Author: Katherine

Poetry writer and author

Getting frustrated more and more

The laptop is so slow it is making me feel annoyed and my food was horrible as well.I went into Waterstones and with my shopping bag etc managedto knock a pile of books off a table.Upstairs I saw an assistant and another small table with far too much projecting off it [ it was round unlike the books] so I said,

Do you know what is going to happen to these books?

Then i walked forward with bag and stick and they all fell off as I stalked away in a queenly fashion.I get angry as they have no lift and it is really hard for me to get up there…. plus they no longer have a chair downstairs.Then I missed two buses so got home late.As I have no husband waiting at least I am not worrying.I spent half the day sorting out cables and cardboard and charging things up… it’s   really stupid…what a wet day too.I got my hair cut at a very expensive place and found one side was longer than the other so had to  go to my usual one and ask them to sort it out with the result I look like a Jewish lady before she puts on her wig.In fact I am thinking of buying a wig in Stamford Hill.Think how warm it will be and  maybe easier to wash.After all  one can only spend so much time on the  hair and  men  don’t need to worry.

I am so fed up with this computer I can understand people  hitting them.It’s not even got many programmes on it.It’s as if it has got arthritis like me.

Someone has asked me if ‘d get married again.I don’t think they understand what I am  like.. no longer willing to adapt to others  every whim.

My washing machine needs a new rubber door sealer.But it’s cheaper to buy a new machine which I have done by  phone.I have not seen it but the man knows me.It has a 20 minute wash….for things that are not really dirty… well i only wash my clothes when they  turn black and smell like a cat.. probably because Alfred snuggles so much.I tell myself it’s ok but after sweeping some crumbs off a red rug with my hairbrush and brushing my hair you can imagine my witch like appearance…it got the crumbs  up well but it took ages getting the red fluff off my head.Mind you t one time I’d never have noticed.

I found a video of me humming and it sounds like  wind instrument.My husband thought it was.. he was in the hall.Might that be a good thing?

Espen Stenersrod – “I am what I was” (Piano and Poetry)

I am sure you will enjoy thiis short video of Espen reciting a poem as he plays gently on the piano.I find it very moving,

MesAyah's avatarMesAyah

Good evening everyone
I feel I am finally back at the momentum I want again, after a long break from everything. Yesterday I recorded this poem, and for the first time in almost 2 years, I used my microphone while recording this video. It felt good to finally sit an mix sound, have some time for myself and to go into the world of art and expressions again.

The poem I am covering in tonights Piano and poetry is ” I am what I was”. This is a brand new poem from my brand new poetry collection “In the noise, the silence never ends”

You can buy the book here: http://amzn.com/1518851819

Follow me on twitter: @mesayah
Like on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/espen.stenersroed/

About the book:

“In the noise, the silence never ends” is a poetry collection containing fifty poems reflecting a life lived through childhood, changes, decisions, death, anxiety and loss. The…

View original post 55 more words

Signs by the road.

No emoting here.Be more affectless daily.

No dating in the city nor affection either.

No  visions of hell  promulgated here

No flying angels by order.

No thinking between 7 am and 10 pm except Sundays.

No  feeling while alive.

No sex in public except for cats and dogs.And horses.

Lying allowed all day in the Council Chamber.

No statistics can be collected without a permit.

No permits allowed.

No reflecting except in water.

Please powder your nose at home.We are  toilet paupers.

Do not apply rouge to your behind.Let it speak for itself.

Men’s trousers must not  be worn at half mast except in a gale.

Cats must not snore  unless dead.

Drastic punishment awaits all who are unruly.

These are the rules.

Be ruly ,please.Otherwise you are unruly as there is no grey here.

Boundaries are real yet invisible.Howzat?

 

 

Drastic action

The drastic measures of  our governments

They say will bring more safety to the world.

But  one wonders what is their desired intent?

As we watch the roll of images uncurl.

 

As Paris  is much closer than the Middle East

We fear that we too  might be soon attacked.

This shows  us humans are  yet narcissistic  beasts.

We  narrow gaze to Europeans’ lacks.

 

Ironic thoughts of Armistice appear.

How France and Britain  punished Ottoman.

No vision of a  future hell was feared.

