d be warmer and it would hide the dirty marks on our woollen jumpers
Admittedly it would need washing daily but it would be a good excuse for not going out
I have to wash my beard tonight.I am waxing my moustache too.
Why should we envy a penis when we have a womb?
But what have we got instead of a beard…NOTHING.
That is clearly unjust and God is nor unjust so where is the answer?

Stan fell in love with his cat

Sleepy afternoon

Stan fell asleep in front of the roaring fire.Emile lay across his lap.Emile was so limp he looked like a wet towel casually over the old man’s knees.It was Stan’s birthday but no party had been arranged.He was struck that Mary had not baked a cake..nor even bought one at the Co-op.
That was no surprise really as he did all the cooking including Bakewell tarts and Xmas cake,He was a versatile man who could also mend old radios and fix clocks that were stuck one time….usually th wrong one!
He also spent quite a lot of time giving statistics lessons to pensioners and making love with his blonde and busty mistress,Anne who lived next door.
He decided that being so near her was a big advantage given his age.
Suddenly he was awakened by chuckles and giggles,There were Mary and Annette holding a big iced cake and a pot of tea.The doorbell rang and in came all Stan’s friends from his Art class.Mary produced sandwiches and pork pies,sausage rolls and potato cakes.
How did you do this ?,he enquired dazedly.
We did it all in Annette’s oven.She has two so it was quite easy.
Mary was not jealous of Annette for Mary would rather read Principia Mathematica than go to bed with Stan.Apparently she was mildly autistic but she was happy doing maths as many of her co-workers had the same syndrome.
She did have one daughter whom she found hidden in a gooseberry bush in the garden.This was enough for Stan as he was 92.But luckily he did have a good
gold plated pension of £390 per month.
Everyone was having a fabulous time until Anne tried to light the candles on the cake.No matches could be found.
Ring 999,Stan called childishly.Mary obeyed and soon the ambulance drew up.In ran Dave the paramedic.
Is it your chair? he enquired wildly.
No,it’s this cake.We can’t light the candles on it.Shall we douse it in petrol?We have a jerry can full of it in the spare room.
That is very dangerous,he shouted.
Well,we are old now and need the car badly.Risk assessment gave us evens on the odds.

Dave produced a silver lighter and lit the candles.Then he conducted them all as they sang,”Happy Birthday” to Stan.Stan managed to blow out 90 candles before passing out on the rug.
Well,at least he didn’t break the chair,Mary said philosophically.
I wish he had,said Dave.I’ve got some superglue here.
Well,we do have a wardrobe that’s falling apart.would you like to mend it?
Sure,he replied gratefully.This is why we have the NHS!
We are here for you 24/7
Or come to A and E if you get a mouth ulcer or a cold sore.No problem is too small!

Stan came too on the rug with Emile beside him.He gazed deeply into the cat’s green eyes.
I think I’ve fallen in love with you,he informed the cat.
Will you sleep with me and let Mary have your basket.
Are we engaged,said Emile.
Definitely,said Stan.I’ll get you a golden collar with diamonds on it.
When shall we be married?
As soon as it’s legal,Stan answered honestly.
In the meantime,we’ll have to live in sin.
Then he fell asleep again with Emile in his arms.
What a lovely picture, cried the ladies.
Look at this.What a happy sight.
What love,what devotion.
How strange,what a commotion.
They’re in love,what emotion.
Don’t tell the Pope,we need caution

 

Emile’s picnic

Source: Kathryn

Emile has a picnic

Stan was washing the big new car while his dainty wife Mary packed a picnic basket.He was already feeling very hot, even bothered.Emile, his cat and friend, was sitting on the wall overseeing the car wash.

Would you like to come,Emile?Stan murmured.

Yes,I’d love too but what can I eat? Emile murmures

How about a tin of sardines?Stan asked tenderly.

Do they have those little keys on the side?I find them hard to open.

So it was you,Emile!I thought Mary must have sleep walked and tried to open a tin.If you get good at all these tasks nothing will be safe.

I tried to open that tin of gooseberries.Emile confessed sheepishly

You must be a fool,Emile!Why gooseberries?Stan said  with bull like tact

They looked so nice but they were full of pips.Tinned gooseberries are not so tasty except made into a jelly

.Can we take some jelly on the picnic?Emile continued

Well,it would be lovely but it might melt! Stan informed him knowingly

OK I’ll settle for a tin of sardines,the cat mewed politely.I’ll have a gooseberry yoghurt instead

.Since when did cats have puddings,Emile? Stan enquired

I always envied you,so I thought I’d ask.Emile said sensibly

Why,you are almost human,Emile.Next you’ll want a suit and some brogues. Stan teased him

I’d prefer sandals,responded the striped cat sensibly

Why is that,my dear,Stan asked lovingly.

So I can still scratch people or milk them when on their laps.Emile admitted

You naughty cat!You”ll have to give up scratching if you want to become more moral.

