Mary was in the hall watering her rose scented geranium; she decided to move it into the kitchen as the hall might be a little too drafty.Mary was very anxious to make sure that this plant survived because it was a present from her cousin.
Suddenly the phone rang. perhaps it is Annie wanting to go out on some Christmas shopping expedition ,but no it was Mary’s cousin Bob who she knew had been very ill and although he seems to be recovering she knew he was quite anxious about dying
His voice was very faint and weak. Perhaps he is going to die, she thought. he does seemed to be frightened .

Do not be afraid.God is waiting for you and he knows everything
,He knows how you looked after your sister when she had a breakdown and how you used to change the curtains and make the room look beautiful to try to help her and yet she did not thank you .She was very unpleasant but you never gave up ; eventually when she died during her sleep it was both a relief and a loss
God remembers everything and he is full of love for you . I do not know why God allows some people to suffer so much[ which is a constant theme in human thinking since the book of Job was written.]
Now, I don’t say that you are Job ,but I do know what you have endured. I have seen you being humbled in cruel ways, I have seen you being ignored when you knew much more than the people who were talking
You cared your your cat with utmost kindness until it recovered from its ill-treatment at those nasty neighbours of yours.
You have suffered too through cancer and not being able to eat foods that you liked but you have recovered. You have worked in your garden and grown beautiful flowers and vegetables Your fruit trees have been v productive and your whole garden is a testament to the fact that you love every living being, except your brother David, of course.,
There’s always trouble in that kind of set up when the mother prefers one child to another and it has been a constant torment to you throughout your life. I have noticed since you have both been older. you seem to have a more productive life now and I know you make wine and jam and mend all you can
I know that you did win an award when you were in your 20s for your research although you never told anybody. I wonder why you were so shy about telling people. You never did like to boast and I think I am similar to you.
I let Stan have his mistress next door because I know that not every man is interested in Wittgenstein especially when it’s his wife who wants to talk about him when he wants to take her to bed and enjoy her charms, tickle her and laugh merrily and I only wish that you had been able to meet someone yourself who would have valued you as a human being and felt warmth and attraction as well.
I do think you tried to make the most of your capabilities limited as we are by economic,health and political factors alas
Bob said to Mary :you have made me very happy
2 Days Later Mary heard that Bob was much better and the doctor says he will soon be home again
What a disappointment for God meowed Emile, Mary’s little cat. God got everything ready
Well no doubt God had some help,. Mary cried., that’s what I need . need some help ;this house is in a terrible mess as if my fate is to constantly keep trying to tidy up and yet the next day I have to start all over again.
I don’t mind cried Emile I think it’s wonderful I like a mess it makes me feel like playing more and having fun but when it’s all tidy and clean I feel terribly inhibited
Good grief Emile, you sound as if you’ve been to Oxford.
I did once to go on a day trip to Oxford, the the cat confessed .Annie took me in her handbag on a coach
Well all I can say is ,she must have got a very big handbag
Don’t be so rude Emile told her, you have got some big handbags and you’ve got about 50 handbags in the wardrobe even now when you are a widow
That is a woman’s privilege Mary told him like getting a new hat is Easter; a handbag is a very important thing because it enables men to make their wives carry all their wallets and keys so that they could have fun when they went to the seaside
Yes I can remember mother struggling along from Blackpool North station to the beach with a gigantic handbag and a shopping bag full of sandwiches while everybody else ran on in front of her
I don’t know what we saw in Blackpool except the sea; the beach was so crowded you could hardly see the sand.
I guess the airwas cleaner, the cat informed her in a manly way

I think I need a cup of tea said Mary go and get Annie.
She won’t make the tea
No but she can drink some with me while I tell her all my thoughts and my feelings and I couldn’t free associate while she showed off her new makeup and jewellery and her strangely coloured Christmas outfits.She is off to Wigan to visit the make up factory next week.If only it were in Southport I’d go too.
Well I’m in love with Annie. I wish I was a man so I could marry her and make it home for her
I’m sure you would have made a very good husband said Mary but God wants you to be a cat although you are a rather extraordinary cat and it is my good luck to be your owner or shall I say your mistress?
Aand so ask all of us

