For the Health of Our Society: “Normal” Child Abuse Prevention | Attachment Matters

For the Health of Our Society: “Normal” Child Abuse Prevention | Attachment Matters.

This makes a good point,that what was once normal such as thrashing children is now considered very bad for them.Only yesterday I looked at a Catholic  website where a woman thinks you need to ” beat Satan out of kids”

I can personally say from experience it’s a grievous error to beat a child especially one of very young age.It’s not just the pain but the feelings of insecurity and how it affects your  self and relationships  even many years later

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Wearing glasses

I never thought before about the fact that some of us are “behind a glass” all the time since we need spectacles.I have had them so long I can’t imagine seeing in another way.When I was a child there was a saying
Men don’t make passes at girls who wear glasses
In the current situation men won’t be making  passes at any girls  if the fear of being accused of harassment gets worse.
Anyway,in my experience men don’t mind if you wear glasses.Maybe more men would have chased me but I had  sufficient.I didn’t want too many  I had my own life to lead. and  I feel sorry sometimes when I reject them.. it’s hard for some men but they have to realize that is life and they will find a nicer  more beautiful woman elsewhere.
I must admit I hated wearing glasses at first.I wonder of it does affect one always looking through glass or plastic?Still the hands and face are free to feel the air on them.

People can stand what is true

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Eugene T. Gendlin quotes

From Goodreads site

“What is true is already so. Owning up to it doesn’t make it worse. Not being open about it doesn’t make it go away. And because it’s true, it is what is there to be interacted with. Anything untrue isn’t there to be lived. People can stand what is true, for they are already enduring it.”
― Eugene T. Gendlin, Focusing

A window of opportunity

We have a phrase here that is common in business speak,it is “Window of opportunity” So if you see one you are meant to go through it… but surely it should be…….A glass door of opportunity.You may  see a chance through a window but  many windows don’t open.

I have seen a great many things through windows that appeal to me but usually I can’t get in…..especially if they are on the upper floor.Sometimes sitting on the top deck of a bus I’ve seen  handsome men getting undressed but as I don’t generally carry a ladder around it’s not proved of any  use to me except for writing short stories.Do you feel I am getting a bit obsessed with windows?If you are a mature man email me to give me your view [!] on this subject.My email addresses  are:

maryalright@yoohoo.com

mary.me@soho.organbach,net.co.uk

mayoui@suckatoe.conduit.

marystone@gorgons.co.uk

 

Part 2 How to be even more unhappy

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Live in  the UK….. this is Springtime

1.Only make friends with people you feel uncomfortable with or inferior to.or at worst superior too …..  and make sure you let them know in the latter case so they can verbally assault you.Then go home to Till Eulenspiegel…… he’s still oiling his organ right now

2.Listen to Wagner Valkyries every night over and over.But stop before psychosis sets in.

3. Listen to the entire Ring Cycle one weekend…Wagner…. now he was a strange man.10 hours of Schubert or Bach,yes.Who  did he think he was….God?Yes,I thought so.God,whatever he or she is is not a megalomaniac He is not any kind of maniac.

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“And after the wind,a still small voice”

July self portrait 2

4.To get very unhappy,don’t listen to that still,small voice… just listen to loud voices and noises.I went into the Body Shop yesterday [they don’t sell bodies,just beauty creams and potions]

and then I walked right out again pursued by an assistant…I called,it’s your music… it was

THAT loud..

5.You know there are good books and bad books?And wishy washy books… the choice is yours.I know here “Fifty Shades of Grey” sold well as did handcuffs and whips….now think well… ….does it make you more unhappy because no-one has ever wanted to be handcuffed to you?In that case read it but think about this…how would you  go to the lavatory or eat a chocolate cream bun? Or….think….

If this book makes you happy let me know….I’d like to meet you.

Well,laughter stops me writing and makes me too happy for such a post….wait till next week

The enigma of windows

Houses at one time had only slits to let in light and to let out smoke.This used to be in the roof as a house was just one space in which living was shared.

Nowadays most houses have quite large windows.We like this as we love the light ; we love to look out to see trees or to see people go by.So windows were designed for the people living inside a house.(Prisons were often devoid of light)We all like to see out but something designed for one function—to let in light and air also has consequences that we may not have realized.. if we can see our ,others can see in,for example.I know people do this as I have a foolish neighbor who passes comments on my books.Not only that but she comments on my feet and my clothes.

Some of us put lace curtains on the window to stop people looking in .Buit they also cut down on what we can see out there and the light is reduced.

It’s the same with our ego.We have defense mechanisms to protect us but they also cut down on what we can perceive or receive.They are barriers,

So in both cases we need some defense but too much will handicap us.

This is the enigma of windows and doors.We are prisoners without them and we are vulnerable when we have too many.We must live in a tower or a castle or a house….balanced between security and the excitement of discovery and new perceptions.

Smiling through your window

Please don’t pull the curtains

For I am coming by.

