Now I see the shadows on the wall
And in my heart. I feel the savage loss
Down I come, and with the dust, I fall
Once I scarcely knew bad thoughts at all
I did not think of love and what it cost
Now I see the shadows on the wall
Down amid the weeds I find my call
There, mixed with dark green leaves, I add compost
As down I come, and to the dust, I fall
Brilliance cannot last and life appals
In between my cells comes sudden frost
Oh, I feel the cracks within my walls
We love between the lines with all we feel
Then broken by the cold we join the lost
Down we come, and into dust, we fall
Must we live and what shall living cost?
Is it ours to judge the present past?
As I watch the shadows on the wall
Down comes Love and holds me as I fall
Mary and her much loved next door neighbour Annie were discussing what to do for Christmas .They had both lost their husbands on their journey through life. I have to inform you here ear Annie who was the mistress of Mary’s husband Stanley for the years at the end of his life and ironically it made her closer to Mary
In fact Mary believed that Annie had killed her own husband because she needed the insurance money. Mary had not said anything because it would never happen. Furthermore she did not have any proof inl but it was a gut reaction as the husband disappeared very suddenly. But she had been a big help to Mary when Stan was ill. She even took 0 their cat Emile out t in her shopping trolley so he could enjoy local scene without danger of getting lost or attacked on route.
And the doctor had never been called.
She will believe what she says because she is so polite
Even if you call the doctor now they don’t come but a few years ago they did especially to old people.
But why had Annie not called 999 and left Dave to have a look at her husband it she was worried about him? That is very suspicious. perhaps her husband never felt ill until she hit him on the head with a cast iron saucepan.
Annie had told her that her husband ran away with his sister-in-law and they had gone to New Zealand but Mary knows she has a lot more money now than she did before. And she did not have a job Perhaps an unknown relative left her some money in their will.
Could Annie have murdered one of her relatives without Mary getting a hint of this crime?
Is your daughter Lyra coming home for Christmas Annie said to Mary. We have not seen her for a very long time. What pity she never had any children. Are you sorry about it? Oh I’m so sorry I should not have said that because it’s not my right to pry into your affairs.
it’s odd that you say that because I got a letter from her this morning or should I say an email from her, she said she’s going to go to Morocco because she doesn’t like the weather in England in December and January and she’s got a cheap holiday for 4 weeks in Morocco for only £69.69.
That’s very cheap replied Annie Do you think we should go to Morocco? Somewhere similar?
No said Mary I don’t like being in a hotel at Christmas.and do they have Turkeys in Morocco?
No they probably have Turkish people but not turkeys
Well we can’t have a roasted Turkish person for Christmas dinner because we are no longer man eating people Annie joked. Well we might have been eating Boris Johnson. Descended from a Turk so I read in the New York Times
They wouldn’t know how to cook Turkeys properly over there.Mary told her .
What I’m proposing is that we will stay here in your house Mary for Christmas morning so I can help too with the cooking and since you have got a big dining room we can invite a couple of local people who have nowhere to go to come and eat a Christmas dinner with us
But what about Dave our favourite paramedic? Shall we invite him to have Christmas dinner with us?
No we won’t invite him. But we can ring 999 and get him to come round if the leg falls off the table. I hope the leg doesn’t fall off while we are eating the dinner though
Well for goodness sake get a man to look at the table before Christmas.
Alright I will get someone to come and look at my leg as well. I can get that nice man Tom who came last year.
You are a total nutcase. He’s a carpenter your leg is not made of wood
I see I made the wrong kind of logical conclusions
A carpenter can mend the table leg or the chair leg. But we need a doctor for our painful human legs
We could listen to the King making his speech at 3pm on ChristmS Day and we must watch because it will be a historic occasion it will be his first time as the King at Christmas. He must have spent a long time preparing for this moment and deciding what to put into a speech but he’s got to be careful with the present government
Yes that’s alright by me, if I make the Christmas pudding will you make the mince pies?
Oh yes I will said Annie I quite like making pastry., I might put some brandy in
Then at 4 pm we’ll have a cup of our favourite Earl Grey tea and we can send the visitors back to their own home or whatever else they want to go go and then we will go to your house or should we do the washing up first?
We can gossip about the neighbours moan about the government and wonder how we will keep warm in the very cold weather We will find out what’s on the television or we could even get a DVD of something like Ben-Hur. You see it’s a very long film and the leading actor Charlton Heston is extremely handsome so it will give us someone to fantasise about. And the chariot ride is very exciting even if you’ve seen it before
But you won’t relax when you see the main character’s mother and his sister being sent to prison then a leper colony.
