
From the archives


I dreamed of you last night, you wore a smile
Fifty years ago you took your life
And left me for the agony, the trial
Since then I’ve had no vision but denial
Your face was absent,cut out by a knife
I dreamed of you last night, your little smile
There was no motive, we had never quarreled
I was blinded, nervous and too shy
You left to me the agony, the trial
Who consoles the woman left in horror?
Sickly on my lonely bed I lay
I dreamed of you last night, you wore a smile
In my view, I could not see tomorrow
Through my suffering I did try to pay
You left to me the agony, the trial
The grief of fifty years came out today
Oh, lay down, baby, lay down, baby, lay
I dreamed that you were here, your face. your smile
You console me now poor lovers reconciled
Aldeburgh,Sizewell,Dunwich Heath
The nuclear bomb shall bring eternal peace
Housed between the town and the Reserve
Its blackness is ignored by little birds
If force deters, then we shall all be saved
Or this our world will vanish without trace
Innocently playing on the shore
Children find old marble unrestored
Birds may sense the blackness of our hearts
For, even though unused, the bombs take part
They are here where Britten once composed
And so the sanctuary ends unsaved,destroyed
In between the lover and his rose
A screen electric in the silence glows
Your eyes are sharp as razors boiled in wrath
It’s easy to provoke but less to soothe
My hair is protein, do not rip it off
You think you are above us yet we laugh
Your hair curls tightly. men don’t like it smooth
Your eyes are sharp as razors boiled in wrath
Though my hair is tangled I’ve no moths
I have no lice, nor eggs,so do not brood
My hair is protein, do not cut it off
You’ll catch nineteen germs if someone coughs
Stay in Lockdown, banish those who feud
Your eyes are sharp as needles boiled in wrath
,
Take your steely look and make it love
Our eyes can with such kindness be imbued
My hair is protein,I must be a Goth
Life is wasted when we start to feud
Or stick like needles in the rounded gtoove
Your eyes are sharp as hawks sent up in wrath
O tragic world,men hate more than they love
Wait on God,like waiting on a tide.
The moon exerts her pull with dignity
No human force can change how these seas ride.
We plead with God forever to abide!
Should we fear his great sagacity?
Wait on God as waiting for the tide.
Maybe it is his will which decides
Not ours to go there in audacity
No human force can change how these seas ride.
Do not mock and torment him we flayed
With no control of our temerity
Wait on God be patient towards the tides
When we suffer, we obey our pride
Demand we shall not lose our dignity
No human force can change how great seas ride
For a lover, life has clarity
Within those arms a rich variety
Wait on God,like waiting on a tide.
No human force can change the wild seas ride.
My skin is aching,tender, loss has pierced
My heart needs walls, its boundary has gone.
I miss the touch of love from him so dear |
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A rack of metal pins brought me tears
Why suffer this till I am quite undone?
My skin is aching,tender, by loss pierced
We forget that grief is close to fear
When alone, we panic, what’s to come?
I ache without the love from him so dear
Psychotic, with no unity, who steers?
My head is so remote,I have no plan
My skin is aching,tender, by loss pierced
Cursed be the One who made our sphere
Since Eden went,by so called sin undone
I ache without the love from someone dear
I should get my cell, St.Julian
Hid inside the church wall, does Love come?