Mary wants to throw out her furnitureMary picked up her mobile phone to ring for a cab..On it,there was a message
.You have missed a call from home.Mary shivered.
Has Stan come back?
Then she recalled she had rung her own mobile before coming out.Her mind sagged like a sheet of rubber suspended between four tall trees in the jungle..
Hello,It’s Mrs Tan.Can you do a me cab from the dental surgery to my home? It’s right by the doctor’s surgery.
She stepped outside into the warm air which felt like a caress on her poor numb face.
When she got home she found Annie in the kitchen looking at her collection of cookery books.
Do you want to get rid of any of these, her friend queried.
I am thinking of learning some new recipes so I can invite those awful therapists across the road for dinner.But I have to be sure that what I serve has no hidden meaning especially aggressive or sexual.
Well,Mary said,don’t you think that people differ in what they find sexual?
Beats me,said Annie meaningfully.I fancy doing beef in beer with French bread and mustard baked on the top.
I used to do that,Mary said.Why did we stop doing that cooking? Penguin brought a new book every month.I have most of them and ,at the weekend, I’d study them for ages looking for things like apple mousse and different stews.
When we first got married I used a kind of cheap women’s magazine approach and most often as a pudding I did tinned peaches with cinnamon sprinkled on grilled till hot and spicy.Eventually, Stan got fed up with it and so I got into cordon bleu and using real cream not Carnation milk
Her blue eyes gleamed in excitement and were rendered even more remarkable by the teal and turquoise eye shadow Annie had forced her to wear which matched the sea blue mascara she already had.Annie said.
it will be good for us both to meet new people especially educated ones
Mary disagreed.I like ordinary people because a certain amount of education makes some people very conceited and only real scholars or mystics realise that the more we know the more we realise our own ignorance.Will such folk like makeup?
Perhaps one of the psychoanalysts will be a mystic,Annie retorted loudly.
But would such a person want to visit us? Mary bleated childishly.
Why not? They have to eat and they may need a new love interest or someone sympathetic who will know how hard their job is.Someone like me,beautiful funny and willing to look after a man when he needs it.
How about a man who might look after you,Mary said brightly
Well,it’s not quite the same.I like looking after men whereas you prefer reading about Fourier series and infinite integrals.And knitting patterns,she added hastily as if omitting that interest would severely anger Mary.
I think we’ll invite two men and two women ,all single.They can bring their cats for Emile to play with if they want.And we’ll eat in the kitchen to make it more relaxed.
Thank God,said Mary as the dining room was full of paper and books.
Why don’t I have a study,she pondered.Or ,if I slept in the dining room, my bedroom has a lovely view and I have an old desk somewhere.
Mary ,in her younger days, had often moved the furniture around and had even slept on a camp bed on the lawn one summer but she no longer did this as looking after Stan had worn her down to a shred of her former self.
But beds do take up so much room.Without them ,the house would be quite spacious.And how about tables and chairs… her mind ran on as she quite fancied a new start without moving house.
With fewer clothes ,she could ditch a wardrobe… on the other hand ,she could not afford such quality clothes again on her widow’s pension. clothrs
To think she might have to stop wear Bowlands of Wrath was a rather painful thought.Still most of humanity have got hardly anything so maybe Mary will think more deeply about donating some to Oxfam.
Suddenly the doorbell rang.Dave the paramedic was outside
Are you both ok?I’ve not heard from you lately,he remarked as he powdered his nose.
Well,I do have an old desk that you can carry upstairs for me,Mary told him thoughtfully.Then we need the floor scrubbing.I’m sure the NHS will pay.After all dirt might make us ill!
And so pray all of us

Every word has power to wound or heal.

Do not speak with malice to your foe

Every word can influence how we feel.

If your heart is evil, keep lips sealed

Malicious speech will make our friends feel low

Every word has power to wound or heal

Words like bullets show the power you wield

Don’t  make a sentence like a heavy  blow

Every word will influence how we feel.

Reflection of itself can be a shield.

Like a mirror acts with objects real

Every word has power to maim or heal

If there is no arrow,there’s no bow

Pluck my heartstrings now,and sing for more.

Every word has power to wound or heal

How we speak determines how life feels

Yes I’ll make glowing skin an important part of my summer

I’ll go to the Sinai desert, maybe I’ll do some sightseeing. What is the name of the mountain there?

Who wrote that book  Eyeless in Gaza?

He was psychic.

Not just Eyeless either.

Perhaps you’d like to see Abraham’s tomb,  hesitate it’s in Samaria now or is it Judea?

Let’s not worry about where it is as long as they sell ice cream and you don’t have to queue for too long

Will they have a public convenience there?

With  the army and the drones we’ll be wetting ourselves.

Will we be able to get holiday insurance do you think?

I would like to see the sea of Galilee and I’d like to see somebody walking on the water preferably Jesus Christ. But he’s not for hire. They could get an actor but could anyone teach him how to walk on water if he is not the son of God,?

Well going to a hot desert will make your skin glow for sure and if you get too near the fighting it won’t just be your skin that’s glowing

If you’re depressed the shock might do you good and you would then like to come back to England and find that we’ve only had a few street riots and children being killed in a dancing class. And somebody dying lying on the floor in A&E underneath her coat.

The staff said that thought she was a homeless person having a rest but they did not check up when she did not answer her name three times. So it’s a good idea to get some very expensive clothing before you go to A&d and maybe a golf necklace and a diamond tiara. But even then they probably say thought it was artificial and that you’ve bought it in Woolworths in their closing down sale in 1931.

No answer to this I’m afraid there’s no answer

A unique achievement is never happened before. Make a film about it perhaps they would like to make a film because I spent 72 Hours in A&E in the last nine months and believe me  it’s not easy

Although inject you with morphine can you believe it and it’s free all you have to do is break your wrist and catch a serious disease

Now the prime minister is trying to work up a bit of fuss by taking away the winter fuel allowance from the elderly or most of the elderly. Those who  are still alive by Xmas.