An Empire to be looted;oil rich lands.

 

Now our world has shrunk and  history repeats:

It’s folly to  ignore our real defeat.

 

 

 

 

Drastic [Links below to Oxford dictionary]

Drastic bombing somewhere in this world

drastic

See definition in Oxford Advanced Learner’s Dictionary

Line breaks: dras|tic

Pronunciation: /ˈdrastɪk/

PICT0003

Definition of drastic in English:

adjective

Likely to have a strong or far-reaching effect; radical and extreme:a drastic reduction of staffing levels

MORE EXAMPLE SENTENCESSYNONYMS

extreme, serious, forceful, desperate, dire, radical, far-reaching, momentous, substantial;
heavy, sharp, severe, harsh, rigorous, swingeing, punishing, excessive, oppressive, draconian

Origin

Late 17th century (originally applied to the effect of medicine): from Greek drastikos, from dran ‘do’.

MORE

Words that rhyme with drastic

bombastic, dynastic, ecclesiastic, elastic, encomiastic, enthusiastic, fantastic, gymnastic, iconoclastic, mastic, monastic, neoplastic, orgastic, orgiastic, periphrastic, plastic, pleonastic, sarcastic, scholastic, scholiastic

Definition of drastic in:
KODAK Digital Still Camera
 The cat  needs drastic help or the photographer does.

Too ruly was my golden hair

My lover stole my comb because

My golden hair too ruly was.

He sometimes brushed it with his chin;

And so our life of  love began.

 

He swept the floor with my  hairbrush.

So more tangled and more lush

My locks became and that pleased him.

As  it tempted us to sin.

 

Unruly were his passions once

As on his knee  I was ensconced.

But later ,he preferred the cat.

Even as she she scratched and spat.

 

I see now  he preferred  furred beasts.

And met them on his nightly trysts.

I should not have cut off my hair.

Nor made it ruly and less fair.

 

I dyed it to a shade of red

Far too fierce for my dear head.

I dyed it green like apples fair

And I forgot that he would care.

 

Now it’s golden like a  crown

And in ringlets it does fall down.

Alas it is too late,I know.

For he is dead and lies below.

 

I should have heeded his advice

Never be too kind nor wise.

Hide your  eloquence so great.

And always make your courtiers wait.

 

Unfortunately I was entranced

Watching   numbers so advanced;

Infinities of different size

So no ruliness presides.

 

Yet our own lives are finite.

A few brief hours of gold sunlight.

A few of those  by lovers ruled;

Precious days   each full of jewels

 

When we descend into  the night

Blackness rules and we can’t fight.

So the ruly come to dust.

Even when they passed their tests.

 

And the unruly also die.

With the worms the gold locks lie.

Wedding rings and jewellery

Are of no more use to me.

 

 

Yes, the unruly also die..

Though they may have felt more joy.

Not compelled to obey all,

They don’t complain when dark night falls.

 

Oh,my apple, I still care;

I still love you,my own dear.

I think of you and never rue

The love that was twixt you and me.

 

 

In my dreams we danced again

Music played and  love outran

All the numbers in my books.

Infinite were our loving looks.

 

Aleph null and aleph one,

By the Hebrews naming done.

No doubt God knows the full gist.

How  we sang and  dance and kissed.

 

.

 

 

 

 

No joking.

How to trip gracefully

How to fall over backwards.

How to slide away sideways.

How to give up.

How to throw up.

How to throw it all up.

No through way.

No exit.

No entrance

No entrancement.

No magic.

No spells.

No miracles.

No ghosts permitted unless smoking.

Kindly turn off at the tip when leaving.

No drips for the  impatient.

No spitting.

No spite allowed.

No splitting.

No bleeding on the rug.

No oozing.

No dying except by prior arrangement.

Ask God.

He knows it all.

The fall.

 

 

Onomastic: the limericks

I do not like  this word onomastics.

Just like I don’t drink  tea from plastic

But  brandy or gin,

Just pour it straight in,

As my stomach is very elastic.

 

 

To be perfectly frank I don’t drink,

As after one glass I turn pink.

Then men want a  kiss

Which for them may be bliss.

Until I drench them  all o’er with black ink.

 

Gin makes me lose my inhibitions.

