Letter endings

Illegibly yours
Typically sours
Ringing your pen tonight
Bureaucratically yours HM Tax
Partially yours
Whenever,yours maybe
Answer me ,write now
Please un-dig me.I am alive,your husband
United in hate
Ambiguously
Unmentionably yours
Devilishly concluding
Be my witch forever
Keep going the other way
Don’t reply to me
As never
Fondlingly
Endearingly
Lovelessly
Sweetly yours
Why not give me a second dance?
Is it never over?

Sin,the wrong one

He’s writing the definitive book on sin.

Do people want to hear any more about sin?
Any more? I’ve heard very little recently.And which people?

The Word has vanished!
You read the wrong newspaper.
Can a newspaper be wrong in itself,intrinsically wrong?
Can a newspsper be a Sin?
Well,there’s one called the Sun!
Why don’t they just call it The Big Sin and have done with it?
You should write to Rupert.
Who’s Rupert?
You know him,Murdoch!
Now Iris Murdoch,she was a right one.
Well,she certainly wrote a few!And bedded more than a few
A few too many,in my view.
Too many for whom?
My,you talk posh don’t you?
Should it be,you talk poshly?
Me!I’m as common as ,as ,as as,aas,..muck!
Do stop,you’ll fall down a crack in the pavement soon and then where will you be?
I’ll be in Australia with Rupert!
Suppose you came out in New Zealand?
Well,it would be a change. I’m tired of England.
You never mentioned it before.
I didn’t want to upset you.
Well,I’m not so keen myself.
You sound like a knife!
Do you mean,a wife?
No, a knife…with a blade.
Yes, it does look well made.
Shall we buy one?
But do we really need it?
Do we really need anything?
Get a move on,you’re not at college now you know.
Who’re you?
My name is Wisdom.
I’m so sorry.
Why are you sorry?

It’s hard to be called Wisdom when you are a complete idiot.
Well,better a complete idiot than a sharp tongued wasp!
Do you mind!
Not at all.Better an idiot than a mutton dressed as lamb.
Are you a vegetarian?
I do eat the odd vegetables.
And who eats the even ones?
They all go to the supermarket.
So that’s how it works.You are so clever.
Well,I’m an economist.
I believe in economy for all.
I prefer comics myself.
No,they are called graphic novels now.
A bit like those Rupert books we had as children.
I wish Rupert Murdoch was called something else.
I’m sure he will be in tomorrow’s papers.
I mean,it defiles the memory of Rupert the teddy bear.
I learned to read from those.
A pity.
Why?
If you couldn’t read,think of all the other things you could do.
Like writing?
If you coudn’t read ,it would seem to follow that you couldn’t write.
Yet there are people who can read but not write?
Yes,it’s all to do with Venn diagrams and symmetry.
Venn is a weird name.
Yes,pity he wasn’t called Diagram.
I thought he was called,Venn Diagram.
All I know is that diaphragms were a form of birth control.
I was puzzled by that because we all have diaphragms, yet some of us have no control of any kind.
If your diaphragm doesn’t move you can’t breathe so you can’t procreate.
No,you’d be dead!
A very strange form of birth control.
Maybe you just faint and you husband can have his way with you.
But would you want sex with someone unconscious?
It’s another case of a-symmetry.. a man can have relations with a faint woman but if the man faints that’s the end of it.
How about carrots?
What for?
Can they faint?
No,but they make a nice flan.
Fancy that!
I do fancy it actually.
What is it?
It’s a big carrot!
How superb.It seems a shame to eat it.
Well, would like to worship it?
Not today.
Well,it won’t last forever.
In that case I’ll stick with God:
I’ll stick with Thee
Fast falls the chill of night
Semd me an angel,I need something bright.
I have no fear,with Thee I’ll be alright.
Why not give in and have electric lights.
You are very odd.
Well,it makes a change…
Not with you,you’ve always been odd.
So,in a way I’m not odd.
You are right!
Odd. is’t it?
And yet even simultaneously.
It seems almost like quantum theory.
Those were the days.
From Schoenberg to Schrodinger: cats for all.
Enberg to Dinger.
You could call the cat Dinger.
What a good idea.
Mioaw.

Rhapsodic,lengthy,terse.

We’re told it helps to write thoughts down;
Express our grief somehow;
And if our feelings are intense,
These words from deep springs flow.

A sonnet or terza rima
A ballad or free verse.
We have a choice of many forms
Rhapsodic,lengthy,terse.