Well there’s a lot of very intelligent people in the government now but I think there’s a lack of imagination.

It should be obvious to a newborn baby that the right wing press..  were just longing for something like this then they can spend weeks indeed years saying how dreadful this new government is.

I don’t see anyone reading this right wing  newspapers will be so poor that they are entitled to winter fuel alone even now after the government has changed the rules I don’t see many conservatives are living on pension credit and if they are they shouldn’t  be

Where have they hidden their money? And why did people believe them?

Now if I was you I would not go to the sinai desert because there’s a lot of people trying to get in there at the moment. You might get crushed to death which will save you from spending weeks and months in A and E lying on a trolley with nothing to eat or drink

You never know if you don’t get crushed to death and you managed to go into the holy land you might see a Burning Bush. But somehow I don’t think you will hear a still small voice or a whisper because it’s rathervnoisy over there now.

Jesus wept

https://commonslibrary.org/authoritarianism-how-you-know-it-when-you-see-it/

As Mary stood by the fridge at bedtime, a can of fly killer brought by dear Annie fell off the top and struck her red,orange and brown framed spectacles on the top.The heavy can hurt her nose
I hope nobody thinks a man has done this. she said to Emile
Well,I didn’t do it ,he mioawed cheerfully
It must be an Act of God, she mused.I hope there is no bruise
Ah,well.Are you sleeping on my bed,she asked Emile
No,I think I might go out roaming
Looking for frogs,she teased him
I may return, depending on the weather
Suddenly Annie knocked on the door
Are you all right, she asked anxiously?
Why, what is wrong,dear?
Your nose is blue
It’s that fly stuff, it fell onto me!
I’m terribly sorry.We must put it somewhere else.
Choose between me and the flies,Mary joked.
You are my best friend.I will not bring this stuff again
I am off to bed,Mary cried.Let me lock the door behind you
Annie ran out, and stole The Duty of Genius by Ray Monk.She wanted to discover why Mary liked Wittgenstein.And it covers a dangerous and terrible era in human history from the end of several Empires to the Second World War and beyond
I wonder what the children of Dr Mengele and the other dreadful criminals who committed torture and atrocties would feel like when they learned the truth abou their fathers
So Annie is embarking on some serious study while Mary is reading Woman and Home magazine.What is causing this strange change?
In bed ,Mary gazed at an article on ” How to dress well when you are over 80″
Alas all the clothes were expensive.Very
Does it matter what I wear, she pondered?
I suppose people do judge by appearances, she concluded.But which people?
Maybe I shall dress in one colour from now on.But not black.
Blue is a good colour.From now on if I buy new clothese, they must be blue
Maybe just a blue silk scarf is enough to make a vivid impression
Mean while Annie is crying over “The Duty of Genius” because at least two of Wittgenstein’s brothers took their own live and his sisters were almost captured by the Nazis who had to be bought off by the family wealth unlike Freud’s sisters
So what are we complaining about in the UK, she asked herself before saying some almost forgotten prayers.
And wished her husband were there to hold her in his arms.At least one of her husbands would have been most welcome

And so feel all of us

http://query.nytimes.com/gst/fullpage.html?res=9903E7DA1030F935A25752C0A9619C8B63

“Unlike many academic critics who have expended huge amounts of energy on uncovering Eliot’s sources, pointing to obscure allusions that might unlock hidden meanings in the verse, Mr. Raine zeros in on the emotional core of the poems, using his own familiarity with Eliot’s work to give the lay reader a visceral understanding of how the poet came to articulate his ideas and how those ideas evolved over the years.

As a poet himself, Mr. Raine has a practitioner’s understanding of language and rhythm and sound, and he uses this knowledge to convey the beauty and power of Eliot’s verse, and the myriad, subtle ways it works its magic on the reader. He points out how the use of the pedantic word ”therefrom” in ”Gerontion” (”I that was near your heart was removed therefrom ”) functions as a ”tiny cough in ink,” underscoring the narrator’s self-conscious, wallflower personality. And he points out the sexual urgency contained in the ”two adjacent, cunningly unpunctuated, present participles” in these lines from ”The Waste Land”: ”the human engine waits/ Like a taxi throbbing waiting.”

Locating thematic links between masterworks like ”The Waste Land” and lesser-known works like ”Animula,” Mr. Raine does a dexterous job of showing how Eliot developed the idea of ”the buried life.” The two most famous poems to address this theme directly are ”The Hollow Men,” which depicts those gutless, empty souls who, as Mr. Raine puts it, have been rejected by both ”heaven and hell because they have neither sinned nor been actively virtuous,” and ”The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock,” which depicts a sensitive but timid man who has failed to seize the day, who, in Mr. Raine’s words, has resolved ”to remain repressed,” to avoid ”the element of risk that is part of truly living.”

”Animula,” Mr. Raine goes on, similarly depicts ”a psychically damaged, confined soul corroded by its own caution,” while ”Gerontion” is narrated by ”a voluptuary of inaction with an extensive collection of alibis” for his circumscribed life.

