Authenticity without boundaries is careless. When we broadcast our limitations, we need to be careful to avoid casting doubt on our strengths. This appears to be especially important for nondominant groups. Sadly, experiments show that when leaders make self-deprecating jokes, they’re judged as more capable if they’re men and less capable if they’re women. Men’s competence is typically taken more for granted, while — unfairly — women have to work harder to prove themselves at work.
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There’s another factor that might explain why authenticity didn’t serve some candidates well: They came across as self-serving and self-absorbed. They were so focused on expressing themselves that they failed to show enthusiasm for the job and curiosity about the organization.
“One of the problems with the ‘bring your whole self to work’ framing is that it’s narcissistic,” Herminia Ibarra, professor of organizational behavior at London Business School, said on my TED podcast, WorkLife. “What about taking an interest in the other person?” Sure enough, some evidence suggests that being authentic hurts people who are low in concern for others: they’re liked less and receive poorer performance reviews.
Authenticity without empathy is selfish. Of course we should be true to our values, but one of those values should probably be caring about others.
As I stood backstage at the TED retreat, I started thinking about these guidelines. It was probably safe to be vulnerable: I’d given two TED talks, so the audience would probably assume I was a decent speaker. If I was going to admit my anxiety, I needed to make it about them — not about me. Right before I walked onstage, instead of launching into a story about the emotional roller coaster of my public speaking odyssey, I decided just to address it with one line. As I walked onstage, I said, “Wow. If there’s one thing more nerve-racking than speaking at TED, it’s speaking to TED.”
The audience laughed, and it broke the ice: I immediately felt relaxed. Afterward, two audience members walked up to tell me it made them feel appreciated. The fact that I was nervous about speaking to them made it clear that they mattered to me. Authenticity is not just about expressing our own thoughts and feelings — it’s about conveying our respect for others.
Adam Grant, an organizational psychologist at Wharton, is the author of “Originals.” For more on effective authenticity — and more from Herminia Ibarra — listen to WorkLife with Adam Grant, a TED original podcast on the science of making work not suck. You can find WorkLife on Apple Podcasts, or on your favorite podcast platform.
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How my heart speaks 