Noble swords

No mobile groans are allowed in this hospital.
Please faint on the bed only.Or if pushed,faint onto the nurses’ station.
No lipstick to be worn at night.
Pills must be swallowed your own water.
Do not undress in this cubicle.Undress outside before entry.
Leave your clothes in the bin for people to steal on demand (X ray unit]
Kindly tell us your name before we drug you.
If afraid please report to the nurse paranoia is rampant
.If no night nurse is available please die after 8 am.
If you must have sex in the ward, please do not scream or moan as the other patients may be jealous.
If you have no relations please ask the doctor to oblige when he finishes his rounds.
If you feel weak,do not use your Kindle Fire on the bed
After a heart attack do not resume sex until you get home unless you had the heart attack here in which case please feel free to continue either or both..
Sex is a form of exercise but also can create chaos in public.Try walking instead with or without a partner.
If borderline kindly make your mind up whether you love or hate the doctor
If you have no bosom,you are probably a man.Wards are now mixed so there is no. problem apart from a shortage of braziers.
Cover all your parts before the Royals visit.
Please leave me all your money before you leave the ward when about to pass over
Sex changes by an operation or sometimes naturally.
Are you bored in bed?Get out and walk up and down the corridor to annoy the visitors.
Kindly do not drum your fingers all day.Use a drumstick.
If you have erosive dermatitis, please dry carefully.
If you have an egg please donate now.Fertility counts.
Owing to a world shortage of egg cups,we now use mugs to eat from and saucers for our tea.
Do you have any further problems?Please weigh your words before you start
None of the staff understand the government…so please do not mention Dom Cummings.if you wish to go home on one piece.
Pies are sold in the conservatory.We do not know why.
In fact we know hardly anything but don’t worry,we’ll treat you barbarically anyway.
Be a stoic and accept the NHSl.We all die one day/night
Any tips, feel free.