As for ”The Waste Land,” the title is itself a reference to the desert — a symbol of aridity, emptiness, the failure of feeling, as these lines from Eliot’s 1934 play ”The Rock” make clear:”

https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/ebb-and-flow/201610/the-power-of-writing-poetry-in-old-age

I’ve lived for 28 months more than you lived for

We can’t give our own life away to someone else

Even if we love them deeply we cannot sacrifice ourselves for them

Because this is not a play that we are in

This is reality, in other words we live and we die.
Since you had children, your death has caused more suffering

More than mine would I think

Butwho said this life was not for suffering?

The man who came to hang the curtains said to me

There’s nothing to say we were put on this earth to be happy

Although it’s possible for some of the time.

It’s possible to be very happy like we were walking on the cliffs near St Margaret’s Bay in Kent

The weather was hot, by the path:there were many tiny wild flowers

But no one goes to Kent for a holiday now.

But we did and we liked to stay in Deal

Outside Walmer Castle

We sat on a bench surrounded by tulips in full bloomA large cat came and jumped onto my husband’s knee

I think  he smelled very nice. But then I would wouldn’t I being his wife?

When he was worried I was say kind things to him like, when in doubt do nowt.

I used to empty his worry bags… when hen he was old and ill. Well it was a game.

Once in the middle of the night he worked me up and said he felt very odd. He said will you read me some of your stories about Emile the cat. So I did and then he went to sleep again

I didn’t think of him as dying. He was always alive to me right to the moment when his heart stopped beating and I saw in my mind’s eye his soul fly up like the lark ascending.

But now I’m alone. Although if you believe in God you are never alone particularly when you are doing something wicked

Does it follow from that that the bad have an advantage God is watching them so much they must feel his eyes upon them and they like it. But maybe they’re making a big mistake.

It’s better to avoid the eye of God I think but just hope that his living hands will hold you up while you’re alive

Is that not a logical deduction?

But we must not take the name of God in vain.

Or only once a week perhaps if that doesn’t offend anyone else

It’s like with my medication I always leave one pill out

It’s good to be the agent in your own life. Just by being disobedient you can win. You can’t obey everything you’re told to do, in my opinion that is

But however strong and beautiful we are we will come to dust one day.

It’s hard indeed to believe that the flowers will bloom and the trees will blossom regardless of our fate.

But it’s really better that way.

It’s a terrible responsibility if you are the center of the universe so be grateful for your humble station That’s what I tell myself every day.

“To be on a level with the dust of the earth that is the supreme virtue”

2 years after my husband died one of my neighbors lost her husband. She was unusually devoted to him because she was born in what was Yugoslavia in 1930 and was brought up on her grandmother’s small farm with one horse to help them.

Later she came to England. She married this very interesting pleasant and intelligent man but unfortunately he died in 2017

She told me about three weeks afterwards because she was unable to speak for a time

And she would come around at odd times.

One winter evening she arrived and she followed me into the sitting room where she stood by the fire.

She would never sit down so I sat down myself

She began to cry

I wasn’t sure what to say but suddenly I found that I was crying as well

Reverse cried for about 15 minutes. Then she dried her eyes. She looks at me and she said, thank you.

Then she left.

So it’s not always necessary to use words.

I suppose the feeling should be genuine

https://davidhume.org/texts/t/2/2/8#:~:text=The%20only%20difference%20betwixt%20these,a%20pleasure%20from%20the%20comparison.

For five months now I have not seen your face

I shall never see you more, we can’t embrace

Your entire being lost, heart   plucked from me.

I do not understand how this can be.

What use to me is my own telephone?

Without your voice I feel  remote, alone

It’s not just being alone that is the pain 

Who can fill the gap, what love remains?

Every person is unique I know

Without you here I feel so very low.

The air itself now shudders as I walk

Without your voice to answer I can’t talk

My sister loving  sister you are gone

Without you on this earth I am noone

https://www.collinsdictionary.com/dictionary/english/meme#:~:text=A%20meme%20is%20something%20such,image%20quickly%20became%20a%20meme.

https://www.arthritis.org/drug-guide/medication-topics/immunosuppressant

Just read the beginning if it’s too much

https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/43650/auguries-of-innocence

