
Another collage


Preoccupation is a dangerous thing
We see not what is there but what we bring.
Put aside your thoughts and busy care,
When you are so occupied you are not here
Being here is living with our friends
Not wandering lonely down the streets’ dead ends
Do not let your worries make you blind
Do not let them make you too unkind
The weak will hurt the vulnerable nearby
Don’t let that beam live too long in your eye
When the windows shattered
And the splinters flew in
He just made for the back door
And left me
not knowing where to begin.
When the shards of glass hit me
And pierced my vulnerable skin
He was already going
Leaving me
feeling he was an inhuman being.
When I fell down covered in glass and bleeding,
And the storm raged on,
I didn’t look round because
I knew,I knew,I knew,
I knew he would be gone.
Suddenly peace came, the storm had quite
disappeared..
It was all over so quickly
Not as murderous as I feared.
My wounds were bad,I have to confess.
I had no bandage
Nothing with which to dress.
With an old towel I cleaned my blood
Then I lay me down to pray.
Since that day,no storms come this way.
My wounds are healing
I have just one thing to say.
When the storm was so bad
He left me all alone…
but strangely since then
all is peace and calm.
His absence has become
almost a balm.
But I hear stories of fierce storms rising up
In towns and villages
Not too far from here, where a wandering man appears.
Seems like he’s running to get away
From some storm
But he takes it with him
He gives it form.
So when the windows crashed in
glass flew at my face
he left me all alone
In what he thought
was a very dangerous place.
Did he not pick me up
and carry me outside?
No,my daughter,he left me alone;.
But since then
I lost a great burden…
And I lost a great feeling of shame.
Rise up,you women,bleeding and torn.
For on days like this,a new resolve is born.
While you live don’t accept all the blame.
Don’t live so long as I did,in fear and in shame.
Rise up and find that calm
In the eye of the storm…
On days like this
a new woman is born
They’re hunting snails
In New South Wales
They’re hunting bees,
And shooting trees.
They’re hanging worms
For lengthy terms
They’re on a diet
And don’t we know it.The diet of worms shall be our fare
And on the bible. we shall swear.
We’ll swear our oath
We are not loth
We’ll strangle frogs
They’ll die in bogs.We’ll always use four letter words
And they shall be our hunting swords.
We’ll kill the good
We’ll burn the wood.
We’ll shout out,fuck.
We’ll burn the bookWe’ll let no thin skinned people live.
We’ll always take and never give
We’ll use our charms
To quell alarms.
We’ll molest girls
Cut off their curls.As we’re human, we are mad.
We kill the good ,seems love is dead
We saw the babe in Bethlehem
We saw him die between two men.
We did not run to cut him down
We said,Oh,fuck,another clown.
For he spoke love
And said to give.
For he spoke peace;
Let joy increaseLike most human,we are crazed
We see it and we’re not amazed.
No sunset red
No welcome bed
No golden dawn
No welcome morn
No loving arms
No sacred charms
No newborn king
No tune to singOh,we are damned
We are broke
We built Auschwitz
Saw the smoke.
And now it’s built again,again
While drop the bombs
In Bethlehem.
And on our knees, we women crawl
To bury babies born too small.
To take the swords from these mens’ hands
And bury them in desert sands.
To pick up scraps of humanness
To hold their hands for God to bless.
We did it wrong,we did it bad
We never thought or we’ve been had

https://openjournals.library.sydney.edu.au/index.php/SSE/article/viewFile/325/298
About The Thought Fox
” The poem itself is beautifully modulated in its use of assonance and
off-rhyme. It has the delicate, brilliant and perhaps cold qualities
given to the fox, though it also has its boldness and concentration.
Thus the poem itself enacts the metaphor of the title: it is the
thought-fox.
This sort of wit and concentration is Hughes at his best. His
humour certainly gets blacker, and Crow (1972) is very like an
obscene version of the Road-Runner, but it is a very important
part of his general attitude and poetic manner. In “Pike”, for
example, the changes in tone from the neutral description of the
opening through the off-hand humour of stanza six:
With a sag belly and the grin it was born with.
And indeed they spare nobody.
