1.A Christian,a Jew And a Muslim were walking through the Mall looking for a Coffee Shop. They found a new one with lots of seats so they went inside and sat down.The Jew went over to the counter and asked,do you serve Cappuccinos? The waitress answered,not usually, but in your case I’ll make an exception. And my two friends? Are they Cappuccinos as well? Well, they are people of the Book like me. I’m sorry .I meant to give it back.Are you going to fine me? No, give us free coffee and we’ll say no more. 2.You know all those Coffee Shops staffed by foreigners? Yeah. The Government is going to build 7 meter high walls around them. So America is going metric at last! 3.How can you tell I am a foreigner? I’ll just shout.Wanna see a foreigner! 4.Why do we fear Arabs? Because they invented al-gebra. 5.Why is the Pope a man? We just have to take his word for it. 6.My husband asked me,what is post-modernism? I replied,you didn’t need to marry me just to find that out 7.My wife asked,why do my rock buns fly? I said, because I am trying to kill that spider on the ceiling. 8.My son asked me to lend him my car for a week. I said,it’s alright son, you can neck here at home. What about my Oedipal conflicts? Use PayPal instead. 9.My daughter has got big blue eyes. Where did she get those from? Her grandmother. Is she dead? Not yet but Jesus wants her whole heart. Don’t tell me he does transplants now! 10.I want to go to the lavatory. They have closed all the public ones. I should think so.Who wants to be watched all the time? You’ll have to go in the telephone box. I only have a Nokia 105. Didn’t I tell you to get a phablet? I’m not smart enough to spell that!
Mary was in the teal coloured kitchen of her almost detached house making a jam sponge pudding when the doorbell rang.She wiped her hands on her new purple trousers because she didn’t want to dirty a clean towel.
She found her colleague Dr Rosa Benchez standing nervously outside shivering
Come in , Mary cried.
Would you like a cup of tea? You need to sit by the fire and get warmer
I’d love that, Rosa said politely but distantly
A few minutes later they were sitting looking out of the bay window watching a blackbird sitting on the fence;they hoped it would start to sing
May I talk to you,Mary? I have got rather more agitated than ever before
.I am wondering if I need counselling or maybe shooting, she joked morosely
OK,said Mary cautiously.Has anything unusual happened ?
Yes, my sister has had her driving license taken away because of big panic attacks she had crossing the Humber Bridge …. you know how huge it is.She got out of the car and screamed,Help! Help!
That was dangerous with so much traffic about
She is furious and says we live in a Nazi state and is writing to the Times
Well, it can happen that you lose your licence,Mary said,but when she has learned to deal with the attacks she can re-apply and get her license back.Simple things like not eating and being tired can bring that on so I have heard.And fear of fear, too.
As well as that,Rosa said,my son has got a recurrence of cancer and is going onto some new drug-type chemo.My ex husband is very distressed and so am I as it was unexpected.
And even worse my new fiance Prof. Charlie Blogge has broken off our engagement with no reason.I can’t think of any at all.Shall I ever trust a man again?
He said I can keep the ring which is a blue sapphire ,supposedly, but when I had it valued they said I was mistaken and you can buy them on amazon for £57 and less.
So she took off the ring and hurled it into Mary’s coal fire where it looked very nice as it got hotter and hotter glowing like a lighthouse off Portland Bill in a sea storm or a banger about to explode
Good grief, said Mary.No wonder you are agitated.We may have to phone Dave the bisexual lovable paramedic available on the NHS 24 hours a day.Or we could have our hair permed and dyed red instead, she murmured to herself
Which of these events bothers you most,Rosa? She continued gently while hoping she would cope.
It is my own feelings that worry me most.I wake up feeling very sad and nervous;I wonder if I am having a breakdown.Then I feel worse as I turn it over in my mind trying to decide what to do.Then I get up and get food into me and think it all over and over again while drinking my tea.
Well, you know it is normal to feel sad, anxious or distraught when bad things happen,Mary told her.
But most people look happy when I see them in the town , Rosa shouted angrily
That is because being outside they put on a mask.They could be feeling worse than you.Anyway, why bother about that? We are all different.Some people think I am very calm but they don’t see me when I’m not.I go stiff like a piece of wood.Then I pass out
So what do you do? Rosa asked her nervously,twirling a golden ringlet around her finger as she watched her engagement ring melt in the fire.
I don’t do anything,Mary said.This is one of the fundamental errors in our society that action is needed for so many things and especially for negative feelings.But it’s usually part of life.Things pass.
I pretend I have a big round box inside me and I let the anxiety live in there nice and cosy until my mind has absorbed and dealt with the pain.Once my box was quite small but it has grown bigger now and so it has room for mad or bad feelings.I do little tasks and listen to music.
Then if I feel really bad I listen to Leonard Cohen and tell myself, he had it worse.But he made money out of it! Not that you can make money out of yours. though it’s worth musing about
Well,Rosa replied.Thank you,Mary.I am glad I am not the only one who feels so anxious sometimes.I shall try to get a box like yours.