BY WILLIAM BLAKE



To see a World in a Grain of Sand
And a Heaven in a Wild Flower 
Hold Infinity in the palm of your hand 
And Eternity in an hour
A Robin Red breast in a Cage
Puts all Heaven in a Rage 
A Dove house filld with Doves & Pigeons
Shudders Hell thr’ all its regions 
A dog starvd at his Masters Gate
Predicts the ruin of the State 
A Horse misusd upon the Road
Calls to Heaven for Human blood 
Each outcry of the hunted Hare
A fibre from the Brain does tear 
A Skylark wounded in the wing 
A Cherubim does cease to sing 
The Game Cock clipd & armd for fight
Does the Rising Sun affright 
Every Wolfs & Lions howl
Raises from Hell a Human Soul 
The wild deer, wandring here & there 
Keeps the Human Soul from Care 
The Lamb misusd breeds Public Strife
And yet forgives the Butchers knife 
The Bat that flits at close of Eve
Has left the Brain that wont Believe
The Owl that calls upon the Night
Speaks the Unbelievers fright
He who shall hurt the little Wren
Shall never be belovd by Men 
He who the Ox to wrath has movd
Shall never be by Woman lovd
The wanton Boy that kills the Fly
Shall feel the Spiders enmity 
He who torments the Chafers Sprite
Weaves a Bower in endless Night 
The Catterpiller on the Leaf
Repeats to thee thy Mothers grief 
Kill not the Moth nor Butterfly 
For the Last Judgment draweth nigh 
He who shall train the Horse to War
Shall never pass the Polar Bar 
The Beggars Dog & Widows Cat 
Feed them & thou wilt grow fat 
The Gnat that sings his Summers Song
Poison gets from Slanders tongue 
The poison of the Snake & Newt
Is the sweat of Envys Foot 
The poison of the Honey Bee
Is the Artists Jealousy
The Princes Robes & Beggars Rags
Are Toadstools on the Misers Bags 
A Truth thats told with bad intent
Beats all the Lies you can invent 
It is right it should be so 
Man was made for Joy & Woe 
And when this we rightly know 
Thro the World we safely go 
Joy & Woe are woven fine 
A Clothing for the soul divine 
Under every grief & pine
Runs a joy with silken twine 
The Babe is more than swadling Bands
Throughout all these Human Lands
Tools were made & Born were hands 
Every Farmer Understands
Every Tear from Every Eye
Becomes a Babe in Eternity 
This is caught by Females bright
And returnd to its own delight 
The Bleat the Bark Bellow & Roar 
Are Waves that Beat on Heavens Shore 
The Babe that weeps the Rod beneath
Writes Revenge in realms of Death 
The Beggars Rags fluttering in Air
Does to Rags the Heavens tear 
The Soldier armd with Sword & Gun 
Palsied strikes the Summers Sun
The poor Mans Farthing is worth more
Than all the Gold on Africs Shore
One Mite wrung from the Labrers hands
Shall buy & sell the Misers Lands 
Or if protected from on high 
Does that whole Nation sell & buy 
He who mocks the Infants Faith
Shall be mockd in Age & Death 
He who shall teach the Child to Doubt
The rotting Grave shall neer get out 
He who respects the Infants faith
Triumphs over Hell & Death 
The Childs Toys & the Old Mans Reasons
Are the Fruits of the Two seasons 
The Questioner who sits so sly 
Shall never know how to Reply 
He who replies to words of Doubt
Doth put the Light of Knowledge out 
The Strongest Poison ever known
Came from Caesars Laurel Crown 
Nought can Deform the Human Race
Like to the Armours iron brace 
When Gold & Gems adorn the Plow
To peaceful Arts shall Envy Bow 
A Riddle or the Crickets Cry
Is to Doubt a fit Reply 
The Emmets Inch & Eagles Mile
Make Lame Philosophy to smile 
He who Doubts from what he sees
Will neer Believe do what you Please 
If the Sun & Moon should Doubt 
Theyd immediately Go out 
To be in a Passion you Good may Do 
But no Good if a Passion is in you 
The Whore & Gambler by the State
Licencd build that Nations Fate 
The Harlots cry from Street to Street 
Shall weave Old Englands winding Sheet 
The Winners Shout the Losers Curse 
Dance before dead Englands Hearse 
Every Night & every Morn
Some to Misery are Born 
Every Morn and every Night
Some are Born to sweet delight 
Some are Born to sweet delight 
Some are Born to Endless Night 
We are led to Believe a Lie
When we see not Thro the Eye
Which was Born in a Night to perish in a Night 
When the Soul Slept in Beams of Light 
God Appears & God is Light
To those poor Souls who dwell in Night 
But does a Human Form Display
To those who Dwell in Realms of day

I have a wound
From where the red blood flowed with clots that pained
Babies dead and nothing else remained
Yet I tried again and never knew
My interior a man might love to view
In childhood this place seemed so very small
Now it feels so huge, the size appalls
The envy of the plain, the vice of fools
This sacred space, a woman’s school
I have a wound

https://wikidiff.com/malice/envy

Evil comes in hardest times

So hard to fight with my rhymes

In a foreign country with no maps

Attention overworks until it snaps

I wander like the blind do, wrapped in fear.

I recognise no landmark, no friends near.

I have no mobile phone I have no torch

With clumsy feet around the lanes I lurch

Can we know when we should give up hope?

The landscape seen by grief is telescoped

Tiny defects seem like canyons deep

Living with no safety can we sleep?

Protective tools may harm when overused

The mind the brain the nerves become abused

All alone, when can we feel secure?

Who who will give us help, what will endure?

No man is an island John Donne wrote

Who will build the bridges to the heart?

I discovered a book recently called

When bad relatives happenen to good people

Is quite a complicated title because first of all you are judging your relatives to be bad and maybe they are in some way or other.

