Category: Thinkings and poems

We learned rigor and icy vision

What was so wrong about asking
About your absence from this world
And trying to grab you back
holding onto your coat tail
Eternity’s long enough already
We don’t need your vapour trails.
Was it a wicked thing to do
As you floated so far away
To reach out to touch you once more
I admit I never knew you kept score.
When I beat you at chess so long ago
Were you already packing bags
to throw out the door?
I knew it was the real thing
But some men never do.
You have your expectations
And your tests and rules
But we never learned those
In our higher math schools.
We learned rigour and icy vision
We learned definition and precision.
But what use are they in loving
I didn’t know how to steer with no maps
You were off anyhow.
The orchestra stoped playing
When they saw the gap.
You can’t fly forever
But I do be leaving you.
In the circumstances
What else does a woman like me do.
You can smile and squeeze your eyes tight
Suck in those cheeks and hide your love.
What’s coming after you’s an eagle or a crow
Not a dove…it’s black I know
When you toss it all away then
Seems like it’s long past time
and emotion to call it a day.
Come again…..you must be crazy
Love is clear to me now like the face of a new born daisy

Oh,God be my perspective point, my art

Oh God be my perspective point,my art

Let me use you as a goal or guide.

Teach me how to learn the human heart.

Take me  where all living waters start

Show me how to use the maps beside

Oh God be my perspective point, my art

Let the ghosts of demons wry depart.

Upon the waves of Fury let me ride

Teach me how to touch the human heart.

The sailors watch horizons and their charts

Faith in the unknown is our ally

Oh God be my perspective point, my art

Where is the human being who can’t die?

All the fishes in the oceans sigh

Oh God,you who have vanished, be my art

In my mourning I will find your heart

I’ve not been old at all my life

I have not been old all my life, you know

I know that there are  different sorts of heaters from radiators to convectors.

I know what it’s like to fall in love with someone selfish or ridiculous.

I may not look beautiful now but I once was.

Once I could read books without my glasses on

I could read the computer screen and the keyboard together simultaneously in other words

I could run for the bus

Well I could drive in fact.

I could carry lots of shopping from the supermarket and put it away without getting tired.

I could even run up the stairs

I had parents and siblings I had an extended family

I’ve not always been alone in the world

Women envied my complecion and admired my hair

Men lusted after me. They even fell in love with me.

So don’t give me your foolish advice or even you are good advice

No I don’t mind good advice but not when I’m feeling really sensitive. In any case it’s very hard for anybody to really emphasize with another person when you’ve not gone through the same things in life.

The golden light

February sears the human soul.

Our patience has run out, no end, no goal.

Yet beneath the ground the worms will toil

The seeds will germinate though they are frail

The gardener with his spade will dig a hole.

In the spring the shoots will pierce the earth

Life returns, the plants will feel rebirth

And in our hearts we feel the joy again.

When love is dead this joy may still remain

But here it’s cold and grey like winter death

We’re too weary even for our wrath..

And yet the birds will sing once more at dawn.

The thrush will eat the worm upon the lawn

The robin waits upon the fork upright.