My skin is aching,tender, loss has pierced
Uncaressed by him whom I held dear,
Cats make homes wherever they find ease
I wish I were a cat and you were too
Cats pay no rent are never mortgagees
Cats make homes wherever they find ease
Self sufficient, they don’t live to please
And if they are disturbed they simply flee
No sulking and no moods, they’re never blue
Cats make homes wherever they find ease
I wish I were a cat and lived with you
Xmas lights induce a feeling sweet
Memories of the love inside our home
Little children safe drift into sleep
I never knew that other mothers wept
The smell of baking,cards and keeping warm
Xmas lights induce a feeling sweet
My errant brothers did their best to tease
Burned my golden hair as if to warn
Joan of Arc rocked restless in her sleep
When the lights are off nobody sees
The moment when the Saviour child is born
Xmas lights induce my feelings deep
Holy are the beggars in the street
Waiting, hear the sheep bells, the ram’s horn
Little children dream this as they sleep
Midwinter low, and slow the sun, the dawn
The veil between the worlds must not be torn
Xmas lights , oh stars that deck the night
Little children smiling draw us tight
Do not rush about when under stress
You may fall and bang your tender head
With agitation caused by business
Rather than do more, we must do less
Do it slowly till it’s time for bed
Do not rush about when under stress
Do not ruminate nor second guess
Grace is blocked,imagination led
By agitation caused by business
Slowness leads some space, so slowness bless
In tune with nature, not the words we read
Do not rush about when under stress
If you are a hare,keep from excess
If a tortoise,you’ll end up ahead
No agitation caused by business
The lilies of the field by grace are fed
And so our hearts are when our burden’s shed
Do not rush about when under stress
With agitation causing grief to living flash
I get up in the morning after twenty cups of tea
I dress in some bright clothing that will make God worship me
I am getting so much older and I never learned to flirt
How did I have time to go to work ?
I spend a long time daydreaming,I love a reverie
Now I have no cat at all, my new plants all love me
I sit and write my poetry, it doesn’t have to hurt
How did I have time to go to work?
I’ve a prayer plant from the tropics,Brazilian so I read
I’m buying it some pebbles, it likes a waterbed
I’ve also got a Peace Lily, surveillance is covert
How did I have time to go to work?
Time they say is precious, as they run with manic verve
Like a tangent to a circle, they miss the holy curve
My ambition is for indolence, my ideas I will nurse
Why did I waste time and go to work?

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times in a very real sense.
Mary dreamed Stan was in heaven enjoying the company of Wittgenstein,Jesus and Pascal , not to mention Lady Jane Grey Ann of Cleves,Juliet,Cleopatra and an angel.
At least at this point in time he can’t sleep with them ,she thought as she woke up.Though did that matter? Can men be faithful and monogamous?
Look at Leonard Cohen.Was he better off flitting from flower to flower? Was he so stunning that women threw themselves at him and he could not resist?Sometimes people are actually afraid of intimacy or feel life is short and want some new experiences.Was he a wolf? It t akes one to know one
It was indeed almost the worst of times when Mary remembered she had no food in the house except cat food for Emile.He was all she had now as her daughter Lyra lived in Australia and Stan was in heaven, she hoped.
Here I am, she thought, pondering unanswerable questions and not looking after myself .It is probably best to err on the side of buying food and going out rather than lying in the bed wondering if life has any inherent meaning. or if we must create our own.
Even discussing that with someone else would be better.But men folk don’t want to discuss serious topics with their lovers.
It was an even worse time when she recalled a man who once loved her leaving her because she asked him if he knew what post-modernism was one night after going to the cinema to see a comedy.She realised then that she would have to play a part,To act like a woman.So far it was but moderately successful owing to her myopic view of life
If only I had kept quiet, she told herself,I could be lying beside him now enjoying a few kisses and hugs and asking him how to light the electric fire.Still ,there’s many a slip twixt cup and lip
Now then, said a loud voice.Stop ruminating and get up. One stitch in time saves nine.
Who are you to say that to me, she called nervously ?
She wondered of stress had driven her round the bend.She had begun reading a book which said mental illness in not an illness like flu.
It is a reaction to bad events and other life strains.
It doesn’t matter who I am,just do as I say, came the answer
Mary recognised the voice.It was her dad who had died when she was 9.
Dad, she called, why are you here now?
Because Jesus told us to love our family, he revealed pleasantly.
Why now after all these years? she persisted.
I have missed you.
I always did have a bad sense of direction,he told her.But do as I say.You won’t recover easily if you never get up.Stan is here but he is busy cleaning the gold cutlery for an angel.
Alright, but I never knew there was cutlery up there, she murmured as she put on her new clothes.She had bought some purple trousers and two new jumpers.One was pink and one was teal.The trousers were exceptionally comfortable being in a last years’ sale by a famous label..She then found some Weetabix in the cupboard and some long life milk.As she drank her tea she admired the acer’s brilliant red leaves.
Almost too bright, she thought.It’s due to the hot September.Plants are affected by their environment and so are we.Especially by bad or hot tempered men and women
Poor people may have more than in the past but they tend to live in the ugliest areas of the town with no gardens nor parks.