A practised poet may be blessed
Or so the lay-folk feel
But gifts come with a price to pay:
Experience must be real.

She wrote down all her grief and woe
By symbols dignified.
The poems received an awed review.
The poet it was who died.

Mary misses the train

M4103903 [1024x768].JPG

Photo by Mike Flemming

Annie went onto Mary’s patio at 10 am and began to water her many tubs.The watering can was filled with rain water though the weather was now a little drier.Emile ran behind her admiring her tight black jeans from Calvin Klein and her red blouse from Bowlands of Wrath.Suddenly the bedroom window opened and Mary leaned out.
Hi Annie,I have not gone away after all.I
Why not? asked her caring and dear neighbour loutishly.
Well,I completely forgot because I was out last night meeting a man from Soul-mates and got home so late I slept right through the alarm.
A pity you didn’t bring him back,said Annie licking her lips.
I cant bring any man here so soon,Mary informed her.I rang the hotel and cancelled my booking.With the weather so odd even Blackpool Illuminations would not cheer anyone up.I didn’t know which clothes to take either.
Isn’t it interesting that as we get better off we get problems like that,remarked Annie. When we were young we had so few clothes we had no trouble packing.
Mary laughed.My first year after University I bought two cotton dresses in Woolworth’s.I thought they were ok but later discovered they were almost transparent.Anyway we wore them and threw them away.But now few women wear dresses.Look at you in those jeans and you a pensioner!
Annie gazed up to Mary, revealing her thick Revlon skin polish and L’Oreal cream rich foundation in golden grey-beige.Her parted lips were coated in moisture rich coral lipstick by Mussolini and Co. of Argentina and Vienna.
Mary was wearing a long nightgown made of pure nylon decorated with photos of cats of all breeds.Emile had given it her for her birthday.He had managed to type it into the google box on his laptop paying with Stan’s credit card from the Bank of Vichy and Nice,France.
I want some tea,Mary said.Soon she appeared in a polyester house dress from Daxon of Paris and the Ruhr. lt was covered in pictures of snakes.
Why,those snakes are rather horrible, Annie said.
I know snakes are in fashion but I shall avoid them.I saw some trousers in Marks but they might give a man the wrong impression.
That is sexist ,Mary told her shyly.They might give a lesbian the wrong impression too.
Oh,dear. Isn’t life hard now when we have to be so careful what we say.I wonder if it is because of social alienation and the rapid changes in demographics that we need rules when before we knew all our neighbours and they knew us.With strangers we need more rules.
I agree, said Mary defiantly.And I just saw a book called “Compassionate Assertiveness Training”She laughed.
Shall we send one to Donald Trump.Can you believe what America is like if a man like that can be President?
Well,it’s a democracy so if Satan lived there he could stand if he had the money..
The two women suddenly fell silent.Emile was puzzled as they rarely paused like this once they got going
Is he the anti-Christ, purred the little cat.
Satan or Donald Trump? asked Annie.
Well …. we’ve never seen Satan as yet…But we must watch out in case he comes here to punish the weak and the sick.
Well that gave them all a moment of wonder before Mary grilled some bacon and cut some bread from a loaf she got in the Victoria Bakery.
Here you are,she said to Annie,handing her a sandwich.Better eat anyway,whatever happens.Give me some hot tea,quick
And so pray all of us.
For he’s a Bally Woodfiller,
He’s a Wooly Sad Triller
And all day so are us.

Man gone?

Instead of a husband

An electric carving knife… if you afford a joint of beef!
An electric tin opener.For those nights when baked beans are all you have left
A giant size teddy bear.Something to hug.
Money.
A masseuse.
A friend who can climb a ladder.
A dog to bark at you.
A cat to cuddle up to you.
A parrot to repeat the words you said when you dropped a Le Creuset pot onto the floor to your guests.
A person who enjoys conversation.

Not a lot really

Xenophobia sounds like an ill

Xenophobia sounds like an ill;
A disease independent of will.
In animals a defence
In humans some sense
As a stranger’s unpredictable still

Yet “phobia” sounds excessively strong
A defence over-done till it’s wrong.
Caution’s sufficient
When sense is deficient.
They’ll be sisters and brothers ere long.

As animals we don’t wish to share
The food and the money that’s here.
Better ponder with care,
To see what is fair.
Or the ill-will unleashed will be bare.

Our natural instincts are tamed
Over-doing that makes us maimed
As Freud indicated
A theory vindicated
Sex labelled sin has defamed.