I want to see your underwear

Is it thermal?  …Don’t be shy.

Please don’t turn your light out

For I wish to peek in.

I like to see men  in their beds

Is it a big sin?

Why not sleep stark naked

For then I’ll see your chest.

Have you still got hairs on

OK. Leave on  that  vest.

Do not put your glasses on

To see whom I might be

I shall wear a pointed hat

Topped with a cherie

I like to see you sleeping with

a smile upon your face

I do hope you are dreaming

of a sweet embrace.

I’ll gaze in and smile at you

And then tip toe away

For if I see you smiling

I’ll be joyous all the day.

I love to see you happy

I ‘ll be with you when you’re sad.

Sharing deeper   feelings

Stops us from going mad.

So please don’t pull the curtains.

I am real, I’m not a ghost

I met many people

And I love you the most.

whisky and tea | “Yes, of course we were pretentious — what else is youth for?” – Julian Barnes

whisky and tea | “Yes, of course we were pretentious — what else is youth for?” – Julian Barnes.

I have found this blog which is giving me  pleasure and knowledge … the Sylvia Plath post is very touching…I can’t see anywhere to comment thouigh.

Take a look… wonderful post on the Anglican Church

Is it politically correct to use the adverb gaily to describe children playing?

I wrote  a little piece with “gaily” in it but am unsure if it offensive to some people.I know “gay”

means homosexual,but does gaily too?I am a genuine enquirer.I hate to lose a good word.

Lonely even with people in one’s life?

“Lonely people can have others in their life in some fashion, including many acquaintances. What they lack is a true connection with someone. For whatever reason, they haven’t been able to forge a bond with someone who will be there for them for the long-term. The inability to share their greatest joys and fears with someone who cares about them is what makes people feel lonely.”

Read more here

Into summer
Into summer

On either side of the window

Who is more lonely… the person inside the window  who can’t get out

or the person outside who can’t get in?

So near,yet they cannot touch.

The tragedy of glass which permits vision but not touch.

What is there to do?

Further help for those who want to be unhappy

Warning:I believe that some people don’t understand the British sense of irony or black humor…

I am saying the opposite of what is good for you to try to amuse you and help you laugh.That is our  type of humor here in the UK.. so don’t take me seriously

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Some more useful advice from our local therapy expert.You must obey me always or  the sky will fall in on you…..I am charismatic,believe me…EVERYONE does

1.Certain music can make one feel very down.For me Richard Strauss,Till Eulenspiegel gets on my nerves.He can go and oil his spiegel elsewhere….I never want to see it or him again. or hear his music either,If you find music  that depresses you,listen to it every morning  preferably  at 2 am…I guarantee you’ll be really down in the depths all day after that.

2.Do not listen to any music you love especially at 2 am.Wallow in that gloom… think of all the harm you’ve done to friends and lovers… that will pull you down into the demonic regions of life.Do not make a cup of tea or stroke the cat.

3.Dress inappropriately for the weather.Too hot or too cold?Then soon you will be stressed out.If it does not happen by accident,do it on purpose.. a fur coat in the Bahamas should do the trick.If that is too expensive try wearing thermal underwear in a heatwave… but do not take your temper out on the cat or dog…turn it inwards.In winter wear a pair of shorts and T shirt to go out for a walk… the cold will make you feel terrible.Well done.Soon you will be clinically depressed.

4.Never go for walks except along  busy motorways or freeways.Do not go into green woods with a  lover nor lie on a daisy filled lawn reading a good novel.Stay in bed crying all day when there is no-one at home to comfort you or annoy your mate if you have one by spilling ink on the clean sheets… that will turn them off…usually unless they are an artist… they might be intrigued by the patterns of the ink as it runs gaily down the fibers

You should be getting the idea now…….. so just keep on that way

To be continued..

Birds can see God

front garden

What a marvelous day yesterday was. for us here in London.

The sunlight was powerful;

the sky blue and on the trees and shrubs I could almost see buds opening.

By the lake a huge flock of pigeons rose from the trees and circled  in precise and moving geometry

whilst simultaneously many sea gulls which had been floating on the windblown water arose

and formed concentric whirling music in the sky.

We stood still on the grass in the deep silence, absorbing the colors,shapes and murmurings.

Just a normal April day in the country park but I am sure of one thing:

Birds can see God

And in such green stillness,perhaps we can feel God ,if only for a moment

Be a possible person…

I have copied this from the web but lost the source

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Be a possible person….
Live as an example of tolerance, patience, humility, and even some kindness (as difficult as that may be). We are all influenced by the people in our environment–they don’t have to be perfect all the time and neither do you. Give respect because you are human. If you don’t receive respect, that’s -sadly- their problem. Give understanding, and you get understanding. Ultimately this sort of behavior is probably the only thing that might get through to them. They may not change in everything, but you can safely expect a change.