Yet..What is a cat without its claws?

What is a wasp without its sting?

What is a woman without her temper?

What is a man without……………..

Have you finished,Stan? called Mary,thus preventing the author from revealing what Stan thought was masculine just in the nick of time

Yes,my dear.I just need a rug for Emile to sit on …or how about this old tablecloth? Stan shouted.

That’s my new apron,Mary confessed.

!New..it looks as if you’ve cleaned Buckingham Palace including the chimneys! Stan said sarcastically

That just shows you how hard women work and to think I could have been working on my new book”Wittgenstein’s Hats!” Mary moaned

I didn’t know about that, Stan said in a puzzled voice

.Well,I’ve done four on his cats……… so..I moved on to hats

Did he wear a hat? Stan asked her curiously

That is the problem.Although Jewish he was raised as a Catholic in Vienna.And Catholic men take off their hats in church.Mary said with an air of certainty rare in women

Well,that is  just politeness.Stan remined her

Yes,but Jewish men must wear a hat all the time.It’s part of their code.It shows respect for God.Mary had to tell him

Do they wear a hat in bed? Stan asked her cheekily

I believe not as it could drop off and frighten somebody.Mary remarked with wisdom

Well,tell me more about the book.Stan said kindly

It’s obvious to me that the source of much of Wittgenstein’s severe anxiety and guilt was his conflict whether/when to wear a hat said Mary proudly as she was the first academic to  spot this

.Did he solve it? Stan asked her.

I have evidence to show he wore a night cap!I have many photographs, his wife admitted

Where did you get those from?Stan quizzed her politely

Well……….I have friends who are into photography……..And without photos the book would not sell,she told him nervously

How about cartoons,mewed Emile.Alas,no-one was listening.Wait for the book!

The end.

 

Is poetry writing therapeutic?

Forms of poetry

Most people who read poetry have heard of Sylvia Plath.She was only 30 when she died but  is now a top poet of the 20th century… her  ambition was fulfilled.But if poetry writing is therapeutic as many people believe,why did it not help her?
I read an article about this  but am sad to  say i can’t find the reference.The author claimed that writing  structured poetry like sonnets is more likely to be therapeutic.Nowadays though,free verse and non structured  poetry is what is fashionable.Rhymes are not.Think of modern music cocmpared to Schubert or Haydn… you get the point.
Plath’s poetry was ,in a way,violent.She went to her depths but as she already had suffered a severe breakdown and  more recently  was deserted by her husband her depths were full of pain and anguish.And she had sole care of two little infants.Was it worth it?
So it you feel you want to write for therapy,try writing in  a traditional form.The structure contains the feelings better.

Sin tax

She said she never knew what syntax was until she met me.
Well,you do look worn out by your sins.
How do you know they were sins?
Well,you went to Confession twice a week all your life
That was my scruples.Sometimes I went twice a day…
It sounds like having an upset stomach.
In my case it was an upset soul.The soul emptied out and hung out on the Maginot line
Eventually I realized virtue is not attainable by Will Power alone
How is it attained… won’t power?
I knew you’d say that!
That!
Anyway to get back to syntax,it’s about structure.
Like council tax?
Words fail me
That’s good.I meant tax on a building
You seem very rude today
It’s not just today,I’m like this all the time.
I never noticed before
You only met me tonight
That’s almost true..now syntax is a very important topic.
Are we on a date or are you giving grammar lessons free?
No,I have Wasperger’s Syndrome.It’s as if I have Asperger’s but I sting too.
When do you sting
When people say sharp things to me.
Go on,you’re just needling me..
Truly I think you’ll love syntax and spelling rude words.
Well,we’ve had santax for years.Women pay VAT of 20 per cent on Tampax
It’s enough to make me throw up
No,throw out!Throw out the Coalition Government
Do you think Labour will remove Santax?
I don’t know but at least you’ll learn how to do percentages with them
I will?
Thank you so much.I am delighted to hear that.We are engaged.Here is a ring.
That’s beautiful.Was it your mother’s?
It still is my mother’s.
How can I wear it when she might see it?
I’ll tell her I liked hers so much I got one the same.She’s got poor vision so don’t worry.After the Wedding I’ll give it back
How mean.
I never knew you liked statistics.What about deviance?
Well,some I like,some I don’t… you catch my drift?
Well,babe,I’ll explain everything when we lie together.
That makes us sound like the government.
How come?
They all lie together.
Do they really.That explains a lot.Do they come together often?
I guess they have a rota.
You can’t come by will power.
That’s good.I want to come in a a horse and carriage.
It might frighten the horses.
I mean to our Wedding ceremony
Do you want four horses?
I am not that heavy!
No,I want you to have it all.
Suppose it’s not enough.
We’ll have to play it by ear..
Is that the organ?
Well,it’s a kind of organ.
A harmonium?
Maybe..I’ll ask the priest.
Does he play?
No,he just hears confessions and says Mass.
It’s a pity confession secret.He could write a long novel.
I daresay some have…. with pseudonyms.
I use a wordprocessor… should I get a pseudonym too?
You are crazy but I love you with all my heart.
And is it big?
Big enough for two.
Thank you,God.
I

Kiss your own foot and live forever

Only the rose

You know there’s that little place in the inner wrist

where it’s so soft and tender?