Which leads later to my act of contrition.

To avoid the occasion

Of sin when we’re able

Is a doctrine I espouse sans derision.

 

Yes,I do know   yet non comprendio,

A few words of Latin and so

I toss  nunquam in

When there is a   great din.

Excusez moi,I have to go.

 

Yes, up to the bathroom I fled

For I had an odd pain in my head.

I poured some hot tea

All over  me.

Now I have arisen from the dead.

 

I hope that I do not blaspheme

When I free associate well in  these dreams.

I am as innocent as a  lamb

Which is not what I am.

But who knows what I might have been?

 

Onomastics,I’ll say it again.

It’s a word far more suited to men.

As they like to  sound grand

When they  tickle me with one hand.

I  can guess what they might like right then.

 

 

 

Onomastics:This is a word I have never heard or read until now

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Word of the Day
http://www.merriam-webster.com/?

onomastics

audio pronunciation
November 18, 2015
noun
\ah-nuh-MAS-tiks\
Definition
1
a : the science or study of the origins and forms of words especially as used in a specialized fieldb : the science or study of the origin and forms of proper names of persons or places
2
: the system underlying the formation and use of words especially for proper names or of words used in a specialized field
Examples

As a student of onomastics, Gloria liked to keep track of the most popular baby names across generations.

“Leaving that aside, the name Fatima is also used by Catholics, who take it from the town where the Virgin Mary was reported to have appeared in 1917 (itself, in one of those byways of onomastics, named after a princess who bore the name of Mohammed’s daughter).” — Dot Wordsworth, The Spectator (London), 9 May 2015

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Did You Know?
The original word for the science of naming was onomatology, which was adopted from French in the mid-19th century. About a century later, however, people began referring to the science as onomastics, a term based on the Greek verb onomazein (“to name”). Like many sciences,onomastics is itself composed of special divisions. An onomastician might, for example, study personal names or place names, names of a specific region or historical period, or even the character names of a particular author, like Charles Dickens.
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Holy and numinous

Numinous is a word  for the holy.

I notice the holy are lowly.

Jesus was  born  in  a stable

As his folk were unable

To  stay  in a hotel warm and homely.

 

Numinous might refer to a space

Where God is about with his grace.

A stunning Temple of Old

With  its silver and gold

Such sanctity might us embrace.

 

Or a cathedral built on top of a hill

From stone  carried up  by men’s will

Made my  knees give way under me;

And it wasn’t even  a Sunday.

Numinous it was and is still.

 

[It was  seeing Lincoln Cathedral floodlit at night which made me collapse.Also a drawing by Picasso had that effect]

 

 

 

 

Numinous

 7483299_f260

numinous

See definition in Oxford Advanced Learner’s Dictionary

Line breaks: nu¦min|ous

Pronunciation: /ˈnjuːmɪnəs/

Definition of numinous in English:

adjective

Having a strong religious or spiritual quality; indicating or suggesting the presence of a divinity:the strange, numinous beauty of this ancient landmark

Derivatives

 

numinosity

noun

Origin

Mid 17th century: from Latin numen, numin- ‘divine will’ + -ous.

Words that rhyme with numinous

bituminous, leguminous, luminous, voluminous

Definition of numinous in:
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Inviolable we may be in our dreams

,

Though more often it’s anxiety we feel….

For what we hardly notice while we scheme..

Is unfortunately very real.

 

The mind constructs  its  symbols to show us

That our life may be less tranquil then we think

Or maybe we’re too scared to make a fuss.

While our  souls may  sadly rot and stink.

 

Fantasy is where we are inviolate.

Where we possess  a love superior.

And we are in possession of wealth great.

When in truth we may  be quite inferior.

 

The wise believe to face the truth is good.

But after long neglect we fear its flood

 

Inviolability

The human condition,

We’d like to think we’re  inviolable.

To want our children so

Yet even without tornados and tsunamis

We can be pretty destructive.

Perhaps it’s some cruel gossip we’ve passed on;

Perhaps it’s a desire we cherish to hurt a friend or an enemy.

And now we have   the impingement of terror drawing nearer.

Yet was our government not complicit in torture and imprisonment without trial?

There was a large demonstration against the Iraq War.

The leaders attention was elsewhere.

