Why did Jesus walk on the water?

He never learned to swim

Why did Jesus feed the 5,000?

That was the biggest number they could think of when writing the New Testament

Why did Jesus cross the road?

Because the other side was flatter.

Why do we learn arithmetic in school?

To escape from the quicksands

Why do we have to learn to read in school?

Because it would be boring in school with nothing to do

So you can go on the internet on your phone and get into trouble arguing on political forums.

Who could have been the first person who learned to read?

It must have been the first person who invented writing because until there was writing there couldn’t be any reading

Did Adam and Eve have a library?

Nobody could read what God had written.

Did Cain and Abel go to a comprehensive school?

Well it didn’t teach comprehensive morals did it?

What would God think of  VAT on private school fees?

Jesus didn’t need to go to school.

Why are rich people averse to paying more tax?

Because they don’t want to get through the eye of the needle.

If you are forced to give money to the poor it’s not an act of virtue.

Well it still helps the poor though.

In Finchley there was an old man

Who kept all his eggs in a pan

He said, don’t use a basket

The hens will not trust it

And then all will not go to a plan

Oh dear hen will you lay in a basket?

No sir I will lie in a casket.

Please do not die.

I shall tell you no lies.

You may go to hell, so don’t risk il

2

Children don’t know hens lay eggs

And sausages are made out of pigs.

If folk know too much

Sharp anxiety will clutch

Especially when served with ducks’ legs.

There’s an epidemic of loneliness in western society.

All of our messages emails WhatsApp messages etc etc all verbal all words but  in the end it’s the presence of others that we miss. Someone to be silent with?

When we are alone and lonely we feel that the presence of others will help sometimes however when not fit to be alone with ourselves we are not fit to be in the company of other people either.

This is a dreadful form of loneliness.

Ironically when we’re fit to be with others we are also happy to be alone

But the strange thing is if we talk to someone on the phone it doesn’t help totally because what is missing is the company the presence The silence from words but the presence to the whole person.

This is why I don’t believe that phone counseling will help you as much as being in the presence of the counsellor and the evenim if you don’t talk in your session you still experiencing the company of another person who might be more patient than your family and friends.

Too much talking too many words written or spoken all of these can be damaging.

I don’t agree with banning books but I can see the damage that some books and other forms of writing have done