And here again we see the golden light

The story of Stan’s briefcase

By Katherine

Stan was in the dining room looking for an aged briefcase with his autobiography in it while Emile sat on an old TV set in the window looking at the birds.Mary was in the garden wearing an ancient yet trendy denim dress planting some trailing rosemary,lavender and sage in a small bed near the French window..She had decided that her salvation lay in the soil though what form it would take was not yet clear ;suddenly she heard a harsh cry.It was her neighbor telling off his dog,Emmanuel.Come,now ,he shouted.
Hail,Mary,he called.Can you spare a big potato?
Probably,she muttered peevishly without looking up.
I am making sausage boulangere, he informed her.But I use turkey sausages as I am a Jewish Hindu semi vegetarian.
I am not interested in religion,she told him kindly.I believe one can worship God ,if there is one, somewhere like a wood.
I like being on a group ,he told her thoughtlessly..
Well ,go and be in one she said naughtily.Do you like sex in a group?I am a mathematician and we study rings and groups but only in symbols as maths is like life with all the sensuality removed,if you catch my meaning,she ended artlessly.
Stan appeared at the door.I have just made the tea ,.he called.Hi Brian, how are you?i Why are you wearing a dress today?Are you changing gender?
No,said Brian,I am a mere transvestite especially in the summer.You should try on a dress,they are more comfy in the heat!
Well,maybe I will said Stan with utter sang froid.But it makes more ironing…
hey all sat down at the kitchen table and ate some delicious scones San had just baked and also they drank PG tips tea with milk and sugar as that is what the English most like to do apart from getting drunk.
Where is that lady Annie who lives next to you,asked Brian pensively..I like her bright clothes and her vivid lipstick.Is she single,he enquired in a faux naive manner.Well, perhaps but she is my mistress, said Stan defensively.Aha,aha,laughed Brian as he eyed the shrunken old man.
Now then,said Mary,leave him alone.He is like a magnet,women flock to him..
Now don’t exaggerate,Stan said shyly.I’ve not had that many.
I see said Brian.I’d love to hear more….. you’ll have to come to the pub and tell me the details.
Not flamin’ likely,thought Stan. ,as he examined his cracked leather briefcase with real brass buckles,backstraps and front pocket, a bargain at £3 and ten shillings in 1949.Hurry as not many are left.
All of a sudden ,he fell off his chair which broke into fragments..Brian was awed.I’ve never seen a chair break up like that he cried.
Well,ring 999 said Mary, a paramedic can fix it

S

Outside the door

The dear face once familiar is no more

He’s in another room there is no door

I cannot see his face nor hear his voice

How can this be when once we were so close?

My heart feels sad and hollow at the core

I wish that you were here love as before.

Yet in the time of death we have no choice.

My skin , once fine, with weeping has grown coarse

The mind and heart and body are at war

The dear face once familiar is no more

Why do I still wait outside the door?

On falling down the full stop at the end of a sentence

Blind sight scattered my wits
Like whitened bones
Across the deserts of my mind.
I descended into darkness.
Love shrank into the tame cat
By the fire,unacknowledged hate
Grew to fill the room.
I stared too much.
A full stop grew gigantic
Crowded out
All the words in the sentence
I saw nothing but this dot
Now a gigantic black hole
Into which I was dragged.
An energy coming from within my own head
Sucked me into the black hole.
That place was the wrong sort of darkness.
Within that full stop,
Love Fundamental became invisible.
Disappeared into the dark.
I dragged my eyes away
And saw the moon appear,so eerie,
It shone,grey silver.
If I had opened my eyes wider
I would not now lament
What I destroyed in the wormhole
Of the black dot that drew my eye
Into a tunnel of darkness
It blinded me to the light
Did not let me read the sentences
Beside the full stop.
An error of focus left hate
Unacknowledged,unmitigated, unredeemed,
Kept from love or goodness
Afraid to spoil my love with hate,
The fear of hate became
That which spoiled all else else,
By freezing Love itself.

The downside of tidiness

The room in which she lay, like the sitting room through which they had passed, despite its comfort was too carefully furnished, achieving an organised perfection which for him was unwelcoming and impersonal.

P D James

The private patient

The evening

In the day the ghosts   wander through the house

Looking in the bread crock or the cake tin

Wondering about making tea

They make me feel uneasy

But now in the evening they have gone to their abode

They were not harming me but they were troubled

Asking me have you paid the bills

Have you put the rubbish out?

Are you alright?

I try to pretend they’re not here but I can feel them in the air

At kast it’s peaceful I feel my body expanding with relief

I don’t have to do anything now

Unless I really want to

Do I want to watch Maggie and George on channel 4?

They are ghosts in a different way

I did not think I would want to see her face again

Harriet Walter is over the top like the evil twin

More like the evil queen I realise.

Now we have the likes of Lynne Truss

She couldn’t carry it off because nobody believed in her but we all believed in Maggie alas.

Wouldn’t it be better to watch something more amusing?