Maybe it’s like children’s game to them?

Inviolability seems a fantasy.

Ozymandias shows us that.

Athens and Troy,

Mighty Rome

Next,Europe?

 

c

 

Inviolable

Merriam-Webster's Word of the Day
November 17

inviolable audio pron   \in-VYE-uh-luh-bul\
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Definition
adjective
1 :
secure from violation or profanation
2 :
secure from assault or trespass : unassailable

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Enter a caption

 

Examples
The senator agreed to an interview on the basis of a set of clear andinviolable rules about what she would and would not answer.
“Perhaps M Train represents the attempt by someone whose career is as public as can be imagined to stake out a zone of inviolable privacy, albeit through the public act of writing a book meant for publication.” — Geoffrey O’Brien, The New York Review of Books, 22 Oct. 2015
Addition by me .I looked up the word origin which is here
inviolable
  1.
Origin
late Middle English: from French, or from Latin inviolabilis, from in- ‘not’ + violabilis ‘able to be violated’ (from the verb violare ).

The experience of gaps:Aspiration vs Achievement

Joseph_Mallord_William_Turner_-_Norham_Castle,_Sunrise_-_WGA23182

http://www.janandcoragordon.co.uk/mentions this

I recall now that I first came across  ideas about gaps when studying art. Jan and Cora Gordons’s writing  mentions this.Even the best artists must have the experience of completing a work and finding that it is not what they had hoped.Certainly for beginners it can be very depressing and may be the reason why many people who did poorly at art in school never try again… as they felt this gap very  painfully.But as with many of the painful aspects of life,it is better to accept and honour the  gap.Strangely when we look back at some of our work we may find it has much more in it than we saw at the time.But wanting some pre-conceived notion of perfection we fail to notice the value of what we did in reality.

Turner’s late work was thought by some to be a sign of madness.This doesn’t mean our daubs are the next great advance in Art or Writing…. but we may need to be more tolerant of ourselves and our productions whilst also being genuinely critical and accepting criticism

Love,the word.

KODAK Digital Still Camera
Winter shadows

Now love is not an easy word to use,
for excess talk has torn away its soul.
In cards and letters,we must stand accused;
so where love dwelt,there’s now a widening hole.

And if our language changes, what’s the cost,
when life departs from words that meant so much?
Or is there something permanently lost
when hands and pens have lost the way to touch?

We soon forget what loving used to mean
We change to fit our fractured complex realms
Till we are now as fractured in our schemes
and what once was,seems never to have been.

Yet there’s a remnant found in art and song
Which we can capture if our spirits long.

Synopsis:Not a sonnet

I sent a synopsis  of all my poems

To editors and critics and the learned.

I took one word from every line and verse

But after seeing this my work was spurned

I guess it was  post modern to the nth;

And that philosophy has been and gone.

For what will follow after is not known,

Except in the unconscious of old men.

Fascistic were the traits of narrative.

Undecipherable meanings were adored

The author had no  rights on their own work.

The famous might have been the Risen Lord

.Synopses of  our poetry and sonnets

Will  do  much better if they are more comic

Synopsis:Another word of Greek origin

 books


synopsis

See definition in Oxford Advanced Learner’s Dictionary

Line breaks: syn¦op|sis

Pronunciation: /sɪˈnɒpsɪs/

Definition of synopsis in English:

noun (plural synopses sɪˈnɒpsiːz)

1A brief summary or general survey of something:a synopsis of the insurance cover provided is set out below

MORE EXAMPLE SENTENCES  SYNONYMS 

1.1An outline of the plot of a play, film, or book.

EXAMPLE SENTENCES

Derivatives

synopsize

(also synopsise)verb

EXAMPLE SENTENCES

Origin

Early 17th century: via late Latin from Greek, from sun- ‘together’ + opsis ‘seeing

Oratio ante colligationem in terrete

Ominpotens aeterne Deus,
qui secundum imaginem Turam nos plasmasti
et omnia bona, vera, et pulchra,
praesertim in divina persona Unigeniti Filii Tui
Domini nostri Iesu Christi, quaerere iussisti,praesta, quasemus,
super intercessionem Sancti Isidori,Episcopi et Doctoris,
sin peregrinationibus per interrete,
et manus oculosque ad quae Tibi sunt placita intendamus
et omnes quos convenimus cum caritate
ac patientia accipidamus.
Per Christum Dominum nostrum. Amen.