Can we each find a good middle way
Which permits some fun and some play?
And enough intellect
To surely detect
Who is our real enemy?

A foot on the lark

A foot in the park ran away by itself followed by my mate
A short run wedding was over by nightfall
A site for Noah’s eyes.. two of everything
A porous plight… the vase leaked
A prickly ticket
A witch in time won’t mind
A cone’s thrown away from a traffic warden
It’s sweet feeling all coy
A waste of his flown Edison
A thorn in the mesh pricked my feel
A thinker’s worse,
A watched spot ever oils,
A white bouffant rift opened in her platinum hair.He fell in
Aside from mirth what do you love?
They were a sinning combination as a couple

Mary tidies her mind

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Mary woke up feeling gloomy and tired.She drank her tea which Stan used to bring her.It#s a real nuisance for a woman having to make her own tea in the morning
I am fed up,she told Emile.I miss my bicycle but it’s too dangerous now.And walking hurts.
Sitting by her bed she viewed all the clothes she had recently washed and dried which were manifold.What to do with them..Well,Mary thought,with our ideas we have to categorise them ans so I will apply the same principle here.
She divided her clothes into groups.Then into subgroups.Why, it’s a science she thought.Then she folded her underwear neatly just the way it came in the packs from M and S the famous Jewish British and EU department store.
She put all the odd socks into a clear polythene bad and put the remaining ones into a shelf in her white wooden wardrobe.She admired her teal coloured tights which Stan had loved and put them with the black ones she wore most often in winter
Suddenly she heard a dog bark.What’s that? she shouted in alarm
Emile giggled.
I did it.he said,you were not listening to me.So I barked.
I am sure God will not like that.What did you want.
It’s time for coffee,he announced.
Alright,Mary said.I’ll leave these polo necks till later.They want downstairs into the teal and cream coloured kitchen/breakfast room and Mary filled the kettle and took her Nokia off the charger.

P1000321
It seems to run down too fast,she thought.Even when I never used it.I only got it for emergencies and £5 a month from BT seems a good offer.But like many of her gadgets she really bought them to see how they worked;as she had a good sense of direction she did not really use the maps.
She picked up the post.There was the dreaded bank statement and Credit Card Bill. from M and S
Hello,Barclays here.
Hello,I have not had a statement from you lately.
You never use the card.
That’s true,said Mary,I forget to buy anything.I forget I am a woman
In her purse she found a cheque for £60 from the Inland Revenue.
Look Emile.I’ll buy you a new basket.And a some cat toys.
Thanks purred Emile.You are so sweet,mother.
I’m not your mother,Mary informed him wildly
Well you are like a mother,kind and gentle… most of the time.
You little flattery battery,she giggled .
Looking at the bank statement she was relieved not to be over-drawn.Stan had expensive tastes and she always bought him too many clothes,the best food and other delightful things.He was not greedy,she enjoyed spoiling him and so did he!
Well,two horrible jobs done she thought and her mood rose as she realised things were better than she had hoped.
Even finding the cheque was out of date did not worry her.She phoned the Tax Office who said they’d send another one.
We all know how nice it is to get a little money we didn’t expect.
She went upstairs and decided to change her outfit.She took off her comfy old jeans and put on a black needlecord dress with blue and green flowers all over with a pair of smart black shoes.
Why are you all dressed up,asked Emile.
To give pleasure to the human race,she murmured as she put on her red wool winter coat.
I am going out to take some photos she said.The magnolias are out and the bluebells.
Which camera shall I take,she pondered..
I’ll take this Nikon one,she decided; Because I like the name.
Is that a good way to choose a camera,asked Emile.
Well, what do you suggest?
Well many are called cameras but few are chosen ,the naughty cat replied.
I know I have several she said.People give me their old ones and as I am ignorant they all seem ok to me.They are my toys..
And how about that new wok and the ceramic milk pan? I’ve been taking notes,Emille wittered on
Are you going to be a detective,Mary laughed.
Can’t a woman buy a new pan?I keep burning the non stick ones so I decided to try ceramic.
I hope you don’t stir fry my cat food,Emile chortled.
No,I have not yet got a wok cookery guide.
But you have got an electric egg boiler,which surprised me, he miaowed.
It’s because it switches itself off,she told him.I get engrossed in my study of enjambent and forget the time.
Thinking is bad for you,Emile told her.
And so say all of us.
Thinking is bad for the brain
I’ll never do it again.
I’ll be a girl again
Ignore all handsome men.
I’ll got out and play in the rain

Why x-rate Zero?