73
SYDNEY STUDIES
Two, six pounds each, over two feet long,
High and dry and dead in the willow-herbto
the terrified apprehension of the last stanza:
Owls hushing the floating woods
Frail on my ear against the dream
Darkness beneath night’s darkness had freed,
That rose slowly towards me, watching.
(Selected Poems, pp. 55-56)
form a dramatic and emotional pattern that makes this perhaps
Hughes’s most disturbing poem. The humour is an integral part
of that dark world which so fascinates him. Perhaps it is one of
several things he learnt from Nietzsche.
In an interesting interview with Egbert Faas published in
London Magazine in January 1971, Hughes spoke a good deal
about his concern with “the primeval world”.l He felt that modern
man had turned away from the dark forces and “settled for the
minimum practical energy and illumination”. He attacked “the
psychological stupidity, the ineptitude, of the rigidly rationalist
outlook”, though he did not underestimate the dangerousness of
the non-rational world:
“If you refuse the energy, you are living a kind of death. If you
accept the energy, it destroys you. What is the alternative? To accept
the energy, and find methods of turning it to good, of keeping it
under control-rituals, the machinery of religion. The old method is
the only one.”
This does not mean that Hughes is a Christian, or even sympathetic
to Christianity with its ideals of self-sacrifice (his equation
of the Virgin Mary with the Great Goddess of the primitive world
is highly questionable, whatever cults survived in early Christianity).
I am not sure that it even means that his imagination is
“theological”, as Peter Porter has suggested. But it does mean that
it is religious and that it is concerned with language as magic and
with poems as rituals. “Jaguar” does contain evocations of animal
power and freedom and “The Bull Moses”, one of his greatest
poems, is an apotheosis of primitive sexual strength. This is one
of the reasons, I think, why the poems are so elaborately structured,
why the language is so forceful and compacted. They are
not attempts to express violence or to titillate us with violent
thrills, in the way that you might say Thom Gunn’s poems are,
though we are often conscious of the element of fascination that
Hughes feels. These poems have a real respect for violence and try to treat it as a religious force”
Peter Fried,the Bionic psychoanalyst ,who had recently arrived in the fine midland town of Knittingham, had noticed that whilst he was practising “free floating attention” with his patients an image of a cat peering in the window behind the couch was troubling him.He hoped it was not some hallucination transferred from the Unconscious of one of his patients into his consciousness.
Still,having a black cat looking in the window was by no means the most unpleasant optical illusion he had ever suffered.In a way,it was quite sweet.
He was back in his “home” flat boiling some eggs for his supper when the doorbell rang.He opened it cautiously with a sort of excitement. mixed in.There stood a strikingly attractive woman wearing a purple coat and a red hat with matching red ballet flats and a bright green designer handbag from TKMaxx.[£29.99 and well worth it]
Hello,I thought I’d introduce myself,I live across the street next door to Stan and Mary..my name is Anne..How are you settling in?
She walked confidently through his flat and into the new dark teak kitchen with its gleaming work surfaces and marble pastry rolling strip…. though Peter never made pastry himself.
Eggs!Are you a curry lover?By pure chance and serendipity I have a tin of vindaloo sauce here.I could pour it over these eggs.
Should we not remove the shells first?Peter asked with a just hint of humour.
Definitely,leave it to me.I’ve brought some naan bread and some brown rice too
How did you know I was boiling six eggs?Why Emile told me,of course!
Emile….is he black?
Some people call him black,others say he’s mixed race.
Let’s not argue about semantics or political correctness,he replied discourteously.
I don’t even know what semantics, are she screeched softly into his left ear.
Well,that is no barrier to arguing about them,he replied diplomatically.
Well,it’s senseless, she answered kindly.”I am not a person who enjoys an argument.Go and sit down,read the paper and I’ll finish preparing the curry dinner.
Is it common around here to have an unknown woman come in to cook your dinner?Peter asked Anne.
No,it’s the height of sophistication,she said judiciously.It’s just with you being new I wanted to meet you to see if you need any assistance in your work.I don’t need money,I like to serve the community in some way.Of course I am Stan’s mistress but as he’s in a bad temper today I’ve not seen him.I suspect he is growing tired of me.
Are you married,Peter asked her.
No,but I was once.My husband ran off with his brother’s wife,so we decided to pretend they were both dead.
