I realised I had not got down the thing I felt important when I wrote about Self Help..it’s to do with will and will power.I recall in my upbringing that it seemed to be taken for granted that if we knew something was wrong it was easy not to do it.And of we did it,then it was a sin… we might burn in hell!
When I began to read a book by Leslie Farber I found he defined anxiety as
Willing that which cannot be willed.
He gives examples such as that we can lie down by willpower but we cannot sleep by it, we can have sex if the urges are still there but we cannot conceive by will power.. in other words there are many things we can’t control… we can’t will someone to love us…we can’t make a phobia disappear or lose weight..
Now does this mean that if we would like to become more loving or kinder or less proud [and pride lurks behind much of our thinking] does it mean we ought to give up?
Similarly we can’t cure fear of lifts by will power although we can travel in a lift while accepting the panic by willpower…
How can we do any of these good things?
I suppose I might try to explain it by
We can put ourselves into a place where what we cannot will might happen in another way.I believe the concept of grace which comes to us sometimes might be an example.
We may be lucky and get the grace to get courage or we might have to be more active….
If it’s to do with a phobia we may find if we make ourselves do what we fear that eventually it will become easier.I have found that with being in a car.
Or we may find a change of environment may do the trick.
This worked for me when I went to university and got away from the imprisonment of the convent school where I had become totally mute for a year without anyone noticing or bothering!
The amazement of being treated politely by the staff at university and getting friends from a different background gave me back my voice.. literally..
A humorous note…I went to call on a sick lady on Xmas Eve and in our chat I said to her that I used to be very quiet..
She said,You still are very quiet.dear.
The point is I can speak should I wish to…
A change of partner is seen as an answer by some folk though unless they know what was wrong they may end up replicating the original…
Good conversation can be helpful.Self acceptance is a good aim.Trustworthy friends…
..not to mention eating,resting,walking etc.
In more spiritual matters we might find that admitting to ourselves we have hurt another or ourself and feeling the sadness may lead to a change of consciousness but it could take time and it’s painful… but lots of things are painful in this life on earth.
Well,I feel confused now and am rambling so I’ll stop.But self help from a book does not preclude getting help from others… in fact the opposite may be the truth..