Month: May 2017

If you die in the night, please don’t groan

Please do not use smartphones whilst  crawling to the toilet

Please do not fall again after rising from the bed.

Kindly do not tell the doctor he is stupid.He knows.

The doctor is only a pest sometimes.So act accordingly

Kindly pretend to listen to the Consultant on his round.He is human , we presume

Kindly do not eat cream buns or meringues in front of the Consultant.He is on a diet.

Kindly avoid catching any bugs belonging to or emanating from this hospital.

Kindly do not sleep-talk whilst here.

Please do not swallow your Kindle before lights out.

Keep yourself clean.Take a bed by the open window during a storm.

Kindly avoid dying when we are busy.Wait for an opening on the calendar

If you die in the night, please don’t groan

Try to see it my way

 

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For six years as a student I wore just the one winter skirt. which I shortened each autumn [being unable to buy a mini..] Then I graduated and bought a  top.My tutor didn’t recognise me after that.He was a man, of course.
Eventually, I began to use Tampax for convenience.My mother said, The Bishop doesn’t approve.
I said, you told the Bishop? That was very rude.My privacy was violated not by the tampon but by  the Church
I thought only Jesus saw us in the bathroom until we menstruated.Then nobody saw us.
I decided to lapse as Catholics are just trembling on the edge of being psychotic, paranoid maniacs.
The first time you lapse it seems frightening.But not as a bad as Hell.After that, you can lapse a lot and it seems normal.It probably is normal statistically.I tried to lapse from teaching but my husband kept asking for detention.I had to give him lines.Also, money, clothes, pay the mortgage and have at least six miscarriages.Then we got married.The rest is silence.It’s wrong to gossip about your husband.Or anyone really but what else can I do? Have another miscarriage of twins? Try to see it my way.No, don’t risk it.It’s  like Scott of the Antarctic.
The Word stuttered as it was being made Flesh so L.Cohen said.What a mind.What a face!

As if she will ever buy new clothes!

Chick pea pie and cats for the lively - Glimpses between the cracks:Alice's Looking Glass

Old sketch by me
As the start of the academic year approached, Dr. Rosa Benchez realised she was very behind with her wonderful list of plans.She intended to buy a new wardrobe and studied various treatises such as
Plan your perfect capsule for all possible occasions”
On the face of it, judging by the people in the shopping centre and the doctor’s waiting room most of Britain had already done that.
Skin tight short legged jeans from Tesco’s or Artigiano combined with varied T-shirts, sweatshirts or pyjama jackets, all worn with trainers and old knackered socks seemed to be thought ideal for almost every part of life.
In fact, some young women wore what looked like tights with no skirt on top as if to assert the rights of the vulva to be acknowledged wherever it might be, except in bed.
However, in some workplaces, people were expected to look slightly better dressed or  more creatively dressed if they worked for Advertising Agencies
Rosa had  won some money on the lottery and decided to spend it on  her clothes/
Here, look at this she said to Annie, once the mistress of Stan her neighbour, but now working for MI 7 training spies
What is it? Annie muttered nastily
It’s a blog about building a capsule wardrobe
Why can’t you decide for yourself, Annie asked cheekily?
I have never bought new clothes before except underwear. skinI am unsure about it
Thank the Lord for that!Second-hand underwear!More hot hand underwear would suit me.
I think that is blasphemy, Rosa told her boldly.
Don’t be ridiculous.Surely G-d must have a sense of humour, Annie cried
But what exactly is a sense of humour? I could laugh out loud seeing Trump shoving other politicians out of his way, but it’s a mournful kind of laughter, Rosa admitted.
Well, would G-d make jokes, Annie asked mutinously?
He made Donald Trump, Rosa teased her amiably
I  am sure DT would be ok if he were in a  different job.Quite what I cannot imagine.Selling rubbish to fools? Rosa mumbled.
Anyway, we have wandered off the path of righteousness.What clothes shall I buy?
How about five cashmere sweaters and five cashmere skirts and five pairs of beautiful flat shoes?
Then two pairs of skin-tight blue jeans and four skin tight T-shirts with logos or slogans on the front, like

