A year after this event

The first time that you went into a coffee shop after chemo

You told me that you could see yourself on the other wall looking back at yourself as if you were over there

I’ve never experienced that so I can’t really imagine it

But before that you went into the garden I went into the greenhouse and all of a sudden there was a terrible thunderstorm

So you were in the greenhouse for half an hour and then you came out and ran into the kitchen and your shoes were full of water!

I’m glad that you went to the coffee shop I think you sent the email from there but I’m sorry that you felt so peculiar.

I admired you for going there by yourself.

A bit later,you both went to Llandudno.

You stayed in a posh hotel

You bought  avlovely dress

You went to see your daughter’s new house at Christmas

I could understand how you wanted to see that. Other people’s home decoration and colour schemes is always been something you loved

When you saw her new baby in March you were contented and you said the baby was so placid and happy that she was easier for them to care for.

After that it all became too much for you; you felt so ill and exhausted that you decided you didn’t want to struggle any longer

So we had to say goodbye.

You had read in a magazine living with cancer is like having a loaded gun at the back of your head and you never know when someone’s going to pull the trigger and you lived for nine months after that.

The worst part was that you couldn’t sing in your choir it was very sad  it was lung cancer. You have never smoked etc but it was the polluted tone in which we grew up but why did you get it and I didn’t? It doesn’t seem fair really especially if you’ve got children and grandchildren he missed you so much

And I miss you too I miss you very much but I know that you had enough and you died with your holy beads in your hand which I had got for you.

Thank you for everything