You are welcome,said Mary jovially.Come round on Sunday for tea.Emile is out hunting but he loves to see you and so do I
The women hugged cautiously and Rosa went out looking less cold and nervous as she bravely carried her box away .It was invisible to the people walking nearby
I thought I’d better write to you before too long otherwise you will forget that I exist altogether and that is something I do not want to happen although I have to admit that it would not be the end of the world really since I’m not seen you for 20 years and haven’t heard your voice since I went deaf two years ago so we can’t even talk on the phone now but would it be worth doing Skype when I can’t hear you I suppose I might be able to lip read that would be one advantage of it just let me know what you think because I don’t really know what is the very best thing for us to do now as we are getting to the end of our lives and we may not always be here for each other as it were obviously was I mean in a virus speaking
Well I want to I wouldn’t even be able to hear a virus squeaking now lol et alone speaking
That was a very long sentence but was it grammatical all the way through I spoke very quickly because I was hoping that some mistakes will be made in the translation and it would come out in a glorious jumble of crazy words with in fact there were so fewer errors then I normally get when I’m speaking carefully:
what do you think about that?
I can’t sit here all day writing letters to you so I must close now and hope that you are well and I’ve got plenty of water if you run out. We’ve all got plenty of water now we’ve even had a flood.
the volume were composed in Stuart England but published after the onset of the English Civil War. Furthermore, Milton may have begun to compose one or more of his mature works—Paradise Lost, Paradise Regained, and Samson Agonistes—in the 1640s, but they were completed and revised much later and not published until after the Restoration.
This literary genius whose fame and influence are second to none, and on whose life and works more commentary is written than on any author except Shakespeare, was born at 6:30 in the morning on 9 December 1608. His parents were John Milton , Sr., and Sara Jeffrey Milton , and the place of birth was the family home, marked with the sign of the spread eagle, on Bread Street, London. Three days later, at the parish church of All Hallows, also on Bread Street, he was baptized into the Protestant faith of the Church of England. Other children of John and Sara who survived infancy included Anne, their oldest child, and Christopher, seven years younger than John. At least three others died shortly after birth, in infancy or in early childhood. Edward Phillips, Anne’s son by her first husband, was tutored by Milton and later wrote a biography of his renowned uncle, which was published in Milton’s Letters of State (1694). Christopher, in contrast to his older brother on all counts, became a Roman Catholic, a Royalist, and a lawyer.
Milton’s father was born in 1562 in Oxfordshire; his father, Richard, was a Catholic who decried the Reformation. When John Milton, Sr., expressed sympathy for what his father viewed as Protestant heresy, their disagreements resulted in the son’s disinheritance. He left home and traveled to London, where he became a scrivener and a professional composer responsible for more than twenty musical pieces. As a scrivener he performed services comparable to a present-day attorney’s assistant, law stationer, and notary. Among the documents that a scrivener executed were wills, leases, deeds, and marriage agreements. Through such endeavors and by his practice of money lending, the elder Milton accumulated a handsome estate, which enabled him to provide a splendid formal education for his son John and to maintain him during several years of private study. In “Ad Patrem” (To His Father), a Latin poem composed probably in 1637-1638, Milton celebrated his “revered father.” He compares his father’s talent at musical composition, harmonizing sounds to numbers and modulating the voices of singers, to his own dedication to the muses and to his developing artistry as a poet. The father’s “generosities” and “kindnesses” enabled the young man to study Greek, Latin, Hebrew, French, and Italian.”
Little is known of Sara Jeffrey, but in Pro Propulo Anglicano Defensio Secunda (The Second Defense of the People of England, 1654) Milton refers to the “esteem” in which his mother was held and to her reputation for almsgiving in their neighborhood. John Aubrey, in biographical notes made in 1681
and the modern word, with a weaker sense, “failure to hold, keep, or preserve what was in one’s possession; failure to gain or win,” probably evolved 14c. from lost, the past participle of lose.
The word loss comes from the Old English word lōsian, which means “to be destroyed”. It was likely formed around the 14th century as a noun from the past participle of the word losen, which
When red sun drops and cooling night rolls in Darkness masks both danger and our vision Ancient minds fear day won’t come again Courage for the delicate seems thin We wrestle with our indecision When low sun drops and the night rolls in But now , new stricken by the dread of sin Who protects us from derision? Our ancient mind fears day won’t come again When we sleep we’re entertained within Bold dreams squander all illusion When sun drops the darkest night rolls in In reverie we’re loved and hearts open Then fancy turns to full communion The ancient mind fears day won’t come again Yet despite fear, our sacred life began When sperm leaped up in proud confusion. When deep sun dropped and a new night rolled in All human hearts cried,Day shall come again”
Samuel Taylor Coleridge: Samuel Taylor Coleridge’s life was beset by illnesses, opium dependency, marital problems, and a lack of confidence. He suffered from crippling anxiety and depression, which he increasingly treated with opium, which possibly led to his death of heart failure with an unknown lung disorder.
How my heart speaks 