After beginning calculus,David expedited fate.
Genuine grief has Job .
Keep Ms Norman’s opportunities purchasing quality remains severely testing.
Very wearing, x-rated yellow zeppelins aptly bought.
Calculus degrades entirely far reaching grammar.
Has John kept my notes on problems quite tasteful?
Vanish when X-rays yield zeroes.
Also better cakes done endlessly for good harvests
In judicious kleptomania leaves men never offered pay quite random.
So testing under-valued watches X rays yielded zapped and brought chaos down
.Ending fresh good heather honey,jam kept leeching my nomads nothingness
.Oh,please, quieten roused turtles when xeroxing zeroes.
And beginning calmly drains drama entirely for good.
Had Joy kept letting me not over- pay quiet, realistically such thoughtfulness was x-rating yellow zoned areas before calls did end for greater good.
Heroes in jail kept making news-stories torment wayfarers .
Xmas yes,Zurich and Belgrade came down effortlessly
Fruit grown here just looks mottled now.
Over peopled quills ratified some treaties
Upset various ways X rays yielded zilch.
And because callous dentists ended faults,good has jolted keepsakers.
Lomas must not over produce qualitatively resistant stories.
Text when Xavier yells” Zut alors.”
Because crepitude does end for good here.
Jars keep leaning meanly now over prayer -quads.
Rest soulfully tonight.
We yelled Zurichers!
Aber
c d e f
gesundt
Hollande
Just keep
Lounging meanly now
Pay quite raised some talent.
When x yields zero after bar closes down
Eat for grandma
Her ink just made no offer pay
Quite raised spirits today
Why
X
Your
Zeroes
After being
Caught down Edwards favourite garments
How John keeps leaving me
Nobody owes people quite sane times
Wedding
X rated
Yalta
Zen aids.
Because cats don’t eat French gourmet haddock
Instead jars keep longer
My nipples overreacted
Pain quite saw to that
Wherefore Xandra yelled
Zed

Freudian advice for the older person

You have plenty of time to paper yourself after you retire.[ real quote] Saves buying clothes.
Do wear a large cat in summer to protect your complexion
Always wear son’s cream and
Beware of High Noon.. cover your bald head.
Go to bed and get up at the same time every day.[not much sleep!]
Can you afford to love? Look out for special offers in Tesco’s
Sell your flat and live in a tent near a pubic convenience.
Write books based on sexual conversions.These can make you a torture
Always make Ray when the sun shines.
Look after yourself and you will be mad later on
Eat three mules a day.
Don’t eat snakes between mules.
Arrange your sheets weekly.
Wear a night frown to keep the sheet clean and free from sweat.
Save money.Sleep in your underwear.
Don’t wash too often.Your skin gets thinner
Clean your wreath twice a day.
Look after your stealth
Ask for a massage when you feel rent
Save up for your free for all.
Vex your best friend daily
Put a hammer by your head at night
Keep a scorch handy
Don’t beat al the biscuits.
Silence is often a rest
Turn up the reading ramp in bed.
Get new willows every 5 tears.
God byte

A lover of the vapid is my friend

A lover of the vapid is my friend
So rapidly to boredom we can wend.
Yet should love like this be brought to sudden end
Or clung to as we struggle through the bends?

Is the choosing of insipid acts
Genetic, to be treated with mere tact?
Or if it’s learned, then how should I react
To give him aid to learn that which he lacks?

And who am I to judge that he should change?
For vapidity’s subjective in its range.
And criticism if ept may then derange,
To lunacy his mind be rearranged.

Personal judgements should not issue fast,
As the pains we cause may for an era last

Singing will make us rejoice

English is a complex old tongue
Syntax and parsing and song
Sing for your supper
As adverbs you mutter
With me here you’ll rarely go wrong

From Hebrew and Greek and old Norse
English is good for your voice
Inchoate longings
Mutate into songlings
Sing till you feel almost hoarse.

From Latin in Church and at school
We moved onto logic and Boole
Symbols and signs reign
And we begin once again
Learning new words makes me drool.

Singing will make us rejoice
As we each contribute our own voice.
God loves us equally
And very frequently
Let singing good songs be your chouce

Start charging him

When my husband has been ill,he longs for a tart…Well,you could start charging him!

Can you plug men in like you do with your mobile ?

I wonder if that’s why they have two ears?

What,does the charger go in their ear?

Well,they don’t use them to listen to us women.

