Well I never

Drawn  over  to your garden  by a rose
I broke my glasses then I broke my nose

What is nonsense what is common sense?

Explain it using  only pounds and pence

When I left, I felt like being soothed
 Oriental massage makes me  bruised

When the books I read were full of dust
I  felt I had to get them off my chest

I wonder why the doctor  was so kind
I was dead but now I’m going blind

My doctor is  a  bright young man
He’s  got a Ph.D,  she’s çalled Diane 

He wondered why I  eat just Weetabix
Why ask a pin to explain why it pricks?

Essential Waitrose cornflakes gleam

I’m a shoplifter so I can’t scream.

Do they have essential food for  brains?

I’d  ask God but he would just complain.