That’s intriguing,said Peter,I am married but my wife developed an allergy to my skin.She could not bear to touch it so it became awkward… very awkward.
Fancy, and you a therapist too,she murmured softly,So where is she now?
Oh, she lives on the Isle of Man,near Peel.I do go to see her now and then… and there are lovely sunsets over there… you can see the Mountains of Mourne.
Are you lonely, she asked him very emotionally.
No,I see seven patients a day..
But that’s not the same as having a wife or a friend.
Since my wife’s allergy,I am afraid to touch another woman.
How sad,cried Anne…I have very thick skin.Would you like to touch me? she said seductively
Perhaps another time,Peter said in a kindly way,But thanks for being so generous.I am touched by your amiability and femininity and your kindness in introducing yourself.
Let’s eat the curry before we die of hunger.
They sat down at the kitchen table to eat the egg curry when they saw some amber eyes gleaming at the window.
Oh, dear,There’s Emile again.
Will he tell Stan?
Probably,but actually Stan no longer wants me.Yet Emile adores me.He will be jealous… he’s a cat,but he has the feeling of a man.
And indeed Emile’s eyes were gleaming like those of a tiger… he began to speak through the window glass.
Would you mind if I had some curry? Stan never makes it… I love spices
Why not? said Peter.
Emil’s plan was to get near Anne but first he had to eat the vindaloo egg curry.He took a mouthful..my,it was hot.His eyes began to water and his nose ran…. all round the room.He mioawed piteously
I need a hanky.
We shall have to ring 999,muttered Anne.
What! Do they tend to cats?
They usually have some hankies for cats….
So without any further ado,she took out her Samsung mobile phone and rang.
I don’t know how I shall get on living here,thought Peter.
He ran across the room and jumped into the washing machine with the tea towels and kitchen cloths.
Will he escape?
Buy the next chapter…only three shilling and sixpence or free with the Daily Wail tomorrow…order now for next life delivery!
I went to confession last night.
Did you really?
Yes,I wouldn’t tell a lie.
So who you tell,an enemy?
I told the priest.I said,I am resentful.
He said,Why?
I said,sorry. I meant I did something unprintable.
He said,Shall I guess?Is it animal,vegetable or mineral?
I said,No,human.
He said,humans are animals.
Yes,Father,I said.How did you know? Animals can’t speak.
He said,you have wool on your coat.
I said,Well it is winter.
He said,so you rollick with a sheep just to keep warm.
I said,What on earth are you talking about?
He said,I can read between the lines.
I said,But is that moral? Should you not read on them..?
He said,Well get on with it.
I said,What, here in church?
He said.Well the confessionals are here.
I said, You want me to bring the sheep here
No,he said,for God’s sake tell me your sins.
Then we heard a voice shout.
Get out,the both of you.
so God is Irish then… not Jewish?
No,he just learned English as a foreign language from an Irishman.
It’s unusual for an Irishman to speak Hebrew.
He was an irish Gnu.
Gnu, don’t you mean Jew?
No,do you?
Yes, their jokes are so good… it’s what some might call gallows humour.
None so bereft as those who do not sue.
Well,we have no money to sue anybody now….
Then for my penance I have to learn to knit.Is it hard?
I said,No,it’s just a matter of time and effort.
In that case I’ll just go to hell in a handcart.
Why bother when it’s right here on earth?
Water that the sun burned up too well
It seemed the fires of Grenfell Tower had spread
A hear oppressive like the fires of hell
London smothered in air dull and dead.
Flames that slobbered with a passion red
Water that the sun burned up too well
It seemed the fire of Grenfell Tower had spread
God permitted Satan with his dread
Britain quarrelled, split , prepared to kill.
London smothered in air dull and dead.
A referendum showed us all ill-bred.
Neighbours spoke in words that I call vile.
It seemed the fire of Grenfell Tower had spread
By what person is our nation led
who fills our stomach with acidic bile?
The PM spoke in words both dull and dead.
Tempers raged like fires all fresh and wild
Evil was to emptiness beguiled
It seemed the fire of Grenfell Tower had spread
People smothered in the fire lie dead

In looking at this I realized that the handwritten poem with its alterations is interesting but also if you look at it from a slight distance the poem itself becomes like a drawing where there is a certain beauty in the arrangement of the lines and the words
To me,at one point, it looked like a music score.