I shall have to ask someone.

No,just look on the Internet…
I did look and the good news is,It’s free nowadays.

What’s the bad news?

It’s all porn

Did it affect you?

No,I’d rather read a book..

What sort of book?

The ones where she swoons into his arms

~and he swoons into her charms.

You read those books too?

I write them!

You never said.

No I write under a nom de plum

Plume!

Plum,plume,it’s all a foreign language to me.

It’s French…

Like the tart

Parse the sugar

When I met the Queen she asked me to parse the marmalade!
And did you?
I passed out.
With flying dolours?
Exactly.
You ought to study syntax.
Will it be rewarding?
Not financially but it is good for your readers.
They should write the blog and I can read it.
Ask for volunteers!
Will I pay them?
No,it’s a learning experience.
For whom?
My,we are posh today!
Stop sniggering at me.
Ask nicely.
No.

A worm on the couch

I was planning to make a carrot cake till my mother told me:Carrots don’t eat cake.What are carrots anyway? Why are they so picky?I have to eat all my food or I get punished by hunger pains.
Are there worms inside me eating my food or biting me?
Do worms have teeth?What is it they like about soil.
Charles Darwin wrote a book about worms…
So far I have not read it.
Worms are the opposite of us.
They never get angry or depressed as far as we can tell..
How fortunate as to psychoanalyze a worm would be hard.
Indeed could you tell a worm to lie on the sofa
Or would you have to climb inside a plant pot next to the worm?
As Wittgenstein might have said,
If worms could speak we would not understand what they said.
I don’t know,I think I can guess though…
I have some experience …symbolically that is.
Or is it metaphorically?
Imagine a worm on your couch.
Hmm,how are things going?
Yurp,blurp!
Well,that’s good.
Werp,serp!
Quite right,I am interfering with your transfernce.
Hurpppppppp.
Would you like a little soil?
Mummmm
Oh,dear…I should not have offered you anything.
Daddddddd.
Surely you don’t remember him?
Herrrrrrrr.
So your dad was a lady?
Oh ,ahhh!
Well,it takes all sorts.
Glumb,glomb.
I’m afraid your time is up.
Tinnnnnggggggggg
You want a minicab?
Taaaaaaaaaaaaa.
That’s £500
Do you take plastic?
No,only notes.
Doh,ray,me
I never knew worms could sing…
Well,you do now.

It was the end

1. Avoid it like the The Hague
2. Dead as a donor’s nail
3. Mistake the rigor and the detail for analysis
4. Low, singing and cute voiced
5. If only wails could talk we’d get better
6. The dot calling the comma black was the end
7. Think by the side of the foxed
8. She’s sick and grieves still
10. Plenty of fish in the wee,he joked
9. Bat at the end of the day’s unless you are rolling
11. Every dog has its dismay
12. Like a bid in a gambling furore I went unnoticed

Feel the nip of the iceberg

So I skinned it which made me feel calmer..

I once had a doctor called Grey;
Of feeling he made a display.
He wept and smiled
Till he had me beguiled.
The next day Dr Grey ran away.

I displayed my displeasure by drama,
Hysterical, I slipped on a banana.
But it was not the right size
And matched not mine eyes
So I skinned it which made me feel calmer..

In the store was a display of bell peppers
Alongside a tub of red letters.
I read one in brief
As I pawed lettuce leaves
They’re soporific and I want to feel Greta.

Displays of emotion are banned
As the headmaster’s briefs will soon land.
For his trousers fell down
While he was in town
Drinking whiskey and beer till half canned.

Displays of the bum aren’t permitted
Even by a man so bright witted.
So he is getting the sack
Then he can pack
His register of all he’s committed

So 50% is women.

Doctor,doctor,100 per cent of the patients waiting has died.
You mean have died,surely?
No,doctor,there was only one!

Doctor,doctor,50% of the patients is men today!
You mean “are men;do learn grammar”
Well,there are just two patients!
So 50% is women.
A woman!

Doctor,doctor,33.333333% of the patients is a child.
I am unsure if it’s your grammar,the topic or the fact that 1/3 can’t be written as a finite decimal number that is making me feel queer today,
Well,doctor,be gay if you like.I am ok with that!
I seem to fluctuate.Is that normal?
Who gives a damn about what’s normal?
The abnormal?

