I’m a foreigner, kick me out

I went to bed with Eamonn.But she wasn’t
I lay down with a lion.What a lamb
I went to the Ladies.What a gent!
I went to an all female college but I’m not
I  thought  I was going mad but it’s only paranoia.It’s normal
I sometimes say to myself, are we still here? Then once I heard  a voice saying,No!
I bought a book.It’s  in invisible ink.What a relief!
The hairdresser said, is it you, again? I said , no, it’s me.
I went to the coffee shop but it was full of foreigners.People from Blackburn,Worcester,Bath,Wells and Bristol.Send them back, London is full.
As for the Irish, send us back  free and then I shall kiss the Blarney Stone
What do you mean,I’m a foreigner? I’m half Viking.
I bought a pen but it has no nib.So what do I dip into the inkwell?
My Anglo Saxon roots are showing