Tag: loss

Goodbye,I say.Goodbye

Source: Kathryn
Source: Kathryn
Source: Kathryn
Source: Kathryn
By K

Standing together,
We lean forward touching foreheads lightly
Eyes closed for a moment
Tenderly we respect
The other’s boundaries.
Yet I feel your heart beating too,
As it it were me.
We lean for a few more moments like this.
Wordless.
Holding the broken places,with love.
Then we turn and walk away
Such moments last forever
In the eternity that Love creates
Foreheads touching,
Skin to skin..
Boundaries of the inner and the outer
You are another;
A real human person
Wanting nothing;wanting everything
I shall remember your smile.
You were with me once
And now we go our ways
Our own difficult journeys.

One meeting of souls
Creates its own symbol

May you be blessed
May the fire not burn you
Nor the water drown you
May the Lord keep you always near him.
May He protect your spirit.
May he give you strength always.

Touch me again

Source: Kathryn

Behind glass

When he went away,

He went away

Away.

I didn’t know where

he had gone

where had he gone?

The call came.:

call came….

Man,white,good health

Has died.

Has died alone

Died alone in an hotel room.

So a stranger would find him.

Man alone;

man alone in hotel room.

there was a man

alone

in his hotel room.

Not wanting to be any trouble.

trouble,no trouble alone

in his hotel room

not his room,you see.

not a shared room…

An hotel room.

Tall man with light brown hair

alone in a small hotel room

with no TV.

We had no smartphones

Smart

Phones

No,don’t tell , not me ,not yet.

He was all alone.

He was behind glass

glass walls

windows

a window of glass.

I could never touch him.

I could not touch him.

not touch,no,never,

Man alone.

Solitary man.

Tall man with brown hair.

Beds for love

Beds for leaving.

Don’t you die alone

in that hotel room.

Don’t go

You wanted to be alone,

afraid to feel.

Thin skinned and pale like a torn petal from a wild plant.

You were alone again

And you left me all alone;

alone without you.

Now I’m alone

in my hotel room.

my room.

Someone knocks.

I’m dreaming of you

wishing you were near me.

dreaming,wishing,

lonely for you.

He was all alone,they said.

In an hotel room.

His doom

In a lonely bedroom.

Don’t leave me yet.

Yet you were never here

behind your window

I see you

but can’t touch you.

Can’t touch you.

Can’t touch.

Touch me.

Touch me again.

Love me…

You were all alone

alone.

Why did I not break the glass?

Break the glass?

Why,why?

All alone

An hotel room

Losing you

Image

As you walk away through lush leaved trees,

I see you come and go like a sine curve wrapped

around the axes

of tall trunks

and flat earth.

I want to call,”Come back”

but my mouth won’t open.

My lips are dry without you.

I’m flooded with loss already,

though I can still glimpse you now and then.

Sun,so high and golden,

yet I am like a moon,

my desolate heart its inscape,

my hands its freezing soil;

I stare as evening comes

into the dark night sky.

 

What your words could do

Winter in England
Photo Kathryn

 

Maybe you didn’t know

When you teased me so.

Maybe you never knew

What your words would do.

I float across that space

Where lovers once embraced.

And thus I bring torment

To you whom love I sent.

When you close your eyes

Your daytime face then dies.

You look across dark seas

To sacramental trees.

Your dreams are full of loss.

Is night or day the worse?

When you return next here

Will love outstrip your fear?

I gaze upon your face,

Forbidden to embrace.

My arms ache deep inside,

As if in agony tied.

Torn apart by grief.

Love is now a thief.

Where has God‘s face gone

As brightly shines the sun?

The pains of life are sharp,

Cutting through the heart.

But still we turn towards love,

With all the strength we have.

Trusting in the dark,

Trusting my own heart.

I step into the void.

Love can’t be denied

At the Fair with mi Dad

To  my readers:

I use language here in the form common in the past in a working class mill town in the North of England . We always referred to people as our Mam,our John  or mi Mam,mi Dad.

Sky diving

I rode on a horse on the Merry- Go- Round at the New Year Fair,

And every time I came around,our Dad were stood right there.

The horses they went up and down,as we whirled around.

To me,so small, they seemed so high, way up above the ground.

You knew I loved those colourful horses standing up right tall;

So you let me ride on one,though Mam thunk me far too small.

I shall never lose the happiness,riding with a view..

But far more than I loved those horses, Dad, you know that I loved you.

I wish I were a child again and you were with us today.

I think we’d recognize your voice,and be eager for what you’d say.

Why did God take you off,it seemed to be so wrong.?

But thanks,our Dad,for the Merry- Go- Round,and thanks for all your songs.

I think that life’s like a Merry -Go- Round that we are turning on.

And every time it whirls right round.someone else has gone.

We don’t know how long we’ll ride here so merry,and so gay.

So enjoy the Revolution now,and say what you really should say.

The world may be a Merry Go Round and we are nothing but fools

We had so much bounty and yet we break life’s rules.

We strong ones steal and injure as we pass this way,

Will we ever realise…. it’s a serious game that we play?

Thanks our Dad, for the memory and thanks for all your songs.

Now my heart grows weary so I shan’t linger long

I tried to use my talents, like the Bible said.

I trust sweet God to judge me well,when in human terms I’m dead.

Blue hills
Blue hills

Note:I must have been three when this happened.Dad was keen on Fairs and Pantomimes

In memoriam

I look up our small street,
To see if you are coming.
I don’t know what time it is,
But I think I hear you humming.

You sang sweet songs for us,
And you could whistle well .
You wore an old tweed jacket
You loved us,I could tell.

I look out there each day,
But I can’t see your tall, thin shape.
I saved your Woodbine packet,
It made me feel some hope.

What does death’s door mean?
Where has Daddy gone?
When will be the welcome day,
When we hear his songs again?

I’ll sing like him all day,
I’ll dream of him all night.
I hope he won’t be angry,
If his cigarettes won’t light!

He can’t write his own songs now.
He went too far away , too soon.
I’ll write down what I think he sang,
And I’ll invent the tune.

I hear him singing now,
He dwells inside my heart.
And though I still can’t see his face,
I recognise his Art.

Leave again;leave better.Why not become a better leaver?

.

 

since i lost you i have lost
the keys to my heart
the front door key
my mobile
and my money

now all i have is a large tube of ibuprofen gel max strength
and some feathers from the tail of a baby wood pigeon
that flew into our house when i left the back door open

maybe i need better boundaries
closed doors
and windows

the wood pigeon was so strong its agitation rocked the front door like a thundergod
like you,it did not realise
there are easier ways to leave
than smashing through glass
leaving shards to pierce my heart
not to mention my feet

become a better leaver
have mercy on those other lovers
for charm wears thin but courtesy is everlasting
like love itself

B

The bird has flown

If I go I won’t tell you.
I’ll just disappear one day.
Like when a cigarette ,which seemed so long,
suddenly has become smaller
and you never noticed it
because you were talking
about the meaning of life
while life was somewhere else
blown away with your smoke
into the sky
and then dispersed
never quite visible again
but still floating on the breeze
hoping to be caught
in a butterfly net
but unable to communicate
except by flying.
If I go it will not be today
but it will be an ordinary day
no one will realise
that it’s that day
that the bird flies
from her nest
to go to a new place
only seeing the deserted nest
he realises,
my bird has flown