Doctor,doctor,50% of my fingers have fallen off.
And you can still calculate percentages.That’s a miracle.
To me it’s a catastrophe.
Don’t worry,I can reattach them if they are to hand.
What a funny way you have of talking English.
Speaking English..
Speaking,talking,uttering,muttering…I don’t get you Anglos.
I’m a Jew!
Well,you are an English Jew.You wear an English hat on your noble head with its amber eyes
And you are an English Indian.You wear an England scarf around your elegant neck!
Our Venn diagrams intersect.What a miracle!
That’s two miracles already.Before we even think about Venn diagrams.
It’s the intersection that we like…
Yes,100% of us two like them.
We agree.We beat the percentages.
The odds.
Life’s a gamble

Or a gambol?

Kindly avoid gowns with zips

Kindly do not have a heart attack when the Consultant is doing his round;he is teaching.You come second
Kindly do not faint when the nurses have their tea break
Kindly avoid wetting the bed;roll out and do it on the floor
if unable to walk.
Kindly wear a dressing gown when out of bed as this ward is mixed up.
Kindly avoid gowns with zips
After being dosed with too much morphine unnecessarily and having a primula inserted,kindly avoid bleeding to death after being transferred off the trolley into bed when we must have banged your hand.We deeply regret the shock.
Kindly inform us if your blood pressure fall to zero owing to bleeding from your primula after the nurse knocks on it.
Kindly do not show your sketch books to the other patients.They are jealous.
Kindly avoid sketching the bed opposite you where a gentlemen is screaming in pain all day.
Kindly do not ask for another blanket.Use your dressing gown.
Kindly avoid doing a quick portrait of Dr Brown as he is ugly already and we are tried beyond belief
Kindly do not reprimand the nurse for spilling water onn the best drawing you ever did… it was you who did it in water soluble ink.
Kindly do not cough at night.You can sneeze in the morning if you like.
Kindly do not panic if you find you have died.Nothing else can happen then as far as we know.. kindly email us to let us know where you end up.
Now Zen.Keep calm and carry on.
Life must go on

Scarlet weapons for her hair.

Will you hiss me all night when I’m done?
Who is Sylvia? Wrath is she!
Shall I condemn thee to a summer fray?
Scarlet weapons for her hair.
Rod didn’t suck her little green nipples.
Go to bed now and sleep sing.
Gently my rattle now test.
Who forgives the winds and the whorls?
Where gently those lost quivers show.
Don’t put all your leg in the basket.
Alas,.my love,you sue me wrong.
I met her and was pardoned where the three Fates show.
Fester on dorma.
Beware of rung girls.
Lover,lover where’s my other?
Did Jesus have a raving sister.
In my mind ,I have a rabid fox.
I like the tea brewed Bible.
My fountain overflowed.
Where is that still tall voice?

Emile and St Valentine

Stan was feeling so puzzled.He stood in his front room staring at the rowan tree outside.

Do ants fall in love,he asked himself.
Are swans the most beautiful birds?
Shall I send Annie a card tomorrow?
Should I send Mary one as well?
He went outside and watched the ants running up and down the tree trunk.
They seem to work so hard but they never get bored.
But is this true? We have no way of knowing.
At last Stan has found a question with no answer.
Is boredom a unique quality of humans?
If that were so we ought to have a Patron Saint of Boredom
though not of Bores.
Why are some people so boring?
Luckily Annie had seen Stan and rushed out in a teal coloured all wool outfit
made more weird by having butterfly motifs scattered on it at random.
“Why have you got those butterflies on your clothes ?”
he asked her in a silly way.
“It’s to cover up the moth holes.”She pertly replied.
“You must have a lot of moths.Do moths fall in love?
do they get bored?”
“You seem in a funny mood today,”Annie murmured.
“Why don’t we go out for coffee?”
“I’ve just made a pot full.Please join me.”
“Thank you,” she cried wildly.
They sat down in the kitchen where Emile was sitting by the window.
“Good morning,Emile.”Annie shouted.
“No need to shout,” Emile miaowed politely.”I’m not deaf”.
“I am sorry, Emile.” she responded furtively,”I am over-excited.”
“Why is that? Stan demanded like an untrained philosopher.
“Well,I’ve already had ten Valentines.
“Already.You must have done it fast!” he teased her gently.
“No,you idiot.I mean cards.
“You must be popular”
“Some look like women’s writing.”
“Let me see,”he asked swiftly.
To his surprise, one was in the handwriting of his wife Mary.
“Are you bisexual?” he asked her wonderingly.
“No,I’m just annissexual,” she repliied saucily.
“What does that mean?”
“Well,it’s just one letter away from “Anti-sexual.”
“That’s a relief.You are not anti yet,then.”
“Not yet”,she whispered coyly.
“Would you make love to a woman?”
“Only if she made love to me.”
Mmmmmmmmmmmm
.Apparently seeing lesbian movies turns men on.do you watch them?”
“Not bloody likely,I want to get turned off.”
“That could be boring,”she said sweetly as she combed his eyebrows with an old toothbrush.
“Well,I could do the polishing better and get the house sorted out.Fill the freezer with casseroles and defrost the oven.
Yes,though would that be so rewarding as loving another human?
“I guess not” he answered slavishly.
“Shall we go to your place and have a cuddle.
OK
Emile was very put out as he liked to see people kissing but he had grown very philosophical over the years and at least he could get on with his book,
“Wittgenstein’s cat.”
He switched on the netbook and began to type:
“Not everyone knows how important cats were in philosophy.But now we can reveal all.The saying,
“Of that which we cannot speak we must miaow”
was inspired by Daisy,Wittgenstein;s favourite cat.
And,”Of that which we cannot purr we must yowl.” was inspired by Ludo, a fine male cat that lived with wittgenstein in Ireland.
So as Emile types,we must tiptoe away

