The doctor rings

Is that Mary? Hello I’m Dr Guinness.

Hello doctor have you got my results?

What results?

Have you not looked in my file?

No.

So why are you ringing me up?

I believe your blood pressure was rather high when you were at the hospital.

That’s hardly surprising in the circumstances.

What circumstances?

I had a gastroscopy and six biopsies.

Well we haven’t heard anything yet,

When I was told that consultant is written and you want to see me I did not realize it will be only about my blood pressure. It might very well have gone up now.

Well what was it last time you read it?

134.985/56.222

So so what does that come to?

Ah, it’s about 2.5

Have you not got a calculator on your phone?

I think two and a half is good enough.

But what does it mean?

Well I don’t know. I’m not a doctor.

I’m only a trainee doctorOk I’ve put it on the computer you blood pressure is two and a half.

But two and a half what? Is it 2 1/2 times the normal?

I really can’t help you there

Don’t you think you ought to have looked at my file because I was expecting you to tell me that I have or have not got cancer and all you’re an interested is my blood pressure.

Will I’ll tell you a secret we get paid a fee for every blood pressure we take.

What is the fee?

10.

10 what?

2.5 x 4=10. That’s intriguing

I think we’re onto something here.

No it’s just a coincidence.

It’s exactly four times two and a half

I don’t know which medical school you went to but I don’t think you’ve done enough training to be a real doctor.

I’m afraid nothing is real now.

Our bodies are real and we need foodAre

I suppose that’s why there are more shoplifters now.

I do all my shopping online so I don’t see all those criminals with guns and knives in Waitrose.