Where I need your touch;

Where I touch you

Wrist to wrist,no-one will notice;

But we notice,

I feel your pulse beating,

Or is it mine?

Take the rose,

Take the rose for your table.

And when you see it

Remember,

Remember everything

What we said,

What we never said but implied,

And only the rose will listen

As you sing your song

The rose will be there

In the heart’s garden

Dreaming,

Dreaming us back into being.

As we fade gently away

With evening time.

Thin skinned person

  • I’m a thin skinned person

    On a thin skinned, spinning earth.

    We’re living on the surface,

    Creating more financial worth.

    My skin is getting thinner

    I am feeling far too much.

    My skin is very fragile,

    I may need to have it patched.

    The earth is full of danger

    But we build on it like fools.

    As if my skin would thicken

    If I covered it in jewels.

    Inside the earth are fires

    Which rage like infernos.

    But we build nuclear reactors

    In places we don’t know.

    We build our human cities

    As if we are in charge.

    Banks,buildings,bridges growing,

    The built world has grown so large.

    The earth has a thinner skin on,

    But we don’t want to know.

    We just want our human cities

    To grow and grow and grow.

    My skin is getting thinner

    I feel life far too well.

    I don’t want to write poetry

    But I feel that I must tell.

    My skin is getting thinner

    I’m at one with Mother Earth

    She groans and labours loudly

    Like she is giving birth.

    Her skin is getting thinner

    Is it something she will shed?

    As adders are reborn

    When we think they are dead.

    But if we have too many cities

    The earth has no space to move.

    We’re like acne pustules dancing

    Without energy or love.

    The skin is getting thinner

    The world is going to split.

    And the energy released

    Is a fierce charge to transmit.

    We split the atom once

    And opened the abyss.

    But when we split the atom

    Who knew about all this?

    My skin is far too permeable

    I’m feeling too much pain.

    I want a thicker skin

    To survive on this terrain.

    The world groans and she labours

    And she destroys cities and trains.

    She’s giving birth to her own self

    As she struggles,works and strains.

    Her self is something fearsome,

    She is not civilised.

    When God spoke from the Burning Bush,

    We covered up our eyes.

    My skin is getting thinner

    I feel the heat again

    My skin is getting thinner

    I’m feeling too much pain.

Love is map enough for me

Your face is map enough for me ,

Your gaze,your smile,your frown,your glee.

And if I want to know the rest

The shape your posture‘s made is best

For showing how your life is now.

A look,a gesture all this show,

Till who you are is then disclosed

And I am in your arms enrobed.

Love vanishes when analysed,

And thinking too by Love’s despised.

Choose the means to fit the end,

And then I’ll be whom you intend

His letter

A nonsensical letter to a lady from her man

Source: Kathryn

The letter

My dearest and most hated one

  • I had to write to you urgently.Your smell has makes me celibate and your hair looks like a pot scourer into the bargain.I am in no way meaning to insult you so please do not come all over the top with your hypersensitivityand your think skinned femininity.I shall be driven into a same sex marriage just to escape your nervous emotions and your light fingered groping on my keys.You are nuts!
  • Coming to the myopia of your actual letters, your grammar is as twisted as your mind seems to be.A labyrinth would be insufficiently complex to match it.I shall have to drink long and hard about getting neutered before we meet again on the rail road track to play,.Chicken
  • Your handwriting is the most beautifully illegible English I’ve ever schemed or on the other hand it might be Greek,Russian or Hebrew.You are a woman of mystery and I hope you will remain that way until you are history to me
  • To be plain,I am sick whenever I think of you which gives me hope that you will be an aid in weight control.That is my giving it a positive grin and bear it.Why utter folly?
  • You may think I am fool for revealing all….. but more urgently.. what was your name?And why did you scream Roger on the one occasion I did manage to make love with you?Is it a code of some kind? I don’t mind really but my name is actually Abraham.I am called after Lincoln whom my mother greatly desired but he was already dead by then.A pity.Plead I say bore or will you except what I am always writing?
  • Goodbye for now.Please don’t take any Speed and heed what I pray for today may be the end of the beginning.Take it as read.
  • With remote affect and schizoid longings I ache for that old Southern Comfort
  • We must splt it now and never say darling,my own angel on earth ever again
  • your avoidantly attached fiance.
  • Did I ever say my personality is in holy disorders?I see my shrink tomorrow
  • Arthur MacSpin [Dr.]
  • PS I enclose an SAE for your reply.Don’t rush.I am still nonplussed by your language aims and you vocabulary and adages.Give me up, please!