Donkeys  bray with Theresa May
Hey, let’s pray for Madam May
Jeremy Corbyn, I  find he’s calming
I am a socialist.I  like to be kissed
B B Netanyahu, what on earth’s he gonna do?
Saudi Arabia, I’ll take euthanasia
The Sinai dessert makes women flirt
Palestinian olive oil  makes my onions boil
Cross over the Jordan, what is your poison?
Vote  for the Lib Dems, I’m a gentle old man
Bless me, Father.I have sinned, rather.
It is 10 minutes since my last Confession
Where is the nearest Catholic church? Thank you
I suffer from scruples, where are the loopholes?
I  ruminate daily, I’m the most perfect failure
We’re all here for a reason.Logic is treason
Theresa May but she will pay.
Theresa Might see the Light… do not wait for it will affright
If you are willing, I’d like a new filling
My dentist is a good.She pays me for my blood.
Free self-esteem now
I am a here now

I think we’d better have a nice cup of tea now , Rosa shouted.I’ll get my clothes in the Oxfam Shop
Emile purred as he liked Charity Shops where the staff were so kind to animals.Wy there where such shops devoting their entire profits to helping homeless cats.Who could ask for more?
And you’ll need a coat, cried Annie.And a mac! I’ll take you shopping.

 

 

 

How difficult it is to play our parts

The thundercloud of anger  hangs down low
As if it were not human in its start
Exploding rage will bomb the crops  below

The trickle, when blocked off, will grow and grow
A  sulk  becomes  a threat, a ruinous art
The thundercloud of anger  hangs down low

When the feelings like young rivers flow;
When we do not feed  resentful hearts,
Exploding rage won’t harm the crops  below

If we don’t retaliate with blows
But hold the pain as if in counterpoint
The thundercloud of anger melts  and so it goes

In every heart, an hatred is disowned,
Or venom lodges in the nerves and joints
Calm the rage, don’t harm the crops  below

How difficult it is to  play our parts
Without the rage destroying lovers’ hearts
The thundercloud of anger  shrinks to show
Our firm desire to save the crops below?

Or love imagined seems to gratify

What we think is real is like a film
We see  desire and hatred  magnified
Created by  and for our  inner realm

The pain or hatred seems to overwhelm
Or love imagined seems to gratify
What we think is real is  our own film

In our boat, we daydream at the helm
Phantasies of reason ratify
Ignoring sirens and the  roll of bells

Now and then a Prophet stands and tells
The people blind, ignore and wander by
What we think is real is  our own film

Inside our  body closed are the cells
The wishes of the mob are sanctified
Co-created by  and for ourselves

We ignore  the truth  in peril amplified
Our slightest wish or need we deify
What we think is real is like a film
Created by  and for our  inner realm

The Imagined Abbey 2

The knobbled grassy tussocks we walked on

May  be the swelling graves of monks, derided, gone.
The vertical  calls out in one high wall
A  fiery blackbird makes the final call.

The  plainchant  praising  G-d   has charged the air
For  us who don’t entomb our inner ear
The sacred music floats away like leaves
Bewitched and married by an autumn breeze

We stood in silence, viscerally stunned
The river was as clear  as love’s demands
And still, in my mind’s eye, I see that stream
I  am  held by the imagined Abbey’ in shared dreams

An elegiac moment caught in words
Entranced by symbols  like the darting birds

Behind me the imagined Abbey dreams

The knobbled grassy hillocks we walked on
May  be the graves of monks who are long gone
The vertical remains in one high wall
From which a blackbird makes his sunset call.

The  plainchant sung for centuries is here
For  us who open up our inner ear
The sacred music floats away like leaves
Caught and carried by an autumn breeze

We stood beside the river, hand in hand
The water was as clear  as love’s demands
And still, in my mind’s eye, I see that stream
Behind me  the imagined Abbey dreams

An elegiac moment caught in words
Entranced by symbols  like the darting birds

What is semiotics?

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http://www.signsalad.com/semiotics-explained/

“Semiotics explained

Semiotics is an investigation into how meaning is created and how meaning is communicated. Its origins lie in the academic study of how signs and symbols (visual and linguistic) create meaning.

