Month: February 2012

Sex,love,cats and St Valentine

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Stan was feeling so puzzled.He stood in his front room staring at the rowan tree outside.Do ants fall in love,he asked himself.Are swans the most beautiful birds? Shall I send Annie a card tomorrow? Should I send Mary one as well?
He went outside and watched the ants running up and down the tree trunk.They seem to work so hard but they never get bored.
But is thst true? We have no way of knowing.At last Stan has found a question with no answer.Is boredom a unique quality of humans?
If that were so we ought to have a Patron Saint of Boredom though not of Bores.
Why are some people so boring?
Luckily Annie had seen Stan and rushed out in a teal coloured all wool outfit
made more weird by having butterfly motifs scattered on it at random.
“Why have you got those butterflies on your clothes ?” he asked her in a silly way.
“It’s to cover up the moth holes.”She pertly replied.
“You must have a lot of moths.Do moths fall in love?do they get bored?”
“You seem in a funny mood today,”Annie murmured.
“Why don’t we go out for coffee?”
“I’ve just made a pot full.Please join me.”
“Thank you,” she cried wildly.
They sat down in the kitchen where Emile was sitting by the window.
“Good morning,Emile.”Annie shouted.
“No need to shout,” Emile miaowed politely.”I’m not deaf”.
“I am sorry, Emile.” she responded furtively,”I am over-excited.”
“Why is that? Stan demanded like an untrained philosopher.
“Well,I’ve already had ten Valentines.
“Already.You must have done it fast!” he teased her gently.#
“No,you idiot.I mean cards.
“You must be popular”
“Some look like women’s writing.”
“Let me see,”he asked swiftly.
To his surprise, one was in the handwriting of his wife Mary.
“Are you bisexual?” he asked her wonderingly.
“No,I’m just annissexual,” she repliied saucily.
“What does that mean?”
“Well,it’s just one letter away from “Anti-sexual.”
“That’s a relief.You are not anti yet,then.”
“Not yet”,she whispered coyly.
“Would you make love to a woman?”
“Only if she made love to me.”
Mmmmmmmmmmmm
.Apparently seeing lesbian movies turns men on.do you watch them?”
“Not bloody likely,I want to get turned off.”
“That could be boring,”she said sweetly as she combed his eyebrows with an old toothbrush.
“Well,I could do the polishing better and get the house sorted out.Fill the freezer with casseroles and defrost the oven.
Yes,though would that be so rewarding as loving another human?
“I guess not” he answered slavishly.
“Shall we go to your place and have a cuddle.
OK
Emile was very put out as he liked to see people kissing but he had grown very philosophical over the years and at least he could get on with his book,
“Wittgenstein’s cat.”He switched on the netbook and began to type:
“Not everyone knows how important cats were in philosophy.But now we can reveal all.The saying,
“Of that which we cannot speak we must miaow”
was inspired by Daisy,Wittgenstein;s favourite cat.
And,”Of that which we cannot purr we must yowl.” was inspired by Ludo, a fine male cat that lived with wittgenstein in Ireland.
So as Emile types,we must tiptoe away..

First Neanderthal cave paintings discovered in Spain – life – 10 February 2012 – New Scientist – StumbleUpon

First Neanderthal cave paintings discovered in Spain – life – 10 February 2012 – New Scientist – StumbleUpon

First Neanderthal cave paintings discovered in Spain – life – 10 February 2012 – New Scientist – StumbleUpon

First Neanderthal cave paintings discovered in Spain – life – 10 February 2012 – New Scientist – StumbleUpon

Teaching parrots to swear

The job


They said they would give me the job,
But it involved using crude words.
Teaching birds
To speak for retired naval folk,
who like parrots that can already talk
Like sailors talk.
Anyway they told me to buy a dictionary,
On amazon,there is one for filthy words!
But is that enough?
I’ve never heard
Any of them before except
……….Oh,no.I can’t make it public.
There may be some rubric
That will guide us in what the distinction is.
Parrots can’t use filthy words.
They are very clever and colourful birds.
Does it not seem cruel to you
That they live in a zoo,
And have to learn rude language too?
I’d like to free them all
and let them fly down Pall Mall
If that’s not right,go to hell.
You never can tell
How the English pronounce words.
Some are utterly absurd.
Like “Cholmondeley”
is rummly pronounced
“Chumley”
And if you are think “chum”
Rhymes with “bum”,
and “Ass”
Rhymes with “lass”
Go tell that lass,
you love her ass.
If you have a chum
Don’t refer to his bum.
Unless he’s a transexual
In which case,it would be too complectional
So say you like eyes
And men who wear ties.
Or you like big ears
And eyes full of tears.
Just day you l ike people
In general
Don’t be too specific,
And don’t even kick it!
Now where is my amazon account
I won’t
Feel too bad about these words
As no-one I know has ever heard
Of most of them
Unless they say them when
I’ve gone outside.
Maybe they lied,
Or got laid
By a fair young maid?
Well,I’m off on a word raid.
Birds refuse to use
These crude and rude
Letters.

