https://www.prospectmagazine.co.uk/culture/40136/what-the-history-of-rhyming-dictionaries-reveals-about-literary-snobbery

The dear face once familiar is no more

He’s in another room there is no door

I cannot see his face nor hear his voice

How can this be when once we were so close?

My heart feels sad and hollow at the core

I wish that you were here love as before.

Yet in the time of death we have no choice.

My skin , once fine, with weeping has grown coarse

The mind and heart and body are at war

The dear face once familiar is no more

Why do I still wait outside the door?

How many lunatics have voted for the biggest lunatic in the world?

Shame on you, United States of America.

https://www.theguardian.com/money/2025/feb/05/how-to-protect-yourself-from-scams-six-easy-ways-to-stay-safe?CMP=Share_AndroidApp_Other

The room in which she lay, like the sitting room through which they had passed, despite its comfort was too carefully furnished, achieving an organised perfection which for him was unwelcoming and impersonal.

P D James

The private patient

In the day the ghosts   wander through the house

Looking in the bread crock or the cake tin

Wondering about making tea

They make me feel uneasy

But now in the evening they have gone to their abode

They were not harming me but they were troubled

Asking me have you paid the bills

Have you put the rubbish out?

Are you alright?

I try to pretend they’re not here but I can feel them in the air

At kast it’s peaceful I feel my body expanding with relief

I don’t have to do anything now

Unless I really want to

Do I want to watch Maggie and George on channel 4?

They are ghosts in a different way

I did not think I would want to see her face again

Harriet Walter is over the top like the evil twin

More like the evil queen I realise.

Now we have the likes of Lynne Truss

She couldn’t carry it off because nobody believed in her but we all believed in Maggie alas.

Wouldn’t it be better to watch something more amusing?

It’s hard to imagine these days

In my mind I’m on a trolley in A&E in the corridor.

At least you’re not lonely in the corridor well not exactly lonely but you’re not exactly with people either

Just being near hurrying people running down the corridor is not the same as being with another person

But then how often are we really with anybody at all in the full sense of the word?

You can’t be with somebody when you can hardly be with yourself and picking up the paper and seeing what Trump has done now, it’s pretty disruptive of the present

Most of us feel a bit of self doubt if only Trump had a tiny bit. Was

Did no one think how it would affect him that he would believe God has ordained him and preserved him for a special task

Maybe he’s in charge of Armageddon in his mind and

Like someone sang

In my mind I’m going to Carolina

I’m going to Carolina in my mind

But that was a different meaning and I’m certainly not going there

Would anyone write a book called “I and Thou* now?

And who shall inherit the earth

After the bombs go off?

Come now, after the ghosts have gone, let’s enjoy our solitude.

The saying

Never pass water in public

Might make it difficult if you live near  a lake or river.

Or it’s been raining and there’s a puddle on the payment mother told you never to pass it in public

Never skate on our water until it freezes

Passing water can be hard for the elderly so remember this when you’re drawing up your walking expedition. Don’t take them to the lake District.

Now moving on what about passing out?

I once passed out at the dining table but usually soldiers pass out after they’ve completed their training. That’s why they look so numb

Some drugs make me pass out the main one being gtn or glycerol trinitrate. This is a treatment for angina which blows open all your arteries. But if you are inexperienced and use too much of it you will feel as if your eyes can’t see properly your scalp will start to sweat profusely and the world will shrink around you

If you feel like this try to kneel down or lie down on the floor to avoid injuring yourself when you faint. Is there any happened to me once and it was horrible

Remember not everybody is drunk when they act in a strange way because it can also because by diabetic medication to lower the blood sugar.

If it goes too low you can actually pass out or even die

But your doctor won’t get into trouble because they were giving you the treatment recommended the fact that it affects you more than other people it’s nothing to do with the doctor.

They are all terrified of being accused of doing something wrong

Well that’s only right isn’t it?

By the way if you pass large amounts of water and feel terribly thirsty that may very well be a sign of diabetes.

