Dear doctor

Thank you for telling me certain free services from my local pharmacy.

If you think I need free contraception am I allowed to tell you that I would like to have a child now even if it’s a virgin birth. But do you think it’s safe at my age?

I am still young enough to get the free RSV vaccine.

I understand that you want to keep elderly people out of hospital in the winter so can I catch  a disease in the summer and spend some time in the hospital in July?

As long as they have air conditioning I don’t mind. But please don’t give me steroids.

I see there are about 10 services I can get from the pharmacy but the main problem I have is that I’m not mobile.

Do you think the pharmacist will come to my house or have the receptionist who wrote to me made a mistake and looked up the wrong person on your computer?

I must  repeat this if you really do believe that I can get pregnant now please inform me as soon as possible then I can try to find someone to oblige or failing that maybe you could ask God to send the Angel Gabriel round to my house.

God knows that I am disabled and indeed deformed in certain ways but Angels see the beauty in everybody. I do have very beautiful eyes despite everything.

Yours faithfully

Mary