And you adjusting yourself as being good and and that implies to you that you should be rewarded by not having any nasty relatives.

Il it is indeed complex because I have a relative by marriage who is too old to read fortunately. This person has all the attributes externally of goodness

City devoted our life to the church it’s a good works preaching sermons leading retreats..

I find when I speak to her on the phone that usually ends with something wounding or cutting or spiteful but I don’t very much whether this is deliberate

Sometimes will refer sadly to the fact that she has never been married.

She suffers from depression

No it’s quite possible that all of us do things that we’re not consciously aware of such as making sly or critical remarks to other people or about other people and we may not know what the effect of this is but sometimes when this happens s you have to withdraw unless you know them so well that you can actually point it out.

And you can tell them they should be grateful that you’re pointing out this sort of thing because it will cost a lot of money to go to a psychoanalyst and spend several years lying on the coast when I could tell you straight away some of your habits that a brought you pain

In any case even if you are a genuinely good person who never deliberately and rarely unconsciously wounds other people why should you be protected from having nasty relatives because human beings are not saints and logically it follows that nearly everybody has got relatives who hurt or angerv them in some way.

So why does someone write a book about it? It reminds me of another book which I have not read but I believe have a good reputation and it’s called something like

When bad things happened to good people.

How many times do we have to learn that being good however successful we are cannot protect us from the horrors of the world or accidenrs floods etc

Some early Protestant thinkers believed that God would reward the hard work by wealth and so being wealthy was a sign of goodness and other people believed that if you are a good God will be kind to you and protect you from evil well that is not true as if you look at the history of the Jews in Europe you see the immense suffering they endured.

I think there are not many people who are deeply good because it’s very very hard to attend such a state living in this world

I know a lot of people who do lead admirable lives and help the suffering and the sick or produce works of art and poetry and literature that help many of the human race to rise above their suffering.

There is no way that can ensure that you will never suffer in life and sadly some mental illnesses involved withdrawal from the world because of the suffering and trauma a person’s endured but being withdrawn alone and on related to others is not a happy state for most people

And yet how can we live in such a world without becoming cynical?

If you can avoid becoming bitter in cynical it will benefit you and if it’s possible I have found that I am not cynical but I still suffer.

I don’t want to be cynical I don’t want to be embittered by certain things that have happened to me. If you believe that Jesus was the son of God or even Jesus has just a very special man who was holy he certainly suffered didn’t he question mark but what he cynical what he bitter!No

Of course  he did despair at one point

Some people have found that when they are suffering it helps them to think that Jesus also suffered although not as badly as some human beings have suffered in the 20th century for example.

How many people have felt alone in the suffering like Jesus felt while in the garden of gethsemane?

What else did disciples could you not watch one hour with me?

Certainly when we are grieving we sometimes feel that way that Peter cross the road when they see 

us coming. My sister suffered a great deal in her last 18 months but she did not seem to be bitter about her lot although she was sad because she wanted to see her grandchildren

She even appeared to me in a dream apologizing to me for the fact that she had to go home because she was so ill.

And after she died for several days I could feel a strong happiness as if she was at peace I have no idea what happens after death but it’s not as simple as it seems.

So my next book will be called why everybody has bad relatives and why bad relatives are not always as bad as they are made ought to be.

Ginger cat.. must be Celtic.

English style my way:make it coloured if you can.Wear a hat if bald.Wash your trousers as often as is sensible.Wash your own!It’s easy

Wash your clothes a lot but don’t iron them
Go out in only a T shirt and jeans in winter.
Old grey anoraks look good on most people,or so they seem to think
Wear skirts that show your thighs off or leggings that show everything else off or both or nothing
Do wear crop tops and low rise jeans especially when suffering from underactive thyroid disorder
Jeans with rips are perfect for old ladies.Rip it yourself
Wear thick padded down coats in the summer.
Never wear a summer dress especially if you are a man
Never wear petticoats and other lingerie.Just pants and top or vest
Wear a T shirt saying:Anti-Semitic, moi? while touring Oxford looking for pubs
Wear a T shirt saying :Belgians, go back to Congo.
Wear a T shirt saying :I feel Rubbish
Wear a T shirt that says :I luv money
Wear a T shirt that says: Educated in Burton, can’t spell
Make sure your hair is exposed— both head and pubic.
I don’t understand either but they keep saying,where are you from?
I say,here,But somehow they don’t believe me.
Actually, I am mixed race.So I am only British.
Even with ethnicity we have a class system with English at the top and mixed race somewhere further down.Ancient Briton? Sorry,dear

I’m in an ocean wild in my small boat

I cannot steer and with no power I float

I feel afraid, the waves are fierce and high

If  I’m washed away then I will die

I have no mobile

phone,I  have no light

All around are waves, a dreadful sight

Where did I lose my way, my sense, my skill?

Who can help me now, if that’s god’s will?

Sometimes we feel stronger in control

Deluded by illusions on we roll

Feeling frightened feeling small and lost

We try to carry on and count the cost.

Yet what may help may be inside, not out

The voice we hear is small , it will not shout.