Titles of online articles I have seen today [I have not read the articles]

Why your vagina shrinks at  menopause and what you can do  about it [Don’t ask ]

How to handle things.[what sort o?}

Why  or how your finger length  reveals your gender [Surely easier just to look at the bosom/ chest?}

Which microwave to buy [Making  unstated assumptions;some of us either have none or may have stolen one]

Why you need both metal and silicon whisks [I thought it was breasts just for a moment; now there’s an idea]

Why you need to keep  lots of frozen pasta in your kitchen [Try turning off the radiator first and checking the ovens]

Which  six cookery books are the best? [Look up restaurants on your smartphone  instead] I wonder how many this person has checked.I find ones written for catering colleges are better and cheaper.

Why you should never take  a bath [I find a handbag is quite sufficient].

How to  entertain at home. [Fall out of bed?]

How to keep your husband happy [Freeze him?]

Why you should never forget your wedding anniversary [Am I married?]

How to have the best number of children[ Yes, it’s all under our total control]

How to keep your teeth  super clean [Stop eating and die?]

Are you bored of sex? [No,I’m bored of London]

How to cure loneliness. [Buy a microwave and some cookery books]

How to get your bounce back [Buy a dunlopillo mattress?]

Should you take vitamins? [Where to?]

Dr Poker

 sigmund-freud-pet-quotes-time-spent-with-cats-is-never
I once had a doctor called Poker

Who fancied his skill as a joker.
He teased all his patients
both the young and the ancient…
And his cat was labelled,Please stroke her.

It should have read,Please  do stroke me…
I’d like to sit up on your knee…
But I can’t tell  the doc
As it’s ten o’clock
So it’s time for my  next cup of tea.

My psyche is split into four
And in each part I love and adore
Alfred the cat
And his woollen mat..
I wish sincerely I had  got  twenty more..

Affect is display of feeling

If you never show affect you’re dead.

Your feelings have fearfully fled.

So smile or grimace.

You own your own face.

Except when asleep in your bed.

When you’re  fast asleep nobody knows

Whence your   free fantasy flows

But an observer might note

You spoke Serbo -Croat

If you  lectured on war while you dozed

Affect

chesire car index

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Affect_(psychology)

Affect is the experience of feeling or emotion.[1] Affect is a key part of the process of an organism‘s interaction with stimuli. The word also refers sometimes to affect display, which is “a facial, vocal, or gestural behavior that serves as an indicator of affect” (APA 2006).

The affective domain represents one of the three divisions described in modern psychology: the cognitive, the conative, and the affective. Classically, these divisions have also been referred to as the “ABC of psychology”,[citation needed] in that case using the terms “affect”, “behavior“, and “cognition”. In certain views, the cognitive may be considered as a part of the affective,[citation needed] or the affective as a part of the cognitive.[2]

Affective states are psycho-physiological constructs.

And

The affect mechanism is like the pain mechanism in this respect. If we cut our hand, saw it bleeding, but had no innate pain receptors, we would know we had done something which needed repair, but there would be no urgency to it. Like our automobile which needs a tune-up, we might well let it go until next week when we had more time. But the pain mechanism, like the affect mechanism, so amplifies our awareness of the injury which activates it that we are forced to be concerned, and concerned immediately (Tomkins 88).

11Without affect feelings do not “feel” because they have no intensity, and without feelings rational decision-making becomes problematic (Damasio 204-22). In short, affect plays an important role in determining the relationship between our bodies, our environment, and others, and the subjective experience that we feel/think as affect dissolves into experience.

Is Stan Jewish or does he just like their cheesecakes?