Tooth marks

boy and girl

Oh my dentist is handsome,a very fine man

He seduces women with his frying pan.

He cooks them eggs and fries some ham

And just now and then,he cooks up spam.

He knows all the wiles and the tricks of the trade

To win the hearts of the charming young maids.

but when they see him in his surgery

They pick up their big handbags

And out they flee.

So now he’s decided to charm us older ones

By making jam and baking scones.

He makes them tea and pours it out.

his tea pot has got a very large spout!

He plays soft music and says a few kind words

Then he tells us how to calculate irrational surds.

It worked on me and now I am

Totally in love with this most intriguing man.

I boil his hankies on the kitchen fire

And write him poetry he complains is rather dire.

But when we go to lie down on his couch

A spring is sticking up,so he screams.Ouch,ouch.

Now I suggested we use the surgery,

As that reclining chair is big enough for three..

For I always take the cat along on dates with me

For he will lie just behind my knee.

But the dentist does not want to have Henry there

He thinks his dental chair will pick up Henry’s hair..

I offered to clean it with a kitchen cloth

As I’m sure I can get all those cat hairs off!

I sit here waiting,wondering will he call——-

A fate that is common to us women, men and all.

But when at last the bell begins to go

I am listening to a loud radio.

So consummation is deferred again

I feel quite sorry for this lonely gentleman.

but now I’ve taught him how to send a text

but he‘s not sent any yet so I am feeling somewhat vexed.

I have an idea this love is too bizarre

Making out in the dentist’s surgery chair.

So now I’m thinking of how a doctor‘d be,

And wondering if he would allow me to sit upon his knee?

I owe it to myself

Love your neighbor in her bikini:A sinful tale

Beware of getting into hot water in your bikini
A few weeks after Annie moved into the  lovely house next door to Stan,he met her when he was seeing his wife off to work.
Why does Mary not have a car? Annie enquired suspiciously.
She is trying to keep slim,Stan told her.
Well,she’s not been very successful,Annie said scientifically.
She might be much fatter than she is now if she drove a car,he stated ponderously
That’s true,muttered Annie loudly.I am your new next door neighbor.
Yes,said Stan,I have seen you sunbathing in the garden in your bikinis.
How come? she asked merrily yet sternly
There’s a big hole in the fence.He said
Is it legal to look at women through a hole in the fence?asked Annie.I know it’s illegal to look into their bedroom windows.
Is it really,asked Stan nervously,I had no idea.How about women looking at men through a round hole in a fence or square one?
Oh,they are not  very keen to do that,she lied charmingly.
Well,said Stan,clearing his throat,I think I owe it to myself to tell you that I love you.
Wow,you’re quick off the mark,the lady said saucily.What do you mean,you owe it to yourself? she continued in a puzzled tone.
Nothing,said Stan,I could not think how to word it.I mean I wish to unselfishly love you and admire your ripe body and your cute sense of color.I love your teal trouser suit.And you sing so well in the bath.I can hear you.
You didn’t mean you owe it to yourself to take advantage of me?
Not unless you want me to take advantage of you,the gallant old man informed her kindly
And you can take advantage of me, he said I make cakes and biscuits,wholemeal bread and I am training my cat Emile to do statistics on an i pad.
How extraordinary,Annie whispered.I didn’t know cats had an “I.” let alone pads.
Well,they have pads on their paws,he informed her intelligently.
True,she said,but where are their I’s?
Where are our I’s ? he responded in a manner to rejoice the heart of Mary Midgley or Susanne Langer two of Stan’s favourite writers on philosophy,logic,symbols and ethics.
Not that he practised the Ethics but he liked to know what he was doing wrong.It’s more fun that way.If you sin,sin big!
A man who seduces women merrily one after the other may have no idea it might be wrong.Neither might the women.Why is it wrong? Surely it’s better than killing people,making war  or leaving the lid off the jam all night so the wasps get into the jar?
Still,not many men get the chances that Stan got.No-one suspected this kindly,handsome practising Catholic was a womaniser despite his blue beard,green eyes,white skin and red hair.And his slim yet strong figure clad in navy trousers and white shirts all the year round.Maybe his wife did but she preferred to read Aristotle in bed and dream about mercury… those little silver balls,so cute!
Well,as we know,Stan is about to make Annie his mistress but in such a cold wet summer,where can he take her to do the deed?The shed?The public library? Cafe Nero?
I owe it to you not to tell you yet.That will give you time to think of a solution for this sweet old man and his naughty but nice neighbor. Like,how about the confessional in the local Church?
Whatever next?

I owe it to myself to keep it secret as you may come along and spoil the fun.
Stan went indoors and washed up in the boiling hot water he kept by him constantly as he owed it to himself to be ready to make a hot drink at any moment he fancied and by gum,he did fancy like no man has ever fancied before.So his daemon tells me.

Sc

 

Loss

As a child I loved my father dear

And went with him on walks into the park.

