Day: June 3, 2019

Online article titles [real]

baking blur breakfast chocolate
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com
 First Posted on November 15, 2015

Why your vagina shrinks at  menopause and what you can do  about it [Don’t ask ]

How to handle things.[what sort ?}

Why  or how your finger length  reveals your gender [Surely easier just to look at the bosom/ chest?}

Which microwave to buy
[Making  unstated assumptions;some of us either have none or may have stolen one]

Why you need both metal and silicon whisks
[I thought it was breasts just for a moment; now there’s an idea]

Why you need to keep  lots of frozen pasta in your kitchen
[Try turning off the radiator first and checking the ovens]

Which  six cookery books are the best?
[Look up restaurants on your smartphone  instead] I wonder how many this person has checked.I find ones written for catering colleges are better and cheaper.

Why you should never take  a bath

[I find a handbag is quite sufficient].

How to  entertain at home. [Fall out of bed?]

How to keep your husband happy [Freeze him?]

Why you should never forget your wedding anniversary
[Am I married?]

How to have the best number of children
[ Yes, it’s all under our total control]

How to keep your teeth  super clean [Stop eating and die?]

Are you bored of sex?
[No,I’m bored of London]

How to cure loneliness.
[Buy a microwave and some cookery books]

How to get your bounce back
[Buy a dunlopillo mattress?]

Should you take vitamins?
[Where to?]

How Julie Myerson writes

 

https://www.theguardian.com/books/2017/dec/30/julie-myerson-my-writing-day

 

“The author and columnist on her powers of concentration, the importance of Pilates and the trials of co-existing with an inquisitive tabby cat

Julie Myerson … I need to be able to lose myself when I am writing.
 Julie Myerson … ‘I need to be able to lose myself when I am writing.’ Illustration: Alan Vest

Iwrote my first novel at evenings and weekends, with an office job, two babies and another one on the way. I also had debilitating back pain and often had to lie down on the floor between paragraphs. I now wonder how I did it (a husband untroubled by childcare is the honest answer). These days it’s all very different but it still feels like the biggest luxury, to be allowed to think, write and work exactly when and how I want to. The only non-negotiable is twice weekly Pilates: if I didn’t stretch my body seriously and regularly, I don’t think I’d be able to sit and write.

Otherwise, my requirements are straightforward: a desk, a good chair, a screen and a door that shuts. I do need quiet (right now the bell ringers are rehearsing at the church next door and it’s not ideal). I also need it to be daytime – I’ve never been able to write a coherent word after about 6.45pm.”

Read it all by clicking the link

Not a clerihew

I went to university to study mathematics
The performance of my teachers was  boring not ecstatic
So then I   went to London to earn a little money
While living with my husband who as usual smelled of honey
Then we went to Portland Bill to study rocks and seaside forms
I took to writing poetry because I love the sound of rhymes
I would have preferred lyrics  of  the Leonard Cohen Anthem type
But  when he died  I grieved and wept, too late for us to meet on Skype
What a sad old life it is  when Donald Trump  builds up more walls
So sound the trumpet and ram’s horn, like Jericho  the walls will fall.
Oh,Lord.