A story for cat lovers :Emile goes for a bike ride
Stan  had just got back to his lovely  home after a ride on his  mountain bike. Emile had travelled in his special cat seat/basket just in front of Stan as he liked to see the road less traveled should it appear..and he liked purr to encourage Stan to ride further.When Stan got home to his luxuriously detached yet bijou dwelling he went to the wonderful disappointing cloakroom to wash his paws before putting the kettle on for some tea.
Ah,how peaceful it is here,he thought…,how nice Mary is still at work.
Suddenly, and alarmingly, the door bell rang.There,on the flower bedecked porch,stood a large, beautiful curly haired woman holding Emile in her pretty freckled arms
I believe this is your cat,she said boldly.So he tells me.Why, he even knows the address.
Well,if he’s anyone’s he’s mine,Stan admitted uneasily.
What has he done now?
Did you not notice he jumped out of his basket?she asked enquiringly.
Well,no,Stan answered furtively
I was getting a bit tired and keen to get home…I forgot my water,
Well,I hope you won’t let him do it again,he could end up absconding,
By the way,I’m called Yvette.
Are you Yvette Cooper,the MP,he enquired wildly.
No, she said,I’m Yvette Hooper,the swan lover.
Do come in for a cup of tea,he said caringly.
I don’t mind if I do,she said,then I can be sure your cat is alright.
Tell me,Stan said,Do you live with a swan?
No,she said,though I do have an old Swan saucepan.
A saucepan is not much company,Stan responded.
Well,at least it never shouts at me!Yvette said quickly.
Have you suffered verbal abuse? Stan said in a kind and supportive voice.
I have, yes.We had a mutual agreement that I could be handcuffed and verbally amused for 3 hours a week.you see we’d read this book,”Fifty shades of grey.”It’s all about human bondage
But my boyfriend thought it was verbal abuse I wanted..As I was upside down I couldn’t tell him of his error.After that things were never the same.
Why did you have the handcuffs?asked Stan calmly.
We were given them for Xmas,she whispered.
Also a whip and some rubber gloves.
Why the rubber gloves?
For washing up of course!
But after being whipped would you feel like washing up?
I don’t know.We split up before we even tried the whip… to be honest,I didn’t want to use it.
Alright, my dear.I understand it all.
Here you are.. drink a nice cup of tea and try these biscuits I made myself they are almond biscuits from my Penguin Jewish cookery book.
Mmmm,delicious,she cried.Are you Jewish,Stan?
No,but why should they have all the best recipes?
A good point… maybe because they had almost the first alphabet so began to write them down before anyone else could.
Not to mention they invented monogamy,a great religion,Freud,Wittgenstein,Einstein,rhinestone
.Give them an accolade. I mean,Jesus Christ!
What more do they have to do to be rewarded?
Ascend into heaven?
Make more cheesecakes?
I wonder,said Stan pondering slowly
  • The back door opened and in ran Anne,Stan’s mistress.
    She was dressed in soft teal with toning turquoise trainers and she wore a light beige foundation with bright coral lipstick making a subtle contrast… all by Lamcom of China.
  • Oh,Anne,have some tea.This is Yvette,she very kindly rescued Emile after he jumped off my bike.
    Don’t tell me he can ride a bike, Anne screamed,showing off a good set of teeth and a long red tongue.
    No,I was riding it.Stan told her sensibly.
    Hello Yvette,Anne said,where do you live?
    I live on the top road by the wood.Yvette answered politely, her auburn hair standing up in a mass off curls as she spoke,showing off to good effect her light orange lipstick and burnt sienna eye shadow…in fact it was color from her art materials..
    Have you been there long?Anne enquired politely and warmly.
    No,only a few weeks..we don’t know anyone..
    So you are married?
    Yes,my husband is in the Police Service… he cleans policemen for special occasions.
    I didn’t know anyone did that.Can’t they clean themselves?
    A self cleaning policeman…or how about putting coat of Teflon on them so they can be wiped with a wet cloth?
    It’s up to him,said Yvette.
  • I am a lecturer at Pond’s End Polytechnic.I teach philosophy..
    In a poly?
    Yes,I have a D.Phil from Oxgridge in the philosophy of science with particular reference to Dirac’s remarks on Wittgenstein.
    Do they study such remarks in a poly?
    All the students do Philosophy of Science…it’s compulsory.
    Stan said,I wish they all did Peace Studies too…
    I know,said Yvette kindly..If only we could bring peace but we are descended from the most aggressive primates…