I felt great love and not a mite of fear

.His presence helped me in the night so dark

I never understood that he was ill

As little children do not think to ask.

and though he moaned and asked the nurse for pills

I did not know he faced his life’s last task

And so one morning we are told he’s fled.

He’s gone to heaven where he’ll feel no pain.

In solemn voice, the priests bless him now dead

I know I must be wicked and to blame.

Please let little children talk and grieve

When parents are blown down like autumn leaves

 

My scheming heart

Sonnets

A sonnet has three verses of four lines each which rhyme in a certain way as you can read in mine.Then the have two lines at the end which should be succinct.Shakespeare’s sonnets are the most well known and rightly so
Source: Katherine

My error

I live a life that many would enjoy
My home and garden artists would admire
And yet my heart is sad and I feel flawed
As my real life fits not to my desire.
I married for the money that I’d gain
and for the house and garden of my dreams
Yet looking back my error is quite plain
That love cannot be found by she who schemes.
I gave birth to six children whom I love
My sons and daughters are my living joy.
Yet I fear vengeance from the One above…
I made my husband’s life into my toy.
And yet he seems so happy with his lot
Perhaps my traitorous heart has been forgot

I sin every night with eight

I pun every night at Six and don’t get home till ate

Cat free

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chronology_of_Shakespeare%27s_plays

Above is a link to Shakespeare’s plays

11257109-old-mosaic

Wind in my pillows   [Life in a Cabin/Tent with no door.]

Save me,I’m a waspie………………. [Confused person demands help from a Bee ]

As you swipe it…………………….[Use your card please while I watch]

As you wipe it ………[What an ass….keep it covered till later.]

As you spike it……………….[How to drug people senseful  if they want you to do]

Did he take it………………………….[Bribes in modern life]
…………
Did you bake it?………………… [ White lies in between the courses]
As You Fake It………………..[Is anyone honest in bed?No,thank God!So far,so bad.]
As you take it……………………[All about saving thieves from me]
As I frighten it…………………………[Get rid of daddy long legs.]
As you strike it……………………..[ Do you think about the matches?]
Remedies for Terriers…………….. .[Dogs need psychotherapy too..]
Comedy of Worriers…………………….[Why, is  there no trust is left in Society?]
Love’s Labor Costs…………………………. [Even love needs money now]
Measure your Leisure………………..Take away the last pleasures of free time with numbers.]
Merchant of Pennies………………..[I prefer pounds, but each to their own]
Sorry Lives of the Censored…………………….[USA boobs again]
Midsummer Blights Schemes…………[Too many leaves fell off the trees for devilment]
Julius Breather……………………………. [A break from antiquity at last’
Much Ado about Washing………….[.Confessions of Dirty Married Men]
Taming of the Brew  …………….        [ How to make tea in a pot and live to drink it]
The Tempest missed………………. ………[Lucky me]
Elves Night……………………………. [No.not again.Elves are too small or I am a giant]
Too gentle women may moan for her          [].Oh,dear.Highly Sensitive Women
Hinters fail……………………………… [Some folk like me just never get it.Tell us straight.]
I never knew you loved me till you were gone with the wind……[I sinned.]

Blind to men’s charms and hence not in their arms…………..[and other alarms]

Ring here…………………………..[Helpline for numb actors.]

The Bride and Seven others……….{polygamy or bigamy.Is it polite?]

A Gossamer Flight of  Day Dreams…………..[Spiders for Britain]

Kings Sneer      [Always an error]

Richard Who Dared………..[Wars of the Poseurs]

MacDeath ………………      [Stay off burgers]

MacClef     ……………….. [Musical Version with real instruments]

Sing Dear…………..  [Love for the well aged]

King Veered………………..  [How Eddie lost the throne for lurv]

