I’d rather be in  Oxford eating deer.

I’m in my  very first seminar today
Semesters are ten weeks long. they say
In hall, we have  ten toilets and a lounge
We have our tea at 7 pm, I found.
I have an en-suite bathroom  and  TV
I watch stuff on my iPad , eerily
I am quite short of dough since I ‘ve just got
The latest wiPhone,no my credit’s shot
If I miss my tea, I’ll have  expense
Getting a delivery to this bench
Hey, I’m sitting in the park  it’s going dark
My speech is so non-U , I  must depart.
I never liked  this Uni anway
My girlfriend said she’ll sell me on eBay.
She said we’ll have to move to Lincolnshire
Grimsby is quite cheap, the fish are dire
The Ferry does not go to  Hull  these days
But since we have no car, I cannot wait
The Humber Bridge is where the North begins
We always have hot chips and greasy chins.
We write  more poems up here than you down there
Larkin is my Saviour,  now revered
I write with biros in an old scrapbook
Like Sylvia Plath’s,  a  journal money hooks.
I never write about a  poet here
I’d rather be in  Oxford eating deer.
I did PPE at Magdalen  by the Bridge
Until  my Dad turned up with an old fridge
He said, how do you do it, my dear son?
I never knew what sex was, Mother won!
Did no-one tell you what a wet dream was?
I think I must have  had one on the bus
Or am I just incontinent and mad
I said, just shut your gob, you are mi dad.
And Oxford is not suitable for me
They never use a teapot for our tea,
The profs all sit up there on that big stage
They call them Dons, but I feel quite enraged
For they have better food than we do right down here
The struggle of the workers is made clear.
Hierarchical, the power is  in their minds
As they stroll about Port Meadow speaking rhymes
I never got to swim off Magdalen Bridge
I’m at the Polytecnic  feeling rich.
There we have the blacks and the females
We meet people from Hong Kong and up the Dales.
The teachers eat in the same place as us
Workers re-united by our love.
And racially, the teachers are quite broad
Some are Greek and some live up the road
One is black and some are brown or green
The maths professor is a beauty Queen
We learned about Greek syllogisms last week
And paradigms are shifting as I speak.
As for Zero, it is really hard
The Indians invented it.Good Lord!