Well you know what I mean. It’s very well made unlike the more recent ones and you know that good will prevail in the end athough later Jerusalem was destroyed by the Romans. They killed almost everyone in Jerusalem and set the temple on fire.
It’s only a provisional arrangement because who knows you might meet some charming man between now and Christmas but let’s promise each other that we won’t let each other down by going off with a stranger for the Christmas weekend. Even if he looks like Charlton Heston. You should know by now appearances can be very deceptive.
I don’t really mind said Mary. I could even rewrite my thesis as they want me to make it 50% shorter.
Well that’s not difficult said her friend.
You could just cut it in half with a pair of kitchen scissors.
I don’t think statisticians would like that, Mary informed her.
Well in that case you could apply to become a student at the school of art and you can present that as 2 halves of a thesis glued to a breadboard with a pair of kitchen scissors glued in the middle and some red paint splashed on the things. Or even some tar
Alternatively you could simply have your dissertation retyped and leave out the last two chapters then you would have to write a new conclusion of course but that wouldn’t be tremendous lot of effort effort
But the last option will give me more to think about,Mary cried.Who wants to think about numbers on Christmas Day.
Sometimes we need to think about numbers like the number of guests who are coming for Christmas dinner. Few people want to calculate the standard deviation from the average wage and it’s a median average you can’t calculate the standard deviation. No it’s not a ratio scale.
You’ve lost me cried Annie. What on earth is a ratio? You could start giving tutorials on statistics to the retired population of Knittingham.
The music has voices, people with arms stretched above their heads pulling invisible strings they move. slightly move side to side
Connected to our hearts, the rivers in our body the rivers of blood the veins and the arteries they’ dance to the vague unbearable movements of the music of the heart with blank intense eyes open zero mouths
There is something impossibly touching in the harmonies we cannot create: connecting us to the invisible grace of the universe
Traversing the horror :in creative boats are signs symbols,sense,incense
The voices are pure like children’s and faint like ghosts like holy spirits like flowers and thistledown
They slice into our souls, yes into our souls like holy knives
Deep in our body we feel it, we hear the call of the music and we long to go to the place from which it comes
Let there be light in the world
Let there be light in Ukraine
In Libya?
In Morocco
How can we in this unknown dance move together like strings of bones, violence of the ribs, the pump of the heart I want a heart beat to move the entire world
The heart bursts and disappears and we are cleansed into the actual shape of the music though we cannot see and we feel each other in the pulses of our wrists
I have seen many ambulances but this was the worst. There was only one man in the vehicle but two of the three patients hadd serious conditions. One had had a stroke six weeks ago and could not use his left leg arm much. Also sense of direction was lacking so he guided the driver into a cul de sac full of new flats.
It was very hard for the driver to get this man out of the ambulance.
The second one could walk there wasn’t too bad and the third one has got a broken arm and back injury and an infection so was beginning to feel nauseous.
So instead of 15 minutes it was 1 hour.
If it is requested someone with a stroke or other bodily problems can have an ambulance with its own wheelchair which is fixed in ambulance before driving so that they do not need to be lifted out of the wheelchair and put on to a very narrow and uncomfortable seat
I have noticed of the two hospitals nearest to me the one on the North circular road uses the worst ambulances and even when zone 1 patient there must have two men or women in the ambulance
The last time I was in this position I was on the way to the hospital when I got a phone call telling me my appt was was cancelled.
But I could not turn back because the driver was carrying another patient for a similar appointment and then I had to come back again
After 12 days in the hospital I have got home and I have not had a wash since Monday morning.
Now you see they can’t afford the soap so send your remaining remnants soap wrap them up in a positive bag and post them to the East Middlesex hospital. Please enclose a stamped addressed envelope and 25 pound notes.
And in the evening play a double bass? Posted on December 16, Happiness is compulsory at this time Xmas parties,alcohol and drugs Inebriated,I can never rhyme I sit and watch the mating of the slugs
But surely nothing mates in winter cold For slugs don’t have a coat like humans do Perhaps ,despite appearance, they are bold Need no injections to prevent the deadly flu.
On balance would you rather be a slug That lives a life of freedom in the grass Or do you live because you write and blog And in the evening play a double bass.?A slug can’t sing a song nor speak kind words This comparison is foolish and absurd
In a large hospital in North London, I have been told that if I want to have a wash I should tell the staff. Then they will bring me some water
After 5 days I have only been washed once but I didn’t realize I have to ask for it even though I have a broken wrist not yet in permanent plaster.
