Made from part of a painting I did at my Art Class
My desires
Don’t cast nasturtiums on me Don’t lie by me again Don’t cross my hands with Gilbert’s Don’t worry, it’s only sea. Don’t throw me doubt again Don’t sell anyone,please. Don’t say I am going to swell Don’t extension it again Don’t say it’s a tin on Fridays Don’t believe all your ears Don’t say you awe me
Don’t remove my slight to privacy
Don’t see like that Don’t say you ever loved me at all
Don’t admire my pain
Don’t mention I tease
Don’t join the gravy
Don’t join the Air Coarse Don’t do coppergate sand writing
He joined a Liary after the War
Don’t go to Church on Fundays
Don’t bite the host
Don’t mention my ten thumbs as a wobbler
Turn back, live again, he said to me
Do not wander in the darkness anymore
One more move might give death victory
We are each connected to that tree
The sunlit top, the roots hid in earth’s floor
Come back, live again, he asked of me
While we live, we’ll live with dignity
Not scrabbling for the gold in blood and gore
One more lie will give sin victory
The kindness of the golden light was clear
And left an image in my mind’s deep core
Come back, live your life, he then soothed me
Do not wonder now why you are here
We’re here to live and living shall restore
What our suffering self has found so dear
I had never seen the light before
Only Christ the tyger with his roar
Come back, live through pain, he asked of me
One right step will give love victory
I left a pan of curry on the stove Hot as ash combined with burning coal Yet when I went back in a cat stood there Eating this strong curry with no care.
It must have had thick skin inside its mouth Before I looked ,it ran out of the house To think it gobbled up our supper so Leaving me with nothing but a glow
So then I made a chilli beef and beans My heart ached as I listened to puss scream Can cats learn that pans are out of bounds? I’d hate to hear again its anguished sounds
Be sure to close the kitchen door or else You will suffer torment from cats’ yells
The thinner branches wave like fragile grass
Bewildered by the wind so strong and cold
Like prisoners suffering from a cruel lash
The cat walks by ,the little hedgehogs pass
So in my winter coat I could be bold The thinner branches wave like fragile grass
If only winter travelled very fast
But time is needed for the seeds to grow As humble as a snail on its own path
We humans too need silence without rush
We must earn the holiness of slow While thinner trees still wave like fragile grass
In the soil, the worms pursue their tasks
Eternities of beetles move below Humble as the snails on their own path
Why we’re here this day we cannot know
Our souls soak in the silent world below
The thinner branches wave like fragile grass
We’re not gods. we suffer from the lash
The roses by your gate Revealed my sweet fate: That I would love you in summertime, That my poetry would always rhyme, That a dream of petals falling from above Would drench us both with sunshine’s golden love; That we would fall into deep grassy meadows Full of daisies,lie on our backs.Swallows Darting across the sky would see Our shapes intertwined with bright buttercups. Who knows when love will erupt And carry us on its flowing waters To places unreachable in summer saunters? Into the eye of love itself
Once you drove me out to that old Farm Before the Crab had caught us in its claws We saw late roses on the ancient barn
We saw cars faraway like ants that swarm Late October, nature takes a pause Once you drove me out to that old Farm
What are the new lessons I have learned? That cancer changes lives,oh, what we saw The late, late roses on the ancient barn
Grace is freely give, it is not earned The fingers of the clock move with time’s laws Once you drove me out to that old Farm
Take what’s offered, even though you yearn For other people, love, and holy awe Become the late rose on this ancient barn
As we wander here, no doubts can gnaw Nor the tiger slash us with his claws Love once took us out to that old Farm We worshipped roses on the ancient barn
Trying to solve old problems bothers me When I’m feeling weak or undermined As if I could rewrite my history
The past is never dead, but leave it be Or with present troubles it combines Trying to solve old problems upsets me
In the trees I find tranquility As they give up so let our human minds We cannot rewrite all our history
Restrain temptation , drop hostility Use the fire of anger to refine The soul and heart and problems none can see
The Holy One remembers all we’ve been Aids the poor as to them we are blind Be silent hearing love’s new mysteries
Then having no real truth to cleanse our mind We hope and long for patient, thoughtful times Trying to solve old problems wastes our lives Time gives new perspectives, we revive
Mary went to the hospital to see the rheumatologist.The entire hospital had been re-built and half the site was full of so called “Executive Homes” She and Annie took a cab as it was raining hard.Although Mary was wearing her new green raincoat, she did not like to get it wet. Where did you buy your mac,Annie enquired jauntily? Cotton Traders,Mary admitted nervously.It looked lighter than it is and Stan liked me in green You already have two trenchoats and a nylon mac,Annie told her.} And Stan is no longer here What’s it to you?Do you want me to give all my money to the poor? Well, some of it,Annie responded anxiously.You need to pay your utilities.
