Van Gogh’s a scientist, don’t you see?

Is it impertibent of me

To ask a man to climb a tree

To  kill the squirrel for his nuts

To ask a snail if he’s got guts?

Is it polite to eat quails eggs

And ask a beetle for his legs?

I think it’s  cute to call men blokes

I love the smell of their tweed coats.

I wish I were in primary school

Learning logic’s cool yet cruel

I never learned damn all myself

The Oxford entrance test by stealth

And if you failed to pass their test

You’ll only read the news at best

And it gets worse for if you fail

You’ll  never handle royal mail.

Yes to be at all worthwhile

Go to Oxford and beguile

Refuse to leave until you win

Failing entry is a sin.

God will never accept you

The best way out- just join a zoo

Regents Park is very fine.

But it’s not on the Central line

Animals feel they’re not the best

And then they fear what priests confessed

Try for art school learn to see

Van Gogh’s a scientist set him free!