Despair itself can heal if our mind’s still.

No social media posts, no unmet bill

And as we learn how weak we are, and rest

Another hand will steer but can we trust?

Instead of seeking power must  we give in

It may turn out in losing we will win.

Instead of proving self to be the power

Something quite unknown has won the hour.

We see the turtle dove as it flies near.

Let the unknow  hand be that which steers.

I wandered riotous in the crowds

The  police were gone, a false alarm

I called you once but you were out,

You toasted colder men

with zeal

Allied effects retrieved the seas.

A coast of EU golden bills

I sold it down a London street

The people’s eyes were all turned down

I saw the soldiers with their guns

I never knew what would be law

Cromwell came back,he is Keir

He feels no limits to his power

The prisons fill  The right wing jeer

Then comes the man, then comes the hour.

,
The rich may not be cruel, but they are blind
They don’t know how poor most workers are
They may not mean to sin or be unkind

We all have our defences, undefined
Unconscious of our malice, their despair
The rich may not be cruel, but they are blind

The unemployed, disabled, are maligned
Without a proper voice , this is unfair
Who does not mean to be at all unkind?

Men have toiled for years in dark coal mines
Glad to be at work but often scared
The rich may not be cruel, but they are blind

The poor are growing reckless, unresigned
Jerusalem, what has your Lord to say?
Which human does not mean to be unkind?

Ignorance is not the ideal way
Give money to the outcasts as they sigh
The rich may not be cruel, but they are blind
They do not know they’ve sacrificed their minds

Even love is subject to finance.

Children need their food, theit little bed

When we’re cold and hungry we can’t dance

Hoping for real love by happenstance?

Children may be born but are they bred?;

Even love is subject to finance

Do we need the lightness of romance?

Be like little children,that man said

When we’re cold and hungry, there’s no chance

But money by itself lacks elegance.

Tell us more about what some man said

Children’s hands reach out,as if entranced.

Be a slave to love but not finance.

The heart is wise, but reason writhes,is dead

I follow links but somehow lose the thread

Love itself has died on bloody sands

Why should the wounded fearful try to dance?

MARY OVERSLEEPS

Annie went onto Mary’s patio at 10 am and began to water her many tubs.The watering can was filled with rain water though the weather was now a little drier.Emile ran behind her admiring her tight black jeans from Calvin Klein and her red blouse from Bowlands of Wrath.Suddenly the bedroom window opened and Mary leaned out.
Hi Annie,I have not gone away after all.
Why not? asked her caring and dear neighbour
Well,I completely forgot because I was out last night meeting a man from Soul-mates and got home so late I slept right through the alarm.
A pity you didn’t bring him back,said Anniem licking her lips.
I can’t bring any man here so soon,Mary informed her.I rang the hotel and cancelled my booking.With the weather so odd even Blackpool Illuminations would not cheer anyone up.I didn’t know which clothes to take either.
Isn’t it interesting that as we get better off we get problems like that,remarked Annie. When we were young we had so few clothes we had no trouble packing.
Mary laughed.My first year after University I bought two cotton dresses in Woolworth’s.I thought they were ok but later discovered they were almost transparent.Anyway I wore themn But now few women wear dresses.Look at you in those jeans and you a pensioner!
Annie gazed up to Mary, revealing her thick Revlon skin polish and L’Oreal cream rich foundation in golden grey-beige.Her parted lips were coated in moisture rich coral lipstick by Mussolini and Co. of Argentina and Vienna.
Mary was wearing a long nightgown made of pure nylon decorated with photos of cats of all breeds.Emile had given it her for her birthday.He had managed to type it into the google box on his laptop paying with Stan’s credit card from the Bank of Vichy and Nice,France.
I want some tea,Mary said.Soon she appeared in a polyester house dress from Daxon of Paris and the Ruhr. lt was covered in pictures of snakes.
Why,those snakes are rather horrible, Annie said.
I know snakes are in fashion but I shall avoid them.I saw some trousers in Marks but they might give a man the wrong impression.
That is sexist ,Mary told her shyly.They might give a lesbian the wrong impression too.
Oh,dear. Isn’t life hard now when we have to be so careful what we say.I wonder if it is because of social alienation and the rapid changes in demographics that we need rules when before we knew all our neighbours and they knew us.With strangers we need more rules.
I agree, said Mary defiantly.And I just saw a book called “Compassionate Assertiveness Training”She laughed.
Shall we send one to Donald Trump.Can you believe what America is like if a man like that can be President?
Well,it’s a democracy so if Satan lived there he could stand if he had the money..
The two women suddenly fell silent.Emile was puzzled as they rarely paused like this once they got going
Is he the anti-Christ, purred the little cat.
Satan or Donald Trump? asked Annie.
Well …. we’ve never seen Satan as yet…But we must watch out in case he comes here to punish the weak and the sick.
Well that gave them all a moment of wonder before Mary grilled some bacon and cut some bread from a loaf she got in the Victoria Bakery.
Here you are,she said to Annie,handing her a sandwich.Better eat anyway,whatever happens.Give me some hot tea,quick
And so pray all of us.
For he’s a Bally Woodfiller,
He’s a Wooly Sad Triller
And all day so are us.

