Day: November 12, 2018

Sample jokes

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1.

“Photons have mass ?

I didn’t even know they were Catholic…”

 

2.

When cats prey can dogs meditate?

3.

Is humour necessary to become a mystic?

Yes,but it is not sufficient.

4 Is God a mathematician?

God is no– thing.

5

I want the bathroom

I am sorry  but it’s not for sale.You have to buy the entire house

I can’t wait.

I’m sorry, have you no home?

I only want to relieve myself

See if the bank will give you a loan

They will tell me to use a  public convenience but I will have burst by then.

So you want to pass water?

Right!

There’s a pond in the village

Are you autistic?

No but I am trying

You can say that again.

Look,I’ve wet myself.

Well, you should have gone to the loo.

I did ask you.

Never ask me a question

Why not?

Because I  speculate.

You always did look weird.

And that is the End of  the World Today .BBC  Radio 4

The rights of strangers 2

Nothingness has caught me by the throat
Tossed me  to the innards of  its prayer
Joan of Arc unhorsed in  a nightmare
Burgundy makes  offers for her coat

When we’re real and know the here and now
Do we entertain our thoughts and dare
To let   perception grow in all its  flair
Lamenting   foreign   insights we won’t know

From the mountain, I see Windermere
I see Coniston and Morecambe Bay
I see sheep and  flat  green fields arrayed
The shadows of the hills , the dread, the fear

Where can we be now on this  our March?
The moon, the sky , the aluminium arc
The universal suffrage of the dark
The  rights  of strangers, the Triumphal Arch

Thin skin

Competitive grief

Is that a game we play in public?

I’ve lost six friends this year

You lost only a cat,

She lost her husband.

Somethings we’d never share anyway

I lost my pride,my job and my eyesight

You’d  never know but for the white stick

And my coat is five  years old.. or maybe ten

And got married  just a year after her husband

fell off the roof  onto the concrete yard

So what’s her claim to mourning?

It was just another topic to write about.

She made money.

Think of that.

Surely, in the USA , nobody would object to it

We know how important numbers and measurements are

In this society

We ourselves  are numbers to the government

So much easier to deal with.

But how can grief be measured?

Good actors can play the part

Others are more circumspect or shy.

In this society we forget

Not everything can be measured except metaphorically…….

Like,I’ve got your measure.

Competitive mourning,,,

Why not have a Game?

Why not have it in the Olympics?

Why not have it on TV  nightly.

Why not get the Queen to give us  medals?

Just  passing a remark,as it were.

No offence intended.

But it was taken like a dagger to the throat,

Then they blame you for having  such thin, thin skin

We want to make it real

In the third part of the unknown Play
The lost beginning in the  mire just past
We act as if we’re real just for today

We seem to know  what we don’t  need to say
To leave old Auntie cackling at her post
In the third act of this rolling Play

She says she’s ready, now she airs a prayer
The actor paralysed, she ‘d gutted loss
The bones were real, the flesh was laid out bare

Acting badly adds a special  glare
The gap between the face and  candy floss
In the third act of this wooden Play

Here’s her winter coat, it’s coal pit grey
The actress holds the knife, the cruci-cross
We act as if we’re  here occasionally

Will there be an end, a deepening frost
One by one the actors are each lost
In the third part of the unknown Play
Everyone will die eternally

 

 

God of nature changed to devil wild

The cause of sin was flesh of pleasured fame
From the Devil,  tempting envious bile
The world, the politics, the evil  games

The Armies of the West, their grand  parades
Killed one God, gained power   to  us beguile
Was most of sin our  flesh and  pleasure  gained?

The devil dwelled our genitals,  priests claimed
Sex was  bad unless it  made a child
The vulgarity, the lowlife  loving games

How we feared the overwhelm,were tamed
We did not see   our Father´s  cold strained smile
Most of sin was ignorance, hearts maimed

The cloven hoof of Pan, his foot arraigned
God of nature changed to devil  wild
The world, the gambles and the snake filled  games

Is every human soul  born dark and  soiled
As Adam plays, the great serpent uncoils
The cause of sin was flesh, its pleasure   lamed
The views, the politics, the old,sad  games

 

It’s the lies in your words.

“

Life isn’t about finding yourself. Life is about deflating yourself.

The most important thing is to destroy your lies

I have found that if you love strife, strife will set you back a long way

Life is  simple, but we insist on making  children learn algebra  while Britain is ruined and Trump squeaks

In the end, it’s not the words in your life that count. It’s the life in your words.

Life is indecently risky. There is only one big risk you should avoid at all costs, and that is the risk of exposing  yourself online and in bylines

You   will cheat in life when you have a gun at your head

Society tells you what language you speak   but not what to say

Rules of grammar were unknown to the  first humans to talk 5 milliom years ago
The first humans were illiterate yet see what they have ultimately produced:war,famine,genocide,torture, books, newspapers, fountian pens,AIDS, leprosy, blogs,humour ,love and sorrow, the Vatican,Brexit,madness, murder.