My utilities!That sounds like something sexual that cannot be openly named,Mary cried You are confusing it with urethra, Annie laughed What is my ethra? whispered Mary No, the urethra is a little tube for the bladder to empty itself through Isn’t the human body amazing? Mary acknowledged using a cliche for better effect Definitely, said Annie and I love wearing beautiful clothes like velvet Where do we draw the line though, between looking good and giving money to the poor, tortured or victimised,Mary pondered
It is hard now because we can see what the rich have and we want it.Annie shouted calmly Or in your case you can see all those philosophy books on Amazon and buy them with one click she continued. Mary could see in her mind’s eye her living room piled high with books but if she were rich like Michael Frayn she could have a huge house full of shelves and desks. Adam Phillips,’ room looked more full than Mary’s and he must want it like that
In the waiting room Mary looked at Wittgenstein’s biography by Ray Monk on her kindle while Annie read The Sun.Soon Mary was called in Hello, said Doctor Morse.How are you? In the pink , she cried shyly.I don’t understand that, he said in his kindly way It’s an old English saying.It means I feel fine, but I don’t really that’s why I am here He looked at her left hand. and said there was no cartilege between the the thumb and wrist. Where has it gone,Mary asked but he remained silent Then he said,I think steroid injections will help.Would you turn your chair round by 180 degrees so you can put your arm on my desk? Mary turned round and felt a bit dizzy It’s hard getting older isn’t it, the doctor said in a tone rather artificially kind like a bad actor on stage and afraid of forgetting his lines or whether he was in King Lear or a Comedy Mary burst out laughing to her surprise. You are a weird person, the told her thoughtfully with his glowing eyes shining like the sun over Lake Windermere in October. Well, we can’t all be exactly the same ,she told him logically Then she had to turn her chair round again. despite her poor hands Why don’t you have swivelling chairs ,she asked pointedly They won’t give me enough money, they doctor said even though I a Consultant and I have published lots of papers Can’t you buy a second handchair? Mary wondered No, it has to pass Health and Safety,Dr Morse whispered cautiously I see.Well don’t blame it all on the EU. I love the EU, he told her.I hope Brexit fails Me too she croaked sweetly They sat in companionable silence for a few minutes until his next patient arrived I will see you in September, he told her optimistically his smile making her giggle inside so her body shivered with repressed laughter not fear
Miaow, cried Emile from Mary’s designer handbag What in Gd’s name is that, the doctor asked nervously
Don’t worry doctor.I forgot to leave Emile in the Waiting Room Emile stuck out his head and smiled at Dr Morse Good morning, he said graciously.Is Dave the paramedic here? No, they are not here they have their own Ambulance Station down the road Emile began to sob as he liked to get his own way by any means he could Mary apologised as she shook hands with the doctor. Thank you for helping me, she murmured.I feel better already And so say all of us
While the priest annointed him with oils I played in the gutter all alone I hoped to find the marbles we had lost Or from the melted tar to pluck a stone
The summer was so hot the cobbles baked Looking like a row of fresh made loaves There were no fishes in the millstreams rush Nor a place where bread and Saviour rose
I found a florin in the cobbled street I found two marbles lying near a grid I found a daisy squashed in a wide crack I saw a spider hanged in its own web
To summarise ,my father went away The Queen was crowned and we just had to play
Perfectionism is the voice of the oppressor”
Why did Jesus walk across the road?
Copyright 2013
I wish I’d kept that jacket
How my heart sings 