It’s hard to imagine these days

In my mind I’m on a trolley in A&E in the corridor.

At least you’re not lonely in the corridor well not exactly lonely but you’re not exactly with people either

Just being near hurrying people running down the corridor is not the same as being with another person

But then how often are we really with anybody at all in the full sense of the word?

You can’t be with somebody when you can hardly be with yourself and picking up the paper and seeing what Trump has done now, it’s pretty disruptive of the present

Most of us feel a bit of self doubt if only Trump had a tiny bit. Was

Did no one think how it would affect him that he would believe God has ordained him and preserved him for a special task

Maybe he’s in charge of Armageddon in his mind and

Like someone sang

In my mind I’m going to Carolina

I’m going to Carolina in my mind

But that was a different meaning and I’m certainly not going there

Would anyone write a book called “I and Thou* now?

And who shall inherit the earth

After the bombs go off?

Come now, after the ghosts have gone, let’s enjoy our solitude.

Never pass water in public.

The saying

Never pass water in public

Might make it difficult if you live near  a lake or river.

Or it’s been raining and there’s a puddle on the payment mother told you never to pass it in public

Never skate on our water until it freezes

Passing water can be hard for the elderly so remember this when you’re drawing up your walking expedition. Don’t take them to the lake District.

Now moving on what about passing out?

I once passed out at the dining table but usually soldiers pass out after they’ve completed their training. That’s why they look so numb

Some drugs make me pass out the main one being gtn or glycerol trinitrate. This is a treatment for angina which blows open all your arteries. But if you are inexperienced and use too much of it you will feel as if your eyes can’t see properly your scalp will start to sweat profusely and the world will shrink around you

If you feel like this try to kneel down or lie down on the floor to avoid injuring yourself when you faint. Is there any happened to me once and it was horrible

Remember not everybody is drunk when they act in a strange way because it can also because by diabetic medication to lower the blood sugar.

If it goes too low you can actually pass out or even die

But your doctor won’t get into trouble because they were giving you the treatment recommended the fact that it affects you more than other people it’s nothing to do with the doctor.

They are all terrified of being accused of doing something wrong

Well that’s only right isn’t it?

By the way if you pass large amounts of water and feel terribly thirsty that may very well be a sign of diabetes.

If you get to the point when you’re losing weight it is not because your drinking half a point of water before every meal. It is that you’ve got diabetes your body cannot take the sugar out of your blood to feed the cells and for some reason which I don’t quite understand it begins to  digest your muscles.

I’ve known two friends who were so happy they were losing weight until the real reason was found.

One of them had an eating disorder and she could eat very few foods so she concentrated on cheesecake as being full of protein

You can’t live on cheese cake

You could live on bread and cheese plus salads  and maybe some boiled eggs, tomatoes etc

The wronged kindness of  nonsense 

In the haunted pub
We ate hot food and wondered
What is common sense?

In the sky ,snow hung
The  park was  icy and black
The farm was quiet

What is common? Sense?
What have we lost since that time?
Now we live nonsense.

Where is the humour?
The wronged kindness of  nonsense
The futility

Who says what is true?
Who speaks what is  silent , lost?
Who is the channel?

What is true has left.
“Maybe” hangs from black branches
Like dead fruit or  leaf

The autumn  orange
The senselessness of speeches
The withering   glance

The edge  of our  land
Borders are  more anguished
Cannot connect us

New laws and rules
Trial  by separation
The barbed rust   pierces

There is no heartland
There is no inside at all
Nowhere to  live well

 

 

 