It is a way of seeing the world, and of understanding how the landscape and culture in which we live has a massive impact on all of us unconsciously.

Our actions and thoughts – what we do automatically – are often governed by a complex set of cultural messages and conventions, and dependent upon our ability to interpret them instinctively and instantly.

For instance, when we see the different colours of a traffic light, we automatically know how to react to them. We know this without even thinking about it. But this is a sign which has been established by cultural convention over a long period of time and which we learn as children, and requires a deal of unconscious cultural knowledge to understand its meaning.

Viewing and interpreting (or decoding) this sign enables us to navigate the landscape of our streets and society.”

Trump can unite Europe.

https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2017/may/29/donald-trump-uniting-europe-eu?utm_source=esp&utm_medium=Email&utm_campaign=Opinion+UK+connected&utm_term=228425&subid=9545527&CMP=ema_1364

The handshake

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A confession to a friend in trouble Thomas Hardy

  • YOUR troubles shrink not, though I feel them less
    Here, far away, than when I tarried near;
    I even smile old smiles–with listlessness–
    Yet smiles they are, not ghastly mockeries mere.

    A thought too strange to house within my brain
    Haunting its outer precincts I discern:
    –That I will not show zeal again to learn
    Your griefs, and, sharing them, renew my pain….

    It goes, like murky bird or buccaneer
    That shapes its lawless figure on the main,
    And each new impulse tends to make outflee
    The unseemly instinct that had lodgment here;
    Yet, comrade old, can bitterer knowledge be
    Than that, though banned, such instinct was in me!

In deep water, luminous as fog

 

If I should live again, I’d be a  frog
For tadpoles insubstantial  cause no fright
Yet they change but not upon my blog

They change their being, leap up from the bog
As  bread is changed by holy, priestly rites,
If I should live again, I’d be a  frog

In  deep water,  luminous as fog,
The frogs live on the edge of human sight
Yes they  croak but not  till we’re in bed

As lovers lie  down naked on their rug
They tempt the frog, the adder, the termite
Then  they rage upon the death of God

As the  wheel  turns, see, it drips with blood
The human race is ground up, we’re a blight
Yes,  someone, somewhere, once  did something good

Oh dark, oh grey, oh where is the new light?
Seems like the  frogs, the Lord leapt out of sight
If I should live again, I’d be  your  god
I’d save the world by turning  us to frogs.

Open a pupil today

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I am having my skull enlarged so that I can broaden my mind
Why can’t humans have an external hard drive to unload their brains onto.Just think if we swapped them life would  change utterly
Are ears ports?
Get a swelled head.That might make people hate you but it definitely will give you space once your prick your head with a needle to let the beer out.
I wonder whether breadth or depth is best.
A broader eye might make the mind broader.Open that pupil now!

E E Cummings: Anyone lived in a pretty how town

http://www.poetryarchive.org/poem/anyone-lived-pretty-how-town

 

 

Anyone lived in a pretty how town

anyone lived in a pretty how town
(with up so floating many bells down)
spring summer autumn winter
he sang his didn’t he danced his did.

Women and men(both little and small)
cared for anyone not at all
they sowed their isn’t they reaped their same
sun moon stars rain

children guessed(but only a few
and down they forgot as up they grew
autumn winter spring summer)
that noone loved him more by more

when by now and tree by leaf
she laughed his joy she cried his grief
bird by snow and stir by still
anyone’s any was all to her

someones married their everyones
laughed their cryings and did their dance
(sleep wake hope and then)they
said their nevers they slept their dream

stars rain sun moon
(and only the snow can begin to explain
how children are apt to forget to remember
with up so floating many bells down)

one day anyone died i guess
(and noone stooped to kiss his face)
busy folk buried them side by side
little by little and was by was

all by all and deep by deep
and more by more they dream their sleep
noone and anyone earth by april
wish by spirit and if by yes.

‘Anyone lived in a pretty how town’, copyright 1940, © 1968, 1991 by the Trustees for the E E Cummings Trust from Complete Poems: 1904-1962 edited by George J Firmage (W W Norton, 1991), by permission of Liveright Publishing Corporation Recordings used by permission of the BBC. This selection may not be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means without the prior written permission of the publisher.

