https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2023/apr/12/the-trauma-doctor-gabor-mate-on-happiness-hope-and-how-to-heal-our-deepest-wounds

The patient is alive but without any signs

Her husband asked me to help him to get her pregnant. I’ve made them an appointments for tomorrow. Could you help?

She said that the marriage had never been consecrated. She is still an illegal virgin.

She was very hot in the living room but much cooler in bed her husband tells me

He said my temperature was 38.8 centigrade and I had to try harder to help myself. This morning I got up to 39 but feeling much worse. Is there any other treatment?

He came to the hospital with a broken toe but caught covid in the waiting room and died this morning as soon as we found a bed for him. It’s wrong to keep people waiting like that and expect them to die on a trolly.

The patient seems to be alive but is unwilling to give up his bed and go to work on an egg

He was deceived using a donated egg. Will it work with a shop-bought one?

He thought mobile phones would have legs but they’re too smart for that.

What does the train do when it gets to the end of the line?

The discontent of Britons turns to hate.

It’s hell for many, for others it’s too late.

No eggs for children’s meals, no milk and cheese.

Worn out nurses see their pay decrease.

The paramedics angered by misuse

Are met at times with physical abuse

Imagination wilts is crucified.

Without an ambulance some people die

What Carers do for love cannot be asked

Workers must be paid for arduous tasks

If if people die this day who is to blame?

The government must answer this complaint

They want to x-ray God to check his age

But God is here and there and everywhere.

He only had one child so he will swear

The British are annoyed in fact outraged

They think he wants to claim a child’s allowance

God was not born here ,oh refugee

God was never born can they not see ?

Send Bravermann to jail, she must do penance

Jesus died in Auschwitz more than once

Don’t let him come in here we have no room

We have no stables now, his birth is doomed.

The Stations of the Cross are undispensed.

Will they make failed immigrants wear stars

Here we’ve got bad eggs, let’s make a start

Hurl the eggs towards their bleeding hearts

Then get drunk again in some old bar.

They say the country is Christian by and large

So that they send religious cards.

And Satan pokes the fire burns all x-rays

The MRI scans now are all the rage.

Scan them x-ray put them into boats

The evil fires are hot, our eyes are closed

O’Meara you’re a clucking front Cram your lies, the bloggers hunt

Top your horse the egg is wide

Your juggling mug annoys the bride.

How I hate your dirty smut.

Tell the devil he’s a duck

As for men I hate their wicks

The candle earns, a floor can’t stick.

Henry Mary what’s your game?

I wink you’re Astrid, when did you lose aim

What do we call people who drink blood?

Catholics

I said to the psychiatrist if I ate Jesus Christ this morning what would you call me?

Greedy

Should I take holy communion under both kinds?

Only when it’s raining

I’m supposed to go to confession on Saturday but I’ve done nothing wrong. So I’m going to miss Mass on Sunday.

And confession on Monday?

What is the purpose of rosary beads?

The end oesn’t justify the means

Why do Catholics worship statues?

Because they are very humble

Why can’t Catholics limit their families size?

Because there is no limit to their love.

Why can’t a Catholic be The King of England?

Because we aren’t allowed to go into Westminster Abbey during a service

Why can’t Catholics be cremated?

Because the price of coal is too high.

Do Jews fear Christians?

Do hens lay eggs?

Mary had made a Christmas cake with marzipan but no white sugar icing.Stan was diabetic so she had opted for a middle way.Like some Zen Buddhists.You don’t either cut it completely nor have a 6-inch layer of icing.No, you find a middle way.Like 5 inches of icing!
Mary like almonds so she went for marzipan with her home ground almonds and some sugar.The raw egg part was worrying but so far nobody had died after eating her cake.Still if you are dying, enjoy the cake while you can!
Annie arrived for a cup of coffee.
Wow, that cake is large.You will get fat if you eat it
I am not planning to eat it all myself, Mary said merrily.
In fact, if I could find a way of cutting an infinitesimally small piece I could have one every day forever.
Would the cake not shrink ?asked Annie with a puzzled smile
No, because a real number times an infinitesimal is itself infinitesimal Mary answered.
So it must be zero, Annie decided.
No, said Mary.All of the calculus is based on the idea that they are not zero.Then, at the end, we pretend they are zero and cross them out.It’s like magic or sleight of hand
I thought maths was logic, Annie said in an angry voice, tossing her purple hair over her shoulder.Alas, it was a wig so it fell off and Emile the little cat, bit it!
Gosh, Annie why are you wearing a wig? Mary asked.
I am involved with a Jewish man so he won’t make love unless I wear a wig.
Surely if he is Orthodox he should not sleep with you unless you get married.
We can’t get married, Annie said boldly.
Why not?
He is already married….Annie muttered
Well, that seems wrong.
What, being married?
No having an affair.I know Stan is old.Can’t you find a single man?
Women can’t go running after men.Men enjoy the chase.They despise women who run after them.
Well, can’t you ask them if they are married?
No, it seems too cheeky, Annie smiled.Anyway, in fuzzy logic you are not either married or single.You are married to the extent of some decimal number in between 0 and 1
Some folk are 0.999 married and some are 0.34 married.Others 0.1
But who measures it? God ? It’s not much use.
You have to guess, said Annie.I like Jewish men
How many do you know, Mary asked.
Three, said Annie triumphantly.
You can’t generalise from three, Mary said.
If I test a larger sample I shall never get to find one till I am 99, Annie wept.
Think of the fun, though, Mary said teasingly.And you’d have to travel a lot as many live in the USA, France and other places including Israel.How do you fancy Bibi Netanyahu?He is married actually!
Annie was silent, then burst out: life is not science nor technology.It’s an art like watercolour painting.Why do you call him Bibi? Do you know him?
Not biblically, Mary said humorously.I’ve never even met him.He’s just been in the News more because of Trumpelstiltschein
Does Bibi know Donald is half German?
No, but the Queen is too.
Where does that take us logically?
Off to Boots to buy some expensive makeup and then to have a manicure and tea in a cafe
If only politicians did this life would be much easier and kinder.
And so say all of us!