How to be more lonely and miserable

1.Ruminate for 3 hours on all the bad people you have met in real life or on the net

2.Don’t get washed or wear good clothes

3,Think of all the flaws of whichever sex you love or would love if they were not so unfeeling,cruel and thoughtless,

4,Tell God you hate him….

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5.Never hug a tree or try a hug,

6.Always get out of bed on the wrong side.

7.Always go to bed too late so you’ll be in a bad temper when the alarm goes off.

8.Shout at your inferiors,which is all of us.

9 Send emails when you are crotchety using words I can’t print here.

10. Feel you can “be yourself” with your family i.e. be rude and cross to them.

11.Never praise your partner,spouse or children unless they are akin to Leonardo da Vinci in talent.

12.Never buy your partner flowers,fruit,chocolate,cigarettes,perfume and never wash their clothes for them

How the hell did you get a partner… at a Sado-Masochists’ Ball?

That says a lot about you!

Rumination is the worst thing for mental health…so I discovered after doing it for a while..

That’s enough for today

“Sex is a con…

“Sex is the consolation you have when you can’t have love”
― Gabriel Garcí­a Márquez

Well,that’s one angle on this life…why could he not have love?It seems being a genius of a writer is no guarantee of happiness.I wonder if that’s why he wrote?

Cheer up Gabriel,I’d rather talk to you than have sex on or off line!

“I have absolut…

“I have absolutely no pleasure in the stimulants in which I sometimes so madly indulge. It has not been in the pursuit of pleasure that I have periled life and reputation and reason. It has been the desperate attempt to escape from torturing memories, from a sense of insupportable loneliness and a dread of some strange impending doom.”
― Edgar Allan Poe

One writer’s point of view on life

How to be lonely…

ChurchyardExtract from an ironically humorous article on Helium.com by Andrew Post

Quote”Every time you feel the need to call up an acquaintance on the phone and ask them what they’re doing Saturday, forget it. Every time you have a yen to rent a romance movie, fight it. It helps to keep a nice stock of sociopathic and antisocial books handy, or watch some television shows about hermits and serial killers. That should give you some role models.

Suitable daily activities that cultivate loneliness are:

1. Sitting in a chair and staring at the wall
2. Wandering aimlessly around your house
3. Reading a book you’ve read a million times over, preferably a Shakespearean tragedy
4. Looking over your old photo albums and yearbooks
5. Attempting to join a club or online dating site and being rejected
6. Going to bed at 7:30 p.m.
7. Checking your message machine and e-mails every five minutes
8. Writing letters to yourself

”

The simple truth is that it loneliness is a low-effort, convenient activity that can serve as a springboard into a wide variety of neuroses and social diseases. The only side effects are malnutrition, liquid imbalance in the brain, indigestion, muscular atrophy, ulcers and the occasional death from gunshot wounds or sleeping pill overdoses. With practice, loneliness can become the pastime that will eclipse and stifle all your other ones. It may even be the last hobby you ever pursue.”End quote.

And finally  I give the last words to to a metaphysical poet:

Andrew Marvell > Quotes

Andrew Marvell

“The grave’s a fine and private place,
But none, I think, do there embrace.

Yeah,woe man,I’m her daughter

The good things my mother taught me

are  too numerous to list

here or even on a large hoarding

I could rent for a week by the train station.

She gave me my blue eyes and my love of stories

and tolerated the fact that, I like my father,would learn

for the sake of it and not with a view to earning money.

She praised my sense of color though not my three year  research scholarship

to  place of higher learniing

would rather I curled my hair and smiled at boys.

But my destiny was determined by the fact that I never could master that Singer sewing machine  she had

so I had to learn  Theoretical Physics to make up for it.

And here I am now,thinking of her home made bread

her showing me how to read music

and the names of the keys on the piano.

I know I was a big disappointment in not  marrying into  money

or becoming a saint or virgin and martyr,well martyr anyway

She always believed me to be a virgin, even after marriage;

and it’s true I was a virgin with regard to common sense

getting on in society and all related issues.

Some ordinary female knowledge never penetrated me

so I’d sit in the rain wondering what tolerance was

or how Pascal got to lie in bed so much,and whether I could too

because I got creative ideas in bed—

not what you may be thinking of—–

She always changed the sheets and washed our clothes however poor we were…

And made us dresses from scraps of fabric

That’s how we learned geometry,with the trapeze dress……

Numbers we learned from the stars and excitement from playing with boys

in a disused brickfield.

Strange what makes us who we are,but

the biggest contribution comes from mothers

and just to please her I hope as well as all my academic success

one day I’ll make myself a dress out of some rare print

embodying simultaneously both male and female design and shape

And she’ll look down and say,

She always had her head in  the clouds,in a book,in the smoke patterns from Dad’s cigarettes, in a dream and a whirl

but she did have a good sense of color.

Yeah,she is my daughter

Yeah,once I imagined I must be adopted but

Yeah.I’m her daughter.

She’s my mother.

Now she’s gone.