Stan wants Mary to swear

Trees over lily pond 2
In case you hate the story.. look at the image

You are too prissy,Mary,Stan told his wife.Everybody uses four letter words know except you.
What is so special about four letters,she replied mathematically.
I can’t say ,said Stan.
Is it because they are expletives s have to sound like bullets being fired.For example
“F*ck off, you old shit bag”
Sounds different from
“Kindly go away,old thing.”
That is true,said her 98 year old husband,
So why do you want me to swear?
Well,now you have a tablet computer and a chromebook you need an iphone and you need to talk like the young do as well.
I phones are very expensive and you know me,I’m crap at finding where I leave the f*cking things.
Now,Mary,control yourself.I am your husband
What the hell has that got to do with it.
You should be nice.
So whom do you wish me to swear at?
I’m not sure.Maybe when you sing in the kitchen you could alter the words of the songs..
As I waltzed out to f*ck at 8 pm
The lambs were coming too all over my thumb
I heard a neighbour complain of all this crap
So I’m going to Waterstone’s for a map
Something wrong with the meter here methinks,said Stan.
And somehow,swearing does not seem to blend with your personality and gentle quiet nature,Mary,darling.
Cut the crap.It’s too late now.I’ve become addicted,she told him softlu
But how many four letter words are there?I might find it limiting.
Some four letter words are not swearing
like
tame,kind,wind,fluff,hair,lips,nips,twit
but some are like
f*ck,shit,crap,tw*t.
So twit is ok but twat is not,the demure old lady replied.Anyway don’t you know any more?
Damn!
Perhaps we’ll have to buy a book and learn some new ones but to whom shall we say them
Would your mistress,Meldickadivsa know?
Well,I can ask her.
But is it sensible?
If women want equal rights it’s not the same as being compelled to use words that only workmen used to use.
It’s like saying we can’t have public conveniences for women;they will have to use the gents!
What will they use the gents for, one of them queried.
For sensual gratification and relieving tension.
Is it legal?
Anything is legal as long as you don’t pay!
That reminds me of Russell’s Paradox.
Oh,my God,don’t say you are on to Russell!
It’s more like he is on to me.
Whatever do you mean,Stan said.
He is trying to invade my mind.
Well,make it password protected!!
How do I do that?
Go online and find out.
Perhaps we can password protect your tongue to stop you saying all those words like twat!
But I don’t want to stop.
In that case you must invent some more or they get boring you see.
Flaff off you crum!
Eff doff you runt!
Don’t you leak to he like trat
Why egger nuts?
Clean your organ in the mawnin.
What is so runny about swap?
Goody bell,the vicar is beer!
Lie down and he won’t bee us on the door!
It’s very dirty down here.
Get the vacuum out!
The vacuum is clean,it’s the carpet that’s full of nap!
I blame you,
For what?
Basting my rhymes in wine.
Well,it’s time for wee now.
Go and but the skittle on the stove.
By George,I feel terry funicular!
I’ll put some neatener in your wee.
I’ll come here again!
Stop that askance!
Can’t I rake a glance?
Show you can pot?
Pot what?
The wee pot.
You are very mod!
Blank you so crutch.
Puck off,it’s time for twerk.
Oh,my dear!
It’s being so near.

That makes me drink beer

Never,no more

They think that they own us


latest 2 pic

I’ve sung my wild singing in time gone before
But I don’t want to sing now
Oh,never no more.
And it’s no nay ,never
No,nay,never no more
Shall I use my voice here…
Nor out will it pour.

My name is Allanah,or Eileen. perhaps
And I came here from Ireland
with outdated maps
And it’s,Why,why ever,
Why ever and more
Did the Brits give no votes to
The poor Catholics?

My sister and brothers
All died from T.B.
And an early dark grave
is here waiting for me.
But I bore six children
And I cared for my man
As he came home so filthy
From the auld coal diggin’

We had no free doctor
And no kind midwife.
So though my son’s born,
Strain is takin’ my life.

Always and ever
The rich will maintain
That without them this country
Will go down the drain.

But why don’t you try it
As a memorial to me.
Let the rats all depart
And what shall we see?

No,nay,never,nay never no more
Shall I bear my man children
No nay never
Not ever again.

I looked down from heaven
Where God has put me
What did I find
When out did I see?

I saw that the world
Turns round once every day
The beggars and homeless
Kneel down and they pray

Oh,no no never,
dear God help the rich.
Your son tried to l’arn them
But they weren’t bewitched.
They have their accountants
And they have all their laws
They find their amusement
In troubles and wars.
They think that they own you
But,dear God,you’re not theirs
We saw your son Jesus
And he said you are ours

So when will you come down
To make that judgment?
My pen it has broken
My life force is spent.

So it’s no,nay never
Not ever again
Will I sing my old songs
Nor  shall  I love my own man

Wittgenstein and my ladder

Oh,Wittgenstein ‘s writing is divine.
I wish his sentences were mine.
I can only understand a few.
But they all make me  see anew.
I wish my own work was so fine

Wittgenstein is  a  great artist true.
He created  his meanings for you.
Language  was his perception.
Or should that say  conception?

I’ll leave that decision  for review!

He appeals to more artistic minds.
In his work some great hints unwind.
I climbed the ladder up the fence.
What a strange happenstance.
I always knew blackbirds were kind

Now the ladder has gone, disappeared.
But noone’s up here,how weird”
So from the fence to the roof.
I discovered a new sort of truth.
Climbing is not something to be feared.

If you alter the place where you  stand,
You get an alternative  view of  your land.
New perspectives give us pause.
Don’t be hasty with laws,
Reality will surely make demands.

Better to do nothing or….

My sympathetic
Nervous system is on hold.
I shall sleep now.

Sometimes I feel fired
The parasympathetic
Can’t switch itself off.

A good cup of tea
Can restore British people.
Drink one now with me

Then take to your bed.
Fall asleep or go daydream!
Soon you feel better.

Rest is neglected.
Better to do nothing or
Stare at a big tree. .

Flowers delight me.
Anemones are the best.
Such colour and joy.

