I had a CT scan today
It’s free so you don’t have to pay.
The iodine is great
If you want to mate.
Otherwise, it improves the display.
Yes they broadcast my scan on TV
I am never embarrassed, you see.
My kidneys are swell
How can they tell ?
Is it something they put in the tea?
They tell me the iodine’s less risky.
It’s not Viagra so it won’t make you frisky.
Believe me, I know.
I hoped it was so.
The only man who came near was a pixie.
Maybe I should be more alert
And make my voice pleasant not curt
Keep an eye out for men
Although not for Big Ben
I’m so shy I don’t even dare sweat
Do you think Meter Pandelson’s rich?
He got £75,000 on that pitch
He wanted much more
He’s terribly poor
I wonder where he bought all that kitsch?
How my heart speaks 