The script is like music score
Through which we pass as through a door
Imagination’s home
Allocking means killing time
.Agate means at wotk in Bolton dialect
That’s killing time
Am allocking agen today
That’s killin’ time, as now we say
Ah,shud be agate but oh ah can’t
Work ‘as gotten ‘ard teh find
Ma mammy’s ill and she’ll soon die
I must wear a suit and tie
Allocking meks me feel ill
Did mother make a legal will?
Am all allooan up on’t Pike
Rivington is weear folk hike
Am all allooan and ah feel low
Allocking is touch ‘n go
Where’s mi daddy an’ ‘is pipe
Where’s dad’s jacket,full ah smoke?
I want him back ,mi mam’s alloooan
You ‘ed wonder at ‘er groans
Where’s mi cat and where’s mi dog
Where’s ower’ handmade fireside rug?
Made ‘eh rags and hooked through cloth
Eeh, won’t God be filled with wrath?
God is never all allooan
Never allocks, he’s a stone
Amno bettin’ ‘eaven exists
That’s why all wa men get pissed
But ah’ve seen Hell ,oh Ama sure?
Nothin’ yooman shall endure.
By the lily pond 2012
Shimmering light
The lily pond
The music of your eye
The touch of your arm
Your always honey smell.
I love.
Rustling trees in a row,
A wide green lawn;
People stoop to see small flowers.
A snail on the path.
The perfecton of the shell.
I believe
Unusually tall dandelions
at the edge of this wood
Wave in the warm west wind.
We smile.
Sitting pen in hand
I wonder what I would have written
In all the letters I’ve not sent you.
Far away on the Ridgeway,
Cars,seem small as ants,
Rush towards the motorway.
They make us laugh.
How green the meadows are
How fresh the old trees.
I gaze at you.
I find I am.
It’s mutual.
I thank you
,Masud Khan thought
.human beings had “from time immemorial” needed an “other” to relate to in order to have stability and to learn about the self and, in prior eras, people used God as the “other” with whom they could relate.3 But as religion became less personal, the relationship to God was replaced by friendship with mortals, and mortals served the purpose as well as God had: “To sense oneself alive in another’s preoccupations is to be in a state of grace.”4 Love relations were important, he said, but friendship lasted longer.
From the book
False self
by Linda Hopkins
The path on Arnside Knott came to the shore
Where sea and river meet at my heart’s core
Where wild flowers grow, where butterflies float on.
The views of Lakeland Hills ,so ravishing
My heart was only half alive till then
The land surpassed imagination
I was used to mills and dirty air
Despite the heather moors and hilltops bare
Later death came near on Langdale Pike
My fingertips were hurting,feet agape
Then my toe was back on a foothold
The shadow of the mountain huge and cold
Beauty,love and death, the opera calls
Singing as we walk the danger walls
I recommend this interview very strongly.
https://aeon.co/essays/a-rare-interview-with-philip-pullman-the-religious-atheist
“‘I like to say I’m a complete materialist but…’ Pullman allows himself an English teacher’s dramatic pause, ‘matter is conscious. How do I know that? Because I’m matter and I’m conscious.’ Once again, Pullman opts for complexity and nuance, and you can hear the same dislike of hierarchies in his critique of some popular science. ‘What you often get in people of this stripe (and Brian Cox — the TV physicist — goes in for it as well), is a sentence of the formula “X is no more than/just/merely/nothing but Y.” For example: “The world is nothing but the action of molecules” or “Love is merely the movement of electrons in the brains.” Sentences of that sort are nearly always mistaken,’ says Pullman. ‘I would prefer they were put in the form of “Love is a movement of electrons in the brain, among other things.”’
‘Among other things’ would be a great motto for Pullman’s ambivalence (or should that be multivalence?) about matters of belief, fiction and science. He is of the old school of secularism which holds that faith should be kept out of the public sphere, but still refuses the kind of inquisition that seeks to root out mistaken beliefs: ‘What you feel and believe are private to you and belong to nobody else,’ he counters. ‘What you do in the public sphere is what’s important.’