Give up fight or flight.
Just write a funny poem.
You will enjoy tha

The sacred images within

When first I saw your soulful face,
Then wished I most to you embrace.
I wished as well to clothe you in
The sacred images within.

To find a home for love without;
To fold my dreams all round about
Your loving body and your face
Were covered in such joy and grace.

But now my dreams are cast aside
The world of meaning denied life.
What seemed most precious now is fled…
And I lie sleepless in my bed.

What is the world when unadorned
With all that in my heart I’ve formed?
There is no meaning I can trace,
As in a mother’s empty face.

On these grey rocks my path is hard.
From paradise, my soul is barred;
To struggle or to grief succumb
When this dark day of mourning’s done?

Into His dazzling darkness dart
My dreams and love like dying sparks.
Into His Mystery so fair
I’ll cast both hope and my despair.

Thus my dreams will be transformed
To show themselves in other forms.
What feels a loss may foretell growth.
On my hope,I’ll take an oath:

That nothing in my life is waste,
That I have not for phantasms chased.
And you are human,as am I.
Let’s live once more until we die

Like startled flowers

lit-up-hands

The hailstones pounded the window
as violently,as if they had minds
bent on killing;soldiers in rows and ranks rushing onwards;
as each fell another and another took its place.
Cold and mathematical they had a simple precise force and geometry.
Into this warlike scene,floated two white butterflies
Crossing and recrossing the spaces between the hail
they followed a random path;now together.now apart
Their unplanned,loving dance leads to mating, procreation and a future
while the hailstones can only die.
Seems sometimes fragile freedom is more productive
than the fierce mechanical modern world can imagine.
I see the butterflies now like startled flowers
hunting for the sun

Sing,fancy it all goes to show.

5230552_f260

My cat went a roaming to find a new home.
Sing kitty,sing katty,sing Oh!
This cat was so clever he had his own comb.
Look up,now look down,stone the crows!

He went into the neighbours’ and drank all their milk.
Sing,fridge raiding kitties.No,No!
Then he laid himself down on a piece of fine silk.
Sing,what the dickens,my lovely pillow!

He went to the butcher and ate all the steak.
Sing greedy,he’s ruined my flow.
Then he went to the hairdresser for a shampoo.
Where else can a puttitat go?

He had got no money,no cards and no cheques…
Sing,cheater,sing creature,sing woe.
She sent for a Copper who paid the cat’s bill.
And so my puss came out all aglow.

Now my cat was glossy and plump and refreshed.
Sing:fancy,it all goes to show.
So he came home and said then ” this place is best.”
And he picked up his cello and bow.

He scraped some Sibelius and a sonata of Grieg.
Sing: Northern lights can always glow.
But,he looked so self satisfied,I felt annoyed….
One should not let one’s narcissism show.

But he is so handsome,I’m glad he came home.
Sing,grateful,sing katefull,sing Ho!
And I hope he will never again want to roam.
Sing glory.sing story;Sing So.

Reflecting love

In that silence, I heard sparrows chirping
In the still green hedge.
I saw the lake and your reflection
And my reflection.;
and did the sparrows see
as the sun shone slantside
over the steeply falling bank?
Dd they see this natural mirror?
And my mind’s mirror
gave me new reflections
in the reverie
Of the dreaming evening,
As I slid slowly down
Into soft slumber;
Trusting the life within,
Trusting you;
Trusting myself;
and in my reflections
I see you too,
smiling in welcome;
smiling the beautiful smile,the true smile of love itself.
The embrace of the dreaming world
comforts
and holds us
as we breathe gently
in the sweet air
of love.

Why I don’t criticize Israel by Sam Harris

http://www.samharris.org/blog/item/why-dont-i-criticize-israel

I put a post on a few days ago giving a completely different view…it is a very complex subject.

And people jump to hasty conclusions.

Emile’s diary translated by Stan

what's this?Cat musing

I think Stan is having a nervous breakdown.He hasn’t cleaned the windows for a week and he says he hates the vista.
I know this vista well and to a cat it’s quite intriguing,though we have better vision than humans
He says he can’t do a back up…why can’t he park up front ?
Now he says there’s a virus in here.Well,I’ve seen some beetles on You tube and spiders in the bath but not a single virus….
He says the touchpad needs freezing………..well,it won’t fit in our freezer..it’s full of kippers.My pads are still ok despite my climbing trees.
Now he’s shouting “Bugs” at the computer but so far it’s not replied.
I said it’s time for coffee,to which he replied:
“To be or not to be”
So I said,”Measure for measure.”
Then he leered nastily
So I said,
I want to change sex for my name is Cordelia.
He said,you’ve got your own blog now,Emile.
I said,Lend me your ear.
He said,You have two already!
So I said,Much ado about nothing.
He said,Are you barking?
I whispered,It’s a dog outside
He said,Persuade me.
So then I did bark, just a little one, and he passed out on that old chair.
We’re waiting for the ambulance now.I actually dialled 999 and though they didn’t understand my miaows they did trace the phone number and then found the address from that.
Then tonight we’re all off to see
Timon of Athens
or is it
Timor of Athens?
It’s all Greek to me.
It could be Hebrew…the concept appeals to me.
Was it Aramaic they spake?Cats don’t have all these languages
One image is worth a thousand words especially if it’s of a bird or a mouse.
But in modern culture words are valued more highly.So only children had picture books.I like it when Lyra was a child because she let me look at cats in her story books.And mice as well.
I have to have a bath now so I shall end here