WHERE NEXT?

One Evening

W. H. Auden

00:00
02:43

Not Waving But Drowning

Stevie Smith

00:00
03:25

First Song

Galway Kinnell

00:00
01:14

SPONSOR THIS POEM

What is Heisenberg’s Uncertainty Principle?

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Heisenberg’s cat remains silent

https://www.theguardian.com/science/2013/nov/10/what-is-heisenbergs-uncertainty-principle

 

“Perhaps the strangest result of the uncertainty principle is what it says about vacuums. Vacuums are often defined as the absence of everything. But not so in quantum theory. There is an inherent uncertainty in the amount of energy involved in quantum processes and in the time it takes for those processes to happen. Instead of position and momentum, Heisenberg’s equation can also be expressed in terms of energy and time. Again, the more constrained one variable is, the less constrained the other is. It is therefore possible that, for very, very short periods of time, a quantum system’s energy can be highly uncertain, so much that particles can appear out of the vacuum. These “virtual particles” appear in pairs – an electron and its antimatter pair, the positron, say – for a short while and then annihilate each other. This is well within the laws of quantum physics, as long as the particles only exist fleetingly and disappear when their time is up. Uncertainty, then, is nothing to worry about in quantum physics and, in fact, we wouldn’t be here if this principle didn’t exist.”

New books waiting

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Cant, a very short introduction to himself, by himself  for himself
Rustle, his major works summarized by women  remote as icebergs
Gurgle into mathematics by Ima Babbler D.Phil [Poxon]
Girdles for beginners by Andy Wear
Off man, a feminist directive.by Wee Struggle-Onn and Son
I Done, the music and the notes by E Donne
Baked Ovens for beginners, by U.R Cooke
Eyeson Berg, the man and his wry dear by No Way Rede.
Was Quantum  Theory a Nazi Hoax? by  Michael Foo Co
Does the author have authority by Sylvia Hath

Writer’s block-help

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How To Overcome Writer’s Block – 15 Tips

 

10)  Don’t force it

Just like you when you have insomnia you shouldn’t try and force sleep, don’t try to force writing when you’re truly stuck.  The outcome is the same in both cases – frustration.  If you really can’t get writing and you’ve tried everything it may just not be your day.  And that’s okay, no one can be successful with creative tasks every day…it may be a day to focus on a more technical project.

 

Writer’s block

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I have never had this until lately.I used to write limericks but my mood was not fitted for those.I read an article about Stoicism and discovered the same man wrote a book about Insults.So by reading in a different field, I got some new ideas.I also said to myself since I am unwell maybe I should stop writing.It is like exercise in that it takes a time to get going.So the first things we write may be rubbish.
I wrote about Insults and never knew before it was “jumping on someone”

Stay thy Brexit tweets for shame,

And Wilt thou Leave me Thus?

 Original BY SIR THOMAS WYATT
And wilt thou believe we’re cursed
Stay thy Brexit tweets for shame,
To give  the electors  blame
For all those  stifled groans;
And tilt thou our scales so thus?
Say Europe, oh,goodbye
And wilt thou believe we are missed,
That the French   we flee now sing
In stealth and woe tis wrong
And is  Magna Carta flung
So to deceive all thus?
Say, why was it done by us?
And will we leave the Fuss
That hath given humans bad hearts
Never  thought we’d  depart,
Neither a gain nor smart;
And wilt thou leave Europe thus?
Say nay, say nay!
And will we leave Europa thus
And have no more pity
On the countries that loved us?
What chops, what cruelty!
And wilt we leave all Europe thus?
Stay, oh stay ,
Ok, beggar off