Yet on one thing, Pullman’s faith is profound and unshakeable. He’s now in his mid-60s, and though he thinks about death occasionally, it never wakes him up in a sweat at night. ‘I’m quite calm about life, about myself, my fate. Because I knew without doubt I’d be successful at what I was doing.’ I double-take at this, a little astounded, but he’s unwavering. ‘I had no doubt at all. I thought to myself, my talent is so great. There’s no choice but to reward it. If you measure your capacities, in a realistic sense, you know what you can do.’”

I do not see my future, how to go
But now I have steam cleaned the kitchen floor
If I run out of all my china plates
I’ll eat meat off the floor till I am late.
I only see a half of what most see.
But still enjoy to swill my throat with tea.
The world is so delightful, I must smile
My grin is wider than the Royal Mile,
We wonder about ethics and virtue
But what matters is our choice and choose we do.
The new doormat’s good, for it is bright
My little bay tree loves the air and light
When the dirt is vanquished for a time
I sit down with a pen and start to write.
Dirt’s a symbol of our human sin
Yet without it, plants have nothing to grow in
So dirt and dust, creative elements
Are only bad when they create a stench
I found some fruit that rotted in its bag
The odour was, in its way, very bad.
At first, I could not locate the odour’s source
I wondered if it came from my parts “coarse”
But no I’ve never smelled as bad
As bananas stuck inside a plastic bag
And do it is when we wear manmade cloth
The heat of polyester brings out wrath
For sweat or moisture can’t evaporate
We swelter like a vine of purple grapes.
She has an Ulster on tow
So there’s more than one Elstree then?
Does your Android Copperfield?
It was just Barbara King’s ulva.
Where is an ulva or all of you laugh?
This is not my English sense.
Is it your Irish scent?
Do you mean my accent?
I didn’t know your act had an odour
Is it the order of sanctity?
I see someone who’s not a bishop has been made a cardinal.
It’s all just Circus location.
I suppose the odour and the accent traveled around with the circus
Well they couldn’t travel by themselves
I have never seen an accent without seeing a person
Because you have heard an accent without hearing the person?
Similarly it’s unusual to impel an odour without seeing somebody.
La casa address
I mean a psychiatrist.
What about a psychoanalist?
You’re fined
What for?
The smell icing.
Well there’s always been a bias against dialect.
That can’t be true because at the beginning the dialect was the language so they couldn’t have been a bias against it
It’s the people who spoke the dial out Lucifer from bias
The people who spoke the dialect who suffer from the bias o or the prejudice
Oldest started because I’ve got an ulcer on my toe and from that much stranginess is flowed I only wish the also would flow or fly
Or else,oh!
King solver says that
sexist and racist attitudes are now less acceptable. “But classism, we have made no progress. Urban well-to-do people still make jokes about dumb hillbillies … Even the very progressive people still buy into the meritocracy
People from a planet without flowers would think we must be mad with joy the whole time to have such things about us.
I love the little cyclamen
I grow it in my own garden
The waxy flowers make colour glow
They are my prayer, it shall be so.
When I am gone and in the ground
Plant me flowers like these around
But now I live and sing my songs
In the end there’s nothing wrong.

Since the beginning of the human cultures, so far as we know, man has always experienced, known and felt his own being through the other. This other was always non-human: a fetish (as in the primitive African cultures); an idol (Buddha is the supreme example); anthropomorphic supra-human presences (the gods of the Greeks abundantly testify to that) or God, that unique invention of the monotheistic religions (Judaism, Christianity and Islam). Sometime in the sixteenth century all this began to change (cf. Gay 1966). The most revolutionary characteristic of Modernism is the European man’s decision to be his own sole witness and exclude God, more and more, from his private relation to himself
Masud Khan
Hidden selves.

https://www.themarginalian.org/2023/04/11/masud-khan-lying-fallow/
. The individual on whom leisure has been imposed in massive doses, and who has little capacity to deal with it, then searches for distractions that will fill this vacuum… A great deal of the distress and psychic conflict that we see clinically… is the result of a warped and erroneous expectancy of human nature and existence. It is the omnipresent fallacy of our age that all life should be fun and that all time should be made available to enjoy this fun. The result is apathy, discontent and pseudo-neurosis.