And seeing the better off walk by wearing expensive clothes it is surprising there are not even more muggings.
She recalled seeing a man with a Rolex watch and gold earrings on talking on his new iPhone as he wandered through the Mall.I suppose we think everybody else is like us; we don’t mix with very poor or very rich people on the whole.Unless we are one of those two types.
Mary went outside and found a neighbour wheeling in her bins.
Thanks ,Tom, she cried.I wondered who it was.I am very grateful.What is post modernism,by the way?Nobody will tell me.
Emile was watching from the window sill.
I knew it was Tom, he mewed.
But you didn’t tell me,Mary replied.
You didn’t ask.
Tom wandered off ,while Mary admired the autumn trees lining the road.Tom turned back and looked at her but she didn’t notice.
Time for coffee, she muttered and went inside again.She was embroidering a table mat which said “Rumination is for the birds”.Where it had come from was a puzzle.But it may be a good thought
And so say all of us
He thought I was an enemy , he said
The eyes see what we fear or what we need
I gave him love,but hate grew there instead
If you need to hate, try someone dead
Do not say cruel words that make us bleed
He thought I was an enemy , he said
Do not dwell where people hate the good
If they curse, it’s best to pay no heed
I gave him love,but hate welled up instead
Emotions mingle, wanton like fresh blood
Let them be till form can be perceived
He thought I was his enemy , he said
Do not confront the paranoid nor mad
The agony of their minds has them deceived
We give them love,but hate wells up instead
Never take such people into bed
Let them run away, they’ll be relieved.
He mistook me for an enemy , he said
I gave him love and care now I feel bad
Why should we do evil if we care
Care about the world and humankind?
What is evil, what is good, what’s fair?
To feel we’re God, implacable our stare
Igniting terror in a human mind
Why should we do that if we do care?
Some do evil deeds to show they dare,
Making their own heart a place malign
What is evil, what is good, what’s fair?
The truly strong are anxious and aware
Letting their love flow in reason’s time
Why should we do that if we don’t care?
The good are like the tortoise not the hare
Slowly with perception ,impulse reined,
Acquainted with the evil ,good prefer
The true mind is the one refined by pain
Seeking no revenge,but to so learn
Why should we do evil if we care?
There is evil, is it de rigeur?
Astounded by love’s impact, my tears fell
As if a door was opened up by you
The reservoir of grief, the flooded bell,
The marble on the shore, the hidden view.
I stayed still and by you I was held
In your golden cloud, I felt embraced
You covered me with warmth,I was your child
A candle in the gale,a shining face
I was silent,I was even dumb
They who see a face can not unknow
Love is not a method nor a sum
Nor can logic point the way to go
Do not ask for knowledge or belief
Do not ask reprieve from human grief

Oh,mother dear wherever have you been
To leave a cat all day is very mean
Emile,I need my freedom now and then
I can’t love Dave but I would like a man
I must go out to buy a handsome coat
Cognac is the colour I love most
Emile cried, whatever do you think
I saw some frogs a-courting in the sink
I was on the draining rack up there
They asked me to avert my amber stare
Are frogs faithful, don’t they just leave spawn?
They are cold towards tadpoles unborn
We saw them by Moss Bank in shallow pools
Mary wonders if all frogs are cruel
Stan came in with his angels right behind
They are tired of heaven, they’ve resigned
Here’s a pin upon which they can dance
Mary was delighted and entranced
Do you need a dinner now you’ve died?
I wouldn’t mind a steak, the old man sighed
Some buttered new potatoes and a fool
Rhubarb or vanilla would be cool
I have done no shopping, Mary cried
I have no money for the food you like
Shall I get a pizza, fish and chips
That will put some colour in your lips
I am only joking, Stanley said
I shall merely visit you in bed
Emile wept with joy to see his Dad
What a spirit, is he going mad?
In came Annie in her long green coat
Her eyes were black and scratched was her throat
I fell into the Croal when eating chips
See the bruises on my purple lips
Never walk on water,Mary screeched
Even when you cross all Southport Beach
Stay away from danger,I’ll ring Dave
He will dress your bruises with his gauze
Annie did not tell them all the truth
She had fallen off the sloping roof
At last my one ambition is fulfilled
I have a desk where I may write at will
No more the dining table or a board
A two desk family is safely moored
Men must have their study if they write
Though grandad was a coalminer at night
And Father was a writer in gold paint
Embellishing the Churches with quotes quaint
He also did The Stations of the Cross
Then he died, what torment ,oh what loss.