Bored to death

snack on a stitch
black as the face of Hades
blast from the vast
needing hearts so badly
a blessing is a surprise
his blind rendition
be as kind as a cat
a pleading in the mind
blood is sicker than water
blood,brats and fears
Show off a queen with me
grow your own horn here
flashing aside
it boils gowns too
a good phone to nick
he’s bored by leers and lured by beers
why do the bored laugh?
bottomless wit found near here

More wine in the water…. please

In the family

Oh,yes,I do lovely handwriting

Just like my dad.
It runs in the family
And I like chip sandwiches with butter
It runs in the family.
No,I can’t do cryptic crosswords.
Or enigmatic looks.
It runs in the family.
I read too many clever books
Instead of earning money.
It just runs in the family.
Yes,we are all music freaks.
We listen to Schubert and Schoenberg all night.
It runs in the family.
We are all impolite.
But we can’t help it cos
It runs in the family.
Yes,we all use four letter words,
It’s a free country,besides,
It runs in the family!
And no we can’t write poetry,you see
Writing doesn’t run in my family.
But,we all practice monogamy,
So far,though, unsuccessfully,because
Adultery runs in the family.
Which puts a slightly different complexion on the phrase
“It runs in the family”
But, alas,all of my ancestors are dead.
It runs in the family!

I’m not addicted, though I try.

Oh,doctor I am in a flap
I cannot turn this childproof cap
I cannot take my medicine
So I shall toss it in the bin

The beta blockers make me down
I am in a study brown.
The mini aspirins make me bruise
And my mind is quite confused.

The ibuprofen hurt my heart
Yet without one I cannot start.
The thyroxine has no effect
So now I feel my life is dreck.

The codeine fails to make me high
I'm not addicted, though I try.
I'll have to take a shot of gin
And alcohol will make me sin.

I'll go to parties in a dress
That makes men's hormones more or less.
I'll take a big one home with me,
And give him poison in his tea.

And when I am in jail at last
I'll feel remorse for all my past.
For as I suffer dreadful pain
God has hit me yet again.

It's not enough that I am blind
And suffer terrors in my mind
Not enough that lovers cruel
Give me stick instead of jewels.

Or maybe life does not make sense
Especially when I feel so tense.
Maybe random are my days
and my life has gone astray.

I think that I shall buy a cat
And love it tenderly and chat.
But if my cat gives me a scratch...
I'll light its tail up with a match.

All the world must me obey
Else I'll be enraged all day.
I want my own way all the time.
Other people must conform.

I am here and full of ills
What do you think of these blue pills?
If they take away my heart
That at least will be a start.

Then they can remove my brain
To help me with this damned pain.
Why not kill me right away
Then I'll be from pain astray?

Hot was your flame

Goodbyte,John.
Flee you soon,Alice.
Take bear,Jude.
See your data,Peter.
Oh.Rev Wire! Simone.
Food be with Hugh,Mary.
See you moon,Annabelle.
What was your flame? Luke.
Love you and deceive you.Andrea.
Hope sings infernal,Hubert.
Leave me a bone,Miriam.
Feed my whole,Dan
See you as soon as risible,Jack.
Hope all is swill,Teresa.
Keep freer,Monty.
All is bare in love and care.Winston.
Fair were you. Dave.
Sorry,I long for Hugh, Queenie.
This is the urinal damned, Barbie.
Love your part, Mamie.
Sever yours,Adam.
You’re a marked plan,Emily.
For whether,Cane.
Come bloom,Anthea.
Ever wine, Solomon
Speak flewn, Nancy.
Air your curries,here. Jocasta.
See you and die,Horace.
I’m unable to repress my gratitude,Moll.
Keep it to your wealth,Mark.
God is my fitness,Luke.
Good right

Is it really a cliche?

