The hedge was very big but the light came through

I heard that laughter, knew that it was you

Happy  sound that  surprised me with its joy

I had not heard such laughter since you died

I looked right through the hedge it had no leaves

The laughter was such comfort in my grief

Then I heard your voice you called hello

You sounded happier than I’ve ever known

Instead of a cramped coffin there was space

Everything was open with such grace.

Instead of deep black soil I saw this light

In my dreams I felt you near that night.

Instead of  tense contraction I felt free

This little dream was beautiful to me

And if I close my eyes I see it still

Though god himself had died upon a hill.

Eternal life is here on earth I knew

With such  gifts we  learn a different view

‘Twas but a reptile passing by.
It flew across the deep blue sky
Why do reptiles fly so high?
I’ll love you till I die.

“Twas but a cat under the moon.
Did you have a silver spoon?
Why can’t cats all waul in tune?
I’ll love you very soon

‘Twas but a wooden legged man,
Carrying a  brass saucepan.
Can’t men do what women can?
I’ll love you better than.

Why are adverbs?
What are nouns?
why do circuses have clowns?
I’ll love you lying down.

Where do dreams go in the day?
What game can we adults play?
Can you or can you not say?
I’ll love you,in my way.

‘Twas but a verse that seemed so free.
It floated over my oak tree.
I have eyes but cannot see.
I’ll love you when I be.

Although I have recently done probably two or three hundred Sudoku puzzles I have never liked them. Why would I do something that I don’t like?

Sometimes you don’t have a lot of choice. If you are ill but tired of reading and not sleepy enough to sleep… It may be something that appeals to you.

Suddenly thought while I was doing one I know why I don’t like them it’s because they could be done by a robot.

In a way they are a bit like jigsaw puzzles. But Jigsaw puzzles also appeal to the senses as they usually are an image with colour and shape and you have to find out what that is by putting it together.

Then again it reminds me of studying a skeleton but what is most interesting about us is not in our skeletons. Not many people may know what is most interesting about us but we know it’s got to do with being alive and aware of conscious of others and having warmth.

Of course the man who invented the proof that there is no complete set of axioms which determine a set in mathematics in which all questions can be answered within the system.

It’s very very complicated and the poor man Gödel was not very happy to start with and after working in this field for some years he became paranoid and probably mentally ill afraid of being poisoned and died young.

It doesn’t attract one to study that kind of mathematics for more than one hour a day.

Not everybody who’s good at mathematics is autistic but it’s not unusual and good luck to people of different find a career that suits them and does not make too many demands of the wrong type

I heard someone on the radio being interviewed and he said he was a mathematician in a an American university and it only discovered he was autistic when he was 54. The interviewer said but did your colleagues not notice anything different about you?

No he said because they were all very similar to me.

Anyway I have decided if something can be done by a robot then let a robot do it but it’s not my idea of creativity or fun or joy

It could just be a habit but welter Pater so that habits where a kind of living death

Where would we be without our habits of drinking tea at certain times of the day, going to church on Sunday

Habits come provide a skeleton for a life but we don’t like to go to bed with the skeleton and we don’t like to be too habitually addicted to various ways of passing the time which in a way is a form of death

How much life can we bear to feel? Our emotions unless they’re very conformist maybe labeled as ADHD or borderline personality disorder etc when maybe having strong emotions and feelings anxiety, rage anger love kindness tenderness are all forms of life.

Mind you I would say that rage is very dangerous if it is not held in check sometimes but lots of feelings are just unpleasant for us to bear so we would rather be numbed by drugs or drink or by doing Sudoku puzzles..

We need to understand the skeleton but it’s not life itself is it?

It’s the flesh that is alive. The flesh the nerves the muscles and the mind. The brain itself is flesh.

Now I have become habituated to doing these puzzles.

When I was very ill it took me 3 hours to do a simple one which I can now do in 9 minutes so it’s a way of seeing how I’m feeling but apart from that I don’t think it’s something that I want to concentrate on for the rest of my life, however short that might be

https://www.google.com/search?q=can+the+onset+of+a+virus+make+you+feel+sad+or+lonely&client=ms-android-motorola-rvo3&sourceid=chrome-mobile&ie=UTF-8&inm=vs