Sometimes they filed their briefs inside my Aga

 Apologies to SIR THOMAS WYATT
Pray, please, for me, you  who my cooker  broke
With faked food,  hot frying in my chamber.
I have seen them griddle, flame, and smoke
That now are  cold and do a  lamb dismember
Sometimes they  filed  their briefs  inside my Aga
And  flaked bread  on my hand; whereon  sheep tgraze;
Busily baking  buns with  a  new range
Spanked by government  fools so  very wise
Twenty more times cooked on ribboned  lace
On these thin oven trays, we twinkled ice
When my denim apron from her neck did fall,
She  caught  a fish  for me in her arms thrall;
Therewithall  while sweetly  we drank Kirsch
She softly asked, “How do you  like your flesh?”
It was no dream: my bread unruly baking.
But all is  bleak now, as I ‘m cooker-les
Entering a  strange new future of uncreating
 Yet I have  all this sweet new yeast to raise  and bless
And she  promises to use  fat cookery books much less
But since that I so kindly am  now served
I ache to know what special meal she loved

What is an insult?

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https://en.oxforddictionaries.com/definition/insult

“Origin

Mid 16th century (as a verb in the sense ‘exult, act arrogantly’): from Latin insultare ‘jump or trample on’, from in- ‘on’ + saltare, from salire ‘to leap’. The noun (in the early 17th century denoting an attack) is from French insulte or ecclesiastical Latin insultus. The main current senses date from the 17th century, the medical use dating from the early 20th century.”

Humid days

The sun is gone, the sky is dull and grey
The air with heavy moisture is oppressed
When sad, I lose my feeling for the day
The sun is gone, the sky is dull and grey
The heat is cruel as on my skin it plays
I feel as if my heart is put to test
Why cannot from me the grief go stray?
Why am I forbidden to take rest?
The cloud is gone, the sky is full of prayer
The air with baptismal water is  now blessed

Discovering Tillich

Tillich 1You know this experience, sometimes when you are browsing in a bookshop you come across a book with a wonderful title. This happened to me as a  student when I saw a book with this title:

“The courage to be ”

by Paul Tillich

I was going through a hard time and just the title alone helped me as no one I knew had ever said it takes courage to live well.So I bought this book and dipped in. I found it interesting and thoughtful.Sometimes I would just look at the front cover and repeat the title.I had discovered mantra meditation.in a sense.

One morning I was listening to a radio programme about poetry in England and tidying up. Suddenly my old battered copy  of “The Courage to Be” fell out of a shelf and into my hand.And I said, thank you. Because I had lost this companion and now it’s restored to me when I need again to say the words to help me in a personal crisis.

The Courage to Be

And to recognise the power of words on the human mind and thus to take care of self and others and what we say to them for they too are struggling humans as we ourselves are.

And to discover virtue is not faux piety which suddenly reminded me that Tillich had a weakness for women. He was no plaster saint.

Had he stayed in Germany he would no doubt have been imprisoned even killed like Dietrich Bonhoeffer.He would not have been silent

Books… they save lives. I was so grateful and still am for education, books, people who talk to me .Had I lived a few years earlier it would have been different.

http://www.britannica.com/EBchecked/topic/595850/Paul-Tillich/7266/Development-of-his-philosophy

Tillich was expelled from Germany in 1933, the first non-Jewish theologian to have this honor bestowed on him.I never saw him but I love him for his writing.

Loneliness expresses the pain of being alone and solitude expresses the glory of being alone.
Paul Tillich
Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/p/paul_tillich.html#y15kkZigwdviBd76.99

Remembering Paul Tillich

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Paul Tillich gave our spirit proper place.
He showed us courage as a  space to dwell.
He wrote for us and left us with   his  grace
With his hope, he might both speak and tell.

So many people ignored Fascist speech
And lived with minds cut off from  their own soul
With pen in hand, he wrote, inspired to reach
And touch us as we work towards the whole.

Expelled from his own country, he wrote on
Continuing during  tortuous war long years
He lived, he loved, he wrote, he died and then
His books continue to dispatch our fears.