Minatory meaning

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Hit the bed

Helleborus_EricSmithii2018.jpgHumour usually helps us,It helps physical illness,tension,depression,stress.It helps people to forgive each other and it helps our minds to function better,There are lots of books with collections of humour from different sources, different people and different cultures even religions.You can also get good sources from the internet if you want to save money.
Then,think about games we played as children.They were often funny although children can be cruel.Why not make up some jokes yourself as a kind of game.That can be more beneficial than just reading them.Writing also helps when we are ng online.On Penzu you can share too if you wish.
I find my own humour makes me laugh even though I made it up myself
Scientific humour
When you are courting a  handsome man an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That’s relativity.
Alberta MacEinstein [Ms]
When you are making her tea with parboiled water, remember that she might empty the pot on you and then where would you be?
That’s uncertainty.
Wendy Heisenberg.{Dr}
I was raised as a Catholic,taught always to commit at least one sin prior to Confession,never to eat before taking Communion and especially never to Confess before or after eating left over Communion wafers whilst having sex with a rubber man.
Pope Jane 1
A minute reading some blogs seems like it’s been raining for a year, and a minute reading a naughty joke makes women wet themselves in seconds.
That’s uncommon sense
Tea Leafe.[Mrs]
A man and a woman make love.Then there are three.That’s family life.

They say using your hands is good for you so I hit the bed with a stick and ten mice ran out and asked for asylum.They  already spoke English and knew who Meghan Markle is so I reckon they are British.

I have talked it over

He cooked his own goose with one stroke and hit the nail on the head.Which is more than one can say for her.

There’s no smoke without a fire, as the farmer said to the pig.
In my view, I’m not a racist I’m British and proud of it.
The empire was of great benefit to the natives on all sides.
Well, look at it with my lack of perspective.

Confession of the day

Bless me Father, I have twins.Through my fault, through my fault , through my most enjoyable grievous fault.
No need to boast.Just keep the home fires burning if you’ll pardon my depression.

I just can’t cry anymore.
Too many crooks spoiled the broth and I can’t blame them as we’ve all been in the same position more or less, bar the missionaries of course
.I’ll tell you what I think; we’re all mad as that hatter who lived in a shoe.And he didn’t know what to do by a long chalk.
He wasn’t Jewish, which was a shame.It wasn’t his fault.I blame his parents.Definitely.
What could he do?
He had psychoanalysis for thirty years but was never circumcised so he couldn’t pass for Jewish even with his hat, beard and vocabulary.If only he hadn’t gone to the gents he could be praying in the synagogue right now, although admittedly it was burned down by that Himmler chap and his cronies.That was in the most civilised country in Europe… it makes you think, doesn’t it?

There was always something of the barbarian about those Nazis… say what you like but I’d never trust one further than I could throw him, in a manner of speaking.Though with Drumpf we may have trouble

You know what I mean; it’s horses for courses although I don’t know any Jewish jockeys myself.I think they prefer lions or possibly antelopes.Have you ever seen a gazelle pulling a cart?Me, neither.That makes two of us.
Great minds and so forth.Well, I can’t keep listening all night.I’m off.I have other fish to fry.I’m so popular I’ve been framed.
Why do women talk so much when they could be scrubbing the floor.It’s innate, you know.genetic.They’re wired for it and love a few brillo pads for Xmas or Channukka…say what you like but God did impregnate a lady of Hebrew ethnicity…life’s a puzzle to all of us but more so to men as we have no hearts to speak of.
For God’s sake, be quiet or I’ll call the police.

Talking isn’t illegal, is it?

It is now!

Don’t pull me under the water with you yet

Don’t pull me under the water with you  now

Don’t take me to the cavern of the drowned

There’s too many down there already don’t you think?

All pulling on the rope around me wound.

Don’t pull me under the water with you yet.

I’m not ready for another world today

But yes I feel the force of all those hands

And by this family yearning I’m beset

Don’t pull me under the water with you all

Leave me here alone I’m still alive.

Take your hands away from me at once

I don’t want to swim with you much less to dive.

Don’t keep pulling at me all the night and day.