I have just read in the newspaper that’s a woman died after opening up her ottoman. She went over to put something into the base and unfortunately the bear in the mattress descended and caught her by the neck and she suffocated
It was a gas operated bed and one of the gas cylinders was faulty
I would think mechanical lift will be better
Or just have an ordinary bed with a drawer in it
I wandered lonely as a clown
That wakes one day in A and E.
An all at once she hears a crowd
Shout: it’s gone private, there’s a fee.
I have insurance the clown lied.
She cracks her knuckles as she cries.
Should they let her go inside?
Which is bigger e or pi?
So in the nightmare
I then died.
My husband’s angry at my lot.
But when I woke he ran away
Do I care? Oh not a jot
Is this lyric is it to text?
Shall I sing or speak the rest?
On the subject my mind’s vexed
I’d really love to fail the test
If you’re a genius, go to bed
Never mind what daddy said.
I think I’ll leave the rest as read
I’m going home to swing the lead.
I’m filled with dread
I don’t care what no one said.
Without a frame the portraits dead
The poet writes in sile a shed.
I hope your heart is not too sad.
Every feeling seems quite bad

We’re not afraid just of bad things in our lives like losing people or treasures or jobs.
No we are not just afraid of the bad things but we’re also afraid of being overwhelmed by joy by beauty by love
We think we want love or to be knocked out with joy
But often the only way this can happen is when we are not expecting it
Is this why dating websites don’t work very well?
I’ve been overwhelmed several times by the stunning beauty of buildings like St Paul’s Cathedral.
That happened as I was in a car in the city but I’d lost track of where exactly we were and so I was not expecting to see a floodlit building when I did
It was a marvelous experience but I wonder how often I have blocked things off because either I think I know what it is I’ve already seen that I don’t need to look at it again
Oh because in some way it’s fearful as well. I think Westminster Abbey is fearful inside because it’s so massive.
Could it be the same as people?
We do and we do not wish to be overwhelmed by people.
Also is it just the English who don’t like to talk about such emotions?
Maybe not. Maybe it’s modern life we don’t have time to be knocked out by something beautiful and be lying on the ground looking up at the cathedral, when we should be at a meeting or during the supermarket shopping etc
York is said to be the most beautiful city in Europe or one of the most beautiful but I know someone who lives there and she said to me one day
Oh, do you get used to it you don’t really notice it.
How can we stop getting like that so that we can see at least some things a fresh with new eyes?
Until it’s happened to you, you don’t know that it’s possible.
It could happen in a bad way as Hitler was said to have hypnotic power. I don’t have enough evidence of this but it would make things more easy to understand if you’ve been overwhelmed by the evil in somebody else it might kill you or it might make you worship them.
That’s the trouble with political parties.
They themselves or others want to know absolutely everything clearly what are they going to do what are they not going to do but surely they will have to see this country with New eyes hopefully a labour government is more likely to have sympathy for the poor. But they’re clone there’s no point having sympathy unless you’ve got the power to do something to make the Econony stronger, to make it grow.
Maybe we don’t want to think certain thoughts. We don’t want to think that there’s no magic one that can be waved after 14 years of austerity and civil conflict
It’s good to be able to be shocked by what you perceive.
It’s not good to be cynical. Because they’re new do not actually want to know or to see how things could be different because we claim nothing is any good anyway

No,despair,I shall not let you win
I’l fight you with my being and disdain
No,despair, you are a deadly sin
I’ll drive you out by writing with my pen
Oh,despair, be not my constant friend.
I look for one much brighter and less fey.
To you no card or present will I send
You must not steal my company today.
Oh, fond despair,I cannot hide from you
I fly into your blackness like a bird
Yet now it is a golden light I see,
Consoling and so warm it clothes my words
Despair,my friend, I’ll fear no more your deeps.
You open up a door while I still weep
2018
Could it be despair that held me tight
in that February evening and the night
I could not see a way to carry on
Everything seemed dark and I was done
I saw great blackness all around myself
I could not be restored, I had no health
I had reached the end of seeking aid
God alone knew all the coins were paid
Oh gracious mysterious glowing light
That made a warm shawl round me on that night
Impressing me with kindness and goodwill
Holding me until I’d had my fill
Most sensuous, most tangled with love’s grace
Surrounding me, protecting my lost face
As if the arms of love were something real
That anyone who knew this must reveal
Only if we reach that darkest point
May the force of Love with light annoint