A new look

Mary lay  in bed sighing and wishing Stan were there to bring her a cup of tea
All alone and it wasn’t even a Bank Holiday.So she had no excuse for being short of money.
She remembered her days at Oxgrudge University studying Dysfinancial Analysis and Knotology.How she swept down the  library stairs knocking youths over with her large  black gown and  her   continuous humming like a human bee
Men fell over like ninepins while Mary’s head was in another space so she never noticed the devastation and disorder  she caused simply by existing
What was it about this   tall, skinny ,shortsighted woman that had such a powerful effect? Nobody will  ever know now ,least of all Mary
Then she  recalls how she met her husband to be as he stood outside Boots  Pharmacy swallowing a handful of antidepressants  with a glass of lemonade and brandy the asssistant had given him free of charge as he looked so sad
Mary tripped over  his foot as she looked around for her stolen bicycle.
Hello, he cried.I am Stan Brown
Well, how kind ,may I have a sweet from your box?
Yes, I shall give you everything
Can’t you be more explicit ,she said shyly.In mathematics   we are very precise and careful.
Mary  was embarrassed at her recollections.He might have been a tramp or an unemployed  milkman.
Would you like to go on the river,  he murmured?
I can’t walk on water, she responded
I mean in a boat,Stan replied
Why  not, she whispered.The water’s wide and I  cannot cross
Is that a metaphor, he asked her?
I suppose it might be an allegory.It’s a song.
I say, you are clever, aren’t you?
Is that accurate? My IQ is only 80 but I am teaching  pure mathematics at Heartwords College.
How chaste,Stan replied.Do they pay you well?
I wouldn’t teach free there, she answered.Even so I can’t afford another bike and the problems I have to solve each week  are extremely difficult.
You mean  like cooking  your own meals?
No,I mean the maths questions, she answered.I don’t eat much.It takes me 10 hours a day to solve the student’s  problems
Well,I will take you out for a roast dinner.You look like you’ve got anorexia
I can’t have that, she answered.It’s not been invented yet!
Well, you look like  celery if it were white.
That’s not very  nice,Mary muttered.It’s usually a flower.
You look more like a grass stalk ,he informed her scientifically
And somehow after that they were married and living in Knittingham a  lovely old town in  the Northern hills with their delightful cat Emile and a  BT telephone.Eventually  they got some furniture and a bed.But at first they never noticed the petty trivialities of life
Alas.Stan is dead and Mary is struggling to feed herself again.Emile is unhappy  as he loved Stan  like a father.
I’d better go to the Bank before I forget my PIN number, she thought.I used to buy so many lovely books and socks and cutlery and now I eat off the Guardian and it’s £2  a day! Where is the crockery?
The newsagent rang the bell.You owe me money
Yes,I am just off to  the Bank, she told him quickly
Maybe you should get dressed, he told her in a kindly tone.
These pyjamas are all the rage now
Not with Indian women, he replied.
Quite so,Mary mumbled.They look better than I do.Can I borrow a few saris?
After you pay the bill.
You win,Mary told him politely.I have my debit card waiting for me.
Where?
In a cup on the book case
Don’t tell me cups are the new handbags, he laughed
Actually, that is a creative idea…. and  jugs.I need a new look
And so do all of us.