If you get to the point when you’re losing weight it is not because your drinking half a point of water before every meal. It is that you’ve got diabetes your body cannot take the sugar out of your blood to feed the cells and for some reason which I don’t quite understand it begins to  digest your muscles.

I’ve known two friends who were so happy they were losing weight until the real reason was found.

One of them had an eating disorder and she could eat very few foods so she concentrated on cheesecake as being full of protein

You can’t live on cheese cake

You could live on bread and cheese plus salads  and maybe some boiled eggs, tomatoes etc

In the haunted pub
We ate hot food and wondered
What is common sense?

In the sky ,snow hung
The  park was  icy and black
The farm was quiet

What is common? Sense?
What have we lost since that time?
Now we live nonsense.

Where is the humour?
The wronged kindness of  nonsense
The futility

Who says what is true?
Who speaks what is  silent , lost?
Who is the channel?

What is true has left.
“Maybe” hangs from black branches
Like dead fruit or  leaf

The autumn  orange
The senselessness of speeches
The withering   glance

The edge  of our  land
Borders are  more anguished
Cannot connect us

New laws and rules
Trial  by separation
The barbed rust   pierces

There is no heartland
There is no inside at all
Nowhere to  live well

https://www.google.com/search?q=minatory+meaning&oq=minatory&gs_lcrp=EgZjaHJvbWUqBwgBEAAYgAQyCQgAEEUYORiABDIHCAEQABiABDIHCAIQABiABDIHCAMQABiABDIHCAQQABiABDIHCAUQABiABDIHCAYQABiABDIHCAcQABiABDIHCAgQABiABDIHCAkQABiABDIHCAoQABiABDIHCAsQABiABDIHCAwQABiABDIMCA0QLhgKGNQCGIAEMgcIDhAAGIAE0gEINzE3NWowajeoAhSwAgE&client=ms-android-motorola-rvo3&sourceid=chrome-mobile&ie=UTF-8&chrome_dse_attribution=1#ebo=0

 in summer times when sun do shine

I’m happy on my own

I gaze up through red maple leaves

All transparent in the sun.

But when winter comes I’m lonely

Sitting here beside my fire.

So I want a  winter lover

To keep my spirits higher.

Oh,my winter love come to me

And I’ll gaze deep into your eyes

The light that shines in there

Is so much warmer than my fire.

We’ll go through wintry woodlands,

Where elegance lies bare.

The branches struck by sun

Now feel the frosty grasp of air.

I’ll love you all the winter time.

I’ll love you  in the dark.

I’d like to rest within your arms,

And have a peaceful talk

When summer comes I’ll disappear

To roam across the dales

I’ll sleep on heather moorlands

And send you loving mail.

I can’t be tied in summertime

I must be roaming free.

But ,if you accept this  need of mine,

To you I’ll faithful be.

• Tagged
• freedom
• humor
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He cooked his own goose with one stroke and hit the nail on the head.Which is more than one can say for her.

There’s no smoke without a fire, as the farmer said to the pig.
In my view, I’m not a racist I’m British and proud of it.
The empire was of great benefit to the natives on all sides.
Well, look at it with my lack of perspective.

Confession of the day

Bless me Father, I have twins.Through my fault, through my fault , through my most enjoyable grievous fault.
No need to boast.Just keep the home fires burning if you’ll pardon my depression.

I just can’t cry anymore.
Too many crooks spoiled the broth and I can’t blame them as we’ve all been in the same position more or less, bar the missionaries of course
.I’ll tell you what I think; we’re all mad as that hatter who lived in a shoe.And he didn’t know what to do by a long chalk.
He wasn’t Jewish, which was a shame.It wasn’t his fault.I blame his parents.Definitely.
What could he do?
He had psychoanalysis for thirty years but was never circumcised so he couldn’t pass for Jewish even with his hat, beard and vocabulary.If only he hadn’t gone to the gents he could be praying in the synagogue right now, although admittedly it was burned down by that Himmler chap and his cronies.That was in the most civilised country in Europe… it makes you think, doesn’t it?