There’s one more act in this my last,my final  play

Blades of grass and sheep






Photo by Rachel Claire on Pexels.com





 A dead sheep, drowned, was washed up on the sands
Not treasure from the deep brought to the land
We came to Morecambe Bay  for  time and peace
Noone can escape from unfelt grief

The  Arnside Knott  had  given me  new views
As if it were that green hill were Christ mused
I saw the Langdale Pikes, now small and far
Affecting me,  their pulling like a  star


Sheep  can’t safely graze on Salisbury Plain
The Army tests it weapons there these days
Man and Nature do not see the need
For slow creation, not  excessive speed










Every  blade of grass is  trodden down
Not symbols of creation  nor its crown



	


	



			
				


			

			
Mary trying to teach some students algebra
		
	
	

		






Mary went into the staff room at 10:30 a.m. where one of her colleagues asked her if she wanted to play Bridge at lunchtime.





I’m sorry but I don’t know how to play bridge, she answered mellifluously. Besides I’ve never seen any women playing with you 





Well most of the women are not very mathematical or logical but you are, Mary 





That’s what you think she thought to herself as she ambled rapidly away to the lecture room. 





Hello, she cried to the students I  was am really looking forward to giving my lecture today. 





The student  stared blankly as if to say, well we are not. 





Where are your lecture notes Mary?





Asked Bryan a student rather like Mick Jagger in his youth 





I don’t use lecture notes or any other memory aid. I just have the key points in my mind and then I pretend I am telling a story 





I can’t understand how you can do that with mathematics because there are no people there no relationships no conversation. 





Yes I understand what you mean but I have to do certain things to grab your attention for example I am wearing red corduroy trousers today. That will make some people look at me even if they think it’s a foolish choice. 





And then I kind of talk myself into it well for example 





Does the order in which we do things matter ?Yes it does for example you make the bed before you get into it not after you’ve got into it usually. 





What is true in ordinary life is also true in mathematics if you multiply a number by 50 and divide by 1.9 I think you’ll get a different answer than if you divide it by 1.9 and multiply by 50 but I might be wrong 





Yes I am wrong it’s the same answer because the order does not matter for those two operations but when we’re getting into more advanced mathematics like matrix algebra it does make a difference. 





But what we don’t understand said the student is why anybody would want to do matrlix algebra





Well it’s a bit like this if you were studying Hitler you would not just begin with where Hitler was born and who his parents were you want to study the social and economic factors operating in Austria and Germany at that time and in Europe more widely namely the advent of the first world war and the defeat of the German empire which was very hard for those living there. It was hard because it was not in their minds a defeat it was an armistice and yet they were treated they had been beaten.





There was a revolution and the Kaiser of Germany was deposed





This led to grudges and hatred and envy madness and murder 





The Versaillat treaty was thought to be unjust by many people including  Hitler.





So you can’t always explain everything before you begin to learn but you will gradually get closer you knowing the subject as time goes on.





So now I’ve told you that I can’t tell you why we study algebra before we begin to learn it I will expect you to read chapter 1 of modern algebra by Birkhoff and McLean 





Go through it by yourself and then meet another student from the group and discuss what you have learned with them before you come to my next lecture.





Just then she saw her friend Annie slipping into the back of the lecture hall. 





Good grief something must be wrong for Annie to come into the room. 





But no nothing was wrong except that Annie had decided to go to the university to study mathematics and physics.





This dear woman had no concept of time whatsoever so she did not realise that when you do something you have to begin at the beginning. 





And that the time to Make  preparations is before you begin 





So before you go to any lecture you will buy some paper and a pen.





You will need something hard to put your paper on and I do not mean your head, hard though it may be. 





Of course some of you would have paid 500 pounds to buy a tablet and i a digital pen so that you can take notes on the screen but is it really worth all that money? 





You also need to get out of bed and get dressed before you come to the university as well





I think you understand what I’m saying don’t you because if you don’t understand this you’re certainly not going to understand algebra. 





Well that’s all for today students. I’ve given you a bit of motivation so go away and study that book that I have recommended 





And do you know they did 





Leaving Anna trying to explain to Mary why she had decided to start at university when she was already over 75 years old





Perhaps she thinks it will make her younger.





If you heard of general relativity then this is what is confusing her and everybody else except for professor Mary Brown. Because nothing confuses Mary except other human beings.











	


	



			
				


			

			
How vivid is your face
		
	
	

		

How vivid is your face in my mind’s eye 





I did not know that day that you would die. 





