Day: October 4, 2024

The child’s guide to language

Dyspepia…,.. aversion to looking at women. ( Or men)

Bronchitis… An allergy to wild horses.

Neuralgia.. where is Nalgia?

Disseminated sclerosis.   . A desire to spread rumours

Osteoporosis,…. .. apprehension about the Austro Hungarian empire

Boil on the knee .. This is a new addition to the boil in the bag menu

Gastroenteritis…. What you get when you visit a gastro pub.

Nausea… A seaside resort in North America.

Inflamed gullet,….

A fish that is cooked directly over a flame at your table.

Bunion… …A special kind of onion used in English cookery

.

Dr Poker

 sigmund-freud-pet-quotes-time-spent-with-cats-is-never
I once had a doctor called Poker

Who fancied his skill as a joker.
He teased all his patients
both the young and the ancient…
And his cat was labelled,Please stroke her.

It should have read,Please  do stroke me…
I’d like to sit up on your knee…
But I can’t tell  the doc
As it’s ten o’clock
So it’s time for my  next cup of tea.

My psyche is split into four
And in each part I love and adore
Alfred the cat
And his woollen mat..
I wish sincerely I had  got  twenty more..

The News Not

I heard they are perforating Ulster again
Ireland wll be united again by a border
Boris Johnson may be Turkish,Lithuanian and British..He’s definitely not got a drop of Irish blood
He thinks the Good Friday agreement was to give Jesus an anaesthetic before he was crucified
The doctor says I’m dying of consumption.I blame the out of town shopping malls but he just said TB [ or not TB?]