There was always something of the barbarian about those Nazis… say what you like but I’d never trust one further than I could throw him, in a manner of speaking.Though with Drumpf we may have trouble

You know what I mean; it’s horses for courses although I don’t know any Jewish jockeys myself.I think they prefer lions or possibly antelopes.Have you ever seen a gazelle pulling a cart?Me, neither.That makes two of us.
Great minds and so forth.Well, I can’t keep listening all night.I’m off.I have other fish to fry.I’m so popular I’ve been framed.
Why do women talk so much when they could be scrubbing the floor.It’s innate, you know.genetic.They’re wired for it and love a few brillo pads for Xmas or Channukka…say what you like but God did impregnate a lady of Hebrew ethnicity…life’s a puzzle to all of us but more so to men as we have no hearts to speak of.
For God’s sake, be quiet or I’ll call the police.

Talking isn’t illegal, is it?

It is now!

Don’t pull me under the water with you  now

Don’t take me to the cavern of the drowned

There’s too many down there already don’t you think?

All pulling on the rope around me wound.

Don’t pull me under the water with you yet.

I’m not ready for another world today

But yes I feel the force of all those hands

And by this family yearning I’m beset

Don’t pull me under the water with you all

Leave me here alone I’m still alive.

Take your hands away from me at once

I don’t want to swim with you much less to dive.

Don’t keep pulling at me all the night and day.

There’s one more act in this my last,my final  play

A dead sheep, drowned, was washed up on the sands
Not treasure from the deep brought to the land
We came to Morecambe Bay for time and peace
Noone can escape from unfelt grief

The Arnside Knott had given me new views
As if it were that green hill were Christ mused
I saw the Langdale Pikes, now small and far
Affecting me, their pulling like a star


Sheep can’t safely graze on Salisbury Plain
The Army tests it weapons there these days
Man and Nature do not see the need
For slow creation, not excessive speed

Every blade of grass is trodden down
Not symbols of creation nor its crown

Mary went into the staff room at 10:30 a.m. where one of her colleagues asked her if she wanted to play Bridge at lunchtime.

I’m sorry but I don’t know how to play bridge, she answered mellifluously. Besides I’ve never seen any women playing with you

Well most of the women are not very mathematical or logical but you are, Mary

That’s what you think she thought to herself as she ambled rapidly away to the lecture room.

Hello, she cried to the students I  was am really looking forward to giving my lecture today.

The student  stared blankly as if to say, well we are not.

Where are your lecture notes Mary?

Asked Bryan a student rather like Mick Jagger in his youth

I don’t use lecture notes or any other memory aid. I just have the key points in my mind and then I pretend I am telling a story

I can’t understand how you can do that with mathematics because there are no people there no relationships no conversation.

Yes I understand what you mean but I have to do certain things to grab your attention for example I am wearing red corduroy trousers today. That will make some people look at me even if they think it’s a foolish choice.

And then I kind of talk myself into it well for example

Does the order in which we do things matter ?Yes it does for example you make the bed before you get into it not after you’ve got into it usually.

What is true in ordinary life is also true in mathematics if you multiply a number by 50 and divide by 1.9 I think you’ll get a different answer than if you divide it by 1.9 and multiply by 50 but I might be wrong

Yes I am wrong it’s the same answer because the order does not matter for those two operations but when we’re getting into more advanced mathematics like matrix algebra it does make a difference.

But what we don’t understand said the student is why anybody would want to do matrlix algebra

Well it’s a bit like this if you were studying Hitler you would not just begin with where Hitler was born and who his parents were you want to study the social and economic factors operating in Austria and Germany at that time and in Europe more widely namely the advent of the first world war and the defeat of the German empire which was very hard for those living there. It was hard because it was not in their minds a defeat it was an armistice and yet they were treated they had been beaten.

