Mary woke up in her bright sunny bedroom stacked high with books and spectacles like Emile dancing in front of her mirror.She looked at her arm where she  had some stitches removed the night before.
Oh.dear.Her arm was bleeding and as she gazed the surgical wound opened up  more and more and some blood ran out,just like Dave, the paramedic  would run into her house, if you get  my point
Picking up the phone she rang her doctor and was told by the receptionist
Why not put some elastoplast on it?
Fortunately Mary was so intelligent and brilliant after her lengthy education  on  deferential equations, she deduced that after a  large biopsy,elastoplast was not sufficient.She phoned  111
Hello NHS here,are you the patient?
Yes,Mary cried,
Where are you ?
I am in bed
After a few more questions the computer told the NHS aide to send Mary to the hospital A  and E within one hour.What a pity she could not ring 999 and get Dave to help her as  it was not an emergency

.She phoned for a minicab  after putting one some clean undies and an old blue dress.
Now Emile,I think you’d better stay here so you can watch out for Annie and tell her where I am
Whatever, the surly cat replied  like a teenage boy asked to get out of bed to go to school when he was happy lying and dreaming of girls and their silky hair and  wondering how soon he could get a real live girlfriend to take to the cinema on the back row.Or better still, undo two buttons on her blouse and kiss her
Here, there is some fresh food,Emile.I should be home soon
The phone rang.
Hello, this is Mischa your cab driver in my green and blue striped car
I am ready,Mary murmured as she locked the door and rushed down the path.
What has happened,asked Mischa
Don’t look,said Mary who had stuck 6 dressings over her wound
When she arrived she was soon seen by  a nurse
She lay down on a nice soft bed while a handsome and serene man applied various sticky things to her arm topped by a big white dressing
Please come back on Saturday, he cried
Why, is there a dance, she enquired saucily?
No, you need to have it checked!
So this is not enough?
I can’t say, he cried
Little did Mary know she was going to spend £100 on minicabs in the following week.
Annie was in the orange and yellow bijou kitchen extension.She was wearing pink  and purple leggings and a black tunic, her face bright as a diamond in Max -Packed-Her long lasting foundation, her lips glowing like Wigan Pier at sunset with her new lipstick which matched Mary’s cupboard doors.
It was called,New Dawn by Pierre Moulin of Rome and Taiwan.She had seen it recommended by the Guardian beauty  editor who was rather a strange looking young lady by  past standards.
Still we all need advice now and then and cosmetics cheer us up for a little while especially when we have just seen Boris Johnson on TV claiming he loves women who look like letter boxes or was it pillar boxes?
Whatever.
Here,Mary,I’ve made some strong tea.How did you  get on? cried Annie in her warm  Knittingham way.
Wonderful,Mary whispered.I saw this awesome male nurse.
Will it heal?
I suppose so, doesn’t everything , Mary said, her view based on total ignorance of surgical wounds and  failed stitching,I think that nurse should have realised  it was too early to remove the stitches as they were near my elbow.They don’t stitch them up again apparently.
While she spoke a few irate bacteria were searching for   a ladder so they could clamber into Mary’s  wound
You’d think they would put steps in. said one bacterium to another
.I think it is cruel to have such a deep hole with not even a rope to climb down.He had been watching rock climbers on the Langdale Pikes who had unknowingly been accompanied by a thousand bacteria and their friends the viruses.
Do stop moaning. said his wife,Annabelle.Let’s just dive in
Mary drank her tea and looked at Annie who was a little pale
I’m sorry to cause worry, she said shyly.I expect I’ll be better by tomorrow
And so hope all of us

Hello,you must be the expert the police send to see if our alarms work
Oh,I am so lonely I am glad you came.I’ll give you a key to save trouble
Would you like to take this jewellery to the Charity Shop?I can’t ride my bike any more so I’d be delighted
Can you make me some tea while you are here.I have got insomnia and the heat makes me feel thirsty
Help yourself but please leave the duvet.I have too much stuff in here
I  have 2 coats downstairs you might like.
I am too old for sex but you might like to hold my handfor a minute
I have to see the shrink tomorrow.Are you real or an hallucination?
My cat is very bad tempered but  her mioawing is not as bad as her bites and scratches.
I am sorry.Are you Welsh or Lithuanian?
My husband is in that box.He’s called Jack.He is dead, actually but we still share the bed.Is that a sin?
I’ve had some odd dreams but this is the worst.Shut the window and go out by the door. like normal people do
I know normal is a word with several meanings I don’t teach unpaid any more.
You want to know what the average is? Not Boris Johnson

Am allocking agen today
That’s killin’ time, as now we say
Ah,shud be agate but oh ah can’t
Work  ‘as gotten ‘ard teh find

Ma mammy’s ill and she’ll soon die
I must wear a suit and tie
Allocking meks me feel ill
Did mother make a legal will?

Am all allooan  up on’t Pike
Rivington is weear folk hike
Am all allooan and ah feel low
Allocking   is touch ‘n go

Where’s mi daddy an’ ‘is pipe
Where’s dad’s jacket,full eh smoke?
I want him back ,mi mam’s alloooan
You  ‘ed wonder at ‘er groans

Where’s mi cat and where’s mi dog
Where’s ower’ handmade fireside rug?
Made ‘eh rags  and hooked through cloth
Eeh,  won’t God be filled with wrath?

God is never all allooan
Never allocks,  he’s a stone
Amno bettin’ ‘eaven exists
That’s why all wa men get pissed

But ah’ve seen Hell ,oh Ama sure?
Nothin’ yooman shall endure.

http://lithub.com/how-art-can-defeat-boredom-and-loneliness/

An extract

http://www.thedialectdictionary.com/view/letter/Lancashire/

Quote

“Humans do not have a basic, fundamental,
pure human nature that is transhistorical and transcultural.
Humans are incomplete and therefore unable to
function adequately unless embedded in a specific cultural
matrix.
Culture “completes” humans by explaining and interpreting
the world, helping them to focus their attention
on or ignore certain aspects of their environment, and
instructing and forbidding them to think and act in certain
ways (Heiddeger, 1962/1977). Culture is not indigenous
clothing that covers the universal human; it infuses
individuals, fundamentally shaping and forming them
and how they conceive of themselves and the world, how
they see others, how they engage in structures of mutual
obligation, and how they make choices in the everyday
world.
The material objects we create, the ideas we hold,
and the actions we take are the consequences or “products”
of the social construction of each particular era.
They are cultural artifacts. However, these artifacts are
not only the expression of an era. They are also the immediate
“stuff” of daily life, and as such they shape and
mold the community’s generalized reality orientation in
subtle and unseen ways. Consequently, they inevitably
reinforce and reproduce the constellations of power”

Philip Cushman

https://99u.adobe.com/articles/6842/99-excuses-for-not-making-ideas-happen

“3. I’M NOT INSPIRED.
Inspiration comes from action, not the other way around. Our friends at Red Lemon Club shared this insightful tidbit from leadership guru John C. Maxwell: “The whole idea of motivation is a trap. Forget motivation. Just do it. Exercise, lose weight, test your blood sugar, or whatever. Do it without motivation. And then, guess what? After you start doing the thing, that’s when the motivation comes and makes it easy for you to keep on doing it.””