The doctor tells me I’ve  got cancer
It’s not urgent he told me today
There are thousands of people all waiting
Is chemo  on sale at Ebay?

Our shopping list would be longer
What with radiation , the  lasers and knives
But men could lie down in the car park
Leaving the work to  their wives

They give you a  leaflet  on carving
And removing the  moles from your arms
It’s not clear about stopping the bleeding
We might die there and then from alarm

To get more radiation than normal
Walk nude in the sun at midday
It will   help men who  like to be prostrate
But give melanomas  more chance to display

Brexit has caused nervous breakdowns
But stitch yourself up with this wool
Cancer is now the new normal
As the hospitals are  always full

 

There’s a vacuum inside my fridge freezer
I just cannot open the door
I’ll freeze all my jeans and my knickers
Then the vacuum will be there no more

I put Vaseline  all round the edges
So the door may well slither and glide
I could try hair condioner and hand cream
Or some olive oil I have espied

We’re starving to death in the kitchen
Because we have got weaker hands
Surely there must be a method
For helping the stiff,weak and  blind

I wondered why God does not help us
Then remembered Creation’s no joke
Who made the gazelle and the tiger
And Sodom go up in grey smoke?

I forgot to cook  any dinner
As I  in my notebook did write
Now my husband’s gone off with a sinner
It was. as they say,fight or flight

I don’t mind a fight in the  bedroom
To see who can grab the duvet
A slap or a tickle   is cosy
Afterwards we used to pray

We prayed for an end to our marriage
We prayed that our children would leave
We prayed with the fervour of Satan
We almost got the grace to believe