There was a revolution and the Kaiser of Germany was deposed

This led to grudges and hatred and envy madness and murder

The Versaillat treaty was thought to be unjust by many people including  Hitler.

So you can’t always explain everything before you begin to learn but you will gradually get closer you knowing the subject as time goes on.

So now I’ve told you that I can’t tell you why we study algebra before we begin to learn it I will expect you to read chapter 1 of modern algebra by Birkhoff and McLean

Go through it by yourself and then meet another student from the group and discuss what you have learned with them before you come to my next lecture.

Just then she saw her friend Annie slipping into the back of the lecture hall.

Good grief something must be wrong for Annie to come into the room.

But no nothing was wrong except that Annie had decided to go to the university to study mathematics and physics.

This dear woman had no concept of time whatsoever so she did not realise that when you do something you have to begin at the beginning.

And that the time to Make  preparations is before you begin

So before you go to any lecture you will buy some paper and a pen.

You will need something hard to put your paper on and I do not mean your head, hard though it may be.

Of course some of you would have paid 500 pounds to buy a tablet and i a digital pen so that you can take notes on the screen but is it really worth all that money?

You also need to get out of bed and get dressed before you come to the university as well

I think you understand what I’m saying don’t you because if you don’t understand this you’re certainly not going to understand algebra.

Well that’s all for today students. I’ve given you a bit of motivation so go away and study that book that I have recommended

And do you know they did

Leaving Anna trying to explain to Mary why she had decided to start at university when she was already over 75 years old

Perhaps she thinks it will make her younger.

If you heard of general relativity then this is what is confusing her and everybody else except for professor Mary Brown. Because nothing confuses Mary except other human beings.

How vivid is your face in my mind’s eye

I did not know that day that you would die.

Your eyes were green like water in sea tide.

The colour of the waves where seabirds ride

I cannot write this down but I must try

I wish I’d touched your hand last time we came

You were far too private, played no games.

Now my unasked questions are dead leaves

Falling from the bay tree unperceived

Now my tears fall down like soft fine rain.

I see your face more clearly than before.

You are smiling your boyfriend and his lore.

Now he is old and sad but still upright

I know he will miss you most during the night

How vivid all the memories from my store.

How vivid

Mary went into the kitchen walking very slowly because she was wondering what to have for supper. Now that she was alone she had so much more choice but appetite had not returned after her husband had gone on holiday with his mistress Annie who live next door.

Well I suppose we all need our freedom at times but to do it so blatantly was wrong. Still the fact that he’s already had an affair with this woman next door made it less surprising.

The problem was that he normally cooked the supper so Mary was not used to thinking about the menu. When she was a student she bought a

steak pie in a tin but she didn’t know whether you could buy things like that anymore and anyway Marks and Spencers and it’s chilled food was usually a lot more tempting than tins of meat pies. But she had not planned ahead. She had not remembered to go shopping. she remembered that cats had some very nice food which look like beef pieces in jelly.

Later Mary and Emile were sitting at the table eating beef pie made with frozen puff pastry.

It’s very good Mary cried. Do you like it Emile?

Yes I’m quite converted to pies I’d like a sardine tomorrow or how about making some bread dough and we could have a sardine and mushroom pizza.

So Mary said to him you know I don’t eat fish.

Well don’t worry I will eat the entire pizza for myself,the cat told her. I wonder if pizza express do them? You could have a vegetarian pizza mother.

Yes alright then we can have that tomorrow with one provision that you eat yours outside on the patio

Alright I agree I know that you want to spend some time alone because you are very angry with Stan and Annie.

But we all know exactly well that Stan died some years ago. Is Mary losing her marbles ?

Then the phone rang. Hello it’s Annie they heard.

I don’t like Blackpool much especially my being alone. So I’m going to come back tomorrow and on the way from the station I will call into Marks and Spencer’s food shop. I’ll buy some lovely food and bring it around tomorrow evening so I can tell you about my adventures in the Blackpool Illuminations.

Well am I going mad, thought Mary.

