Hello I am calling from the doctor’s surgery

Someone told us that you are feeling rather low. Are you planning to commit suicide?

No I’ve never been very good at planning I believe in spontaneity

Well are you thinking about it?

Dr I think you need help. Have you heard of Heisenberg uncertainty principle? My

I’m not certain.

That’s the thing nobody is certain. We might plan to commit suicide at 4pm and then 0 we might see the ice cream van coming down the streetm

So you would rather have an ice cream then die at 4 p.m.?

Well I could have the ice cream now and then commit suicide at five p.m. unless something else happens like my husband comes home from work and wants to go to bed with me.

What before he to’s even had a shower?

Sometimes men can’t wait

How about having sex in the shower?

It’s too wet for me

Anyways the doctor wants to know if I’m planning to die soon.

Tell her to make a novena and see where her God will reveal the truth.

But it’s so uncertain isn’t it because even if you’re planning something you can change your mind because maybe you’re doing it because you want to write a novel and you’re living out the action in your own real life first to see how it goes and if you’re satisfied with it you can write it all down and make it into a novel and make a lot of money out of it!

I don’t know what Heisenberg would have thought but as is no longer here we just ignore that.

The one advantage of feeling low is you can’t go any further down

He that is down need fear no fall

He that is low no pride

Wow you’re getting poetic

And if you’re at the top you can’t go any higher so you have to come down

Come back to me, my sweetheart
Don’t leave me all alone.
Come back to me, my darling
I can’t believe you’ ve gone.
I’m crying ‘cos I’m feeling blue again.
I’m crying’cos I’m falling like a stone.

Oh, let me tempt you with my beauty
And my voice forever young.
Let me tempt you with my spirit
My laughter and my songs.
I’m crying ‘cos I never did you wrong.
I’m crying ‘cos with you I  still belong.

I thought maybe I’d follow,
To see where you have gone
But there’s a hand upon this tiller
That is not mine alone.
I’m crying ‘cos I wrote this old blue song.
I’m crying ‘cos I’ve been lonely for too long.

The hand upon my tiller
The mystery of the dark
The unknown one who lives in me
And sings like a skylark.
I’m singing ‘cos I wrote you a new song.
I’m singing ‘cos the cat ain’t got my tongue.