Your eyes were green like water in sea tide. 





The colour of the waves where seabirds ride 





I cannot write this down but I must try










I wish I’d touched your hand last time we came 





You were far too private, played no games.





Now my unasked questions are dead leaves 





Falling from the bay tree unperceived





Now my tears fall down like soft fine rain. 





I see your face more clearly than before. 





You are smiling your boyfriend and his lore.





Now he is old and sad but still upright 





I know he will miss you most during the night





How vivid all the memories from my store. 





How vivid

	


	



			
				


			

			
Emile wants to be a nun
		
	
	

		






Mary went into the kitchen walking very slowly because she was wondering what to have for supper. Now that she was alone she had so much more choice but appetite had not returned after her husband had gone on holiday with his mistress Annie who live next door.





Well I suppose we all need our freedom at times but to do it so blatantly was wrong. Still the fact that he’s already had an affair with this woman next door made it less surprising.





The problem was that he normally cooked  the supper so Mary was not used to thinking about the menu. When she was a student she bought a





steak pie in a tin but she didn’t know whether you could buy things like that anymore and anyway Marks and Spencers and it’s chilled food was usually a lot more tempting than tins of meat pies. But she had not planned ahead. She had not remembered to go shopping. she remembered that cats had some very nice food which look like beef pieces in jelly.





Later Mary and Emile were sitting at the table  eating beef pie made with frozen puff pastry.





It’s very good Mary cried. Do you like it Emile?





Yes I’m quite converted to pies I’d like a sardine tomorrow or how about making some bread dough and we could have a sardine and mushroom pizza. 





So Mary said to him you know I don’t eat fish.





Well don’t worry I will eat the entire pizza for myself,the cat told her. I wonder if  pizza  express do them? You could have a vegetarian pizza mother.





Yes alright then we can have that tomorrow with one provision that you eat yours outside on the patio





Alright I agree I know that you want to spend some time alone because you are very angry with Stan and Annie.





But we all know exactly well that Stan died some years ago. Is Mary losing her marbles ?





Then the phone rang. Hello it’s Annie they heard.





I don’t like Blackpool much especially my being alone. So I’m going to come back tomorrow and on the way from the station I will call into Marks and Spencer’s food shop. I’ll buy some lovely food and bring it around tomorrow evening so I can tell you about my adventures in the Blackpool Illuminations.





Well am I going mad, thought Mary.





 Never mind no one will notice because I was already very peculiar but I’ll be careful not to speak to anyone who doesn’t already know me. Or I will take a vow of silence and say I am a nun. I’m going to build a hermitage in the garden.





Can I be a nun as well said Emile?





Well at the moment a man cannot be a nun but if the rules change I will let you know Emile.





Thank you ,mother.





And  so say all of us

	


	



			
				


			

			
A place for reverie
		
	
	

		






https://www.poetryfoundation.org/articles/1646989/this-be-the-place-i-shall-gaze?utm_source=Poetry%20Foundation&utm_campaign=2bb4727f26-POETRY_FOUNDATION_NEWSLETTER%3A_JANUARY_29%2C_2025&utm_medium=email&utm_term=0_ff7136981c-2bb4727f26-185545637&mc_cid=2bb4727f26&mc_eid=548544474a

	


	



			
				


			
				


			

			
War and economics
		
	
	

		

What sacrilege, the holy land on fire 





Instead of love there’s genocidal hate.





Of the human race our God has tired. 





Now he leaves us to our chosen fate.





Utilitarian theories do not work 





Economics is no science at all. 





While those who ought to think true thinking shirk.





Derive their theories from world wars and all.





CBT will make practitioners blind 





Then we will be happy and content





Do not wonder why we have two minds. 





Nor wonder why there is no true dissent.





 In the middle East they fight to kill. 





Should we  ponder if this is God’s will?