Never mind no one will notice because I was already very peculiar but I’ll be careful not to speak to anyone who doesn’t already know me. Or I will take a vow of silence and say I am a nun. I’m going to build a hermitage in the garden.

Can I be a nun as well said Emile?

Well at the moment a man cannot be a nun but if the rules change I will let you know Emile.

Thank you ,mother.

And so say all of us

https://www.poetryfoundation.org/articles/1646989/this-be-the-place-i-shall-gaze?utm_source=Poetry%20Foundation&utm_campaign=2bb4727f26-POETRY_FOUNDATION_NEWSLETTER%3A_JANUARY_29%2C_2025&utm_medium=email&utm_term=0_ff7136981c-2bb4727f26-185545637&mc_cid=2bb4727f26&mc_eid=548544474a

https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/petulant

What sacrilege, the holy land on fire

Instead of love there’s genocidal hate.

Of the human race our God has tired.

Now he leaves us to our chosen fate.

Utilitarian theories do not work

Economics is no science at all.

While those who ought to think true thinking shirk.

Derive their theories from world wars and all.

CBT will make practitioners blind

Then we will be happy and content

Do not wonder why we have two minds.

Nor wonder why there is no true dissent.

In the middle East they fight to kill.

Should we  ponder if this is God’s will?

M

After dinner Mary and Stan often went for a longish walk.They liked to go to a road where the richer people of Britain lived.,where there were some Georgian houses and one Tudor house. At dusk they would stroll by ,looking into the lighted windows to see how the rooms were decorated.And if the front garden was large sometimes they crept in to see more One beautiful house they liked from the outside was spoiled for Mary by the garish tartan wall paper. What sort of people would live there, she asked Emile who was in her handbag.with his head peeping out Well,they have a cat called Percy,he mewed softly. Why Percy?It is a noble name from the British past of course,she answered… Earls of Percy were involved in affairs of state. Well.Percy is a Chinese cat,Emile said to her wittily. He ought to be called Hu Ar U then,Mary joked ,or tried to as her sense of humour was somewhat lacking or maybe just odd.Still she looked lovely despite her moth eaten clothes bought in Sales in colors nobody else wanted like purple and lilac and bottle green. She and Stan crept slowly up the garden path and peered nervously into the empty sitting room trying to identify the paintings on the walls. All of a sudden, acompletely naked lady came into the room and lay modishly on a sofa as if she were a trained dancer.She was a sight for sore male eyes. Are they about to have a drawing class,Stan whispered? She must be a model for a Life Class or an abstract woman ,with cat ,if Percy gets into the frame,Mary mused Percy might scratch her then.Stan muttered.She could scream. Suddenly a loud voice was booming at them. What the bloody hell are you doing in my garden? There stood a big man in plus fours and and an oversized red jumper with matching cheeks We were admiring your wall paper,Mary said.I think it is very unusual. He smiled in gratification. I chose it,he cried.All by my self. But why is there a nude lady on the sofa,Stan enquired. I am so annoyed, the man told them.My fiancee likes to walk around nude but she forgets to draw the curtains first. Does she want to make an exhibition of herself,Stan enquired hopefully? We wondered if it was for a life class, you know,students learning to draw and become artists of note. Well,that’s a good idea said Arthur thoughtfully. The woman got up and came over.She opened the wondow.To their astonishment she was Annie,their neighbour and Stan’s mistress too.Stan might have known but he had kept his face immobile after years of practise. Fancy seeing you here,Annie whispered creatively in her sweet little voice I am trying to seduce Arthur but with no success so far except a marriage proposal. You need to be more discreet and indirect, said Stan. If you act like this he will think you are an artist’s model and likely to be featured in the Tate Modern Annual Show of Infamy .Now, would a man like this marry or even sleep with such a woman as you appear to be walking around like Eve before she ate the apple? I don’t know said Annie but my clothes are all in the tumble dryer,anyhow. Did you wet yourself? Mary asked her kindly.It’s nothing to be ashamed of.We all do it now and then especially since public conveniences were shut down across the UK.And now ,even winter coats are machine washable. Well,I knocked over some lemon barley water in a big jug and so I decided to wash all my clothes. while I was here as Arthur as a tumble dryer That’s a very strange tale Arthur told her.You look ravishing hanging out of the window with your nipples pointing up.Let me take a photo of you.Say,Cheese But will you put it on Twitter,Annie asked anxiously. No,dear.I am not so cruel.Why don’t you get your clothes and make us all some tea . I can’t make tea,she yelled and without pausing she dialledd 999. What is it Fire or Ambulance the lady receptionist asked politely. It’s a kettle. Is it on fire? No,it won’t boil.Can you send Dave the paramedic ,please, as he makes good tea. We are quite busy so it may be two hours or more she was told. I thought this was an emergency service,Annie said. But who defines what an emergency is? the lady asked her philosophically. I will die without this tea,Annie informed her in a ringing tone Ok ,hang up and I will send the ambulance now. Arthur seemed a little surprised I have private medical insurance,he cried.But they don’t make tea not even for old people. Well,in the UK tea has always been essential to the National Health But it will soon be drying up and we shall get flasks from the dustmen on Sundays instead. I just don’t believe it,Arthur said and he then passed out on the rug which stood in front of a bookcase full of leather bound volumes of poetry. Will he live?Read more tomorrow.Free on the NHS!

