Why did Jesus walk on the water?

To escape from the quicksands

Why did Jesus feed the 5,000?

That was the biggest number they could think of when writing the New Testament

Why did Jesus cross the road?

Because the other side was flatter.

Why do we learn arithmetic in school?

Because it would be boring in school with nothing to do

Why do we have to learn to read in school?

So you can go on the internet on your phone and get into trouble arguing on political forums.

Who could have been the first person who learned to read?

It must have been the first person who invented writing because until there was writing there couldn’t be any reading

Did Adam and Eve have a library?

Nobody could read what God had written.

Did Cain and Abel go to a comprehensive school?

Well it didn’t teach comprehensive morals did it?

What would God think of  VAT on private school fees?

Jesus didn’t need to go to school.

Why are rich people averse to paying more tax?

Because they don’t want to get through the eye of the needle.

If you are forced to give money to the poor it’s not an act of virtue.

Well it still helps the poor though.

It’s not the winter fuel allowance,it’s the disparity between the rich and the poor.

Many people are criticizing the government for deciding to stop paying this extra two or three hundred pounds once a year to pensioners.

Some of the more right-wing newspapers are publishing pathetic stories about old people probably dying of Cancer or other diseases who will be badly affected by losing 200 pounds a year.

But nobody mentions the fact that they enormous gap now in this country between the rich and the poor it’s got wider under the conservative government. And there are many people but elderly and young and middle aged who are very poor and cannot afford enough heating in the winter.

If there was more equality of income and in particular less gigantic bonuses for people at the top of companies such as water and electricity and so on then nobody would need the winter fuel allowance. And if you are a really poor pensioner then even

£ 200  extra is not sufficient to pay to heat even a small flat for the long British winter

But of course it is an error by this government because it can make headlines.

It seems to be a lack of imagination, did they not realize how the right wing press would use this?

I hope this is not a sign of some weakness of imagination and some lack of intelligent thought about how such decisions will play out in public.

We dont want the prople at the bottom of my society to suffer like they did when the cConservatives won the election and defeated Gordon brown. Too much suffering already.

So I am glad that we’ve got a new government of a different sort but I hope they will be able to take advice about choosing rightly how to get more money to do what needs to be done.

My heart is like a rowing boat adrift
Whose occupant has fallen overboard
The empty vessel drifts through deep sea mist.
And in those pearl filled ears the deep sea roars.
Just as the boat drifts mapless,so do I.
My maps were drawn for quite another sea
My captain’s taken leave and now I cry
As if that drowned soul might just be me.
Yet on the sea bed mysteries abound;
Such wonders and such magic there displayed.
I wonder if it is my lot drown
And to a memory then quickly fade.
Maps are no more certainties than hints.
Between the lines hides gold from other mints.