I’m not sure if this is actually true because when the physiotherapist came they asked me how I got washed and I said I don’t know what the normal procedure is but I’ve only got washed once since I came here.
I think the person I was speaking to may have been gaslighting at me but I will be interested to know if anybody else have the same experience.
I have also got a throat infection so I would have thought to protect other people I should be clean and the sheets are not changing regularly. I was very impressed at first but there’s something wrong. No wonder covid is spreading
Eh bien, mon I Q n’a que 65 ans et pourtant j’ai un diplôme de maths
Vous ne pouvez pas les acheter. C’est ce qu’ils disent tous Je suis un crétin, vous êtes des crétins, ils sont des crétins Et moi? Tu es un imbécile.
Je desire un moron pour mon lit~je suis enchante par les imbeciles comme moi Je ne suis même pas français Je ne regrette pas mon oncle est un topologie daemon.Quelque chose desirez vous? Pourquoi avez-vous cette lettre dans votre main? C’est un refernce de mon tuteur. “Ce garçon est tellement stupide qu’il ne peut même pas épeler Feck et il n’a jamais entendu parler de Sodome et Gomorrhe. Pourkwa Sod em and Gomorrow? Je suis auntie bbc supernatural Je ne sais pas mais je suis un analyst de classi sequel comme epsilon delta et Leib Knits sweaters,Ou est Kant? Kant est mort! Oh,non,non, je suis finnish, I can’t go on like this. I am Dutch. Double? Treble! Kant aime Leipzig.Je t’aim frogs.Ma mere aime le chat et mon pere aimes ma meres.J’ai trois meres Traumas? O h Freud again
Hope and the infinite brain of being interact
Faith is for the forlorn
Faith is not scorn
Goodness is always approximate
Do bad and become bad.
Fractals made my home infinite
Kill yourself with kindness, instead of others.
Cruelty runs faster but blinder.
Armed struggles are too weighty with meaning.
To eat or not to eat when you are taking antibiotics
Pause before screeching or swearing
Always get washed before you go to breed.
Buy a big bed for when you are both sulking.
Don’t frisk me. I like to dance
Mary buys x pairs of trousers[ for all those people who tell me they are afraid of x,y and z
Mary goes shopping for trousers. Let number of pairs of trousers bought = x If Mary has £60 and price of trousers=£12 How many pairs of trousers can Mary buy? 12x =60 6x=30 3x=15 1x =5
Usually we leave out the 1 and write x=5 QED
So Mary can buy 5 pairs of trousers.This is algebra Is it sensible to buy 5 pairs of identical trousers? That is not mathematics.It might be common senses,ethics,foolishness or wisdom. That is a more complex question like this one ” Save money:buy 2 get one free” when you don’t even need one!
Further,should Mary draw her life savings out and buy 1,000 pairs of trousers? Clearly not so where should she draw the line? Because ladies get tired of their clothes and how long is Mary going to live? And she is depriving 999 other ladies of a pair of trousers as well.That is worth thinking about but it’s not mathematics,is it? From this we can conclude that algebra is easier than other problems we deal with.Don’t say maths is hard! It’s easier than ethics and morals and wisdom Amen Now we will pray for all those we have offended on FB today!
1 Fell off writers’ block into a pit of tigers.Bad layout. 2.Strangled by over-loving cat.Verdict: guilty 3.Large bottle of ink bounced back off wall . thus broke skull.Suicide denied by dead man or wife as appropriate [Delete one] 4 Forgot to eat while writing long novel.Was not worth it 5 Forgot to sleep owing to inspiration.Stupid despite possessing unique genius 6.Killed by malfunction of new laptop.[Can be returned to Amazon free when body is removed] 7.Tried to meditate and fell out of the window. Accidental death 8 Tried to clean outside of the window with a microfibre cloth.A pane broke and cut his throat.Incidental death 9 Got depressed by lack of air.Jumped and lost balance killing two cats on the patio.Verdict Unfair 10.Thought he was sleepwalking and walked off roof of extension [only just completed].Insurance will be paid. 11.Fainted in church and was used as a human sacrifice.Jesus wept 12 Hit head on bannister while falling down the stairs.Euthanasia while dizzy.Resurrection imminent 13.Fought off wife but bitten by the dog .Both dead.Verdict, pointless end. 14 Wrote a best seller, got drunk and died of shock! 15 His website was declared a threat to humanity.Died of shame.