https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/chagrin

https://www.theguardian.com/society/2025/jan/26/the-mindbody-revolution-how-the-division-between-mental-and-physical-illness-fails-us-all?CMP=Share_AndroidApp_Other

In my dreams I travel deep and low
Into the loving world of long ago
The jacket on the chair ,it smelled of smoke……
The funny tales, he sang, he laughed, he spoke

So faint the memory, strong are its remains
Security and love in our domain
The brushes and the stipplers all stood by
For no-one told his tools that he would die.

On his shoulders, like a queen I rode
So safe and happy on the path he trod.
His voice was clear and he could whistle too
In those days men were used to do

And  love shone from him on my mother dear
She smiled and made us cakes for Sunday tea
What  tragedy to leave  his children five
But in that distant space ,he is alive

The fire as red as any glowing rose
We were dressed so well in  home made clothes
Too happy, needing no words to relate
Our sense of being in this  generous space

I can’t get back to them, I cannot swim
The passages too wet , the light so dim
Yet I feel it in my body faint and clear
Death is not the end of those so dear.

Deep inside our minds, ancestors live
And   to out hearts a depth and breadth they give
Yet missing him,I hover near the place
Where I might dive into his dear embrace

The  table where we  banged our little heads
The chairs so close together like a bed
The teapot  always full, the sugar bowl
The fire, the kettle , pussy cat and coal

The fireplace had its oven  nice and warm
Looking at hot coals made me feel calm
The children seem to play in that   far space
And all around  is love  and on  and on I gaze