Though many folk have lived and have destroyed.
Paul Tillich showed  us how to face the  void

When red sun drops and the black night rolls in

When red sun  drops and  cooling night  rolls in
Darkness masks both danger and our vision
Ancient minds fear   day won’t come again
Courage for the  delicate   seems thin
As we  wrestle  with  our indecision
When  sun  drops and  darkest night  rolls in
But now, new stricken by   a dread of sin
Who shall argue with the soul’s  derision?
The  ancient mind fears   day won’t come again
Yet when  we sleep we’re entertained within
Deft dreams will  squander all  illusion
When red sun  drops and a  black night  rolls in
In reverie, we’re loved  and  so  open
Then  fancy turns to full communion
While ancient minds fear   day won’t come again
And so  it was that our own life began
When sperm leaped up in proud confusion.
When  deep sun  dropped and  black  night  rolled in
Then  ancient  hearts cried  “Day  shall come again”

From being wise, a fool I am now grown

Although I cared for my old one alone
It seems now he is gone I need advice
From being wise, a fool I am now grown
So I am given orders; oh, surprise!

Do I sleep or eat or wash my bras
Do I wear clean knickers in the morn?
Intrusive,disrespectful ,tra,la lah!
On these cheeky folks, I pour my scorn

If I turn to gypsy ways of life
A wooden caravan and my own horse
I will be troubled by the heat of strife
I fear I shall become an alien coarse

Where were  they when I travailed alone,
Carrying in my breast a heavy stone?

To me. more adoration was obscene

A friend wished to insult me with her words
She was angry that I seemed to draw in men
You Siren, she exclaimed, in tones absurd
I stared astonished, feeling puzzled then

I wore  thick glasses, carried my old books
Read Birkhoff and McLean and Wittgenstein
To me, it was no insult to my looks
It was a compliment, not word malign

And I was married to a gentle man
Had never noticed what she’d claimed to see.
My evenings were spent boiling meat in pans
To me.  more  adoration was obscene

Now I grow old and see my hair go thin
I marvel at the label, you Siren!

Willing to be willing

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Definition of WILLINGNESS [ from Merriam Webster]

Cheerful readiness to do something [ plus ditto to feel or be something]

Thinking about the significance of “willingness” ,it comes to my mind that if we are asked to do something pleasurable we will not need urging.We will easily be willing unless we are masochists are have pressing needs that cannot wait.
So what is the significance of “willingness” when it relates to something unpleasant or painful we must do?
I can imagine one scene where I ask someone to do a small task for me and though they are busy they are “more than willing” knowing my circumstances.But I ask a different person and though they agree there is a grudging quality about their doing what I ask.
Tn the first case we all feel joy when we know someone will go out of their way to help us and in the second we feel uneasy about asking that person and neither side gains much from the transaction.
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Now turn inwards and imagine that you waken up feeling in poor spirits and moreover you do not like this.That is, you are unwilling to feel the way you do.
In my experience being unwilling in that way makes the spirits worse. We have secondary anger or depression about our state which can only make it worse.
Now think of the term “acceptance”.We can easily imagine that if we can accept a situation we can deal with it better.So a wife who finds her husband’s hobby is studying maths in the evening is going to have a problem if she believed they would spend every evening chatting together.
The husband too has a problem that he may not have foreseen when he was madly in love.He has to work out how much time he needs alone with his abstractions or whether it is an excuse not to engage with his wife.
The wife who finds her husband genuinely needs to study for long hours or he is unhappy will have to consider whether she can accept this as a way of life or whether she should seek a better partner because nowadays women want to have their needs met too,
If she accepts it and adapts then she may be happy.A problem rises if she keeps up a war with her husband, criticising and blaming him for his needs.I might say she can’t force him to talk to her as what value does it have when it is not spontaneous?
If people have good will towards each other then they can find away of living and respecting the other.
If we have good will towards our selves then we can accept and live with parts of ourself we do not like or parts which cause us suffering yet which cannot be changed and must be lived with.
If we don’t have good will  towards ourselves then life is much harder as we attack ourselves with criticism and deprivation of love.
I think willingness or good will is crucially important in human life though n doubt I frequently forget it! Ill will directed anywhere ou side or in harms both parties or splits the self and causes more deeper problems.
Of course it is hard to be willing to suffer painful emotions but what choice do we have?Only to find the best way or at least
“to be willing to be willing”
as I describe it to myself.
Is willingness a virtue or a decision? Or an impossibility for some of us?