  • why many of them were sado-masochists.Well some were sadists and the rest were masochists I gather.The ones who weren’t died out as they never mated..
    Well,I’m not a sadist,said Stan,or at least only to myself!
    Do you beat yourself up,the ladies asked.
    Just in my mind,he answered judiciously.
  • So do I thought Yvette.
    Let’s have some more tea,called Anne from the hall,I’ll make it.
    Anne is my mistress,Stan boasted humbly……
    There was little point trying to seduce Yvette now Anne had met her and vice versa.
    Yvette was intrigued.That is rare ,for such an old man to have a mistress.
    Is a wife not sufficient for you?
    A wife is necessary but not sufficient,Stan teased her.
    Well,my husband has no mistress, she said unknowingly,
    but I have several boyfriends.
    How do you get the time?
    I have a rota,she chuckled happily.
    You seem an intriguing lady.May I have your email address,mobile number and your landline?
    Your height and weight too..clothes size and shoes too.What colour is  your nightgown?
  • I beg your pardon.I have got rude with age!
    Be quiet ,you little sweetheart.
  • It’s
    yvette999@hotmail.com
    or diracisme@qmail.com
    My phone number is Oh,oh,6666666666666.7777777777777777………………..
    That’s irrational,he informed her knowingly.
    Have you got an i Pad,she then asked boldly.
    No,I’ve not even got a Kindle..do you recommend them.Maybe you could come to ComputersRus with me on Saturday.
    No, she said,I’m Jewish.
    Are Jews not permitted to visit Computer shops..Some religious edict,is it? he said inquisitively.
    It’s the Sabbath,you dimwit,she responded.We don’t shop on the Sabbath but don’t worry I’ll come on Monday with you..you are a charming man.I need as many as I can get.
    Why are you deficient in some way?Stan whispered.
    No,I’m very proficient and mildly conceited,she admitted modestly.
    And I like a good kisser.Are you a good kisser?Can you make out?That’s American for kissing.
    Well,maybe you could give me a test,he said manfully,
    and if need be you can give me some lessons followed by a total Examination to see if I satisfy you.
    Just then Anne came in with fresh tea..
    Emile mewed loudly.
    What is it.Emile ? Stan asked.
    I am jealous because we cats can’t kiss.
    Well kissing is neither necessary nor sufficient in the art of love.Rolling about together in some soil is also very nice..
    I hope you don’t expect your wife to roll about in soil,said Yvette
    questioningly..
    Well,I can ask her,Stan said,but her main interest is topology and knitting.She is often very cold in bed…
    Can’t you warm her into life;Or buy an electric blanket?
    No,she’s hopeless because of a type of Asperger’s syndrome but I love her anyway.
    Have you tried a new technique like whipping each other or tying yourself to the bedposts.You can buy handcuffs now in Boots,I hear.
    Why some doctors prescribe them on the NHS nowadays
    I thought Love was enough, Stan answered
    It seems in the UK people are into whips and handcuffs…
    Well,count me out,said Stan,I’m more into a careful yet tender study of the skin from the toes right up to to head,followed by gazing into her eyes for ten minutes.
    Why ten minutes?asked Yvette.
    I can’t wait any longer…
    Well,you’ll have to practise..she said coyly.
    I can practise with him,said Anne virtuously.
    Yes,the more the better…he’s getting older so he can’t wait.
    He needs satisfaction and love as soon as possible.
    The door bell rang,It was handsome Dave the paramedic.
    Hi,he said,I was worried as you’ve not called 999 today.I brought a leash and some whips.
    I’m Yvette,the woman said.
    I’m bisexual,he told her.
    That’s a strange name.
    Never mind that,give me your email address and phone nu,mber
    It’s ywoman@love4all.com,she said or 09964321.3333333333333333333…..
    If you’d like a non rational phone number email me at
    hotcats@hell.com.Read more freely in the Daily Slur tomorrow….on sale everywhere and making life hell as fast as they can

A trillion thought trains

How many posts can any blogger write
Before they go raving mad?
How many posts can a blogger invent
Before they get far too sad?
The answer my friends
We’re all round the bend.
The answer’s we’re all round the bend

How many rhymes can a poet invent
Before they progress to free verse?’
How many rhymes can a poet invent
When the rhymes are getting worse and worse?
The answer is plain,
It’s a million quatrains
The answer’s a trillion thought trains