“Your eyes are like deep pools in the Indonesian ocean” Stan murmured into his mistress Annie’s ear.He gently took hold of her and pulled her down onto his thin knee.
Just as he did , his new Habitat chair collapsed and they fell onto the floor.,the chair in many bits around them like a jigsaw puzzle in three dimenstions,
Have you got your smartphone,my sweetheart “he whispered romantically
“I think you’ll have to ring 999.
“OK,my angel” Annie prattled,
” Operator,it’s my lover’s chair .It keeps collapsing;can we bring into A and E to be fixed? Well he can’t get into to bed anymore as he is 107,so we really need this”
Just then a pebble hit the window,it was his wife coming back from Sainsburys” She’s lost her keys in her book bag yet again
Oh,wonderful,just at the right moment” he shouted,”Hello,Mary,here is Annie,she’s a chair surgeon!”
“Oh,that’s good”,Mary muttered enigmatically.
” Do you ever fix beds?”
“Why do you ask?” Annie cried sweetly
“Well, ours is always collapsing’it’s yet another of life’s mysteries.”
“Why,you are so beautiful, Mary.You are mesmerising.Come and show me your bed.We’ll leave Stan here.He’ll soon be in that ambulance”
“Annie,your eyes are like deep salty pools in the Dead Sea .”
“Have you both been on the same creative writing course?” Mary spouted satirically.
“I aim for satisfaction.Here’s my gun.I’m going to shoot you” Annie called
“But we have no guns in the UK” Mary whispered under her breath
“Well you have now.” Annie said logically.
Just then the emergency ambulance arrived with its siren scaring the cats nearby but not Emile as he heard it so many times.
“OK. which chair is it this time” the trisexual paramedic Dave enquired foxily.
“Have you ever thought of making it in the bath?We’re getting really worried about you in Casualty,at your age.”
“Worry no more” Anne screamed emphatically, firing the gun repeatedly into the chair’s remains.
“I’ll make sure he never sits in it again.And now Habitat’s gone bust,he can’t buy another.’”
“Cheers ,mate!”whispered the paramedic dramatically.
“Has anyone ever told you,your eyes are like deep pools in the Sea of Tralee”.
“Oh,no not another one!”Anne moaned tentatively,”You need to raise your whole game,not just change the name of the sea”
“You’re so intelligent too,lady.Can you teach me truly creative writing?” He yelled quietly,by the way I am Trisexual.
” What a funny name.Come upstairs” she murmured in reply, “and we’ll see what sea we can see up there,tonight”.
“Thank you so much and please send me home in a stamped addressed envelope when you are done with me.” he responded quixotically
“Whatever” she sighed spontaneously.”Let’s get on with it or you’ll be here all night”
Does it matter? he called.”I am paid by the flower”
Emile the little black cat who had hidden in the wardrobe was disappointed that the light went out as he hoped to take a photo.
And so did all of us

https://www.loveliveson.com/funny-obituaries/

https://www.google.com/search?q=origin+of+going+round+the+bend&oq=origin+of+round+the+bend&gs_lcrp=EgZjaHJvbWUqCAgBEAAYCBgeMgYIABBFGDkyCAgBEAAYCBgeMg0IAhAAGIYDGIAEGIoFMg0IAxAAGIYDGIAEGIoFMgoIBBAAGKIEGIkF0gEJMTk2MDFqMGo5qAIOsAIB&client=ms-android-motorola-rvo3&sourceid=chrome-mobile&ie=UTF-8&chrome_dse_attribution=1

As Mary was sitting in the sitting room she realized that when she put her jumper on she had carried out two operations

The first operatiob was to turn the jumper inside out.

The second was to turn it back to front so that the label was underneath her chin giving everyone who came close to her the opportunity of seeing where she had bought it. And of its composition

Now speaking as a mathematician she was saying to her friend Annie, Unlike many operations the order in which you do these things to your jumper does not make any difference

Trivial to you this may be, but in mathematics there are many operations which are not the same when the order is reversed

Even in ordinary culinary life this is the case. If you are making a cake the order in which you carry out a sequence of operations is extremely important

You do you do not begin by putting the cake tin into the oven for 40 minutes

You begin by creaming the butter on the sugar together by hand or with an electric beater

After this you add the eggs and it’s very important you don’t add the eggs before you beat the butter and sugar until they are soft and creamy

Suddenly Mary became aware of her train of thoughts

Why in the world am I thinking about that  she asked herself?

Really you don’t need to keep having an internal conversation with yourself it’s quite alright to be silent with yourself.

She knew she ought to write this down in her notebook but her notebook was full.

Suddenly her front door opened and she heard the voice of her friend Annie.

I had better not tell Annie what I was thinking because she would tell me that I need more and do something exciting like go to play bingo or to a dance hall if there are any dancehalls left in this area of Knittingham

Even hopping around the room on one foot will be better than thinking such useless though logical thoughts

No wonder I get tired she thought as my mind is burning up all my energy and really who was interested in whether I put my jumper back to front first and then took it off until this inside out and would it be the same whichever order I did it in

I’m not sure that it would though if you turned this inside out and put it on the label would still be at the back then if you turned it back to front, it will be at the front.