By virtue of design

“The heart has its reasons which Reason knows nothing of.”Blaise Pascal

Flowers by virtue of  design
Appeal  to  both the  heart and   mind.
First perceive and then dwell on
Beauty,truth and last, reason

Lonely and/or bored… read this [Instead of starting a war]

sigmund-freud-pet-quotes-time-spent-with-cats-is-never

Sleep with a flea in your ear.
A bee can be a  friend unless you are a wasp.
The comfort of  park rangers is underrated and underwritten
Lonely with you here?
Cats are intriguing but they scratch in bed
How to enjoy your self alone… it’s a shock to know who you are but never mind
Love yourself and then love another.And then just carry on like that forever like an infinite sequence 1
Keep out of trouble,come to my place  and find a hobby making sculptures from the wires I took out of my bras plus some coathangers
Have you a local?Try going to Church and get free coffee to today as well as.. you know what..
Electrify men by wiring your lingerie with our simple kit.
Bored with bras…. try alternating currents through the underwires.
Men…. how not to frighten the ladies off by swearing and spitting
How to  swear in four easy lessons.Number 1:learn to talk! Number 2 still wondering
Try a vow of silence to intrigue the opposite sex unless gay in which case   intrigue  the same sex.. as you like it so you will have it
Never go to bed on an empty stomach.. buy a mattress for two… and invite a jolly soul round for the weekend.
Sulking is no use when you live alone… it’s interpersonal.. you have to have someone to be sullen towards.But what if they don’t notice? Give up and rejoin us.
n
Related articles

I eat splogs and gurgle blogs

I love you and you love me!
Believer!
Where on earth should I be?
Whenever.
I blocked cookies all my life
If you want one,ask the wife.
I eat spam, and google then,
I begin all over again.
whatever.
I ban websites for a living
But my wife is very forgiving,
Men ever!
I eat splogs and gurgle blogs
Then I cut up all the logs.
Whenever.
I’ve been married fourteen times,
They divorce me for my rhymes,
Whatever.
I eat cookies if I can,
If I can’t I get them banned,
Forever!
I’m the God of Monster Space,
I’ll destroy this human race,
Moreover.
If you meet me you won’t know
‘Cos I look like old so and so,
Whoever.
But I am mad and I’ll get you
I eat up this human zoo;
Together.
Whenever.

How like a dream

How like a dream this world appears to me
My mind unfocussed spreads itself about..
No details, just an outline I can see.
And vagueness dimly fills me up with doubt.

The early sun made joy rise in my heart
As I looked out upon the gardens gold.
Of nature and each season we’re a part.
As with patience we let all our self unfold.

We are as nothing in the vast space of this sky
Where stars send light from deeps of long ago.
And yet despite my nightmares I shall try
As fears make fences if we don’t say No.

We have to make our dreams a home on earth;
from where creative thoughts are given birth

The torture woman submit to:underwired bras

Why are we still suffering for our appearance?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Underwire_bra

You may like your wife or partner to look like this but do you know what it feels like?[Though once or twice these wires have deflected bullets]

Brassiere-whiteI never knew what underwires looked like until I accidentally bought a nice looking bra online.When I felt the wires I decided to remove them.I am really shocked to see how tough and strong these wires are.I imagine unless you were very thin [and would not need much of a bra] the wires would really cut into your flesh at the sides where it runs up the cup edge.The wires are so strong I am sure one could make a weapon from them.I showed one to a friend and he was horrified.But looking round Marks and Spencer that great British shop [!] most bras are underwired.
I can’t see how,if you have large breasts that these wires would hold them up.They’d just dig in and then the breast would hang over the edge.
With all the fear of breast cancer,why do we submit to the dikdat that we must make our breasts stand up or out?
If we are that bothered then wearing a long waistcoat over a top or blouse would hide our bulging figures.
So either I return to modelling birds from wire [ I have done before] or else it’s the garbage can for these nightmare objects.I wonder who invented them?
Underwire_USpatent_6468130_1
When the underwire breaks through the bra fabric, it can cause tremendous discomfort. Celebrity chef, television personality, and businesswoman Clarissa Dickson Wright only wears a bra on special occasions. At her 50th birthday party, she was dancing when she suddenly felt a “terrifying pain in my chest.” She initially thought she was having a heart attack. “The pain got more and more intense. I staggered off and discovered I’d broken my underwired bra.”