He said he’d like to see more of me,so I took my gloves off.
He said ,did I like music.I said I like to hear sharks singing. I
He said he’d like to get married so I asked him, who to?
He said he loved my eyes.I said,is that all?
He said I was like a cat,I howled all night after hearing that
He said would I like to see  his etching.I said most men have etchings,plural
He said he’d like to treat me.I said,how?
He asked me how old I was.I said I can remember being born but nothing later.So it’s indeterminate.
He said,did I have a degree.I said,yes, of caution.
He said which University did I go to so I said,at Cambridge we don’t ask questions like that.
He said he went to Oxford.I said,what for?
He said he did P.P.P so I said he should see a doctor.
He said I was very bright.I said it’s all due to washing myself in Fairy Liquid and then some lavender beeswax polish
He said would I like to get married.I said no-one has proposed to me yet.
He knelt down and kissed my feet.I said while you are down there you can cut my toe nails.
He said I was cute.I said,I can’t believe it. I’ve never been so insulted in my life
He said,I just can’t  say how much I love you.I said,why not.
He said,I’ve changed my mind.I said, this will be interesting.Where did you get a new one?
He said it’s a refurbished one.I said, that’s a bit dangerous.You might be Ghengis Khan or Moses.He said, that’s odd.I feel as  if I can fly.I’m an angel.So I said,well I definitely can’t marry an angel.He said,I have no gender now.
So that was it

1.Wear ugly.dull  greyish clothes.
2.Pretend to be very shy and inept,carry  red plastic handbags full of tampons
3 Tell people  you have periods every week but don’t say what sort
4.Never meet anyone’s eyes except for the police.Tell them they look arrresting
5.Never speak except to swear  and curse or mutter,I have no self esteem
6.Say your mother said never ever  talk to strange men, women or dogs
7. Tell people you have a dangerous or infectious skin disease.
8.Never go out socially
9 At work stay silent and strong.
10 Remember however horrible,boring,stupid ,ill dressed and ugly you are somebody is your  perfect match.So beware

Women must not give off natural scents
Deodorants,perfume,money spent
But men  can look dirty
Even when flirty
Is such distinction the sign of a gent?

Women   like wearing red frocks
As they tend to the sheep in their flock
For shepherds are handsome
They love to go dancing
Then you take them home  drunk in a box.

As for shoes, it seems heels have gone out
White trainers are in, without doubt
We all copy each other
But under the cover
We suffer from bunions and gout

I’m a secret agent,I’m a spy
I often will improvise lies.
I never let  men near me
As they may well fear me
I broke all the codes  in the guide.

I must not reveal my true  name
Or mention I voted,Remain!
I will be hanged,drawn and quartered
Illegally tortured
They’ll say I’m a Muslim insane

My photo is so stunning men rush
To entice me to hide in a bush
They   must want to  caress me
Or even arrest me
I’ll say no more now lest I flush