One morning Mary went out  planning to go into the town to buy some new shoes.

Are you going to buy me some new shoes too, asked Emile her little black cat

I’m sorry but I’m short of money and you’ve got four feet so it’s very expensive to buy you shoes

Well why don’t you buy them on eBay, he asked her politely

I’ve never bought anything on eBay yet said Mary thoughtfully.

How do you know about it?

I discovered that Annie gets her designer clothes from eBay because I saw a package on her doorstep with a big label on it.

Well I didn’t know that I must ask her about it Mary chortled

No no cried the cat she’ll know it’s me that told you

What do you think is going to do? She might be a bit angry.

She doesn’t want me to know that she’s sort of money and can no longer afford to buy a camel coat from Max Mara.

Well most people don’t wear camel coats now or even woolen coats.

Could it be very cruel to camels to remove their coats to give to wealthy Western women or men?Emile sighed with anxiety

Not at all, the camels are probably grateful because it’s very hot living in a desert in the Mediterranean or African part of the world.

Are there camels in the Negev?

I’m very impressed that you have heard of that desert. No I don’t think there are any camels there.

I believe you said Emile cautiously.

Because if there were any camels living there now they would have been rehoused by the Israeli government.

They would have been moved into a town and given their own passports with Israeli citizenship

We are talking about camels here, not people?

Well camels are people to other camels.

Emil it’s a great city that you did not go to Oxford and do a PPE degree like that great man David Cameron who did so much good to this country in 2016.

How are you being ironical the cat cried.

I am trying, said Mary.

Sometimes you are very trying, mother.

Emile I’ve told you before I am not your mother

Well I feel as if you are my mother and I have no other because I can’t remember anything before I was two years old

Your Mother was a cat and she fed you with her own milk

I’m really disappointed to hear that because I thought that I’d been fed by you.

Well you have been fed by me ever since you were weaned from your poor mother.

Why do you call her my poor mother?

Well I am sorry to tell you that she died a year after you were born. She lived down the street near the park and when I heard I said,

please tell the owners that ae would love to have the kitten. Stan himself went down and collected you in a special basket with a  rug inside it

Perhaps it was a camel hair rug, Emile cried

I’m afraid I can’t remember but camel hair rugs are not very common in England

No I suppose dog hair rugs would be more common in England

I don’t think the English are patient enough to collect the dog hair and make it into a thread

Perhaps the English used to be patient in the past but since we had the referendum in 2016 we seemed to become like a different people altogether.

Yes,things have gone downhill a lot since we had that referendum. And wasn’t  Boris Johnson involved?

I wish that Borus Johnson had gone to them with the camels in the desert wherever that might be

Perhaps we could move to a desert the cat queried

What will the expense of the electricity in the gas this winter I think a lot of people might be wanting to move to the desert but you’ve got to be careful with deserts.

Why said the cat curiously?

Because they are  often used for testing weapons.

If it was still catapults and bows and arrows it wouldn’t be so bad but we cannot imagine the kind of weapons the forever available to folj with enough money to buy them.

Well that’s very sad Emile cautiously.

At the bus stop Maty met her friend Nelly

Where are you going asked Nelly?

Do you know I’ve had such a long conversations with my cat that I can’t remember anything at all so I think I’m going to go home and make a cup of tea. Why don’t you come with me; you can always do your shopping later.

The women returned to Mary’s house and sat down gratefully in the pink woollen armchairs in the sitting room

They had quite forgotten that there was no one there to make them a cup of tea but fortunately the doorbell rang and in-ran Dave the transvestite paramedic. He was wearing a camel hair coat and white hat

Thank God you’re here he cried

I just need to make some tea for somebody so that I can have some myself.

How fortunate these women were they did not realise as they were so used to being looked after by men or even cats.

That should give us pause for thought

Or as a cat’s might say

Paws for thought

And so say all of us