Good morning,Ms Brown
Gosh,you are s politically correct ,doctor
In my view,it matters only for us to be medically correct,dear.And grammatically,of course.
How true, noble sire.
Now, what’s the problem today,madame?
It’s my nerves,doctor.I hate them so much I feel almost derisory..which is totally crackers nowadays with so many street drugs to take one’s mind out of this world.
What’s wrong with your nerves to make you feel like this all of a sudden?
I think they are too big,mein herr.Can I have plastic surgery on them to replace then with plastic ones .I mean artificial like dentures are for teeth that drop out?The dentist told me my nerves are double the average size. for humans,
But what is the standard deviation? Averages are no use alone.I wish people learned this in school
How dare you say that! I have never deviated in any way.And I’ve never been average… and surely double the average size must mean something gross is going on?
What a pity this is.You are a very charming and glamorous lady…I say that only to comfort you,not to seduce you which is illegal anyway,even if I wanted to do.Which I deny absolutely;
Well,my nerves feel like long wild grasses waving in a cold westerly breeze in a great big meadow in Hartland,North Devon where many lips have cracked.And sailors drowned off shore too…why some even drowned on the shore and their ghosts still wander below the sheer and terrifying cliffs of alabaster and silver.
Have you ever though of writing narrative or lyrical poetry or even romantic novels?
What,write poetry with nerves like this?Do you think I’m a masochist or what?
Well, you could try using a pen or a keyboard,you know. Now,God has given some of us larger nerves than others.It’s an evolutionary advantage to have some sensitive people about,like the canaries in the coal mines.They feel trouble coming before the rest of humankind
That’s hardly any use to me as I am childless and can’t pass it on.
God didn’t know that when he created you.Or if he did,he knew with nerves like this motherhood would be perilous and at least you can be a human canary
Well,is there any surgery to help me or any other amelioration to my symptoms?
Apart from removing your head there’s not much I can suggest right now, if you want a verdict,perhaps you can plant some wild flowers amid these long waving grasses and enjoy the beauty that you will perceive in summertime if you can be patient
You’re an odd doctor compared to the usual one.
Actually I’m really the computer repair man.The system has crashed and so has the doctor…temporarily
I knew you looked different but I put it down to my giant nerves disturbing my vision…
So will you come back to see the doctor later?He is just in the pub drinking blackcurrant liqueur for his nerves!
What’s it got to do with you if I come back again or not?
I love your mind,I love your body .I love your tentacles,receptecles and all your past and future particles.I love every bit of you especially your nerves.I always liked a woman with very big nerves.
Really? Well,that’s cheered me up a great deal.I like the beast in man.How about my wild grasses?
I love those too.Why,I’d like to lie down amongst them if you catch my drift.
Can you read between the lines or write between them?
Have you ever thought of taking up psychotherapy?
I prefer to help computers.Hearing sad stories from disturbed folk all day must be draining as you can’t run out when you get overwhelmed like you can at parties
Yes,but it would be horribly fascinating to hear all these stories.And now I am off to the garden centre to buy some flower seeds.
I’d give you some seeds myself but it would be wrong to sow your field here in this office and the doctor might come in any time now which would be a trifle unseemly.
Well,he could sow his wild oats as well!
What a wicked woman you are;I love your mind.You seem quite out of the orddinary… please keep your big nerves.
I am only offering this with the aim of calming those huge nerves .I am not thinking of enjoying lust or of how romantic you seem and how artistically brilliantl you are dressed and your golden curls and blue clothes.And your cleverness.
I quite understand.I shall keep it all under my hat. if you see what I mean
It’s an amazing red hat.Are you a Cardinal?
No,I stole it off one
I’d love to hear the whole story….who,when and where?
Well,I hope to publish it on Swindle soon.
We can’t wait.

Neither can I

“Some think that sloth, one of the capital sins, means ordinary laziness,” I began. “Sticking in the mud. Sleeping at the switch. But sloth has to cover a great deal of despair. Sloth is really a busy condition, hyperactive. This activity drives off the wonderful rest or balance without which there can be no poetry or art or thought — none of the highest human functions. These slothful sinners are not able to acquiesce in their own being, as some philosophers say. They labor because rest terrifies them. The old philosophy distinguished between knowledge achieved by effort (ratio) and knowledge received (intellectus) by the listening soul that can hear the essence of things and comes to understand the marvelous. But this calls for unusual strength of soul. The more so since society claims more and more of your inner self and infects you with its restlessness. It trains you in distraction, colonizes consciousness as fast as consciousness advances.The true poise of contemplation or imagination, sits right on the border of sleep and dreaming. ……….and hoping for redemption by art, I fell into a deep snooze that lasted for year.

 

 

Home of   over-educated working class sloth

 

http://www.putlearningfirst.com/language/research/bernstein.html

 

http://hubpages.com/education/Social-Distinctions-in-Language

 

 

At first it seemed like summer once again
When cats curled up on cushions drowse  and dream
Yet second seeing finds the sun  estranged
Makes autumn bring out ancient  colouring schemes

 

The world, intense,  is full of new born dawns
At first it seems like summer still remains
We love the greeny grass of ancient lawns
Yet second seeing  learns the sun’s disdain

 
While cats curled up on cushions drowse  and dream
While little children play with whip and ball
Then autumn brings out ancient  coloured schemes
As we begin to view the  full filled Fall

 

So  older people’s minds  weave new  and lost
And cats curled up on cushions drowse  and dream
We  notice how the sun  has burned the grass
While autumn paints its ancient  coloured themes

 

Round the wheel turns at a steady pace
Yet it seemed like summer  had remained
Nature does not enter any race
Yet second seeing finds the sun estranged

In my end is  origin and growth
For the racing hare and weary sloth