The early bird gets worn out

?Good things come to those who fast

Is that a louse in your pocket or are you freezing me out with a flea in my ear?

He’s been fitted with an a built in walking stick and soon he will be on the carpet

He’s better than a bloke with his eye on a hot chick and his foot in the fire while giving a lecture on Wittgenstein

When life gives you lemons suck out the pips..

I have the tricks of one and the lipsticks of the other.He’s a twin transvestite

I am having my childhood now as I grew up when I was only one year old.I spoke in sentences and asked for permission to attend University but you had to be able to walk,so they said.But the mind works well in a pram otherwise none of us would be able to talk

To each his comb except for the bald.

My husband is so lazy he shaved his head so he would not need to part his hair.He said if God can part the Red Sea why can’t he part my hair.Well now he has parted with his hair so I feel like I am in bed with a pot scourer…I should put some shower gel on and he will get me white as snow inna metapohrical sense.Is sex wrong when you are married for more than forty tears? He tears my night dress to shreds for the marmalade.Why do I put up with him?
Well, he makes a good cup of tea the morning after the night before.

If you keep your eye on their balls then you will lose it or go blind,for sure.

I make up facts for encyclopaedias and delusions for schizophrenics with no imagination.Even paranoids trust me to give them new people to fear like you and you… you know who you are!

Wake up a tree and it leaves immediately.Well, that’s what they told McBeth


Everything’s coming out in rude phrases tonight.Nothing unusual there I peer.

A bird in the band is worth a thrush in a holly bush

Put your tart into a bag and take it along to the party.It’s a Tarts’ Ball in fancy dress.I do fancy your dress very clutch!May I much you?I shall miss you if you don’t help me.

I break my last cig and all you do is cough.I am not bemused

I sought to plant my seed in your bush but it was not to bee

We had such a nervous chat on your hot tin roof I beg you to turn off the fires of hell.

Witches were late out when all their watch batteries failed simultaneously
That is so uncanny I just don’t deceive you!

Please yourself and I’ll please myself simultaneously.That’s why we learned algebra at school,

TRUE LOVE ..Advice for young women




I love men ,but not the toffs,

Nor the ones with smokers coughs.

I would like an artist most

Especially if he loves buttered toast.


I love men,do men love me?

There’s only one sure way to see.

Do your best to put them off,

Wear flat shoes and never laugh.


Study Wittgenstein and Kant.

Study all that’s difficult.

Parse Quantum Theory as a hobby.

Learn long words from the dictionary.


Dance with Riemann,flirt with Joyce.

Read Ullyses in you Rolls Royce.

Enjoy some chess and trigonometry.

Weigh down your mind with Solid Geometry.


Look around and see who’s left.

That’s the one who loves you best.

Once you have married and set up home,

You can free your mind to roam.


Throw away your library,

Let your senses all run free.

Wear bright clothes and have some fun.

Your adult life has just begun.


Did you know that if you wear spectacles you can buy net curtains for the lenses.I am unsure what the police  may think but it hides your eyes quite well and you can still see as long as you wash the nets weekly

Alternatively you can buy hats with veils.Beware  if you are a man…it could give the wrong message or the right one!If that’s no good but a black bin bag on your head with holes for your eyes,nose and mouth and a sign on saying

I’m  just an introvert

Keep quiet

You must go out or you may get SAD.I caught it and I am in deep misery all day.Then I stay up all night cleaning the bathroom.It’s hard life being so full of good will and yet needing a human of my own.I will even marry  a human if it’s legal……I’m just a pen here with an atteched body.

Isn’t life fun when you are crazy?

Inside and outside and our risky life


Windows are a way of viewing the outside from the inside and the inside  from the outside.Of course we don’tt think of our windows as being for others to look into our private rooms but most of us have looked through the window of a house at some time.Also there is a danger of thieves getting in,so windows and doors are vulnerable points in the fabric of a house not  nlike the orifices in the body  of which some receive and others expel matter.These places give us pain too or pleasure.And life

We may live alone and if very shy not have close relationships but even so the air comes into our noses and breath comes back out from the lungs.If we can’t do that we will die quickly.And our insides are full of bacteria and other organisms..~So we cannot shut ourselves off completely from any interaction.You are only totally secure if you are dead.

Life is inherently risky.Trees live for hundreds of years.Some insects only for a few months.