We went to see his grave and said a prayer
Jesus was so quiet, hardly there.
But I believe in love and always will
Now I’ll write my poems with a quill
The thieves took only one of my blue mugs
Spode, I think,from Holt where cars break down
I still keep my wildflowers in the jug
The thieves took only one thing, sweet blue mug
My husband gave me China.so he browsed
All Spode, I think,in Holt where we broke down
The car was large but caused frustrated howls
The thieves took only one thing, a blue mug
My gifts from Holt, the bed ,the wedding gown
Trees lean over,watchful as we meet
The tall ones do not shiver in the breeze
Trees can hear the torment in our speech
We have flowering cherry in our street
But mine died like my lover with great ease
Trees lean over listening as we meet
The tree won’t bend too close, it will not reach
As panic,worry, horror,nightmares squeeze
Trees discern the music in our squeaks
Alas, no tree has mastered human speech
But when they can, they coax the honey bees
Trees lean over sweetly as we meet
The leaves will rustle,wrestle and may tease
Smile for selfies,what’s the word, it’s cheese
Trees lean over, wonder, and conceive
Yet trees hate noone, nor do they believe
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We walked on sea shores with our mates
Though wide oceana separate
Now we’re abandoned on the shores
By the loves we’ll see no more
We still stand on shifting sands
Expecting , needing, helping hands
But most people walk on by
And we’re too afraid to cry
Lost in places we once knew
But recognised by very few
Our eyes look out but do not see
Filled by tears we can’t set free
Shall we stay here evermore
Hoping lovers we adored
Are on their way back to their home
As slowly, sadly, we still roam?
The sturdy walls that bear the sky
Have been shattered from on high
And feeling smaller than the snails
We hear the long lost sea winds wail
Oh, weep for him and me, wide seas
Embrace our souls in your salt breeze
See the crushed and broken shells
Hear the tolling of the bells
I love Picasso, it’s his line,you know
How he evokes the movement fast or slow
The sundered parts arranged in a new form
The image still and yet depicting storms
The unexpecting vision threw me down
My mind was blown and I lay on the ground
I heard no sound except for music lite
For I was in a shop,not an art site
I did not think I’d see great art in there
My fences bypassed by such beauty bare
The light of art burns into human souls
May shatter or fragment, create new wholes
Noone ever knew the blow I took
When I saw with no intent to look
The clock electric does not need to tick
The seconds pass unheard by any ear
If you watch, the hands don’t seem to move
Eternal is the memory of love
So my life is passing as I write
I see the seconds hand move fast as light
The memories stored inside my brain,my mind
Will influence all I do, will make designs
When this my heart stops ticking like a clock
The cells of all my body run amok
Who will mourn for me when I am gone?
The angst and joy of life will soon be done
The golden numbers move in patterns bright
The sun defeats the ogres of the night
I lingered in ambiguity like a bride
Who fears disclosing that her face is fake
And while we’re on the subject, I take pride
In mixing water colours from the lake
Ambiguous in intentions we don’t know
We send out signals full of world slass news
If this rebounds an artist might then show
Our vision centres on our point of view
Seventeen types of clarity are mine
Fifteen from my mind and two from pride
From this glass I make a view divine
Though Sunday someone said they thought I lied.
Ambiguously enchanted, given bail
We try to glimpse another through their veil
In my despair I felt that I was stuck
Paralysed by grief and guilt I failed
By the end I had tried every trick
From prayer unthought to deeps of logic black
My life, my engine ,juddered off the rails
I hated God and of “his” Church was sick
Starving and alone I was in shock
The death of one I loved had made me frail
By the end I had tried every trick
I felt love’s arms around me, death to block
I knew this goodness, why else would I wail?
I thought I hated God but Love had struck
Warm and golden light that did me hold
Where are you now when refugees die cold?