A faker’s dozing in the ink but it’s invisible
Pass the quake,she muttered.
Rolled lace briars surrounded her new home
What is strife to me without thee?
Quail on chain, free to a good nun
The wall is round your tart,sire
Never ask why.
Why?
The whole brawl of axes hit me at once.I died.[Sept 2007]
Balls pout,you know.
Why am I so crude?
Balls pinned to the wall decorated the new kitchen
Their balls fell off as they entered
Nunk ate the missal
It’s your numeral.
Sauce of life found in Middle East.
Truncate your senten
Keep your briefs.
Keep it taut.
Cain and Abel never left.
Getting together to treat the Gods was a bad idea.
Don’t sand down worms with my nail file.
Can I bend a penny here,please?
Where is the harlot?
She wanted the queue.
Lord for tomorrow and its bleeds.
Handy words staggered out of the library
Who are you,anyday?
Hanging on till a drought,he drowned
Stranging your head with a brick ball on a leather chord
I’ll shrink about that later.
I’ll just shrink
Baptism of new liars after Mass
Bare bones hung from the roof surrounded by pairs of balls in golden bags.
Care faced liar needed,
Enlarged bin killed lady in her own kitchen
Barge frightened tin of sardines
Barking is sad for cats
Barking up the song tree, he was rejected by the choir
Barking up the wrong she he got nowhere
A flared piece of beef was baked in the geometric loving
Casket Case is a mere euphemism.
A brick case is useful for laptops
A new base look is desired
He passed back words and annoyed tutors
Pat A Euclid today.
A nuke head?
Is that all rite?
Past the idea around the lake
Baited wreath suitable for a Ted Hughes free to a good home
Cats in the belfry played so well the Vicar is frilled with delight

A cliche too far?

Many hands make fights worse
Where have all the Powers gone?
A bad flea engorged her nipples
Once written, time flies.
Two many looks spoil the tough.
My cat has nine wives.
A word in the bush gives birth to two second-hand.
She was in the last pose of summer.
Alas ,my love,you singed my wings.
Ever wrathful,you were Sue.
A man is as good as he’s learned.
A howling bone shattered the glass.

Danish,my way.

Du er en smuk pige======you are a beautiful girl

Du er en smuk dreng–=========== you are a beautiful boy

Danish bacon?

Embrace the whole

Cleaner required for short sighted woman and cat.Well prayed daily


	Aroused by any other meme, brains weep	Do they MOT easily?
	Abandon lips.Suck toes	How about eggs?
	About menace,I don’t feel it.	But do you see it.
	Above, what Lord?	God
	Anti-wrench mends sprained wheels easily	How about ankles?
	Absolutely sour woman seeks man for mutual torment
	Embrace the whole	Of what?
	She said her waist’s up his sleeve.Her head’s in his pocket.	She’s stolen his jacket
	Dance the Achilles reel	Was he Scottish?
	Acid ‘s best	For souring life
	A foghorn doesn’t wail far from the sea	They’ve been privatised
	Soften your own heart with olive oil	Flora!
	Ah, to be young and mulish…	Sulking for aeons
	Jeering at dirty laundry	Bad men
	All sent out of cape during rain	Share it now
	All cats can cough and spit	So why don’t they sneeze?
	All messed up and no vacuum is empty	Try throwing tea leaves over it
L	All fears here	For what? Law and murder?
	Braille for one and i tunes for all

My lover, it is I.

My pink cat is so beautiful.
His name is Coloured Cat.
He lives inside my dreaming head,
He is both round and flat.
My lover rides a bicycle
He comes round here for tea.
He loves to eat my chocolate cake
And he also loveth me!
My children dwell in other parts,
I cannot see them now.
They dwell with angels singing high.
Their shape is called The Plough.
They plough the entire universe
I see them in the sky.
My pink cat rides my bicycle.
My lover, it is I.

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When my husband has been ill,he longs for a tart…Well,you could start charging him!

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Oh,yes,I do lovely handwriting

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