	


	



			
				


			

			
Stan and Mary see a naked woman
		
	
	

		

M





By author





After dinner Mary and Stan often went for a longish walk.They liked to go to a road where the richer people of Britain lived.,where there were some Georgian houses and one Tudor house. At dusk they would stroll by ,looking into the lighted windows to see how the rooms were decorated.And if the front garden was large sometimes they crept in to see more One beautiful house they liked from the outside was spoiled for Mary by the garish tartan wall paper. What sort of people would live there, she asked Emile who was in her handbag.with his head peeping out Well,they have a cat called Percy,he mewed softly. Why Percy?It is a noble name from the British past of course,she answered… Earls of Percy were involved in affairs of state. Well.Percy is a Chinese cat,Emile said to her wittily. He ought to be called Hu Ar U then,Mary joked ,or tried to as her sense of humour was somewhat lacking or maybe just odd.Still she looked lovely despite her moth eaten clothes bought in Sales in colors nobody else wanted like purple and lilac and bottle green. She and Stan crept slowly up the garden path and peered nervously into the empty sitting room trying to identify the paintings on the walls. All of a sudden, acompletely naked lady came into the room and lay modishly on a sofa as if she were a trained dancer.She was a sight for sore male eyes. Are they about to have a drawing class,Stan whispered? She must be a model for a Life Class or an abstract woman ,with cat ,if Percy gets into the frame,Mary mused Percy might scratch her then.Stan muttered.She could scream. Suddenly a loud voice was booming at them. What the bloody hell are you doing in my garden? There stood a big man in plus fours and and an oversized red jumper with matching cheeks We were admiring your wall paper,Mary said.I think it is very unusual. He smiled in gratification. I chose it,he cried.All by my self. But why is there a nude lady on the sofa,Stan enquired. I am so annoyed, the man told them.My fiancee likes to walk around nude but she forgets to draw the curtains first. Does she want to make an exhibition of herself,Stan enquired hopefully? We wondered if it was for a life class, you know,students learning to draw and become artists of note. Well,that’s a good idea said Arthur thoughtfully. The woman got up and came over.She opened the wondow.To their astonishment she was Annie,their neighbour and Stan’s mistress too.Stan might have known but he had kept his face immobile after years of practise. Fancy seeing you here,Annie whispered creatively in her sweet little voice I am trying to seduce Arthur but with no success so far except a marriage proposal. You need to be more discreet and indirect, said Stan. If you act like this he will think you are an artist’s model and likely to be featured in the Tate Modern Annual Show of Infamy .Now, would a man like this marry or even sleep with such a woman as you appear to be walking around like Eve before she ate the apple? I don’t know said Annie but my clothes are all in the tumble dryer,anyhow. Did you wet yourself? Mary asked her kindly.It’s nothing to be ashamed of.We all do it now and then especially since public conveniences were shut down across the UK.And now ,even winter coats are machine washable. Well,I knocked over some lemon barley water in a big jug and so I decided to wash all my clothes. while I was here as Arthur as a tumble dryer That’s a very strange tale Arthur told her.You look ravishing hanging out of the window with your nipples pointing up.Let me take a photo of you.Say,Cheese But will you put it on Twitter,Annie asked anxiously. No,dear.I am not so cruel.Why don’t you get your clothes and make us all some tea . I can’t make tea,she yelled and without pausing she dialledd 999. What is it Fire or Ambulance the lady receptionist asked politely. It’s a kettle. Is it on fire? No,it won’t boil.Can you send Dave the paramedic ,please, as he makes good tea. We are quite busy so it may be two hours or more she was told. I thought this was an emergency service,Annie said. But who defines what an emergency is? the lady asked her philosophically. I will die without this tea,Annie informed her in a ringing tone Ok ,hang up and I will send the ambulance now. Arthur seemed a little surprised I have private medical insurance,he cried.But they don’t make tea not even for old people. Well,in the UK tea has always been essential to the National Health But it will soon be drying up and we shall get flasks from the dustmen on Sundays instead. I just don’t believe it,Arthur said and he then passed out on the rug which stood in front of a bookcase full of leather bound volumes of poetry. Will he live?Read more tomorrow.Free on the NHS!