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/article/2024/aug/21/toxic-people-avoiding-them-real-secret-longevity?CMP=Share_AndroidApp_Other

Hallowe’en
Stan was feeling sad because the clocks had turned back so it was dark at 4pm.His wife Mary was out on her old Raleigh with battery lit lights front and rear….though not quite on her ass.Stan is very vulgar sometimes as it cheers him up.When Mary gets home he did say to her once,You need a light on your ass .Mary,like the Queen, was not amused.
Emile Stan’s cat suggested they go for a walk before sunset and so off they went.Stan wore an old green overcoat and a flat cap.Emile was running ahead as he was so excited.Some times he sat on the sturdy old man’s shoulder on a cat pad.[On sale everywhere for two pounds ten and sixpence.]

Stan felt his spirits rise as he walked as the sky was so beautiful striped in blue and peach just like it had been in the Holy Land when he went on a Pilgrimage with other old Catholics from Knittingham Cathedral
How lovely it would be to walk in the wood and feel crunchy leaves under his boots.[From Hotters of Whelmersdale,Lanc

And Emile liked to bury himself in the leaves and leap put as Stan went by.But as they approached the wood a strange sight met their eyes,,, all four!
The trees were full but not with birds.They were full of cats.Big cats,fat cats,thin cats,pedigree cats,mixed race cats,cats of all colors and sizes.You can imagine the effect of having a hundred or more cats’ eyes staring yellowly at you in synchronized glares.Why,it was almost enough to send Stan running home for some brandy

Emile went nearer.He spoke to a big black cat

What’s going on?,he mewed.You are in my territory,

The black cat looked at him with his big green eyes.

We are witches‘ cats.We have come from all over Great Britain,excluding Northern Ireland as cats are not allowed on the boats now. no ratsl eft]..Tomorrow is All Hallows Eve and we are accompanying our multi-ethnic multicolored witches on a grand flight over Knittingham…tonight we are having,The Big Sing… at midnight precisely.
Did you remember to change the time on your smartphone,asked Emile.All the cats began to giggle and laugh.
We don’t need phones or clocks.We go by the stars and the moon…though doubtless the witches have watches.
Do witches have watches?,Emile asked Stan,after telling him why the cats were there.
Old witches have watches,Stan murmured,mesmerised by the vision of the cats swaying in the gale force winds.Thank God cats have fur,he thought lovingly.
Can we have a walk here,?he asked testily.
Well,Sir,do you recall a song from your childhood,If you go down to the woods today,you
’re sure of a big surprise.At your age,is your heart soft enough to stretch when you see five thousand cats…
I am sure I shall be ok as long as the Good Lord does not come here to feed them with five loaves and two fishes
All the cats laughed again.

Stan was puzzled how they managed to stay in the trees with wind and giggles and a few scrapping and fighting as tom cats so when lady cats are near.
We are already full of fish supplied by all the local pet shops,markets and goldfish bowls!
How disgraceful, thought Stan,to eat pet goldfish.but owing to the number of crazy cats he decided to keep quiet…As he got nearer he saw a few cats smoking pipes..Well,I never knew cats smoked,he said to Emile
.Maybe it’s magic mushrooms or coyote,the cat said cheekily
Do you mean peyote?,Stan said querulously.Coyote are animals..
Ah,well.you get my drift,Emile replied cheekily
What was most strange was why this big meeting was taking place in Knttingham
Then he remembered it was the cent of the UK…that must be it.Most intriguing to see all these cats.A few even had tartan ribbons on as they were from Scotland.But how did they travel so far.No doubt it was all arranged by the Chief Wizard.
Somehow Stan and Emile felt self conscious as the cats were almost glaring at them,reminding Stan of an occasion when he and his wife had wandered by accident onto a remote beach for gay nude men.The looks they gave the old folk were far from gay;So he and Emile turned round and headed for home… at least they were forewarned of the midnight concert they and Mary would hear.Stan made some tea with twice as many tea bags as usual.
as he was concerned he might get PTSD or worse,maybe kittzophrenia.This poor man was blessed with a vivid imagination.
When Mary came in from the University he called out,
We have had the most amazing day,Mary….But Mary was wearing a pointed black hat and cloak…. and a big smile.
I know what you mean,Stan….I am just off to take a peek myself.She picked up her broomstick and rode away into the darkening sky.~to think one could be both a witch and a mathematician,,though numbers have a certain magic of their own as we all know

At last I’ve touched the grief within my heart

Massive like a  sculpture from the past

And as I feel its strength my small tears start

There is no pain, the anguish  is confessed

Sometimes I have run with panic fear

Sometimes sought distraction, bought my way

But now my bones are old my eyes are tears

I hardly can make out the the light of Day

Stoney grief implacable as sin

Blocks my path but will not let me in

There is no hatref left ,it cannot win

Will never find the soul that lives within.

I have nothing left no gold no jewel

Love and patience must be my right tools