Now you understand the nature of obsessive thinking :that you might think you have stopped thinking but you are thinking wrong because you are still thinking all the time

For goodness set put the kettle on she called to Annie I’m driving myself round the bend.

It won’t be the first time you’ve gone around the bend Annie replied in her challenging manner

But what is the bend I mean which bend is it referring to?

Could it be the bend in the toilet?

My toilet doesn’t bend

No,it’s the outlet.

There must be some other bends in the house. Room  to room there are no bends in the bathroom except the u-bend in the sink

Well the bedroom has no bends in it

Maybe it’s not in the house maybe it’s referring to something historical or some famous Bend in history.

Does it mean when you’ve left the straight a narrow road and gone on the winding path to perdition?

When I was a child I used to wonder why there was no bus to Perdition

What about a skating rink?

If it’s circular you go off and when you reach the other side you gently turn around with the circle  and come back to the beginning. so you are meant to go around the bend

Well somebody must know about it; you had better ring 999. Ask them

Hello do you want the five brigade or the ambulance or the police

I’m not sure can you send all over them at once.

What are you or who are you. Are you a crazy person ?

Well that’s the problem I don’t know because I think I may have gone round the bend but I’m not sure what the bend is or whether I can come back from the other side.

If I was you I would go to see a psychoanalyst

Can you send one here on the NHS?

I’m afraid that they don’t work for the national health service although some of them used to do in hospitals for example Adam Phillips used to work in the children’s department of a South London hospital giving help to children in difficulties.

Well could I go there?

I’m afraid he doesn’t work though anymore because the changes that came in during the 1980s and 90s were so draconic that he was no longer able to give children the help that they needed. You see they can do it on computers now it’s called cognitive behavioral Therapy and it just asks you questions like

What are you upset about at the moment?

Well I got ipset about the big pile of clothing on the chair in my bedroom which is driving me insane.

So what does that make you feel like?

It makes me get out of bed and go over to the chair and start sorting it all out.

I’m afraid you are not suffering from depression then and you do not need CBT.

That’s not very helpful.

Health service only gives stuff like that now or if you want to you could catch flu and come and lie in the corridor on a trolley for 48 hours that might make you feel better when you see the suffering of other people around you.

I’ve seen enough suffering in my life already.

Anyway you shouldn’t be talking to me you’re only a 999 phone operator

Well you’ve got me all confused : do you want animal vegetable or mineral or fire or ambulance or the police

I’ll have an animal because my cat Emile is lonely so  I would like another cat.They have to be black and female.

Ok I’ll phone you when we get one in and you can come and pick it up or I can bring it around to you in a taxi if you like and the government will pay the taxu for you.

Oh it’s so wonderful now with this labour government:wait till I tell my friends about this.

No matter if you believe everything I’ve told you then you are really round the bend and you need to go to A&E on foot because I know there’s nothing wrong with you except that you need to get some mental health advice

But you have a lovely voice would you mind if I asked you have to have meal with me tomorrow when I’m not working? There’s a very nice restaurant opened about one mile away from here.

Well you can ring me tomorrow and see what I’m feeling like because at the moment I’m not accepting any invitations for dates or meals or anything at all except going to bed

Well I will go to bed with you if you like because you sound very charming and attractive

I don’t mean going to bed in order to make love and have sexual Congress with men I mean going to bed to sleep because I am tired of worn out and anyway I’m 91 tomorrow.

Are you really need it your voice sounds so girlish.

Well that’s the nicest thingsl anybody has said to me this week.

You need to go out and mix more

More what?

Mary put the phone down and picked up the cup of tea which her friend brought and it was absolutely delicious.

That has hit the spot she cried loudly

Don’t asj me what the spot is because I don’t know!

And so say all of us