Be an other lover if you can

lease do not take this as criticism.
You may have been touched with narcissism.
Now we have a choice to make today
We need to decide upon our way.
Shall we attempt to cure our ills,
By therapy or swallowing pills?
Or shall we try to think of the Others
As of value and not just bothers?
Can one solve a problem intellectually
Or how about behaviour therapy?
Repeat these words here every day.
“The Other person has their own way.
I am not much better nor much worse.
Thought sometimes my words can be too terse.
?There are other points of view
And it’s not just mine which may be true.
If I accept another’s word
A new world comes which can be shared.”
But from where do we get the appetite
To keep these others in our sights?
Floor plan
And learn to feel as well as think
And even learn just how to wink!
Nonverbal cues can be so fine
We won’t mind if they’re your or mine,
Share alike as mother said,
Then noone will ever lack for bread.
If all are happier,you are too.
That’s a sentence very true.
So take no joy in misery,
And misery will leave you be.
At others’ happiness be glad,
For so many times, we’ve each been sad.
Envy will not make for joy,
So take my words and with them toy.
As children learn with cries and tears
So must we deal with our fears.

Riane Eisler: Peaceful Revolution – The Elephant in the Political Room: What Progressives Can Learn from Regressives

Riane Eisler: Peaceful Revolution – The Elephant in the Political Room: What Progressives Can Learn from Regressives

Skin's too thin

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    Photo1073
    Why don’t I grow a thicker skin,
    Is it possible?
    I’ll wrap myself in cling film,
    And brown paper as well.
    *************
    Photo1070
    I’ll go down to the Post Office,
    All tied up with green string.
    I’ll post myself to heaven
    Where I’ll hear the angels sing.
    ********8
    Do you know which street it’s in?
    Or is this heaven here?
    I’ll be happy when I hear the choir.
    And feel the joyful atmosphere.
    Floor plan
    I wish I had an extra layer
    Of rubbery,pliant skin.
    But there’s little use complaining
    About the state I’m in.
    Mustard
    I go by sea,I go by land.
    The Lord God He made me.
    But I wonder as I look up high,
    Why I am not a tree!
    Photo1017
    For trees do not have nerve endings,
    Under a thin skin.
    They dig their roots into the soil,
    where slugs and worms have been.
    Photo1093
    Their roots may be in Hades,
    but they have crowns above.
    And one fact that I know for sure
    Trees don’t fall in love.
    Sudely Castle SCAN0001
    Make me like a little child
    With eyes of wondering joy.
    Let me see your tygers now
    Fill me up with awe

Greed:humour for the gloom

The dark valley of greed with apologies to Sigmund Freud

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Down yonder dark valley,where bankers meander
On dark grey,cracked pavements I thouightfully roam
Or in the bright moonlight,I pensively wander
For once this here City was my native home..
But now I’m a tramp and sleep on a gravestone.
I have nothing left but this black carrier bag.
I get food from the convent
And eat on the pavement
And soon I am hoping to get my own blog.
I have a little netbook
and now I’ve got a dongle
I’m keeping many notes
On the city wranglers..
I’ve got a nokia camera phone
On semi-permanent loan
so I snap all these bankers,
[Or should I say wankers? ]
I hope I can squeeze them until they all moan.
I love my little dongle,
As around graveyards I stumble.
It keep sme in touch with the whole wide world
And if I sometimes caress it,
It’s only to check it;
And make sure I’m not turning into a girl!
Do you think that is sexist?
Maybe you’re a Marxist?
Please carry a sign on the top of your head!
I say what I please
If it’s only to tease,
But I’d love to come with you and share your big bed.
And stroke your curly head.
And show I’m well bred.
When the fleas have all fled.
Ny name is not Ned.
Yes,I am a biped!
Was it something I said?
Have I lost the thread?
Would you like to get wed?
I might live in your shed!
Is the last letter still Zed?
My face is not red.
Please give me some cred.