Loneliness is only known to man
When he burns the copper frying pan
From the marriage bed he’s tossed aside
For pans are more important to a wife
Yet if she breaks their lovely china plates
He is not allowed to castigate
Oh,men! That is a phrase I hate
Generalising is a crude mistake
Now I am alone, I’ve burned eight pans
I broke the dinner plates with careless plans
I broke the special mugs we loved so much
All because I missed his soothing touch
The memories fill my heart with love and light
In my dreams he comes into my sight
Mary was in the hall watering her rose scented geranium; she decided to move it into the kitchen as the hall might be a little too drafty.Mary was very anxious to make sure that this plant survived because it was a present from her cousin.
Suddenly the phone rang. perhaps it is Annie wanting to go out on some Christmas shopping expedition ,but no it was Mary’s cousin Bob who she knew had been very ill and although he seems to be recovering she knew he was quite anxious about dying His voice was very faint and weak. Perhaps he is going to die, she thought. he does seemed to be frightened .
Do not be afraid.God is waiting for you and he knows everything ,He knows how you looked after your sister when she had a breakdown and how you used to change the curtains and make the room look beautiful to try to help her and yet she did not thank you .She was very unpleasant but you never gave up ; eventually when she died during her sleep it was both a relief and a loss God remembers everything and he is full of love for you . I do not know why God allows some people to suffer so much[ which is a constant theme in human thinking since the book of Job was written.]
Now, I don’t say that you are Job ,but I do know what you have endured. I have seen you being humbled in cruel ways, I have seen you being ignored when you knew much more than the people who were talking You cared your your cat with utmost kindness until it recovered from its ill-treatment at those nasty neighbours of yours. You have suffered too through cancer and not being able to eat foods that you liked but you have recovered. You have worked in your garden and grown beautiful flowers and vegetables Your fruit trees have been v productive and your whole garden is a testament to the fact that you love every living being, except your brother David, of course.,
There’s always trouble in that kind of set up when the mother prefers one child to another and it has been a constant torment to you throughout your life. I have noticed since you have both been older. you seem to have a more productive life now and I know you make wine and jam and mend all you can
I know that you did win an award when you were in your 20s for your research although you never told anybody. I wonder why you were so shy about telling people. You never did like to boast and I think I am similar to you. I let Stan have his mistress next door because I know that not every man is interested in Wittgenstein especially when it’s his wife who wants to talk about him when he wants to take her to bed and enjoy her charms, tickle her and laugh merrily and I only wish that you had been able to meet someone yourself who would have valued you as a human being and felt warmth and attraction as well. I do think you tried to make the most of your capabilities limited as we are by economic,health and political factors alas Bob said to Mary :you have made me very happy 2 Days Later Mary heard that Bob was much better and the doctor says he will soon be home again What a disappointment for God meowed Emile, Mary’s little cat. God got everything ready Well no doubt God had some help,. Mary cried., that’s what I need . need some help ;this house is in a terrible mess as if my fate is to constantly keep trying to tidy up and yet the next day I have to start all over again. I don’t mind cried Emile I think it’s wonderful I like a mess it makes me feel like playing more and having fun but when it’s all tidy and clean I feel terribly inhibited Good grief Emile, you sound as if you’ve been to Oxford. I did once to go on a day trip to Oxford, the the cat confessed .Annie took me in her handbag on a coach Well all I can say is ,she must have got a very big handbag Don’t be so rude Emile told her, you have got some big handbags and you’ve got about 50 handbags in the wardrobe even now when you are a widow That is a woman’s privilege Mary told him like getting a new hat is Easter; a handbag is a very important thing because it enables men to make their wives carry all their wallets and keys so that they could have fun when they went to the seaside Yes I can remember mother struggling along from Blackpool North station to the beach with a gigantic handbag and a shopping bag full of sandwiches while everybody else ran on in front of her I don’t know what we saw in Blackpool except the sea; the beach was so crowded you could hardly see the sand. I guess the airwas cleaner, the cat informed her in a manly way
I think I need a cup of tea said Mary go and get Annie. She won’t make the tea No but she can drink some with me while I tell her all my thoughts and my feelings and I couldn’t free associate while she showed off her new makeup and jewellery and her strangely coloured Christmas outfits.She is off to Wigan to visit the make up factory next week.If only it were in Southport I’d go too. Well I’m in love with Annie. I wish I was a man so I could marry her and make it home for her I’m sure you would have made a very good husband said Mary but God wants you to be a cat although you are a rather extraordinary cat and it is my good luck to be your owner or shall I say your mistress? Aand so ask all of us
How my heart speaks 