Kind despair that made me long time sit
By the end I knew Love needs no trick
I missed the flowering of the maple tree
Where red leaves swell like baby’s growing fists
i fear to struggle there, what shall I see,
Just the doves and sparrows flying free?
Missed the flowering of the maple tree
But watched less subtle human comedy
Saw politicians flounder, saw ships list
Missed the burning of some red leaved tree
I wonder when they’ll break the baby’s wrists?

We climbed a stile oh what a reservoir
Water from our hills served other towns
If you’re listening, theres no editor
We climbed a stile, surprised the reservoir
We don’t have our pure water anymore
We may have perfect kitchens but we frown
We loved the stile, we saw the reservoir
Water from our hills stole by yon’ towns
Loss is like a real wound in the heart
From knife, from dagger,sword or scimitar
When your own beloved must depart
Or hearts may split in two, may crack or smart
Listening to dear Cohen with guitar
Loss was like a real wound in his heart
I felt my wound would widen, blood might squirt
Cover me in red,oh,mad, bizarre
When my own beloved chose “Depart”
Sometimes when I walked I used to lurch
Once into the road ,between two cars
Loss is like a real wound in the heart
I wandered through the graveyard, ancient church
Castigate me not ,peculiar
Like a bird his soul sought for its perch
As far as Mirth, as far as the North Star
Noone knows the vastness nor would dare
Loss is like a cut,a wound, oh heart
When your own beloved must depart
Your absence from our home is a still a wound
A bruise upon my heart, a knock, a blow
A song that has no words nor any tune
That hovers in my ear,is loth to go
Yet I am glad I helped you to let go
I would not wish that you were here alone
But when the lake of tears still overflows
I wish that I could reach you on my phone
I am not lonely,I am missing you
Your tenor voice, your loving touch and words
The distance when you from the world withdrew.
Seems to me, few voices I have heard.
Yet I accept all living creatures die
But why are widows not allowed to cry?
The sands at Old Hunstanton pale like cream
The sea was lapping gently on our feet
There we walked and felt our love, a dream
Facing North ,we saw the sun’s June beams
Then it crossed the sky, its death to meet
The sands at Old Hunstanton pale like cream
The yellow gorse is scented, spikes are green
Brilliant flowers in gardens,ordered,neat
There we walked and felt our love, a dream
In this place our souls soon feel redeemed
With herbs, with flowers, with perfume pungent, sweet
The sands at Old Hunstanton pale like cream
If there were a heaven, it would be near
The images, the sea, the sky,oh, sweet
There we walked and felt our love, a dream
We see the surface, not what’s underneath
We feel the breeze, the spirit’s holy breath
The sands at Old Hunstanton pale like cream
There we kissed, uniting Real and Dream
I’ m not frightened of you anymore
I’ll tell you that I hope I did my best
God, you made the world that we destroy
You want us to make meaning, learn the laws
Life for many is a fearsome task
Yet I’ m not frightened of you anymore
Why has Beirut suffered, what’s death for?
The people wander, by great wounds undressed
God, you made the world,who can restore?
Thousands injured ,millions more distraught
Will we give them aid and make it fast?
I’ m not frightened of God anymore
As we age, our hearts and souls must mourn
Living as the present hurries past
God, you made the world,will tears restore?
In the startling Universe so vast
The Play is here and we must be the Cast
I’ m not frightened of you anymore
God, you made a world so full of tears
I heard the thud our cat made on the stair
But when I looked there was no creature there
Can our longing make us hear strange sounds;
Delusions,wish-fulfilment, breaking bounds?
I heard the wrens sing by the kitchen door
At least there is no cat to make them fewer
I want to make some tea but I feel stuck
I’ll fill the pan, while love my heart strings plucks
For aeons I feel I’m paralysed by grief
The caterpillars gnaw upon green leaves
I judge myself incompetent,too slow.
Yet would I judge another, wound with blows?
I feel half-way between the real, the dream
In reverie I’ll follow where love leads
Love and structure made our life secure
Although outside our tent, the gales still blew
Now alone,I fear I can’t endure
Your loving presence made my life secure
Now I stand on air ,supportless,poor
Love and structure made our life secure
Now I am afraid and pale my hue
Love and blindness made us feel secure
I forgot ,outside the tent, wild gales still blew