So why are you eating that layered chocolate icecream,Mary,asked Annie her dear neighbour charmingly attired in a light purple skirt and blue silk top with butterflies embroidered round the neckline and hips covered by a silk dressing gown in light orange
Well, it’s a rather a strange story;it all began when Sainsburys had no slots for delivery
That’s not very interesting,said Annie foolishly
It is to me, Mary muttered plaintively.I wondered if there was anywhere else to get milk and bread delivered as my neighbours were not so keen to get my last prescription
Why, was it for heroin? Annie teased her, her smiling face ruined by a too pale foundation by Hercules of Paris and Dalmatia with crimson lipstick from Boots adorning her wrinkled lips.She looked ready to star in Death in Venice
No it was for cystitis, Mary cried.Anyhow I went on to Deliveroo and they have a store that sells food from Marks and Spencers.Only a limited range, of course
Mary’s oval face flushed with a pink glow and her singular blue eyes flashed like imitation diamonds at sunset in Weston -super-Mare
In contrast she was wearing a heather tweed skirt and jumper of pure new wool
And her green trainers and matching tights
But they had no milk so I continued with them on to Morrisons who again have a small selection
of food and drink
In half an hour they were at the door and all was well
Then one word came to my mind
What was it, Annie asked her nervously, her fingers twisting her newly washed her into ringlets so fast it looked as if she was destroying the roots
Eggs,Eggs! They had no eggs,Mary confided.
Have you none left?
Yes but Emile fell off the window sill onto the work surface and crushed them all
Do you believe it was an accident? Cats have been known to suck eggs,Annie whispered
Wow,I didn’t know that, Emile miaowed furtively
Stay away from my eggs,Mary scolded him.Lay your own.I wish I could
So naturally I went to Deliveroo where the local Coop was selling food
I got eggs,crumpets, marmalade and then I noticed they sold icecream.Chocolate icecream.
You never eat it.Annie told her
But I like it, so I thought,I’ll just get one as it is Easter
Well, the man came to the door and I saw he had a very small bag
I took it and it said, “sorry, we have no eggs so we have sent 6 icecreams”
That is illogical ,said Annie.You can’t bake icecream nor eat it boiled with toast
So then I thought I”ll either fly into a rage or I will eat the icecream
Then tomorrow I will phone them and say, those eggs you sent were off
I have been sick all night.I want a refund
This is not like you,Mary, her friend said.You don’t cheat and tell lies
Not up till now but we have to change.Not just ethically but also
we have to curse and swear
Your fecking eggs were off.
But Annie shouted: they will say
We don’t sell fecking eggs we only have pickled eggs
Then I will shout: pickle off cried Mary
That icecream has made you go crazy,Mary.,Annie informed her
Am I schizophrenic? Mary asked politely
Not yet but Emile might be if you carry on
I’ll make us some lovely PG Tips Tea, that will restore our sanity
And make some for all of us

The freezing gales of life have skinned my heart

Each little knife now stabs me like a sword.

Would that grief now soon from me depart

But feelings last much longer than do words

My heart needs comfort in these icy winds

People hurry past and do not see

Alas to strangers we are most unkind

Impatient friends won’t spend much time with me.

We need words but we need touch and care.

I need to see your face to read your eye

Have pity on me, Lord, for I am bare

Why am I here, why should I plead and cry?

Yet time will pass and I will feel secure

From the  fearsome cruelty  now so near

Guide me through the cruel sea I fear

– I’m reading “Our Needs for Others and Its Roots in Infancy” by Josephine Klein and wanted to share this quote with you.

“For we can be sure that we have the seeds of the goodness and strength we need, hidden and repressed or split-off though they may be. Locked in our memory are traces of the experiences which enabled us to survive. We know that this is so because we have in fact survived. We did not die. At least the minimum goodness was there, and just enough strength, at least. We are already possessed of what we need, if we can but get to it. ‘Oh joy! that in our embers  Is something that doth live,  That nature yet remembers  What was so fugitive! The thought of our past years in me doth breed Perpetual benediction: not indeed”

(William Wordsworth, Ode on Intimations of Immortality from Recollections of Early Childho

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