Worship now my gas-on-glass new hob
To clean and gracious looks my friends aspire
I am so kitsch, so stuck up I’m a snob
Though to be frank, I love an open fire.
Or wait, it’s ceramic halogen I want
I’ll have to buy a full set of new pans
Regardless of the creditors who pant
I need magnetic bases, not tin cans.
How about the old gas cooker cleaned
And ceremonially baptised till it gleams
After all, on gas, I’ve entertained
Till nothing of the meals ever remained
I think I’ll go to cafes for my meals
And after that I’ll take the ones on wheels!
How my heart sings 